


reculer pour mieux sauter

by knenok95



Series: tomber amoureux [1]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Abuse, Artist Carmilla, Carmilla - Freeform, Carmilla AU, Child Abuse, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hollstein - Freeform, LGBT, LGBTQ, Laser Tag, M/M, Multi, Other, Paintball, Physical Abuse, hollstein wedding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2018-04-27 11:24:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 134,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5046661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knenok95/pseuds/knenok95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hollstein AU where everyone's human and a certain relationship goes on a three year hiatus after a member of said relationship “disappears”.  Also, Carmilla's an artist with anger issues and a motorcycle and Laura’s dealing with a lot of shit.</p><p>There's a lot of feelings.</p><p>(For the sake of this story, Silas is a small town in the middle of nowhere in the Northeastern United States.)</p><p>You can also find this on fanfiction.net and Wattpad.</p><p>The majority of this fic is unedited and unbeta'd.  All edited chapters (by me) will be marked as *edited* in the summary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. destruction

**Author's Note:**

> reculer pour mieux sauter  
> /rəkuːˌleɪ pʊə mjəː səʊˈteɪ/
> 
> noun  
> Withdrawing in order to improve one's chances of subsequent progress or success; making use of a withdrawal or setback in such a way as to advance further.
> 
> origin  
> Early 17th century; earliest use found in Dudley Carleton (1574–1632), diplomat and letter writer. From French reculer pour mieux sauter, lit. ‘to draw back in order to leap better’ from reculer + pour for, in order to + mieux better + sauter to leap.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla shows up at Laura’s house unexpectedly and when Laura finds out why, she freaks out and shit ensues.
> 
> *edited*
> 
> TW: abuse aftermath/descriptions, underage drinking (18), swearing, panic attack (let me know if I need to add anymore)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> destruction  
> | de·struc·tion |\di-ˈstrək-shən\ 
> 
> noun  
> the act or process of damaging something so badly that it no longer exists or cannot be repaired

     Laura's eyes were getting heavier by the second as she laid, stock still, in her bed staring at the wall across from her, her blankets tucked up to her chin and wrapped around her body like a warm, mini, Laura burrito. She was seconds from falling into a dreamless sleep when her phone started to vibrate on her bedside table. Instead of ignoring the obnoxious intrusion to her sleep ritual like she wanted to, she groaned and turned over, blindly reaching for the source of the sound in the dark. When she pressed the home button on her phone, she had to squint to be able to see anything, her eyes not yet used to the brightness of the screen.  The notification read:

_One new message from Carmilla._

     Laura swiped her finger across the banner on her screen without hesitation, unlocking her phone and opening the message.

**[Carm (12:02am)]:** _U up?_

     Laura felt her face light up and a sleepy smile creep it’s way onto her features before she quickly typed out a response, her sleep deprived brain barely registering what keys her fingers were hitting.

**[Laura (12:02am)]:** _What? Couldn't get enough of me during the day?_

     Laura watched as the bubble at the bottom of the screen popped up with three tiny dots, indicating that Carmilla started to type back immediately.

**[Carm (12:03am)]:** _Never, Cutie. Open your front door._

     Laura raised an eyebrow at the inanimate object gripped in her hand, ignoring the blush in her cheeks that came with the nickname.  She started typing after a second debate in her head.

**[Laura (12:04am)]:** _What? Why?_

     Carmilla’s response came instantaneously.

**[Carm (12:04am)]:** _Laur...Please._

     Laura was left with a confused look on her face as she pressed the lock button on the top of her phone and the screen returned to black. She didn’t bother responding, but instead she pushed the covers over to the other side of the bed with a huff and sleepily dragged herself across her room with hunched shoulders and half-lidded eyes to the door before silently turning the knob.  She cursed her father’s overprotectiveness.  If he hadn’t been so worried potential stalkers might climb in through Laura’s bedroom window, Carmilla could just use that, but _nooooo_ , he had to go and put an alarm on it and a lock that Laura didn’t-

     Laura’s phone vibrated again in her hand, cutting off her inner rant.  She lifted the screen to see a new message from Carmilla.

**[Carm (12:05am)]:** _Are u coming or will I have to sleep on your front porch. It's cold out here. I can feel my tits freezing off and that'd just be a tragedy for you, Sweetheart._

     Laura could feel her cheeks starting to burn up because, honestly, Carmilla wasn’t wrong.  She did have nice boobs and if they did happen to freeze off in some cruel, twisted, probably painful way, then yeah, maybe Laura would miss them, but somehow she doubted that would happen.  Especially on a night where the temperature was maybe 50 degrees at it’s coldest.  Carmilla definitely wouldn’t freeze.  Dramatic much?

     Wait.  Carmilla was supposedly on her front porch?  Laura’s eyebrows furrowed and she had to reread the message before quickly typing out a response.

**[Laura (12:06am)]:** _Carm, are you seriously on my front porch? It's past midnight.  What are you doing?_

     Instead of a reply from her broody, over dramatic girlfriend, Laura’s phone screen lit up with a picture of Carmilla flipping her off, that Laura took one morning after waking Carmilla up from her slumber, and she quickly swiped her finger across the screen, answering the call.

     "Carm, if this is a joke..."

     "I'm really on your front porch right now and I would greatly appreciate it if you would come and unlock the door. Please."

     At the sound of Carmilla’s voice, strained and shaky, Laura's stomach dropped to the floor.  She almost wished Carmilla had just responded with a quick _‘yes’_ , instead.  Carmilla was breathing heavily and her breaths came in ragged and uneven.  It sounded like every breath she took was a chore and took everything out of her with every inhale.

     Laura wasn't actually expecting her girlfriend to be outside her front door and, frankly, she was shocked that she actually was, but more so she was just _very_ confused and tired, but Carmilla sounded sick or _something_ , so Laura sucked it up and tried to ignore the pit growing in her stomach.

     At the sound of Carmilla clearing her throat and sniffling, Laura shook her head, bringing herself out of her thoughts and practically sprinted down the steps toward the foyer, taking them two at a time while trying not to make a lot of noise so she wouldn't wake her dad or brother in her haste.

     "Carm, why do you sound so weird?"

     Laura’s question went unanswered as she reached the front door.  She heard Carmilla take in a rough breath and wince slightly on the other end of the phone as she reached blindly along the wall to her left for the porch light.  It didn’t take her long before her fingers brushed against the switch and she flicked it on.  Through the windows, she could see the dark silhouette of Carmilla's body. She wasn’t wearing her usual leather jacket, dark jeans, and combat boots, in fact she wasn’t wearing shoes at all.  Laura could make out Carmilla’s pale bare feet, a whitish t shirt with drops of something staining the front of it, and a pair of dark running shorts over Carmilla’s pale legs.  She was leaning against the brick wall, her head rested against the cold brick.  Laura could hear Carmilla sigh on the other end of the phone and watched as she shuffled a bit before Laura turned the lock and opened the door, letting in a cool breeze.  Okay, so it was a bit more chilly than she thought.  Maybe Carmilla wasn’t as over dramatic as she made herself out to be.

     "Shit, woman. It's fucking freezing out here."

     Laura smiled at the dark haired girl in front of her, hanging up her phone and putting it in the pocket of her oversized grey sweat pants.  She automatically wrapped her arms around herself, shielding her upper body from the breeze.

     "Hey to you too, Cupcake."

     Carmilla tried to put as much enthusiasm and sarcasm as she could muster into her words, trying to make it sound like she was just fine and dandy and that what had just happened back at her mother’s house, a dream.

     "Hi. Now get in here."

     Laura reached out to grab Carmilla's wrist to pull her inside, but stopped mid reach, her smile quickly fading when she saw the bottle of Jack in Carmilla's hand. Carmilla’s face was hidden in the shadows of the poor light and Laura couldn’t read her expression.

     "Carm...What are you doing?"

     Laura reached for Carmilla’s hand again, but Carmilla shied away trying to turn from Laura's view, back to the street, not knowing Laura's biggest concern was the fact that she showed up drunk. Laura hadn't stopped looking at the bottle since she opened the door and noticed it.

     "It's not as bad as it looks."

     Laura's eyebrows came together as she looked up at Carmilla’s face, her focus still only on the bottle in Carmilla’s hand.

     "Are you drunk?"

     Laura sounded exhausted and Carmilla couldn’t help but feel bad that she had bothered her so late, but she also needed to get away from her mother and that house.

     "Indeed, Sherlock."

     Carmilla pulled out her sarcasm as a defense mechanism and tried to ignore Laura’s obvious unease.

     "What happened?"

     Laura’s tone was laced with concern, she ignored the Sherlock comment. Laura knew Carmilla didn't usually drink, especially not to get drunk and _especially_ not after what happened to her father, but then again, she also didn't usually show up at Laura’s front door at midnight barefoot and wearing close to nothing. Laura stepped back into the foyer so Carmilla could come inside. It took a minute for Carmilla to build up enough courage to actually step forward, but when she did, the light illuminated the rest of her face and body.  She used the wall for support as she gripped her side with her free hand. Laura's face dropped and her stomach fell to the floor instantly, her hand flying to her open mouth in shock. Tears started to prick the corners of Laura’s eyes at the sight in front of her. Carmilla stared at the ground, suddenly regretting walking the mile and a half from her house to the safety of Laura’s.

     "Oh my God..."

     Laura's voice cracked as she finally got a good look at Carmilla's features.  Laura quickly took the fifth from Carmilla's hand and placed it on the table in the foyer to her right. She wrapped an arm around Carmilla's waist, causing Carmilla’s white t shirt to ride up a bit past her hips. Laura looked down at the movement and noticed dark marks on Carmilla's wrists. Laura’s eyes followed up Carmilla’s body, only stopping when she caught sight of the bruises on Carmilla's stomach and back. Most of them were new and dark, but a lot of them were yellowing.  Laura’s breath caught in her throat and she tried to swallow her tears as she managed to stutter out,

     "Who- Why- Carm...?"

     Carmilla could barely stand without the support of the wall that she left when she stepped past the threshold into Laura’s house and Laura grabbed her. Laura was the only thing holding her up.

     The tears in Laura's eyes were close to pooling over, now, as she reached up with her free hand and lightly traced her fingers across Carmilla's jaw.  She ghosted the pads of her fingers lightly across Carmilla’s bruised cheek and to the cut on her temple, down the side of her face and to her split and swollen lip. There was dried blood smeared across Carmilla’s cheek from her nose, her left eye was already turning a dark blue. Carmilla winced as Laura wiped at the dried blood, her eyes closing.  

     She was so tired.  Tired of her mother.  Tired of her mother’s shit.  Tired of lying to Laura about it.  Tired in general.

     "I'm fine, Cutie, really."

     She said it barely above a whisper and the obvious pain in her voice made Laura's bottom lip quiver as she took in a shaky breath. Carmilla's eyes were still closed.

     "Carm?"

     Laura's eyebrows came together, creating worry lines. Carmilla's eyes were still closed as her head lolled to the side landing on Laura's shoulder and her legs gave out from underneath her.  Laura reacted without thinking, immediately thrusting her arms under Carmilla's, catching her before she ended up on the ground. Laura let out a small gasp as Carmilla fell into her grasp and she slowly kneeled down onto the floor, gently bringing Carmilla with her. Laura pulled her close to her chest and started rocking back and forth, whispering,

     "Carm, you need to wake up. Please. Carmilla, wake up."

     She cupped Carmilla's cheek with one hand and supported her limp body with the other. Laura’s body started shaking uncontrollably and she had to grasp onto Carmilla’s shirt to keep her hands from shaking. Laura didn’t know what to do. Another sob escaped her throat as she looked down at her girlfriend’s bruised and beaten body in her arms and threw a hand over her mouth to try and muffle her cries, only succeeding in making them worse.  She breathed deeply through her open mouth, trying to calm herself enough to speak.  She barely got out,

     "Carm...Come on..."

     Laura gently shook Carmilla's shoulder, trying, again, to wake her up, or at the very least, show a sign that she was somewhat responsive.

     Nothing.

     Laura brushed Carmilla's hair out of her face, being careful not to touch her bad side, and tucked it behind her ear.

     "Jesus, Carm..."

     More tears managed to stream down Laura's cheeks as she looked more closely at Carmilla's face. She tried to hold back her cries, resulting, instead, in hiccups escaping her throat. Her hand shot to her mouth, again. She looked down at Carmilla's limp body in her arms and then to the stairs. There was no way she could carry her all the way up the stairs and into her bedroom by herself. Carmilla was 100 some pounds of deadweight and right now Laura didn’t even think she could get herself up the stairs.  

     A light switch flicked on down the hall, making Laura jump, her head immediately whipped toward the hallway next to the stairs and the basement door and saw light flooding the hallway. Her heart skipped a beat and her breathing became irregular.  To say she was starting to panic, was an understatement.

     "Shit, shit, shit!"

     Laura scrambled to try and pick Carmilla up quickly, but gently in an attempt to carry her up the stairs before whoever was walking up the basement stairs could see the scene playing out in the foyer, but she didn't make it far before she needed to place Carmilla down again.  Laura tried again, whispering profanities under her breath as she tried to keep her footing while trying to support Carmilla's head and shoulders at the same time. Panic rose in Laura’s throat as the footsteps continued further down the hallway and she realized there was no way she was going to make it all the way up the stairs and to her bedroom. She made it onto the first step, but the front door was still wide open and the footsteps were practically around the corner at this point.

     She heard another light switch flick and the light was no longer flooding the hallway. Laura’s body tensed and she froze as the light for the hallway next to the stairs flicked on, illuminating the foyer with more light.

     "Shit, why is it so damn cold in here?"

     It was Noah.

     Laura visibly relaxed when she heard his voice and it wasn't her dad.  Her dad would have had a fit if he saw Carmilla in the condition that she was in.  He considered her his second daughter and he would stop at nothing to find out who hurt her and being a police officer gave him a nice advantage.

     "Laura? What the fuck are you doing? Why is the front door open?"

     Noah walked around the corner of the stairs into Laura's view and Laura froze. Laura couldn't speak, she just sat there with her mouth hanging open, hoping words would come out. Noah’s eyes finally left Laura’s to look down into her lap.  His face fell.

     "Laura..."

     Laura’s face crumpled as she managed to croak out, "Help."

     Noah kneeled down beside her, looking at Carmilla's body on her lap. He didn't ask what happened, he just looked back up at Laura who cried, "I don't know what to do,” as she followed Noah’s line of sight down at Carmilla’s face. Her eyes twitched.

     "Carm…?"

     Laura gently shook Carmilla's shoulder. At the sudden movement, Carmilla winced, her face scrunching up in pain, but she kept her eyes closed. Noah abruptly stood up and shut the door, turning the lock and shutting off the outside light. He walked back over to Laura and gestured to Carmilla's body, as if he was asking for permission to touch her. Laura slowly nodded her head, almost trance-like, signaling that it was okay for him to go ahead and lift her up. Noah carefully placed his hands under Carmilla's shoulders and lifted her up into a standing position. Carmilla cried out in pain as Noah placed one of her arms around his shoulders and the other around Carmilla’s waist, supporting her the best he could.

     "Fuck," Carmilla winced, tears forming behind her eyelids. She wrapped her free hand around her ribs, hoping the pressure would subdue some of the pain. It helped barely, and when she finally opened her eyes, she rested her gaze on the floor as the tears started to fall.

     Laura stood up. She had only ever seen Carmilla cry one other time.

"What can I do?" She whispered to Noah. She tried not to look directly at Carmilla, afraid she might not be able to control her crying, but out of the corner of her eye, she could tell Carmilla was in a lot of pain and avoiding looking at her.

     "I'll get her upstairs and into your bed, get some ice or something and bring it up."

     Noah started to turn around and head up the stairs, but he didn’t get very far.  He could feel Laura still standing there. He turned his head so he was looking at her and found Laura staring at the back of Carmilla's head with such fire and sadness in her eyes, it was off putting.

     "Laura..."

     He tried to get her attention, but there were more tears starting to run down her cheeks and her bottom lip was trembling with every breath she took.

     "Laura."

     He said her name a little louder this time, finally managing to get her attention. Her eyes snapped to his.

     "She'll be okay. I need you to go get ice and dad's painkillers that he used when he hurt his neck."

     She nodded her head, but she was still frozen at the bottom of the stairs and didn’t look like she actually heard anything that Noah was trying to tell her.

     "Laura, now."

     Noah watched as Laura blinked a few times and nodded her head again, seeming to finally break out of her trance. As Noah started slowly up the stairs, taking one step at a time, Laura turned around and started to head toward the kitchen. Her hands were still shaking and the tears falling from her eyes hadn't stopped, but having a task to do while Noah took care of getting Carmilla into Laura’s bedroom was better than feeling hopeless. Laura clamped her hands together to try and stop them from shaking, but it was no use, she was too scared, too angry and sad by the whole ordeal that she couldn’t stop. She absentmindedly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as a nervous habit and drew in a shaky breath, trying to calm herself down enough to focus on the task Noah sent her to do. When Laura reached the medicine cabinet and opened it, she started pushing around pill bottles looking for the one with her dad's name on it. Having trouble reading the bottles through her tears, she wiped under her eyes with the back of her hand and took another deep breath, blinking rapidly. After pushing around a few more bottles she found her dad’s painkillers all the way at the back of the cupboard. She shakily unscrewed the cap and emptied the remaining pills into her palm, counting the large capsules as they landed in her hand. There was three left. She pocketed one and put the other two back into the bottle before placing the bottle in the pocket of her sweats and walking over to the fridge and opening the freezer door, only to find the ice tray empty.

     "Of course."

     Laura sighed and searched for something else that Carmilla could use. She found a few bags of frozen vegetables at the bottom of the freezer, collecting freezer burn. Deeming the freezer burned vegetables good enough, Laura grabbed the bags quickly and picked up a water bottle out of the fridge before heading out of the kitchen and into the foyer, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. She took a couple deep breaths, closing her eyes, trying to focus on getting upstairs and not what else Carmilla had been hiding from her or who would be cruel enough to lay a hand on her in punishment and enough hatred to cause so much pain.

* * *

     Laura had her suspicions about the abuse, but she wasn't 100% positive until she saw the fresh marks on Carmilla’s skin. During the school year, and during their summer photography course, she would see Carmilla show up to class in long sleeves or almost always a jacket and sometimes even sunglasses.  Carmilla’s teachers never questioned her or complained because Carmilla’s mother was on the school board and after Carmilla’s father died, she got away with a lot.  Sometimes Carmilla wouldn't show up to school at all, but she always had an excuse and Laura never had a reason not to believe her.  They were best friends after all.  

     Some days Carmilla would avoid Laura altogether, for the entire day, only talking to her over the phone or through texts, usually when Laura got fed up with the silent treatment and gave in.  It was hardly ever Carmilla who initiated the conversation on those days.  Laura was used to it though, having known Carmilla since they were six, she knew how Carmilla acted and when she should or shouldn’t pry.  Laura learned early on that Carmilla was very introverted and sometimes needed her space, even from Laura.  

     Everything was coming together in her head and suddenly it all made a lot more sense and Laura could feel her heart being torn in half. Someone was hurting Carmilla and she didn’t know what to do.  She should have noticed the signs.  She should have known.  Looking back, Carmilla even made hints about what was happening in the privacy of her home, but Laura never caught on.   _God, how could she be so naive?_  She felt as if what had happened was somewhat her fault and she couldn't breathe.

     "Laura."

     Noah sounded like he was under water and a hundred miles away.  His voice was steady though, and Laura tried to grasp onto it with all she could.

     "Laur...It's okay...Laura."

     Laura felt pressure on her shoulder and jumped.

     "It's okay, relax."

     It was Noah. He was kneeling in front of her, his hand on her shoulder, his eyes full of concern. The bags of vegetables were scattered around Laura’s knees and the water bottle she was previously holding had rolled across the floor a few feet in front of her into the foyer.

     "Laura. Breathe,"

     Noah tried to get Laura to relax, but her breaths were coming in too fast and her lungs weren't filling up like they should. It felt like her heart had been ripped from her chest, leaving a gaping hole in its place and the walls around her seemed to be caving in.  Laura couldn’t see straight, she was suddenly dizzy and the edges of her vision were fuzzy.

     "Hey. She's okay. Laura."

     Noah shook Laura’s shoulder a bit to get her attention. Her eyes, unfocused, darted across the room trying to focus on anything but the thoughts and images in her head that seemed as if they were permanently burned into her retinas.

     "Look at me."

     Laura felt a tug on her chin and was forced to look up at Noah. She didn't realize she was on her knees until Noah stood up, taking her with him, leaving a steadying hand on her elbow. Laura tried to focus on her brother’s eyes and his voice and eventually her breathing began to slow down. His eyes were almost the same color as hers and a shade darker than Carmilla's.

_Carmilla._

     "Oh god," she managed to choke out, before letting out a cry she hadn't known she was holding. Laura’s cheeks were wet with fresh tears.

     " _Carm._ "

     Laura looked up at Noah and after removing his hands, slowly, from her elbow and shoulder, she realized her knees were weak.

     "Laura, she's upstairs, she's in your bed. Are you okay?"

     Noah didn’t expect an answer, he knew she wasn’t. He bent down to grab the frozen vegetables and water Laura had dropped in the foyer. Laura turned towards the stairs and didn't bother answering before bolting up the staircase two at a time. She heard Noah whisper something to her but she didn't catch it, she was already halfway to the second level of the house. Laura ran down the hallway, stopping at her bedroom door, her hand hovering over the door handle. She was still shaking uncontrollably. Laura took a few slow, deep breaths and closed her eyes for a few seconds before turning the knob and pushing the door open.

     The lights inside her room were off, with the exception of her small owl desk lamp. Laura could make out the outline of Carmilla's body on her bed. She was lying under the covers, her bruised body hidden from view, her head resting on Laura's favorite yellow pillow. Laura didn’t move.  She just stood there in the doorway, watching the ragged rise and fall of Carmilla's chest under the light blanket. Carmilla was facing away from the light of the lamp, her face in shadow. Laura took a step closer to the bed, but didn’t make it far before she paused again, not sure of what to do, or what she was _allowed_ to do.

     "You can go sit with her, you know."

     Laura jumped at the sound of Noah's voice behind her. He only whispered, but he might as well have screamed with how quiet the house was at that moment.  Laura managed to nod her head, at least acknowledging that she understood what her brother had said, but she still made no move to go sit down, so instead, Noah did. He walked past Laura and, as quietly as he could, placed the frozen vegetables and water on the nightstand beside the bed before trying, again, to get Laura to talk to him.

     "Did you grab dad's painkillers? She's going to need them."

     Again, Laura just nodded her head, her eyes glued to Carmilla's body.

     "Laura."

She shook her head, clearing it of the images plaguing her memory and this time, looked up from Carmilla to her brother, meeting his eyes in the dark.

     "Hm?"

     "The painkillers."

     "Oh. Right," Laura whispered.

     She reached into her pocket feeling around for the pill that she tucked away in the kitchen. Noah approached her with caution, not sure how she was going to react.  He had only witnessed her in this state a handful of times and he didn’t like it. When Laura finally found the pill, Noah gently took it from her shaking fingers and walked back to the bedside table, but paused when Laura rushed out a frantic ‘ _wait_ ’.

     Laura grabbed the pill bottle from her other pocket and placed it on the dresser before going to stand next to Noah and whispering, "Can we be alone?".

     Noah just nodded his head and as Laura reached her hand out in front of her, palm up, he handed her back the pill before going to wait by the open door of Laura's bedroom, watching as Laura carefully sat on the edge of the bed next to Carmilla's body.

     “Carm?”

    Laura gently reached out a shaky hand and tucked Carmilla’s hair behind her ear before placing a hand over Carmilla’s closed fist, absentmindedly rubbing circles into her soft skin. Carmilla relaxed her grip on the duvet at Laura’s touch, automatically, while she tried to ignore the ache in her chest at the gesture and the way Laura’s eyes were burning holes into her skin with the way she was looking at her. Although, she’d take that burning sensation anyday over the one that her mother’s hand left on her cheek.  Laura tried to swallow the lump that formed at the back of her throat.

      “Hun.”

      Laura’s eyebrows shot up, her eyes finding Carmilla’s face.  She wasn’t expecting Carmilla to say anything, her eyes were still closed.  Laura thought she was asleep.

      “Ye-,” Laura’s voice broke so she paused to clear her throat before starting again.  “Yeah?”

      “I’m going to need you to do me a favor and quit looking at me like a kicked puppy.”

      Laura froze the movements of her thumb over the back of Carmilla’s hand, her eyes dropping down, suddenly taking great interest in the color of her bedspread.

      “Um...Sorry...I didn’t...”

      Laura shook her head, she could feel the back of her neck heating up at being caught. She risked a glance back at Carmilla, her eyes were open now and she was watching Laura intently, only causing to deepen the blush rising to Laura's cheeks.  Carmilla rolled her eyes.

      “Laura, relax, I’ll be fine.”

     "Well, you don't look fine...I got you frozen vegetables and my dad’s old painkillers if you-"

     Laura was cut off by a sharp intake of breath as Carmilla lifted herself onto her side by her elbow and immediately regretted it, feeling the discomfort in her side. Laura’s face fell.

     “Maybe you shouldn’t-”

     “I’m fine.”

     “Carm…”

     “Laura.”

     Laura sighed knowing arguing would be a lost cause.  Carmilla was the most stubborn person she had ever met and she knew better than to start something that would probably just result in a petty fight.  So, instead she went back to rubbing circles into the back of Carmilla’s hand, but the silence didn’t last very long. Carmilla watched as Laura opened her mouth as if to say something, but Laura quickly shut it, changing her mind.  Carmilla rolled her eyes again and spit out,

     “Say it.”

     Laura opened her mouth again, but the words were caught in her throat. She watched Carmilla, her eyes darting up and down her body under the covers, anything to avoid her gaze. Laura felt tears start to form at the corners of her eyes. She looked back down at Carmilla’s hand in hers, thinking about how to say what she wanted without offending Carmilla, her eyebrows creased in concentration.

     “I just…”

     “You just what, Laura,” Carmilla sighed.

     Laura shrugged and the words started flowing out of her mouth like word vomit. She didn’t have any control over them. She was upset. All of the thoughts she kept inside from the minute she saw Carmilla, bruised and beaten on her front porch, seemed to be pouring from her lips.

     “I think we should tell someone. I mean, tell someone other than me and Noah. I think you need to see a doctor. What if something's broken? What if you’re seriously hurt? What if you have a concussion or something? You’re not supposed to sleep if you have a concussion and you’re drunk, Carmilla. You’re probably tired. It’s late. I’m tired. I don’t know what to do. I thought about calling an ambulance, but then my dad would wake up and what am I supposed to tell him? What do I tell him tomorrow? What about Noah? Who even did this to you? Was it someone I know? Was it Will? Was it...I don’t know...God, if I ever get my hands on them, I'd like to-”

     Somewhere in the middle of her outburst Laura stood up and began to pace along the side of her bed, in front of where Carmilla was laying. Carmilla watched as Laura squared her shoulders and tightened her hands into fists at her sides, her knuckles were turning white. There were tears running down her cheeks.

     "Woah there, Sundance.  Calm down-"

     " _Calm down_?!  Carmilla!  Someone hurt you and you want me to _calm down_?!"

     "Yes.  Laura, Calm.  Down.  Will would never do something like this. You can’t tell anyone. I’m fine, really. Nothing is broken, I don’t have a concussion and you _don’t_ need to call an ambulance.”

    Carmilla tried to sound as calm as possible. Laura had since stopped pacing and she was now standing in front of Carmilla who was watching her carefully.

     “How?! I can’t calm down. You’re hurt. Badly. How am I supposed to-" Laura cried, gesturing to Carmilla's body. 

     Laura was breathing hard and clenching and unclenching her fists. Her face was beat red and was showing no signs of calming down anytime soon so Carmilla did the only thing that might have remotely worked. She knew that trying to calm Laura down with words was useless.  She wasn’t listening, she was too worked up.  Instead, Carmilla scooted back on the bed a few inches, ignoring the pain that shot through her body, making room so Laura could lay with her. She patted the spot in front of her on the bed and watched as Laura took a step closer to the bed, but paused mid step, her hands still clenched into fists.

    “Come here.”

     Carmilla patted the spot again and pulled back the covers.  She watched as Laura's shoulder's relaxed and the crease in between her eyebrows disappeared before she finally moved from her spot on the floor.  Laura carefully climbed into her bed and lied down next to Carmilla, trying to avoid touching her, for fear of hurting her more, but Carmilla was having none of that and shook her head, grabbing Laura’s hand and placing it on her waist.

     “It’s okay, I’m not made of glass, Laura, you can touch me. I’m not going to break.”

     Laura let out a small, hollow laugh and Carmilla’s face turned up in confusion.

     “I’m supposed to be the one comforting you, you’re the one in pain,” Laura whispered, tears falling down her cheeks.  

     It hurt Carmilla’s heart.  That seemed to be happening a lot that night and maybe she would regret laying with Laura later, but at that moment it was what they both needed.  

     Carmilla placed her hand on Laura’s cheek before she brushed away the stray tears with her thumb and pulled Laura to her chest.  She placed a kiss to the top of Laura’s head as Laura squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in Carmilla’s chest, hugging Carmilla's waist.  Carmilla winced, at the sudden pressure, causing Laura to freeze and look up at Carmilla’s face with concern as she rushed out, “Shit, I’m sorry.”  Laura went to take her hand away, but Carmilla stopped her.

     “No, it’s okay... I like you here.”

     Laura immediately relaxed again at her words and Carmilla intertwined their legs as Laura closed her eyes and softly whispered, “I like you here, too,” into Carmilla’s neck, causing her heart to flutter, but her stomach to drop at the same time.

     Laura could hear Carmilla’s ragged breaths as they laid pressed into each other's bodies, limbs tangled, so close they could feel each other’s heartbeat. The moment only lasted for a few minutes, though, before Carmilla sighed and pulled away to look Laura in the eye, a thought from earlier coming to mind.

     “I need you to listen to me, okay?”

     Laura nodded her head.  She was exhausted.  It had been a long night and she kind of just wanted to lay there in silence, wrapped up in Carmilla’s arms, and forget the whole thing even happened.

     “I mean really listen, this is important, Laura.”

     Laura nodded her head again, looking up to meet Carmilla’s eyes, her eyes darting back and forth between Carmilla’s.

     “You cannot tell anyone what happened tonight. Not even your dad. Not the police. Not a hospital. No one. I’m not worried about Noah, we already talked, but Laura...No. One.”

     Laura only stared at her, blankly, not completely sure if she could promise that and not completely sure as to why Carmilla would even want her to in the first place.  Carmilla gently grabbed Laura’s face with both hands, getting her full attention.

     “Laura, say something. I need you to understand.”

     Laura continued to stare blankly at Carmilla.   _Could she really keep a secret like this from her father?_

     “Laura, please, answer me. This is important.”

     Carmilla watched Laura’s face, closely, for any sign that she was there with her and knew Carmilla was talking to her.  Carmilla almost preferred angry Laura over silent Laura.  Finally Laura managed to nod her head and whisper ‘ _okay_ ’.  If Carmilla needed her to keep this a secret then she could do it, she’d just have to be careful and hold her tongue.  An okay wasn't good enough for Carmilla, though.

     “I need you to say you won’t mention what happened to anyone.”

     Carmilla was getting worried. She trusted Laura, but she didn’t trust Laura’s good intentions or her morals or the way she spouted anything that was on her mind when she got angry or scared or when she was under pressure, especially up against her father.  Carmilla had been on the receiving end of his interrogation tactics one too many times and even she couldn’t hold up against the pressure for too long.  He was good at it, better than good, he was the one the Chief of Police went to if they needed to get a confession out of someone.  He was the best and that was an understatement.  Maybe being involved with the police force since he graduated high school , being the top of his class at the academy, and having a detective as a father had something to do with it.

     “I won’t,” Laura whispered, again and Carmilla shook her head.

     “Promise me.”

     Carmilla needed to hear her say it.

     “I promise.”

     Carmilla sighed, “Laura, please,” wiping at a rogue tear that escaped Laura’s eye.

     “Carmilla, I promise I won’t say anything.”

     And Carmilla believed she wouldn't.  The look in her eyes when Laura said it gave her away.  She wasn't going to tell a soul.

     Carmilla nodded her head and pulled Laura back to her chest, leaving a soft kiss to Laura's head before whispering, “Get some sleep, Cutie,” into Laura's hair.

     Laura began rubbing circles into Carmilla’s back, listening closely for the hitches in Carmilla’s breath when she rubbed the wrong spot, brushing against a bruise or fresh mark and making a note to avoid touching there. Carmilla relaxed into Laura’s touch quickly and she closed her eyes. She focused on the soothing motion of Laura’s hand moving in slow circles on her back and her nails as they scratched lightly against the fabric of her t shirt.  Carmilla focused on Laura’s warm breath evening out on her neck and Laura’s body pressed against hers, so close she could feel the warmth of her skin even under her clothes.  She savored the smell of Laura’s coconut shampoo in her hair everytime Carmilla took a breath and she forgot about the pain throughout her body and who caused it.  She thought about how nice it felt, to sinply be there with Laura, and how much she’d love to lay like this for the rest of eternity, but she couldn’t.  Not while  she was still here, not while her mother was still around.  Maybe in another life, or maybe in the future, but not then.

     Carmilla let Laura fall asleep in her arms and she took in everything that was Laura and that is what she would hold onto after that night. She opened her eyes and the pillow underneath her cheek was damp with the tears that she had been holding in all evening.  Maybe five more minutes with Laura in her arms wouldn’t hurt.

* * *

     Carmilla woke up to a sharp pain in her lower back. In a panic, she quickly rolled off the bed and was on her feet in seconds, her chest rising and falling rapidly, causing the pain in her side to return, but she ignored it, afraid of what she might have to brace herself against. It didn’t take long before her  eyes adjusted to the dark and she let out a long, steadying breath when she recognized her surroundings.

     Laura’s bedroom.

     Carmilla looked down at the bed to find Laura still fast asleep, her body sprawled across the entire mattress, the covers kicked to the end of the bed sometime in last couple hours. Carmilla sighed and ran a hand through her hair before walking to the bedside table where she grabbed her phone and headed into Laura’s bathroom. She shut the door quietly behind her before she turned on the light, causing her to squint her eyes at the sudden brightness. As her eyes adjusted, Carmilla hit the lock button on her phone, checking the time. It was 5:28am. Keeping that in mind, she placed her phone in the pocket of her gym shorts and reluctantly stepped up to the bathroom sink to stand in front of the mirror. She knew what she looked like, she could feel every mark on her skin, burning with the lingering touch of her mother’s hand like a brand.

     Carmilla’s mother wasn’t always abusive. She wasn’t always violent. When Carmilla was 15, her mother found her father in his study in the early hours of the morning, facedown on a pile of manuscript from his new book, halfway through a sentence, the cursor blinking eerily on the computer screen in front of him.  Her mother never told her much about what happened, but Carmilla wasn’t stupid, she heard plenty about it from the kids in her school and Laura, whose father was working that night at the station.

     Carmilla’s father was in the middle of writing what would become his most sold novel.  He had meant to take his blood pressure medication, but instead, ended up taking an Ambien, in his tired state.  He didn’t usually drink, but that night he was on the final stretch of his book and he felt like he deserved a glass of Whiskey, or two.  He had a bad reaction to the mixture of the alcohol and the Ambien and he stopped breathing several seconds later.  When an ambulance came at 4am, he was announced DOA.  Carmilla’s father didn’t come into her room early the next morning, before he went to work, to check on her like he usually did, instead of a kiss to the forehead, Carmilla woke up to Mr. Hollis and his partner at the front door and her mother’s sobs in the foyer.

     Mr. Karnstein's book was published without an ending and mid sentence.  It sold more copies than any of his other books sold put together.

     After her father’s death, Carmilla’s mother picked up the habit of having wine with dinner every night.

     Sometimes too much wine.

     Some nights, Carmilla would find her mother passed out on the livingroom couch. Some nights, it was the bathroom floor or the kitchen table.

     Carmilla’s mother wasn’t a happy drunk, either. It started with words, hurtful things her mother would say to her, and within a few years, the verbal abuse escalated to physical abuse, but it had never been as bad as it was that night.

     Carmilla looked back up at her reflection in the mirror above the sink and cringed at the cut on her forehead.  There was dried blood in her hair and smeared across her cheek from her nose and her eyes were red and bloodshot from crying herself to sleep.  Carmilla gently traced the bruises along her jaw and around her eye, wincing when she touched a tender spot on her cheekbone. She sighed and gripped the edges of the sink, closing her eyes and shaking her head before turning around to grab a dark washcloth from the linen closet behind her.  Carmilla wet the washcloth with warm water and gently wiped at the dried blood under her nose and across her cheek, making sure to get it all off before moving to the cut at her hairline and down her temple, her eyes watering at the rough material of the washcloth against her sensitive skin.  She held her hair back from her face, trying to get the blood out of her hair, but it was useless. She wouldn’t get much progress without a shower so she decided to deal with her hair later and carefully threw it up into a bun on top of her head. When she finished, Carmilla stared at herself in the mirror.  There were fresh tears in her eyes and she could feel a lump growing in her throat.  She barely recognized herself.  She looked down at the stained washcloth in her hands and tossed it in the trash, making sure to bury between the previous trash that was already in the bin. Carmilla’s bottom lip trembled as she sighed and shut off the bathroom light before she opened the door and headed back out into Laura’s room.  When her eyes adjusted to the dim lighting of Laura’s owl lamp, she found Laura hadn’t moved. Her mouth was slightly open and her hair was a mess around her shoulders. She was in the middle of the bed, one arm across the spot where Carmilla was previously lying and she looked so peaceful. Carmilla wanted to crawl back in bed with her and forget what happened the night before, but she had already made up her mind. Carmilla let out a shaky breath as tears started to fall from the corners of her eyes. She quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand and remembered what she had to do.

     Carmilla walked over to Laura’s dresser and opened the top drawer where she knew she would find a pile of her clothes.  She found them folded neatly next to a pile of Laura’s colorful socks.  Her clothes were there from the time her and Laura tried to camp out in the backyard, but it started pouring the second they got their sleeping bags set up on the lawn.  Laura let her borrow a pair of clothes and Mr. Hollis made them hot chocolate and they camped out in the living room instead in a blanket fort and watched all of the Jurassic Park movies in a row because, according to Laura, ‘ _they’re way better when it’s storming_ ’.

     Carmilla quickly grabbed the pile of her clothes and silently closed the dresser drawer, pushing the memory out of her thoughts. She quietly walked back over to the end of the bed and grabbed the covers, pulling them up and over Laura’s shoulders. Carmilla bent down and pressed a kiss to Laura’s forehead, lingering for just a second too long before she turned for the bedroom door.  She heard Laura start to move in the bed behind her and she froze, her hand hovering over the doorknob. Carmilla turned around, silently praying to herself that Laura was still asleep because she couldn’t risk looking into those golden brown orbs, it would make walking away even more difficult, but found that Laura had simply rolled over to the other side of the bed, her face now hidden in shadow, but the even rise and fall of her chest told Carmilla that she was still sleeping, giving her the opportunity to slip out of Laura’s bedroom before she actually did wake up.

     “Where do you think you’re going?”

     Carmilla spun around, startled at the sudden break in the silence. It was Noah. He was standing down the hall in front of the bathroom next to his bedroom. Carmilla didn’t know what to tell him. Her feet were frozen in the spot on the carpet in front of Laura’s open bedroom door. She just stared at him, her eyes wide and her clothes held closely to her chest. Carmilla could feel her heart beating wildly in her chest and she wouldn’t doubt that Noah heard it too, even from the other end of the hall. Noah raised his eyebrows at her, before eyeing the clothes tucked against her chest and nodding his head. Tears started to form at the corners of Carmilla’s eyes, she could see the disappointment and hurt on his face as he realized what she was doing.

     “Why?”

     Carmilla shook her head and stared at the ground, away from Noah’s judging eyes, Laura’s eyes.

     “I- Noah…”

     She was panicking. He didn’t make any move to go back to his room, he just stood there, waiting for her to explain herself, but she didn’t know how.  She didn’t know how to say ‘ _I’m leaving_ ’ without making it sound like a crime punishable by the electric chair.

     “I don’t know what you want me to say-”

     “How about you start by telling me why you’re leaving. Just answer me that.  Why?”

     Carmilla watched as Noah leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom, crossing his arms over his chest.

     “Noah, I can’t- You wouldn’t understand...I’m not trying to hurt her, I just- She doesn’t deserve this.  She deserves so much more that I can’t give her- She doesn’t need this burden- This- Me.”

     More tears started to fall down Carmilla’s cheeks, but she quickly wiped them away before looking Noah in the eyes. He had her eyes. Laura’s eyes. She remembered the way Laura looked at her just a few hours ago and looked back down at her feet before she turned to the stairs.

     “Carmilla, wait.”

     Carmilla could hear Noah’s footsteps, on the soft carpet, walking toward her down the hallway.  He was almost on her heels.

     “I’m sorry,” she whispered, not bothering to look back before walking down the stairs and into the foyer. She stopped at the front door when she heard Noah quietly call her name from where he stood at the top of the stairs, but _no_ , she couldn’t go back now. 

     Carmilla stepped out into the familiar cold of the night and hugged her arms around her chest, cursing herself for not slipping into a sweatshirt before she left her house.  She took a deep breath and briskly walked down the porch steps, down the sidewalk to the driveway and onto the deserted street.

     “You can’t do this to her, Carmilla!”

     She stopped abruptly and turned around at the sound of Noah’s voice, he was standing in the frame of the front door, in a white t shirt and boxer shorts, his hand still on the doorknob.

     “I’m doing this _for_ her, Noah.” Carmilla managed to yell back, her voice cracking before she turned back around and continued her long walk under the streetlights. Noah didn’t try to stop her again.

     Carmilla pulled her phone from her pocket and clicked the screen on.

      6:02am.

     Laura’s alarm would go off in 28 minutes for their 8am photography class that Laura made Carmilla take with her, and Carmilla wouldn’t be there.   She wouldn’t be there when Laura rolled over in bed when her alarm went off. Carmilla wouldn’t be there when Laura checked the bathroom, she wouldn’t be there when Laura walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. She wouldn’t be in class, sitting next to Laura in the very last row, next to the dark room.

     When Laura would check her phone, there wouldn’t be any messages explaining why Carmilla left.  There wouldn’t be any voicemails or apologies.

     Carmilla held the lock button down on her phone and swiped across the top of the screen, shutting the power off just as more tears started to fall down her cheeks as if the floodgates of the Hoover Dam suddenly cracked and the backup systems failed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is:
> 
> http://no-pantsparty.tumblr.com/


	2. ruine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura's messages.
> 
> *edited*
> 
> TW: This might be somewhat heartbreaking, but I don't think there are any TW (let me know if I need to add anymore)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ruine  
> Rɥin 
> 
> noun   
> :tomber en ruine - to fall into ruin
> 
> :courir à la ruine - to be on the road to ruin
> 
> :wreck

_Day 1 - Saturday_

**[Laura (6:33am)]:** _Hey, I didn’t hear you leave this morning. You okay?_

 **[Laura (6:41am)]:** _Ah!  Stupid question._

 **[Laura (6:41am)]:** _Don’t answer that._

 **[Laura (6:42am)]:** _I missed waking up to your beautiful face! ;D_

 **[Laura (7:02am)]:** _Oh!  Are you going to be in class today?_

 **[Laura (7:11am)]:** _Another stupid question.  :/  Ignore that._

 **[Laura (7:20am)]:** _Want to come over after class gets out? We can watch movies in the basement, I’ll even let you pick. Yes, it can be a scary one. I’ll just hide behind you the whole time. ;P_

 **[Laura (7:59am)]:** _Carm?_

 **[Laura (8:00am)]:** _You probably went back to bed, call me when you wake up!_

 **[Laura (3:12pm)]:** _Ok, sleepyhead, even you don’t sleep in this late. What’s up? Is something wrong?_

 **[Laura (4:00pm)]:** _Caaaarm, answer your phone!_

 **[Laura (6:44pm)]:** _Listen, I meant what I said when I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone. It’s not my place to tell and I care about you...a lot.  I would never do anything that you didn’t want me to do or that would put you in a bad situation._

 **[Laura (10:59pm)]:** _If I did something to upset you, can you tell me? You don’t have to shut me out._

 **[Laura (11:16pm)]:** _I’m sorry for whatever I did._

* * *

 

_Day 2 - Sunday_

**[Laura (12:10am)]:** _Carm, I don’t like this. Can you please call me?_

 **[Laura (1:07am)]:** _I can’t sleep._

 **[Laura (3:43am)]:** _Carmilla._

 **[Laura (9:57am)]:** _Hey, I asked Will if he knew where you were and he said he thought you were over my house._

 **[Laura (9:58am)]:** _Carmilla, what’s going on?_

 **[Laura (10:07am)]:** _Come on, I promise I didn’t say anything to him. I just wanted to know if he knew anything._

 **[Laura (12:21pm)]:** _You don’t have to ignore me…_

 **[Laura (6:01pm)]:** _Ok, maybe I shouldn’t have asked Will, but he’s practically your brother, so I just thought he’d know something._

 **[Laura (9:54pm)]:** _I’m sorry._

* * *

 

_Day 3 - Monday_

**[Laura (12:16am)]:** _Am I overreacting?_

 **[Laura (12:20am)]:** _I do that a lot._

 **[Laura (12:29am)]:** _You’re probably fine._

 **[Laura (1:47am)]:** _Are we okay?_

 **[Laura (3:59am)]:** _..._

_**[Laura (3:59am)]:**   Don’t shut me out..._

* * *

 

_Day 4 - Tuesday_

**[Laura (5:14pm)]:** _Carm, please…_

* * *

 

_Day 6 - Thursday_

**[Laura (2:09pm)]:** _This is ridiculous, what the hell. Can you just talk to me?_

* * *

 

_Day 8 - Saturday_

**[Laura (12:22pm)]:** _It’s been a week, what am I supposed to do? Can I stop by your house?_

* * *

 

_Day 10 - Monday_

**[Laura (4:57pm)]:** _Ok, this is stupid, I didn’t do anything._

* * *

 

_Day 13 - Thursday_

**[Laura (12:59pm)]:** _I went by your house this morning, no one was home. I thought about going by Will’s or talking to him again, but I didn’t. Are you okay? Am I allowed to ask that? I know you’re not going to answer me._

* * *

 

_Day 15 - Saturday_

**[Laura (10:17am)]:** _I miss you in class..._

* * *

 

_Day 17 - Monday_

**[Laura (9:33am)]:** _Ok, I’ll take the hint and stop trying to talk to you, it’s a lost cause anyway. Sorry._

* * *

 

_Day 26 - Wednesday_

**[Laura (3:41am)]:** _I tried, I really did. I can’t do this. It’s not fair. This is beyond fucked up, Carmilla. What did I do?_

 **[Laura (4:00am)]:** _I care about you, more than I probably should and that isn’t going to go away._

 **[Laura (4:27am)]:** _UGH!  Can you please just talk to me?!_

* * *

 

_Day 28 - Friday_

**[Laura (12:59am)]:** _Carmilla. This is killing me. Please._

* * *

 

_Day 29 - Saturday_

**[Laura (10:20am)]:** _It was the last day of class today, you left your camera in the back room, Professor Daniels gave it to me to give to you. I left it on your front porch. I hope that’s fine._

* * *

 

_Day 45 - Monday_

**[Laura (5:26pm)]:** _Noah finally told me what happened. What the hell, Carmilla?_

 **[Laura (5:27pm)]:** _How could you just leave?_

 **[Laura (6:32pm)]:** _That isn’t fair..._

* * *

 

_Day 53 - Tuesday_

**[Laura (4:31am)]:** _It hurts._

* * *

 

_Day 160 - Thursday_

**[Laura (11:43pm)]:** _I miss you._

* * *

 

_Day 192 - Monday_

**[Laura (3:03am)]:** _Would it be crazy to say I still love you?_

 **[Unknown Number (6:02pm)]:** _Who is this? Sorry, I think you have the wrong number?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is:
> 
> http://no-pantsparty.tumblr.com/


	3. restauration - réveil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three years later.  
> This is the start of the actual storyline.  
> Carmilla has anger issues, basically, and yells a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla and Laura are in their Junior year of college. Laura is pursuing her dream of becoming a journalist and still enjoys photography as a hobby, while Carmilla is a Philosophy major and makes money by fighting in fights in the basements of the campus’ old buildings. Will organizes all of her fights. Carmilla has a sort of reputation at Silas as the hot, dark, broody, lesbian that other students are afraid of and she doesn't date, that doesn't stop her from hooking up, though.
> 
> Warning: There's a fight?

The only light in the basement was coming from the bulb that Will rigged to hang above the makeshift ring and a few candles he set up in the hallway. He placed them all along the wall, so the students who came to the fights would know where to go. Carmilla stood in the middle of the ring facing her opponent. She didn’t bother learning her opponent’s names. She would end up winning anyway. She always did. They circle each other a few times after Will announces the start of the fight. Carmilla wasn’t too worried about it, her opponent was bigger than her, but Carmilla was faster and knew her opponent’s every move. She had studied them with Will every night the week leading up to the fight. Carmilla drowns out the roar of the crowd and focuses on her opponent. Her opponent swings a right hook, hitting Carmilla in the jaw. She was expecting that, she always let her opponents hit first. It gave them a confidence boost and her a sort of rush, the kind of determination she needed to finish her opponents off. Her opponent swings again, this time hitting her in the nose. Her eyes start to water, but she was expecting that one too. Her opponent swings again, going for another right hook to the jaw, but Carmilla ducks and swings back hitting her opponent’s left eye. She stumbles back, Carmilla takes a step forward and swings again, this time hitting her opponent square in the jaw. She falls back into the rope. Carmilla manages to get in two more swings, one to her opponent’s ribs, the other to her stomach, before her opponent gets a chance to retaliate. Her opponent pushes herself off the ropes and Carmilla steps back a few inches to let her opponent get her ground. She was going to make this one fun, let her opponent think she could actually win. Her opponent follows her, taking a few swings at Carmilla’s face, which she easily avoids. Carmilla swings again, hitting her opponent in the eye, this time drawing blood. Carmilla watches as she stumbles back into the ropes, again. Carmilla doesn’t follow her, instead, her eyes catch sight of something in the crowd.

“No fucking way.”

She whispers to herself, squinting her eyes to try and let them adjust to the darkness outside of the ring. Her stomach sinks when she realizes her eyes aren’t playing tricks on her. It’s Laura. She’s standing under an emergency light, leaned up against the far wall, looking away from Carmilla and the fight and into the eyes of some redhead a foot taller than her. She’s holding a red solo cup in her hand and her hair is up in a bun on top of her head, leaving her neck bare. Carmilla can’t take her eyes off her. Somehow, she looks older than she remembers. A tinge of guilt heats up the bottom of Carmilla’s stomach. Laura starts laughing and brings her cup to her lips, turning to face the ring. Her smile was always Carmilla’s favorite. Their eyes meet and Laura’s smile falls, her cup frozen at her mouth. Carmilla watches as Laura’s face turns a bright red. Carmilla smirks, she still had that effect on her. Laura turns back to the girl she was with and hands her her cup. She says something to her and the redhead nods, before Laura turns to look back at Carmilla one last time before slipping into the hallway, practically sprinting down the hall, making the candle flames dance.

Carmilla shakes her head and her eyes refocus. She’s still in the ring and her opponent is no longer on the ropes in front of her. Her head involuntarily jerks to the right and her eyes instinctively squeeze shut at the contact. Suddenly, Carmilla is staring up at her opponent, towering over her, there’s blood dripping from her opponent’s nose and eye. Carmilla rolls her head to the side and notices Will on the other side of the ropes, holding up a wad of cash. He looks worried, his eyebrows are scrunched together, and he’s screaming something, but Carmilla can’t hear what he’s saying. Her head feels like it’s under water. She struggles to get up, but her body feels lethargic and it won’t listen to what her brain is trying to tell it to do. The corners of her vision start to go dark and fuzzy. She blinks a few times to try and make it go away, but it just makes it worse and her limbs go numb, the darkness taking over.

Carmilla wakes up to Will pulling her under the ropes and into the crowd of screaming people, surrounding the makeshift ring. He slaps her cheeks a few times to get her to focus and he grabs her hand, pulling her with him. Carmilla follows close behind him as he makes his way through the bodies and into the slightly less crowded hallway. Carmilla was furious. She had never lost a match before that. She was embarrassed and aggravated by her lack of focus. Her and Will make it to the bathroom that Will had set up, previous to the fight, to be Carmilla’s sort of changing room and she lost it. She spits her mouth guard into the sink and grips the counter so hard her knuckles turn white.

"What the hell was she doing here, Will?"

Carmilla punches the closest thing she can hit, ignoring the pain in her knuckles as shards of glass cut through her skin. She was seeing red. She turns toward Will, cradling her hand against her stomach.

"She was never supposed to be here!"

Will puts his hands on Carmilla’s shoulders, urging her to sit down on the bench along the wall and relax.

"Woah, woah, Carm, calm down, who are you talking about?"

Will goes through Carmilla’s duffle bag and pulls out a patch of gauze, placing it over the cut on the corner of Carmilla’s eye. She swats his hand away when he tries to do it again.

"Laura, Will, why the fuck was she here? I lost the match because of her!"

Will kneels down in front of Carmilla.

"What the hell are you talking about? Let me fix your eye, it's not pretty."

"Laura! Laura Hollis! In the corner with that tall fucking redhead on the track team, she fucking..."

"Wait...that girl from high school? You got distracted? That's why you lost? Carm..."

Will tries to place the gauze on her eye again.

"Shut the fuck up, Will."

Carmilla pushes his hand away.

“I don’t give a fuck about my eye, dammit!

Will shrugs and places the gauze on the counter next to the sink. Carmilla stands up and starts to head towards the door, but Will manages to cut her off before she even reaches the door handle.

"Carm."

Will starts to laugh.

"This is ridiculous, you can't blame someone in the crowd for you losing. You weren't focused."

"No, shit, sherlock, now get out of my way before I..."

Carmilla shakes her head.

“Just get out of my way.”

Will places his hands on Carmilla’s shoulders again and ushers her back to the bench.

"Stop. She didn’t do anything."

Will hands her a water bottle from her duffle bag. She takes it and reluctantly takes a sip.

“She wasn’t supposed to be here.”

Carmilla takes another drink, swishing the cool water around her mouth before spitting it into the sink. There was blood. Carmilla cringes at the sight of the all too familiar red porcelain.

"Shit."

"Yeah, relax, you're not hurting now, but trust me, you will be tomorrow."

Carmilla slowly sits down onto the bench in front of Will. She clenches and unclenches her fists, absorbing the pain each time the tape wrapped around her knuckles rubs against the bruises that had already started forming from the fight. She starts to take in deep, even breaths to try and calm herself down while Will starts to work on stopping the blood that was dripping from her eye and nose. She closes her eyes and lets him work, leaning her head back on the cool tile of the wall behind her.

When Will stops the bleeding, he unwraps Carmilla’s hands and hands her the duffle bag from the floor, before turning to go out into the hallway, leaving Carmilla alone to clean herself up. She picks out her towel and shower supplies and steps around the curtain, into the shower. She takes off her shorts and sports bra, throwing them into her bag, before she turns the knob in the shower all the way to the left, letting the hot water burn her skin and fresh cuts. Carmilla sinks down the wall onto the floor and lets out an unexpected sob. The tears had already started to flow before she even knew she was crying.

“Pathetic.”

Carmilla whispers to herself, running a hand through her now drenched hair.

"Fuck!"

She cries, punching the tiled wall across from her. She punches it again, this time harder, sending a jolt of pain through her hand and up her arm to her shoulder. She cries out again, but freezes when she hears the door to the bathroom squeak open. She immediately stands up and pushes back part of the shower curtain.

"What the hell...?"

She freezes and her face changes quickly from confusion to shock when she realizes it isn’t Will.

“Laura…”

Carmilla whispers to herself, there’s a lump forming at the back of her throat and her chest is getting tighter every second the two of them stand there staring at eachother in shock. Practically everyday since she left, Carmilla thought about what she’d say to Laura if they ever saw each other again, but the words were caught in Carmilla’s throat and suddenly it was getting harder to breathe. The steam from the shower wasn’t helping her cause. Laura is standing in the doorway to the bathroom like a deer caught in headlights, her hand frozen on the door handle. Carmilla notices the rims of Laura’s eyes are red. Laura shakes her head, tearing herself from her thoughts and places her hand over her eyes, letting go of the door, causing it to close behind her. Her heart is pounding against her chest.

“Uh...shit...I didn’t…”

Laura looks to the ground, she can feel heat creeping into her cheeks and the back of her neck is suddenly damp with sweat. Carmilla is still staring at her, she forces herself to hold back a smirk that begins to creep onto her face when she sees how red Laura is. Carmilla’s eyes fall down Laura’s body. She’s wearing a top that doesn’t completely cover her stomach under a hunter green jacket, Carmilla is distracted by the freckles that break up her smooth skin.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before, Cupcake.”

Carmilla mumbles under her breath before considering that maybe she should hold off on the sarcasm and snarky comments.

“I’m just going to…”

Laura ignores Carmilla’s comment and hooks her thumb over her shoulder and goes to turn around and head back down the hallway when the sound of Carmilla’s voice stops her.

“Wait. Laura, wait!”

Laura freezes, she squeezes her eyes shut, hoping the tears that had started forming at the corners of her eyes wouldn’t pool over.

“Look, we don’t have to do this, it’s fine.”

Laura deadpans, hoping Carmilla doesn’t hear how small her voice is. She hears the shower curtain being pulled back and her shoulders tense, her breath hitching in her throat. Carmilla steps out of the shower and grabs her towel from the hook on the wall next to her and wraps it around herself. Laura clears her throat.

“I am nowhere near drunk enough to have this conversation right now...”  
Laura turns back around, intending on telling Carmilla off, but is forced to stop abruptly when she’s met by an extremely close and almost completely naked Carmilla. Laura jumps at the sudden closeness and takes a step back, the door handle hitting her in the small of her back causing a small gasp to escape her lips. Carmilla takes a step forward. Laura pushes herself further into the door hoping to create as much space as possible between her and Carmilla. Laura clears her throat a second time, turning her head and finding great interest in the ceiling, the floor, the sinks along the wall. She tries to look anywhere but at Carmilla. Carmilla places her hand on the door next to Laura’s head. Laura’s eyes snap to Carmilla’s. Carmilla’s eyebrows are raised and she has a smirk plastered across her face.

“Relax, cutie. What do you think I’m going to do?”

Carmilla laughs, but leaves her hand on the door and her gaze on Laura. Laura crosses her arms, feeling self conscious and looks to the ceiling. Carmilla laughs again.

“You can look at me, you know.”

Laura laughs, but there’s no humor in it.

“Actually, I can’t, because I’m afraid that if I do, everything that I went through in the past three years is going to hit me like a fucking rock. Fuck. I was just starting to be able to hear your name again without fucking breaking down.”

Laura’s voice cracks on the last sentence, her eyes widening at what she just admitted. She didn’t mean to say those words, but once they started flowing out of her mouth she couldn’t stop them. She mentally kicks herself as a tear starts to roll down her cheek, she quickly wipes it away, with a shaky hand, and turns around to face the door, pushing down on the door handle. Carmilla’s mouth falls open, she wants to apologize or at least tell her why she had to leave, but again, the words are caught in her throat. She knows nothing she says could make up for the past three years and what she did.

“Let me go.”

Laura whispers and Carmilla can tell she’s not just referring to letting her go out into the hallway. She reluctantly takes her hand off the door and takes a step back. Laura doesn’t hesitate to pull open the door and she doesn’t turn around after she leaves. Carmilla catches the door before it closes and watches Laura as she wipes at her cheeks and shakes her hands at her sides, trying to calm down. Carmilla curses under her breath and closes the door. She presses her forehead against the cool wood and closes her eyes. She can feel the anger rising in her chest, her arms are tingling with rage.

“Fuck!”

Carmilla rears her elbow back and, without thinking, slams her fist into the door. She immediately brings her hand to her chest and cradles it against the towel still wrapped around her body. Tears start to form at the corners of her eyes and she doesn’t wipe them away when they start to fall down her cheeks. She let’s out a few sobs before examining her already bruised hand, when she comes to her senses and decides she needs to do something about her and Laura. She knows it could never be the same as it was before, but it could be better than it is now.

Carmilla goes over the last ten minutes in her head and suddenly her body feels like it is on fire. She is beyond mad at herself, but she knows that she overreacted and getting worked up over getting worked up is pointless and isn’t going to solve anything so she pushes the anger, that was building in her chest, back to the bottom of her stomach. The way Laura looked at her is stuck in her head. She was hurt, disappointed, ashamed, scared, and there was even a hint of pity in her eyes that had caught Carmilla off guard.

Carmilla quickly throws her plain white t shirt on that was stuffed in her bag and squeezes into her leather pants, which she immediately regrets wearing earlier that day considering she forgot to pack a different pair of pants and her legs are still wet from the failed attempt at a shower, causing the leather to stick uncomfortably to her skin. She messily rebandages her hands and, in a hurry, throws everything in her duffle bag. Will isn’t in the hallway when she leaves the bathroom and considers sending him a quick text to tell him she won’t be at the apartment until late that night, or not at all, but her phone is in the bag under all of her stuff and she doesn’t really have time to go searching through it all. She hurries toward the closest exit that she knows of, keeping to the back hallways and stairwells to avoid the traffic that usually loitered around after every fight. When she reaches the exit that her bike is parked at, she throws her bag over her shoulder and grabs her keys from the side pocket and pushes open the door, finding her bike exactly where she left it. She picks up her helmet from the seat, stuffing it under her arm and places one leg on either side of the bike before turning the key in the ignition. The engine roars to life after a few tries at the choke. She places her helmet over her head and kicks the kickstand up with ease and takes off towards the front of the building, hoping Laura hadn’t already made it back to her dorm yet. Carmilla rounds the corner of the university building in a hurry and almost doesn’t have time to stop, before her headlight picks up on the reflection of someone on a bike crossing the road in front of her.

“Jesus fuck, are you insane?!”

Her scream is muffled by the engine and her helmet, but the figure on the bike stops in the middle of the crosswalk, a stunned look on their face. Carmilla immediately curses herself under her breath when she realizes who it is.

“Shit, Laura.”

Carmilla hardly recognizes her in a bike helmet. Carmilla takes her helmet off and when Laura realizes who she is, shakes her head and starts to pedal again, heading across the street.

“No, wait! Laura!”

She had meant to apologize to her, but Laura was making it impossible. She doesn’t stop pedaling.

“Laura, please!”

She doesn’t bother turning around. Carmilla puts her helmet back on and turns her bike around, heading in the same direction as Laura. When she catches up to her, Carmilla slows down and keeps up with Laura’s pace.

“Please, listen to me!”

Carmilla yells over the motor, Laura continues to pedal faster.

“I can keep this up all night, you know.”

At that, Laura stops on a dime, catching Carmilla off guard.

“This could be considered harassment.”

Laura yells, staring straight ahead, her voicing cracking on the last word. Carmilla pulls over to the side of the road, keeping a decent amount of distance between her and Laura and flipping the shield up on her helmet.

“I wanted to apologize.”

Carmilla yells.

“Good.”

Laura deadpans.

“Good?”

Carmilla isn’t expecting Laura to be so short, Carmilla was usually the one that played distant.

“Yeah, good. I deserve it. Only took you three years and four months.”

There’s a hint of sadness in her voice that Carmilla caught on to right away. She’s right, though, she does deserve an apology and it should have been said as soon as Carmilla left, but Laura didn’t understand what was going on at the time and Carmilla isn’t ready to spill all of the details just yet.

“Go ahead.”

Laura is still facing forward, her face blank. She won't look at Carmilla for fear of breaking down again and saying things she shouldn’t, no matter how true. Carmilla is at a loss for words, yet again. She doesn’t know where to start. There are so many things to apologize for.

“Well?”

Laura turns to face Carmilla, growing impatient in the awkward silence, and Carmilla’s face grows hot under Laura’s glare.

“I...I didn’t..um.”

Carmilla stutters, suddenly nervous.

“Wow, Carmilla Karnstein at a loss for words, never thought I’d see the day.”

She shakes her head and turns to face forward again, leaving Carmilla at the curb. Carmilla groans and curses herself for being such a coward and it takes her until she counts to six before she gets enough courage to shout after her.

“I shouldn’t have left like that, I’m sorry!”

Carmilla pushes the words through her lips quickly.

“Apology of the year.”

Laura deadpans. She stops pedaling and Carmilla walks her bike over to where she’s stopped. Her face is burning.

“What the fuck do you want me to say?!”

Carmilla blows up at her, she immediately regrets it as soon as the words started flowing from her mouth. Laura jumps at the sudden outburst, but lets out a short, humorless laugh and starts to pedal again.

“Wait! I'm sorry!”

Carmilla starts to follow her again.

“You should really find another way to deal with your anger.”

Laura yells behind her as she turns the corner to head towards housing. Carmilla stops, surprised, letting Laura get ahead of her a bit before she turns the throttle and catches up with her.

“I know.”

Laura isn’t surprised by Carmilla being at her side, in fact, she looks more annoyed than anything.

“You know, what?”

She keeps pedaling.

“I have a problem controlling it, my doc says I’m getting better at it.”

She laughs, actually laughs this time, which makes Carmilla furious.

“Oh, really? This is you getting better at it?”

Laura scoffs. Carmilla pushes down the anger that starts to turn her knuckles white around her handlebars.

“Look, can we just talk?”

Carmilla says through gritted teeth.

“No.”

Laura says, too quickly.

“Please.”

“This is definitely harassment.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes and sighs loudly.

“I’m not going to stop until I say what I need to say, Laura. Please.”

“I’ll call the police.”

“You’ll what?”

Carmilla snorts, humored by Laura’s bluntness.

“You heard me.”

“Come on, Laura.”

Carmilla laughs as they pull up to Laura’s building. Laura immediately gets off her bike and starts walking it up the steps. Carmilla stumbles to get her bike kickstand down before Laura reaches the door. She starts to pull her keys from her jacket pocket.

“Laura, wait!”

Carmilla yells when she finally gets her kickstand down and she pulls her helmet off, before jogging up the steps behind Laura. She was pulling her bike through the doors when Carmilla reaches the top step. Carmilla goes to put her hand out to stop the door but Laura pulls it shut, forcing Carmilla to retract her hand quickly.

“Really?”

Carmilla yells through the glass. Laura just shrugs and mouths the word ‘sorry’ before she turns and makes her way further into the building.

“Laura, come on!”

Carmilla yells again. She pounds on the window to try and get Laura’s attention, but she’s already through the other set of doors and talking to the woman at the front desk. Laura looks back at Carmilla and says something to the woman, making her nod and give Carmilla a stern look. Carmilla sighs and crosses her arms in front of her, before turning back towards the parking lot. She places her bag on the ground next to her bike and leans back against it.

“She’s not going to let me in? I’ll just have to wait here for her to come outside. She has to go to class eventually.”

* * *

Laura had been tossing and turning all night and is nowhere near asleep when her alarm goes off the next morning. She groans and sits up to turn off the annoying beeping coming from her phone on the desk at the end of her bed. She reluctantly rolls out of bed and quickly showers, throws a pair of jeans on and a sweater and runs a brush through her hair before putting it up in a messy bun. She was trying to pretend as if the events of last night never happened, but they were running through her head like bad reruns on cable. She couldn’t help but feel somewhat guilty for the way she acted, she was childish, but she couldn’t let Carmilla back into her life, no matter how much she wanted to, there were just so many bad things Laura associated with her and she wasn’t ready. She pushes the thoughts to the back of her head and grabs her helmet off her desk and her backpack that was on the floor, swinging it over her shoulder, before she starts to walk her bike out into the hallway, locking the door behind her. Her room is on the first floor of the building so it doesn’t take her long before she reaches in the lobby. She skids to a halt at the sight outside the second set of doors leading out of the building, to the parking lot. Her heart is pounding against her chest and her breath gets caught in her throat. Carmilla was in the same set of clothes she was wearing the night before. Laura shakes her head, erasing the look of shock and horror that had frozen her features and she turns to the woman at the front desk behind her.

“Has she been there all night?”

Laura points over her shoulder at Carmilla. She was silently praying that her instincts were wrong and that Carmilla just happened to own multiple pairs of incredibly tight leather pants and plain white t shirts.

“She was here when I got here this morning at 3 and hasn’t left since.”

The woman shrugs.

“Great.”

Laura mumbles, through gritted teeth, before reluctantly opening the first door. Laura tries to cautiously and quietly make her way out of the building to avoid waking Carmilla, who appeared to be sleeping, on her bike in a very awkward position. Her mouth is open slightly and Laura can hear her quietly snoring, her head is resting on her duffle bag that she had propped up on the bike’s dashboard, with her arms underneath. Laura has a sudden, involuntary flashback of the times she would wake up before Carmilla, when she would spend the night, and she would watch her lie like that, peaceful, until Carmilla would sense Laura awake beside her and say something annoying and witty in her low, groggy sleep voice that Laura found adorable at the time. Laura let’s out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and shakes her head, realizing she’s staring and starts to move forward again. She accidently bumps the back wheel of her bike on the glass door, making Carmilla jump. Laura freezes.

“Shit.”

Laura whispers, hoping Carmilla wouldn’t wake up. Of course, her silent pleas go unanswered. Carmilla groans and sits up on her bike, blinking excessively trying to let her eyes adjust to the sun that was just coming up from behind the roof of the building. Laura is still frozen at the top of the stairs, hoping Carmilla doesn’t notice her. Carmilla stretches her arms over her head, causing her shirt to lift up over the waist of her leather pants, exposing her pale skin. Laura’s eyes go wide at the bruises on her hips, her mind going back to the night Carmilla left and she feels tears stinging the back of her eyes. Carmilla’s face twists in pain and she winces, grabbing her side.

“Ow.”

Carmilla groans. Laura quickly regains her composure, reminding herself that the bruises were most likely from the fight last night, and clears her throat, continuing down the few steps to the parking lot.

“You know, this could definitely be considered stalking...”

Carmilla’s head snaps to Laura, a surprised look on her face, which quickly falls.

“Oh, get over yourself, princess.”

“You stayed the night, practically on my front porch, that’s literally…”

Carmilla cuts Laura off, raising her hand to gesture to the lot.

“I’m in the parking lot, I’m pretty sure you don't own the parking lot.”

Carmilla snaps back, sarcastically. Laura rolls her eyes and starts to walk her bike across the lot to the sidewalk. She doesn’t make it very far.

“I’m not going to stop until you accept my apology, or at least listen to me.”

Laura turns around to face Carmilla.

“That is literally harassment.”

“Again, get over yourself, princess.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes.

“Enough with the stupid pet names. What is wrong with you. I don’t appreciate your bullshit. Why can’t you just leave me alone, I don’t want to listen to your pathetic excuse for an apology. Why did you even choose to go here in the first place? You knew I got in on a scholarship that I couldn’t pass up. Why couldn’t you have just gone to fucking...I don’t know...not here!”

Laura is fuming and she can’t control what she’s saying. She watches Carmilla as a look of hurt flashes across her face, but she quickly covers it up with a scowl.

“I’m not quite sure where ‘Not Here’ is, but considering my mother is the Dean here, I get a few benefits. Don’t worry, I didn’t come here in hopes to regain whatever shitshow we had before. It wasn’t that special, cupcake.”

Laura’s mouth falls open, her hands tightening around her handlebars. She can feel her cheeks growing hot and she has to bite her bottom lip to keep it from quivering. Carmilla’s arms are crossed over her chest and she’s looking at the ground in front of Laura’s feet.

“Fuck you, Carmilla. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Apparently, a lot…”

Laura ignores her and continues.

“You're acting like the last three years didn't happen. How could you do that to someone? How could you do that to me? It wasn't fair. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much, you have no idea…”

“You don't think it was hard for me too, Laura?!”

Laura ignores her again. She was on a roll and if she stopped now, she wouldn't be able to start again.

“It felt like someone ripped my heart out of my chest and left a gaping hole in its place. I mean, was it worth it? It killed me. I didn't sleep for months because I was worried something had happened to you. For all I knew you could have been dead in a ditch somewhere. I was worried sick! Noah finally told me what happened and he found out from Will that you moved to Paris. I mean, Paris? Really? You had to move to another fucking country just to get away from me?”

“That's not…”

Carmilla shakes her head, trying to get in a few words, before Laura starts again.

“You could have at least sent me a letter or called to say goodbye or a simple text would have been great. Did you even get any of my messages? Did you listen to any of my voicemails? Read any of the emails? Letters? I went through so much unnecessary shit because of you. I closed myself off. I didn't eat. I lost every friend I had. I stopped talking to everyone. I started drinking. I mean, for God's sake, I almost died, Carmilla and you had no fucking clue! I'm a completely different person now. I'm not the fragile girl you left three years ago. I hated myself for so long. I blamed myself. It took a lot to get over that. I. Loved. You. Carmilla, I loved you. I didn't realize it at the time, but you were it. You were it for me. You leaving fucked me up. I don't know how to love anyone else. Did you even care? Oh my God…”

There are tears running down Laura’s cheeks that she can't control. She had never said those words out loud before and she never thought she’d be saying them to Carmilla. She was surprised at herself. Laura’s hand shoots to her mouth, muffling a sob. Carmilla is frozen. There are tears falling from her eyes, but she doesn't bother wiping them away.

“I’m sorry…”

Carmilla manages to choke out.

“That’s all you have to say?”

Laura cries, softly.

“I...I don’t know what to say...I want to tell you everything, I do, believe me, but I can’t, Laura. I’m not ready and you wouldn’t understand.”

Carmilla whispers, just loud enough for Laura to hear. She takes a step in Laura’s direction. Laura takes a step backward, shaking her head. Carmilla’s body tenses at the look on Laura’s face.

“Help me understand. I hated you for so long...I didn’t know how to handle it...I don’t regret what we had, but, Jesus, I can’t do it again. I can’t go through what I went through when you left, again.”

Laura speaks softly, she can feel the weight of exhaustion starting to creep in. Carmilla nods her head in silence. Her chest is tight and her hands are shaking at her sides. When she doesn’t say anything else, Laura wipes at her cheeks with her sleeve and takes a deep breath, before turning around and walking away from Carmilla. Carmilla doesn’t attempt to stop her, she just watches her cross the street and get on her bike before pedaling away toward the library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is:
> 
> http://no-pantsparty.tumblr.com/


	4. relance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh, shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Alcohol use

For the next week and a half, Carmilla tries to keep as much distance between her and Laura as physically possible. Carmilla tries to go to all of her classes regularly, but as it turns out, she has two classes with Laura. She could have figured that out sooner, but the classes weren’t her favorite and she only started showing up to avoid running into Laura around campus, except now, Carmilla sees her everywhere. The only place she had any luck avoiding Laura, was her own apartment, off campus, that she shares with Will and her many study dates. In fact, she’s been noticing Laura at every place she tries to get away from her, even the Art building. Apparently, she was doing a report on the school’s talented artists that week and what better way to get information than to ask the students. Carmilla hid behind the door of the studio she was in for almost two hours before she saw Laura walk out of the building and back toward her dorm.

 That Friday night there’s a party at the Zeta house, in honor of the university’s baseball team winning their game that night, which is a big deal, considering they don’t normally have much luck. Carmilla normally doesn’t attend such events, due to the abundance of mediocre frat boys and dumb jocks and annoying, preppy sorority girls, but as much as she knew, neither did Laura. Laura was most likely studying in her room, her nose in a textbook, a party the last thing on her mind. Well, that’s what Carmilla thought anyway.

 Carmilla walks up to the Zeta house and immediately regrets her decision to go to the party. There’s drunk frat boys hanging off the railing on deck above the front porch screaming God knows what and the doorway is so crowded, she can barely get through the door. She cringes at the sight of a couple making out in the corner, in front of the stairs and considers turning around and just spending the night working on her drawing project in the Art building, but she doesn’t get a chance before someone is shoving a drink in her hand and she’s being pulled through the crowd, deeper into the house. When she’s dragged into the kitchen, which is a lot less crowded than the foyer, and gets a chance to breath, she finally realizes it’s Will who was dragging her through the house and relaxes a bit.

 “Thanks.”

 Camilla yells over the music coming from the other room.

 “Yeah, no problem, you looked like you were about to throw up, figured I’d save you. What are you doing here anyway? Since when does the infamous I’m-too-cool-Carmilla Karnstein go to frat parties?”

 Will smirks. Carmilla shoves him in the shoulder, sending him stumbling back a couple steps. He’s already drunk. Carmilla laughs.

 “Since she figured it’d be her best bet at avoiding ‘She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named’.”

 Will chuckles and takes a sip of his drink.

 “Well, you’re doing a pretty shitty job.”

 Carmilla’s eyebrows come together in confusion.

 “What do you mean?”

 Will lifts up his arm and stretches out his finger in the direction of what was the livingroom, made dance floor. Carmilla’s mouth falls open, a look of terror on her face. She can only see the side of Laura’s face, from the neck up, but she knows it’s her. She spins around so her back is to Laura and she’s facing Will.

 “Are you fucking kidding me?”

 Will shrugs, taking another sip of his drink.

 “I can’t fucking go anywhere without running into her. Fuck.”

 Carmilla puts her drink to her mouth and downs the contents of the cup, feeling the pit of her stomach heat up. Will was already in the process of pouring her another, when she shakes her head and takes the bottle from him.

 “I’m going to need a lot more than that.”

 Will laughs and grabs another bottle from the counter behind him and holds it up in the air in front of Carmilla. They clink bottles and both take a sip before Will heads off to talk to some girl and Carmilla turns back around toward Laura, but she’s gone. Carmilla frantically searches the room for Laura so she can be sure not to run into her. She cranes her neck and stands on her tiptoes to try and see over the crowd of people in the hallway, but freezes when she feels a tap on her shoulder.

“Looking for someone?”

Carmilla’s eyes go wide and she starts silently praying that the music had somewhat distorted the voice of whoever was behind her or that she miraculously got hit upside the head and she’s imagining things, but she knew her hopes were useless, the second her finger touched Carmilla’s shoulder, she knew it was Laura.

Carmilla slowly turns around and is slightly taken aback at the girl in front of her. She has to physically force her eyes to stay on Laura’s face. Laura’s eyes are glossed over and her hair is a little on the messy side, but she has on a black and red, Silas University Devil’s baseball uniform that is buttoned only a few buttons at the bottom, revealing part of her stomach and a lace bandeau. Carmilla can only think of dragging Laura to the closest bathroom and taking that useless jersey off and kissing her until both of them are gasping for breath, but she is quickly drawn away from her thoughts when she remembers their last conversation, causing her stomach to tighten and suddenly she feels as if she might be sick. Carmilla’s face falls. Laura starts laughing, putting a scowl on Carmilla’s face.

“How drunk are you, Hollis?”

Carmilla spits. Laura can’t stop laughing, she grabs her stomach, Carmilla’s eyes following her hands.

“You...should’ve...seen…your face…”

Laura manages to get out between bouts of laughter. Carmilla’s eyes are glued to Laura’s small stomach. Laura starts snapping her fingers in front of Carmilla’s face. Carmilla clears her throat and swats Laura’s hand away, bringing her eyes back up to Laura’s, she scowls again.

“Eyes up here, perv.”

Laura laughs. Carmilla shakes her head.

“You’re drunk.”

She goes to turn around, bringing the bottle in her hand to her lips, but before she can even start to move her feet, Laura catches her by the wrist, turning her back around, almost spilling her drink.

“Watch it! What do you want? You made it very clear, the last time we talked, that you wanted nothing to do with me.”

Laura’s face falls.

“Yeah, about that…”

Laura looks around nervously, her grip on Carmilla’s wrist noticeably tightening.

“Spit it out, cupcake.”

Carmilla deadpans. On the inside, her heart is racing at Laura’s touch, her wrist feels like it’s on fire and the warmth is shooting up her arm and across her chest. Laura quickly grabs a random bottle from the counter and, suddenly, she is moving through the few people to the other side of the kitchen, Carmilla’s wrist still locked in her grip. She pushes open a door, leading her and Carmilla out onto a wraparound porch. Laura leads Carmilla around the side of the house and onto the back deck. There are only a few people out here, but Laura doesn’t stop. She continues down the back porch steps and onto the wet grass, it’s dark, but she seems to know where she’s going. Carmilla almost runs into her when she finally stops. They’re in the middle of the back lawn, surrounded by trees, an empty fire pit to their right. The only light is the glow from the house. Laura spins around, facing Carmilla and twists the top off the bottle in her hand, before taking a long gulp. Carmilla reaches up to the bottle and takes it from her lips, when she realizes Laura had no plans of stopping.

“Woah there, I’m not carrying your ass back to the house after you dragged me all the way out here.”

Laura cringes at the bitter taste in her mouth, before she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and pouts. Carmilla smirks.

“Pouting? Really? What are you, five? Why are we out here, anyway?”

“I have to talk to you.”

Carmilla groans. Laura pushes her shoulder, but Carmilla doesn’t move, instead Laura is forced back and stumbles, tripping over a log on the ground. Carmilla reaches out and grabs her arm before she falls and pulls her back.

“Okay, Drunk, seriously, how much did you drink?”

“Stop. It doesn’t matter. Listen for two seconds. Quit being an ass.”

Carmilla cocks an eyebrow at her, but she can tell she’s nervous, she’s playing with her hands and she won’t look Carmilla in the eye. It may be dark, but Carmilla can read her like a book and the anxiety radiating off her is suffocating. Carmilla hands Laura back the bottle and sits on a thick stump lying on it’s side around the fire pit.

“I have a feeling it’s going to be a long night.”

Laura takes a seat next to Carmilla on the tree stump and takes a sip from her bottle, Carmilla does the same.

“Okay…”

Laura turns so she’s straddling the tree stump, facing Carmilla.

“So, I was thinking about what I said…”

Laura looks down at her hands, playing with the bark on the stump.

“Please don’t apologize, Laura. Everything you said, I deserved to hear. You don’t need to apologize for saying how you felt.”

“But...I was a little harsh, don’t you think?”

Carmilla laughs, without any humor.

“I left you for three years, without a goodbye and you think you need to apologize.”

Carmilla laughs again, taking another mouthful out of the bottle and shaking her head.

“Don’t laugh. I mean, I just wanted to say that I shouldn’t have blown up like that, it could’ve been handled a lot differently. I didn’t even give you a chance to talk and I know there’s a good reason, because you wouldn’t have just left like that if there wasn’t. I didn’t give you a chance to explain. I wanted to apologize. You don’t have to tell me now, or ever, I guess, what the reason was, but can you at least tell me there was one? I don’t believe you’re heartless, cruel, yes, but not heartless. I just want to understand and I don’t want to hate you, I want to feel like we can be civil with each other. I don’t want us to be awkward around each other. I’m not ready for something drastic, but it’d be nice if we were friends. I want to be able to forgive you.”

Laura looks up at Carmilla and she has tears in her eyes. Carmilla sighs, nodding her head. She takes the bottle from Laura’s grip, putting it in her lap.

“Of course there was a reason, Laura. I wanted to tell you, trust me. I was selfish. I figured it’d be easier to just walk away than to deal with the consequences. I was wrong, God, I was so wrong.”

Carmilla sighs and puts the bottle up to her lips.

“I’m going to need this more than you if I’m going to pour my heart out to you right here, right now, cupcake. Plus, I think you might have already had a bit too much.”

Carmilla winks and takes a sip, Laura tries to look angry, butshe kind of just ends up looking like a sad puppy. Carmilla laughs and Laura tries, again, to put a scowl on her face, failing miserably.

“I think I’m good.”

Laura crosses her legs on the tree stump and leans forward, placing her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands. Her eyes slowly closing for a second, before shaking her head and giving Carmilla her full attention.

“Okay, If you say so, but, Laura, I’m going to need you to button up your shirt, if I’m going to do this, I can’t concentrate knowing what you look like with that bandeau thing off and me being close enough to take it off.”

Laura’s shoulders tense and her face heats up, her eyes look like they’re about to pop out of her head as she covers her chest. Even in the dark, Carmilla can tell she’s the color of crimson. Carmilla laughs and shrugs.

“You haven’t changed much…”

Laura mumbles, sitting up to button the rest of her jersey, a look of complete concentration on her face.

“How’s that?”

Laura smiles, looking pleased with herself and holds her arms out at her sides. Carmilla laughs again.

“Cutie, you missed a few.”

Laura looks down at her shirt and frowns, crossing her arms over her chest.

“How did you even…?”

Carmilla starts.

“Shut up.”

Laura interrupts.

“...manage to…?”

Carmilla continues.

“Shhhh.”

Laura covers Carmilla’s mouth with her hand. Carmilla smirks and sticks her tongue out, licking Laura’s palm. Laura pulls her hand away at lightning speed and wipes it on her dark jeans, a look of disgust on her face.

“You’re disgusting.”

Carmilla shrugs and laughs at the look on Laura’s face. Her head is buzzing, whether it’s from the alcohol or the fact that Laura is less than a foot in front of her, she can’t be sure.

“Anyway, where were we?”

Carmilla takes a sip out of the bottle in her hand.

“You were about to pour your heart and soul out to me.”

Laura fake swoons and places her hand over her heart, swaying slightly on the trunk, but then frowns and her hand falls into her lap. Carmilla’s face falls, her eyebrows coming together in concern.

“What’s wrong?”

Laura looks up at Carmilla, her face all scrunched up.

“I kinda have to pee.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes and shoves both bottles into one hand.

“Oh Lord, okay, come on.”

Carmilla stands, one leg on either side of the trunk, and holds her hand out in front of her, Laura stares at it, confused.

“It’s not going to bite you, come on, I thought you wanted us to be civil.”

Laura takes her hand and Carmilla pulls, a little too forcefully. Laura stumbles forward, crashing into Carmilla’s chest. Carmilla freezes, losing her balance and is forced backwards. She trips over Laura’s foot and falls back onto the grass, Laura falling on top of her, with a thud. They stare at each other in shock for a couple seconds before Carmilla smirks and opens her mouth to put in her two cents, but Laura’s hand is over it again within seconds.

“Do not.”

Laura scowls. Carmilla starts laughing, her body shaking under Laura’s.

“Carmilla, I don’t want to hear whatever nasty comment was about to come out of your mouth. I’m serious. Now, I’m going to take my hand off...”

Carmilla mumbles something under Laura’s hand.

“Do I want to know what you just said?”

Carmilla winks and Laura narrows her eyes, but reluctantly takes her hand away from Carmilla’s mouth, before she sits up and is straddling Carmilla’s waist. Carmilla raises an eyebrow and grins.

“I missed this view.”

Laura rolls her eyes and hits Carmilla in the chest before rolling onto the grass next to them and using the stump to help herself up off the ground, slowly, her head starts swimming, but she ignores it. Carmilla sits up on her elbow and raises the two bottles in the air.

“The booze made it.”

Laura takes the bottles from Carmilla’s hand with a grin spread across her face, and Carmilla gets to her feet, brushing her hands on the backs of her leather pants, before grabbing her bottle from Laura and turning toward the house. She stretches out her free hand in the direction of the back door.

“After you.”

Laura starts walking forward past Carmilla, but ends up tripping on her own feet and stumbles forward slightly before Carmilla quickly grips her elbow, giving her a stern look. Laura smiles sheepishly.

“You’re a hot mess, woman.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes.

“Let’s just try to make it to the bathroom without you killing yourself on all these obstacles.”

Carmilla gestures to the empty yard in front of them. Laura narrows her eyes and pulls her arm out of Carmilla’s grip. She squares her shoulders and turns her nose up and starts off toward the house. Carmilla shakes her head, laughing, and follows close behind, just in case Laura trips over a blade of grass, or a bug.

Carmilla follows Laura into the bathroom on the first floor. Laura turns around to close the door, but is shocked to find that Carmilla is right behind her. She raises an eyebrow at her.

“What?”

Carmilla looks confused.

“You’re peeing with me now? I don’t think we’re there yet.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, well, I don’t need you falling off the toilet or some shit.”

“I’m not gonna fall off the toilet...just turn around.”

Carmilla cocks her head to the side and raises an eyebrow.

“Really?”

Laura raises her eyebrows and twirls her finger in the air, gesturing for Carmilla to turn around. Carmilla rolls her eyes, in protest, but turns around and faces the door anyway, taking a mouthful from the bottle, still in her hand.

“You know, I’ve seen it all before, I don’t know why you’re being…”

“Because it still feels weird. Now, shut up, I’m trying to concentrate.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes, at this point she’s surprised they haven’t rolled out of her head yet.

“Don’t hurt yourself, cupcake.”

Laura lifts up her middle finger and gestures it at Carmilla, but realizes she can’t see her and frowns.

“You can’t see it, but I’m flipping you off.”

Carmilla smirks and lifts her middle finger in the air, just above her shoulder. Laura huffs, causing Carmilla’s smirk to transform into a grin. A couple minutes pass and Carmilla shifts her weight on her feet, growing impatient.

“Laura, seriously how long does it take to piss? Just push it out and let’s go…”

Carmilla turns around and has to cover her mouth with her hand to keep from laughing too loud. Laura is sitting on the toilet, her head resting in her hand and her eyes are closed, her face relaxed. Carmilla pulls out her phone and takes a quick picture, just in case she needs it for something important later.

“Laura, you did not pass out on the fucking toilet...Laura!”

Carmilla laughs. Laura groans, but doesn't move.

“Laura, I cannot...carry you...out of here, get up!”

Carmilla manages to get out between gasps of laughter. She places the bottle on the counter next to the sink and shoves Laura gently in the shoulder. Nothing. She shoves her again, harder this time. Laura’s eyebrows furrow, her eyes still closed, and Carmilla shakes her shoulder, Laura responds by grunting and shooing away Carmilla’s hand.

“Hollis, get the fuck up right now, or I’m going to throw you over my shoulder and show the world your bare ass.”

Carmilla laughs to herself. She probably wouldn’t be able to even lift Laura up off the toilet in the state that she’s in, but her words work and Laura opens her eyes halfway, sleep and alcohol holding them down, and she brings a finger to Carmilla’s lips. Carmilla raises an eyebrow at her, in question and amusement.

“Sh. You’re yelling.”

Laura whispers. Carmilla swats her hand away.

“You haven’t seen yelling, yet, cupcake. Now, come on, I should get you to one of your friends so they can take you home or something.”

Laura looks up at Carmilla from where she still hasn’t moved from the toilet and her eyes are sad and her bottom lip is jutted out in a pout and Carmilla has to focus on anything but her face in order to keep herself from kissing that adorable look off her face, but then Laura starts sniffling and Carmilla doesn’t know what to do.

“What?”

Carmilla asks, hoping her voice came out stronger than it felt. Laura looks down at her lap.

“I wanted you to take me home.”

Carmilla thinks the alcohol must really be hitting her now because just two minutes ago, Laura wasn’t even ready for her to be in the bathroom with her while she peed and now she wants Carmilla to take her home, but Carmilla can’t say no to the crying girl on the toilet in front of her so she reaches over and grabs Laura’s chin gently in her hand, making her look up.

“Fine, but you have to stop crying and you have to get up.”

Laura’s frown turns into a wide dopey grin and Carmilla’s heart skips a beat at the look on her face. Carmilla shakes her head free of drunk thoughts about kissing Laura and bringing her back to her place before she does something stupid, but before she can move back so Laura can get up, Laura takes Carmilla’s face in her hands and lands a sloppy drunk kiss on Carmilla’s cheek. Carmilla’s eyebrows shoot up at the sudden contact between them and she has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling when she feels the warmth of Laura’s hands warming her cheeks.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, you’re the best, Carm.”

Laura’s still smiling when she stands from the toilet and gets herself situated. Carmilla laughs.

“Come on, you drunk piece of shit.”

Laura sways a bit when she tries to walk forward so Carmilla grabs her elbow and leads the both of them out of the bathroom and through the much less crowded hallway to the front door and out onto the front porch. She’s forced to stop abruptly when Laura comes to a halt at the top of the stairs leading down to the footpath that will lead them to the dirt driveway lined with trees. She looks up at Laura from one step down and Laura’s arms are wrapped around herself and she’s pouting again.

“What is it now, woman?”

Carmilla pulls Laura’s elbow, but she doesn’t budge, surprisingly.

“Carm, it’s cold.”

She whines. Carmilla ignores the fact that she called her Carm, again, and rolls her eyes instead.

“You’re pathetic.”

Carmilla slips out of her jacket and places it over Laura’s shoulders. Laura hugs to Carmilla’s side and Carmilla freezes at her touch, but thinks ‘she’s just drunk’ and ‘she wouldn’t be doing this if she was sober’. Carmilla relaxes against Laura and places her arm around her shoulders, rubbing her arm gently. Carmilla shakes her head and rests it against Laura’s hair.

“You’re killing me, Hollis.”

She mumbles. Laura hugs her arms tighter around Carmilla’s waist pulling herself closer in response and they start off towards the road. Carmilla leaves her bike parked along the tree line knowing no one would dare touch it if they know what’s good for them.

Somewhere between the end of the Zeta’s driveway and Laura’s dorm, Laura falls asleep leaned against Carmilla and about kills them both when Carmilla has to catch her to keep them from both going down. She ends up having to carry Laura the last block and she’s thankful for the cold because it manages to sober her up quite a bit. Laura’s arms are wrapped around Carmilla’s neck and her face is buried in the crook of Carmilla’s neck and Carmilla can feel goosebumps form every time Laura’s quiet snores and warm breaths touch her skin. Carmilla can’t seem to shake the thoughts away that have been floating around her brain ever since Laura decided it’d be a good idea to cling onto her for dear life and their close proximity is killing her.

Once safely on Laura’s doorstep, Carmilla realizes she doesn’t have the means to actually get inside Laura’s building, let alone her actual room, and Laura doesn't seem to waking up anytime soon. After multiple attempts at getting the woman at the front desk to open the door and a few choice words, Carmilla finally gives up, with a sigh, and starts to head towards her apartment, shaking the feeling that she’ll regret this tomorrow as soon as Laura wakes up and realizes she’s not in her bed, but in Carmilla’s. She also regrets the fact that she chose to wear her combat boots and she wasn’t planning on carrying a 100lb. girl over five blocks, but that 100lb. girl is Laura and not one of her randoms and she can’t help but smile at that because she would never in a million years be caught doing something like this for anyone else.

* * *

Carmilla walks through the door that morning, after her daily run and training session with Will, to find Laura sitting straight up in her bed, her hair a mess, her eyeliner smeared halfway down her cheeks and her face drained of color and frozen in a half scowl, half surprised look that makes Carmilla laugh, without warning. She pulls out her earbuds and wraps them around her phone with an amused grin, before throwing her phone on the coffee table, with her water bottle, and making her way to the fridge.

“Wake up on the wrong side of the bed there, cutie? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Carmilla grabs the carton of eggs and bread and places them on the counter, she can feel Laura’s eyes burning into the back of her skull.

“There’s hot chocolate and aspirin on the table next to you, although the hot chocolates probably cold chocolate now, but I was just going to make some breakfast, you want any-”

“Carmilla!”

Carmilla spins around at her sudden outburst, her heart nearly jumping out of her chest. She ignores the fact that Laura’s voice sounds groggy and scratchy and she can’t help how much she wants to throw herself on her bed and bury her face in Laura’s side and fall back asleep. She shakes her head to rid her thoughts of anything resembling cuddling with Laura.

“What the hell? What?”

Carmilla grips the edge of the counter, behind her back, with both hands and braces herself for whatever she did now, but can’t contain the laugh that escapes her mouth at the look of pure horror in Laura’s eyes.

“Carmilla, I’m in your bed! In your apartment!”

Carmilla relaxes a bit into the counter and smirks.

“Good job, Lauronica Mars, want a cookie?”

Laura’s eye go wide and her mouth falls open slightly.

“Carmilla! Why am I in your bed, in your apartment?!”

Carmilla rolls her eyes.

“Relax, Cupcake. I slept on the couch, don’t get your panties in a bunch-”

Carmilla spits out a little too harshly. Before she can finish though, sh’s met with a pillow to the face and an angry Laura.

“Carmilla! Why-”

Carmilla throws the pillow back at Laura with a little too much force and the impact sends her head back into the headboard. When the pillow falls and Carmilla can see Laura’s face, it’s not pretty. She’s pissed.

“Shit, Laura, I didn’t mean to-”

“Why. Am I. Here. What the hell am I doing in your bed and why am I wearing your clothes?”

Laura growls and looks down at the shirt she’s wearing and back up at Carmilla, her eyes wide, realization written all over face.

“Did you change me?”

Laura asks, there’s a hint of sadness in her tone. Carmilla only nods her head, she doesn’t need Laura getting any more mad than she already is and if she opens her mouth she’s afraid of what might come out of it.

“Where are my clothes?”

Carmilla doesn’t really understand why she’s freaking out so much, but she points over to the closet that contains the washer dryer, her eyes never leaving Laura’s. Laura follows the path of her finger.

“The closet?”

Carmilla shakes her head, dropping her arm to her side.

“Dryer.”

Laura’s face twists in confusion.

“You washed them?”

Carmilla nods her head.

“Why-”

Carmilla can’t hold back her words anymore.

“You were drunk, I tried to take you to your place but the fucking bitch at the desk in the lobby wouldn’t let me in because it was past curfew and I wasn’t going to leave you to freeze on your fucking doorstep so I brought you back here and you ended up throwing up and getting it on your jersey and pants so, yeah, I fucking washed them for you and put you in a clean change of clothes, you’re welcome, by the way. Sorry, I didn’t have anything that wasn’t mine, considering we’re in my fucking apartment, and again, I’ve seen it all before, it’s nothing new. Jesus fuck, Laura, you need to calm down, nothing happened between us, get your head out of your ass. Do you think I would actually do something like that? You got drunk, you threw up, you fell asleep, end of story. We can pretend this never fucking happened if you need to. Just know that last night, you came to me, you wanted to talk to me. I was hell bent on avoiding you for the rest of eternity, but you dragged me to the middle of the fucking backyard to have “the talk”. Which didn’t happen, by the way, because you had to piss and then you fucking passed out on the toilet and I was going to find one of your friends to take you home, but you fucking insisted on me being the one to walk you home and I can’t say no to you, Goddammit, Laura.”

Carmilla was fuming and she couldn’t hold back what she needed to say a long time ago.

“I don’t remem-”

“I was scared, okay? That night, I told my mother I was seeing someone, I told her it was a girl from school. She hadn’t had anything to drink so I thought it would be okay. I thought things would be normal, like before. I thought we could get along and I could ask her for advice. Clearly, I was very wrong. She put two and two together and when she found out it was you, she threatened to revoke your scholarship and I knew that that would ruin everything you worked so hard for that summer and in high school. She told me to stop seeing you and that I was just some foolish teenager and when I said I couldn’t, things got ugly.”

Carmilla couldn’t see straight, her head was swimming with everything she endured and everything she put Laura through in the past three years and it made her sick to her stomach.

“That night when I left your house, she called 16 times and left four voicemails within, maybe four hours. I knew it wasn’t going to be a happy reunion when I got home that morning, but I went back anyway. She was waiting up for me in the study with a glass of wine and there were suitcases by the stairs when I walked through the front door. I was beyond scared. She was too calm, she didn’t yell at me, or even try to hit me. When she saw me she simply stood up, took a sip of her wine and told me that the bags were mine and she handed me my passport and an address and she told me my flight left at nine, for Paris. She said that if I didn’t go she would make sure you would never step foot on the grounds of this school as long as she was Dean. What the hell was I supposed to do, Laura?”

The look on Laura’s face and the tears that were falling down her cheeks made Carmilla’s heart drop to the floor, but she had to keep going. She needed to say what she had been practicing in her head since she left and she needed to get it all out now or she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to start again. She wraps her arms around herself and looks down at the floor.

“She shut my phone off shortly after that. I tried to call you and I tried to write, from Paris, but she monitored every fucking thing I did. She wasn’t even in Paris with me and she still managed to control my life. She had me in classes for most of the day, Monday through Friday. I had music lessons in the mornings, French, Latin, German tutors in the afternoons, and in the evenings after the boxing and bullshit yoga classes my doctor suggested I take because of my anger issues, I was so exhausted I couldn’t see straight. On Saturdays she made me take dance lessons and on Sundays I spent my mornings with a therapist that she highly recommended and my evenings were spent with Mattie because she was supposed to report back to mother on my progress. It was three years of Hell, Laura.”

Carmilla’s cheeks are wet with her own tears now and she takes a deep breath before she continues, risking a look at Laura.

“I drowned everything that was you in bottles of expensive wine and whiskey and girls whose names I don’t remember. She only let me transfer here because I convinced her I was over you and I believed that I was for a long time, but Laura, I’m not. I’m not over you at all. If you still need some time, I understand that. Take as much time as you need, but I need you. I am so sorry, Laura. I am so, so sorry.”

Laura’s fists are wrapped so tightly around Carmilla’s blanket that her knuckles are white. She’s shaking and her mouth is hanging open as if she wants to say something, but no words come out. Her story makes sense, it does, but Laura doesn’t understand why Carmilla’s mother has such a problem with her or why Carmilla went back to her house after her mother did that to her.

“Laura, say something.”

Carmilla whispers, taking a step towards her bed.

“Laura, breathe.”

Laura let’s out a sob and the shaking in her hands gets worse, her breathing becoming more ragged and uneven with every attempted breath.

“ I...Hated...You...I-”

Laura cries.

“Laura, it’s okay.”

“It’s not...I blamed you...for...everything.”

Laura lets out another sob. Carmilla’s words echo through her head on a loop. I am so, so sorry. I am so, so sorry. I need you. I am so, so sorry. She can’t breathe.

“Laura.”

Laura hears Carmilla’s voice, but it sounds a million miles away. She can see her figure and she can see her mouth moving, but everything’s fuzzy and Laura’s heart is beating too hard and she can’t get air to her lungs fast enough. Suddenly there’s a dip in the bed beside her and a warm touch on her leg and on her cheek that sparks every nerve in her body to light. She can feel soft lips pressing to hers and she feels like she’s floating except she can feel the blanket still in her, now relaxed, fists and she can feel the bed underneath her and her heart is still beating a mile a minute, but it’s the good kind of heartbeat that she wishes she could feel all the time. There’s no longer soft lips pressed against hers, but she can breathe normally again and her head is clear and there’s no pain in her chest at being this close to Carmilla. Her eyes are closed and their foreheads are pressed together and nothing hurts anymore, not like it used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is:
> 
> http://no-pantsparty.tumblr.com/


	5. régénérer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're gross and then Will comes in and Carmilla asks for Laura's help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fast forward to the following weekend.
> 
> Warning: Nothing really, but you know the drill

_Being in Carmilla’s arms feels familiar, it feels warm and natural, I could stay wrapped up in her for the rest of eternity and I’d never get sick of it. Even after three years, her arms feel like home. That’s what scares me, though. Without her I fell apart, I morphed into someone I no longer recognize. I don’t think I can go through that again and make it out okay. What if she leaves again, this time on her own terms? What if she sees how fucked up I am and decides this isn’t what she wanted to come back to? I wouldn’t blame her, honestly, she’s probably expecting me to still be the tiny innocent girl that was naive and selfish in high school. What if what she sees scares the hell out of her and she decides I’m too much? I was too much for Noah and my dad, I can’t lose Carmilla too. What if I just-_

“Laura.”

Carmilla pauses the movie playing in the DVD player, placing the remote on the coffee table and positioning herself and Laura so that she can see Laura’s face.

“We just watched your favorite part of this movie and you didn’t so much as twitch.”

Laura hums in response, but continues to keep her attention directed towards the TV. Carmilla furrows her eyebrows and waves a hand in front of Laura’s face. Nothing. She tries again. Still nothing. Carmilla smirks and considers making a crude comment that would surely get Laura’s attention, but catches sight of Laura’s hands and the smirk across her lips is quickly replaced by a frown. Carmilla gently tucks a strand of hair behind Laura’s ear and places a hand over Laura’s. Laura looks up at Carmilla and smiles, but there’s no happiness in it. Carmilla can’t read the look in her eyes, but it scares her.

“What’s wrong?”

Carmilla squeezes Laura’s hand. Laura looks from Carmilla to the TV, shoving her hands underneath her legs, breaking contact with Carmilla’s hand.

“Why’d you pause the movie?”

Carmilla lets out a short, humorless laugh.

“Laura, you weren’t even watching it…”

Laura squeezes her thigh and her jaw clenches.

“Yeah, I…”

Laura sighs.

“Sorry, I spaced out.”

Carmilla arches an eyebrow. Laura looks down at her lap.

“What’s going on with you?”

Carmilla’s tone is soft and gentle, but full of concern.

“Nothing.”

Laura shakes her head and lays her head back onto Carmilla’s shoulder.

“Laur, your hands are shaking and your heart is beating like a fucking racehorse.”

Laura clears her throat and squeezes her thigh tighter.

“I’m fine.”

Carmilla wraps her arms around Laura’s shoulders and buries her face in Laura’s hair, kissing her head. Laura closes her eyes.

“You’re not ready to talk about it, that’s fine, I can wait, but I’m here when you are ready. Laura, I’m not going anywhere-”

“Stop. Please, stop.”

Laura turns over so she’s facing Carmilla and hugs her waist before burying her face in Carmilla’s chest.

“Laur-”

Carmilla’s face is full of worry.

“Don’t promise me that, just-”

“Laura, I-”

“No, let’s just lay here. I don’t want to think.”

Carmilla nods her head, but the signals going off in her brain can’t be ignored.

“Laura, look at me.”

Carmilla stares at the top of Laura’s head on her chest. Laura doesn’t move.

“Play with my hair.”

Laura mumbles into Carmilla’s chest, closing her eyes and guiding Carmilla’s hand to her head. Carmilla doesn’t object, but her thoughts are running rapid. She gently runs her fingers through Laura’s hair and, after a few minutes, relaxes and she can feel Laura’s heartbeat steady with her own. Carmilla lays her head back against the arm of the couch and closes her eyes, rubbing circles into Laura’s back with one hand and the other wrapped around a piece of Laura’s hair.

“I missed this.”

Laura whispers. Carmilla nods her head.

“Me too, cupcake.”

Carmilla leans forward to kiss the top of Laura’s head, but feels Laura shift in her arms and is met with a pair of soft lips, instead, and for a moment is overwhelmed by the thought that she’s waited three years to be able to do this again and it’s never going to get old. Carmilla moves her hand to Laura’s jaw without ever opening her eyes. Laura sighs into Carmilla’s mouth, letting her hand rest on Carmilla’s hip.

“I missed this, too.”

Laura whispers, breaking the kiss for just a second before leaning back in and kissing Carmilla’s cheek.

“And this.”

Then Carmilla’s forehead.

“This.”

Then Carmilla’s nose.

“This.”

Carmilla laughs and grabs Laura’s chin before pressing a soft kiss to her lips and bringing her hand up to the back of Laura’s head, tangling her fingers in her hair, holding Laura there.

“I missed you.”

Carmilla leans back against the arm of the couch, watching Laura’s face for any sign of what was there earlier, instead she found something else in her eyes and before she could determine what it was, Laura’s lips were back on hers and all previous thoughts vanished. Carmilla’s breath hitches in her throat at the eagerness in Laura’s tongue on her bottom lip, but as quickly as it happened, it ended at the sound of a key being turned in the lock. Suddenly, Laura is on her feet and Will is standing in the doorway, an amused look on his face. Laura’s face is on fire and her reddened lips, slightly parted, her hair no longer neatly tucked behind her ear. Carmilla lies on the couch, her legs left at awkward angles, where Laura had just been lying seconds ago, her neck hot and her breathing uneven. She glares at Will. Will smirks and throws his hands up in defense.

“I just came by to grab a change of clothes, but, please, feel free to continue whatever it was you were doing on my bed.”

Carmilla’s jaw tenses, Laura crosses her arms across her chest and looks down at the floor.

“Out.”

Carmilla demands through gritted teeth. Will continues further into the apartment, a smirk still plastered across his face.

“You don’t scare me, Carm-”

“Now, Will!”

Carmilla says, louder this time. She gives Will not even ten seconds before she’s off the couch and shoving Will out the door to their apartment and slamming the door behind him. She rests her forehead against the doorframe, her back to Laura who is still frozen in place beside the couch.

“I have a key, you know.”

Will announces from the other side of the door.

“Ten minutes, Fucker.”

Carmilla tells him before turning back around to Laura, her back against the frame in place of her forehead.

“Sorry, he’s not usually here on the weekends.”

 “You live with him?”

 Carmilla nods, slowly.

 “When he’s not at the Zeta house. He helps with rent.”

 Carmilla shrugs and starts to make her way back toward Laura, stepping around the couch.

 “What are you doing tonight?”

 Carmilla grabs Laura’s hands in hers and brings them up to her lips before pressing a soft kiss to the back of each hand, waiting for Laura’s response. Laura’s head buzzes at the touch.

 “I have a feeling you’re about to tell me.”

 Laura smiles.

 “Want to help me with something? There’ll be food.”

 Carmilla smirks.

 “Free food, how could I refuse?”

 Carmilla playfully shoves Laura in the shoulder and leads her to the kitchen table by her wrist, where Carmilla grabs a piece of paper and pen and scribbles down an address in her chicken scratch she calls writing.

 “Meet me here at 6.”

 Laura cocks an eyebrow, but takes the paper anyway.

 “If you were planning on murdering me, why-”

 Carmilla rolls her eyes.

 “6 o’clock, don’t be late.”

 Carmilla presses a kiss to Laura’s lips before letting her hand fall to her side and calling out to Will.

 “You can come in, Cockblock.”

 Will pushes the door open, his hand covering his eyes.

 “Everyone has their clothes on, right?”

“No, we just fucked on the kitchen table.”

 Laura’s eyes grow wide and Carmilla chuckles, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms across her chest. Will cautiously spreads his fingers apart over his eyes before completely removing them.

 “Nice visual, but I really did just come for a change of clothes.”

 Laura returns her attention to Carmilla.

 “I should actually get going, anyway.”

 Carmilla furrows her eyebrows.

 “You don’t have to, he’ll be gone in a second, it’s-”

 “No, no, it’s not him, I actually have to go...into work for a couple hours. See you at six?”

 Laura presses a quick kiss to the corner of Carmilla’s mouth before grabbing her jacket from the kitchen chair and heading out the door, leaving a confused look plastered to Carmilla’s face which is quickly replaced by a glare directed towards Will.

 “Nice job, Shit head.”

 Carmilla mumbles, scowling at Will, he throws his hands up, again, in defense and hoists his bag over his shoulder before making his way out the door, closing it behind him. Carmilla sighs and heads back over the the couch, throwing herself down onto the cushions and closing her eyes. It’s not long before she drifts off to sleep, her lips still tingling from Laura’s touch.

* * *

 Carmilla wakes up a couple hours later to her phone buzzing on the coffee table, a picture of Laura lighting up the screen. For a split second, panic fills her chest at the thought that she was late and slept past six, but the clock display on her screen only read 4:26. She sighs a sigh of relief and visibly relaxes before picking up her phone and answering the call.

 “Hey, cutie.”

 Carmilla’s voice is laced with sleep and the grogginess in her tone gives her away.

 “You put- Were you sleeping?”

 Carmilla smirks, knowing what Laura was going to say.

 “Yes, I still have an hour and a half, and yes, I put my number in your phone.”

Carmilla can hear Laura’s mouth fall open and quickly clamp shut on the other end of the line, causing a smile to spread across her lips.

 “How did you...nevermind I don’t want to know. I had a question.”

 Carmilla’s smile grows wider as she stretches her legs out on the couch.

 “Cupcake, your password for everything is ‘donuts’, it wasn’t that hard, but ask away.”

 Carmilla can practically see the surprise horror on Laura’s face through the phone.

 “How did you remember? It’s fingerprint-”

 Carmilla rolls her eyes.

 “Your backup password is ‘donuts’. Now, your question?”

 Carmilla sits up on the couch, running a hand through her hair.

 “Whatever. Is this a date?”

 Laura asks quickly. Carmilla’s hand freezes, tangled in her hair.

 “A what? No, I mean, unless you want it to be a date, then I guess it could be?”

 Carmilla spits out, surprised at Laura’s question.

 “I’m wearing sweats.”

 Carmilla laughs.

 “So, is it a date?”

 “I haven’t decided yet.”

 Laura mocks, Carmilla shakes her head.

 “Alrighty, then. See you at six.”

 “Don’t be late.”

* * *

Carmilla arrives at the address she gave Laura earlier that afternoon, at exactly six o’clock. Laura is patiently waiting at the front door, not in a pair of sweats, but instead in a black dress that ended just above her knees.

 “That’s not sweats.”

 Carmilla points out as she removes her helmet and grabs the take out she picked up on the way, trying not to stare. Carmilla combs through her keys, looking for the right one, while she makes her way towards Laura and the front door. Laura shrugs.

 “I decided it was a date.”

 Carmilla smirks, concentrating on the keys in her hand.

 “Shit, you should’ve let me know, I would’ve changed into something a little more date-worthy.”

 “You’re lucky, I like you in plaid and leather.”

 Carmilla smirks, again, and nods towards Laura’s choice of apparel for their apparent date.

 “You rode your bike here in that? Aren’t you cold?”

 “Freezing actually, so, can we get this-” Laura gestures towards Carmilla and the lock, “-going?”

 Carmilla shakes her head, but gets the key in the lock and pushes the door open with her shoulder, gesturing for Laura to go in ahead of her.

 “Ladies first.”

 Laura smiles and walks ahead of Carmilla into the dark room, standing awkwardly off to the side while Carmilla closes the door behind them and searches the wall for the light switches.

 “What does that make you?”

 “The other lady.”

 Carmilla smirks, flicking on the lights, resulting in a gasp escaping from Laura’s lips and a small laugh from Carmilla. She gestures to the room.

 “You can take a look around, if you want. We’re actually going to be upstairs, but I can give you a quick tour.”

 “Is this yours?”

 “Some of it, yeah, I help out here when I can and in exchange the owner puts my shit up. Not a bad gig.”

 “I didn’t know you were into this sort of thing.”

 Carmilla chuckles.

 “This sort of thing? As in art?”

 Laura waves her hand at Carmilla, dismissively, and walks through the maze of art in which she is amazed by.

 “Yeah, that. Where’s your stuff?”

 Carmilla shakes her head and smiles, grabbing Laura’s hand and heading towards the small space in the back of the building where her many projects are displayed. The realization that Laura is about to witness everything she’s been through in the past three years, in the form of her artwork, gets her heart beating at record speed. Her palms start to sweat, but Laura doesn’t seem to notice, she’s transfixed by the paintings and drawings on the walls.

“All of this is yours?”

Laura whispers, letting go of Carmilla’s hand to walk around the tiny space, eyeing every piece.

“Yup.”

Carmilla leans against the opening to the room and crosses her arms across her chest, watching Laura. She watches her facial expressions, her body language, the way she runs her fingers across the canvases on the wall, stopping at Carmilla’s signature on the bottom of the artwork.

“Carm, these are amazing.”

Laura whispers, stopping at a piece that Carmilla was particularly nervous for Laura to see.

“That one's my favorite.”

Carmilla pushes herself off the wall with her shoulder and walks up behind Laura, leaving the take out in her place along the wall, shoving her hands in her pockets, nervously waiting for Laura’s reaction.

“That’s me.”

Carmilla quietly nods her head.

 “If you look close enough, a lot of them have to do with you, but only you or I would know that.”

Laura clears her throat, pulling her eyes away from the portrait of herself and moving to the next one, her eyebrows pulling together.

“This one looks so sad. Who is it?”

Carmilla rubs the back of her head, not really wanting to give away too many details about that one, but she quickly decides the truth would probably be best for both her and Laura, especially after what they just went through.

“That’s Ell.”

Carmilla watches Laura nod her head.

“She’s beautiful.”

Laura breathes.

“She was.”

Laura quickly turns around at Carmilla’s use of past tense.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

Carmilla laughs.

“She’s not dead, Laura, I just haven’t seen her since my mother-yeah. Anyway, should we head upstairs? Or did you want to keep looking at yourself and my other past lovers?”

Carmilla winks and Laura pushes Carmilla’s shoulder, sending her back a couple steps.

“It’s not my fault I’m your muse.”

Laura laughs.

“So, you don’t mind?”

Carmilla asks nervously.

“Not at all, I mean, they’re not very happy pieces, but they’re all gorgeous! How did you even do all these, I can barely draw a stick figure.”

Carmilla laughs.

“Lot’s of practice and these-” Carmilla wiggles her fingers at Laura, ”- and for the record, I like your stick figures.”

“No need to suck up, you already brought food and showing me this was just a bonus, lot’s of brownie points for you.”

Carmilla shoots her fist in the air in mock victory.

“Score!”

Laura laughs and walks over to Carmilla, grabbing her hands and reaching up on her tiptoes to kiss Carmilla’s cheek.

“Really, though, you’re an amazing artist. How come I never knew you were this talented?”

Carmilla could feel the heat creeping up the back of her neck from Laura’s hands still holding hers and the slight tingling sensation her lips left on her cheek.

“Honestly, I didn’t know how to express myself in this way until a couple years ago, when my therapist recommended it and practically threw a paintbrush at me, along with boxing, and a few other methods.”

Laura just nods her head and decides to drop the subject, she knows Carmilla isn’t too fond of reminiscing in the past and this is a date, after all.

“What kind of food did you bring?”

Laura asks quickly, walking over to the plastic bag on the floor where Carmilla had left it, dragging Carmilla behind her by their intertwined fingers. Carmilla smirks at Laura’s eagerness.

“I knew you liked food, but I didn’t think you’d be this excited.”

Laura playfully smacks Carmilla in the arm with her free hand.

“Shut up, I’m starving.”

Carmilla laughs and picks the bag up off the floor, leading Laura through the doorframe and back out into the studio, heading for the stairs.

“It’s Chinese, best Chinese takeout you’ll ever eat, might I add.”

At the bottom of the stairs, Carmilla stops suddenly, causing Laura to run into the back of her.

“What are we doing?”

Laura whispers in Carmilla’s ear, Carmilla shivers at Laura’s warm breath against her skin.

“Shit...um...can you just wait here for two seconds? I forgot I have to take care of something real quick.”

Carmilla switches on the light for the upstairs and runs up the stairs, two at a time, leaving Laura at the bottom with a confused look stuck on her face.

“Two seconds!”

Carmilla yells down to Laura, running around the loft area like a chicken with her head cut off.

“One mississippi…”

Laura calls up to her, smirking. Carmilla laughs.

“Laura, stop!”

“It’s been like six seconds!”

“Great, then you can wait six more!”

“Nope, I’m coming up!”

Carmilla runs to the stairs, her hands out in front of her, ready to stop Laura from walking any further.

 “Okay, two minutes.”

“Nope, now.”

“Laura.”

Carmilla gives Laura a stern look.

“Carm, I’ve seen your fluffy side, you’re not scary.”

Carmilla huffs, Laura pushes past her to step into the space, her mouth dropping open. The space is filled with blank canvases leaning haphazardly against one wall, there are tubes of paint scattered all over the floor, brushes thrown in every direction. There’s a large easel with a half finished piece on it and a drafting table littered with papers and drawing materials at one end of the loft next to a sink splattered in paint. In the middle lies a large piece of paper with random splatters of different colored paint on it, surrounded with small cans of green, red, yellow, blue, and purple paint.

“Wow, this place is a mess. How do you even-”

“Yeah, well you should see the storage room-”

Carmilla mumbles, under her breath.

“Although, I’m not really surprised, your apartment is just as bad.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest.

 “It is not!”

“Will cleans it, doesn’t he.”

“When he’s there, yes…”

Laura shakes her head, walking over to a lopsided mound of hard clay in the corner, half covered by a white sheet, a small laugh escaping her lips.

“This is interesting.”

Carmilla’s eyes widen, rushing over to where Laura is removing the sheet to get a better look at the sculpture.

“That’s actually-”

“Oh…”

Laura looks back at Carmilla, surprise written all over her face.

“You weren’t supposed to see that.”

Carmilla remarks, sheepishly. Laura starts laughing, hysterically.

“Is that me?”

Carmilla nods her head once.

“I see a lot of anger in this one.”

Laura laughs, running her fingers across the large indent in the hardened clay.

“Did you...punch it?”

Laura manages to get out between bits of laughter.

“It wasn’t going the way I planned-”

“That’s one way to fix it.”

Laura says sarcastically, still laughing. Carmilla looks to the ground.

“The owner thought it was creative, she wanted to display it. Wait, you’re not mad I punched a bust of you?”

“To be honest, I kind of wish I had a bust of you to punch when I needed it…”

Carmilla nods her head, Laura covers the deformed bust back up with the sheet.

“Fair enough.”

Laura turns on her heels and heads over to the piece of paper sprawled out on the floor.

“What’s this?”

“That’s what I need to finish.”

Laura crinkles her nose and turns to Carmilla.

“But, what is it?”

“Me.”

“It’s just a bunch of paint splatters…”

Carmilla laughs.

“I dropped a couple open cans on it and I figured I could turn it into something.”

Laura smirks.

“You said you wanted my help, right?”

Laura bends down and removes her shoes, tossing them off to the edge of the paper and grabbing the blue can of paint, prying it open with a screwdriver that was lying on the ground next to it. Carmilla cocks her head and raises an eyebrow as she watches Laura. Laura pours the blue paint into a paint tray and dips her bare feet in it before walking across the entire length of the paper, leaving small blue footprints on the white background. Carmilla shakes her head and laughs. She bends down and unlaces her boots before pulling them off, along with her socks, before throwing them next to Laura’s shoes and begins to work at the buttons of her pants. She gets them halfway down her legs before Laura turns around. Carmilla glances up and smirks. Laura’s face is bright red.

“W-what are you doing?”

Laura squeaks.

“I’m not getting these full of paint.”

Carmilla finishes removing her pants and throws them on top of her boots, before sliding her jacket off and rolling the sleeves up on her black and red flannel.

“Relax, cutie, I’m not taking anymore clothes off...unless you want me to, of course.”

Carmilla winks and Laura rolls her eyes before biting her bottom lip, an evil grin flashing across her face. Carmilla’s smirk quickly fades when Laura reaches her hand into the can of blue paint.

“What are you doing?”

Laura’s smile grows wider. Carmilla starts to back up, but Laura leaps forward and runs her blue hand down Carmilla’s face, leaving a blue streak down the middle of her face, over her nose and eyes and part of her mouth. Laura’s body is shaking with laughter.

“That’s how this is going to go then.”

Carmilla growls, but she’s smiling. She bends over and picks up the can of purple paint, prying the lid off with the screwdriver and dipping her hand inside, before cocking her arm back.

“Wait! Wait! My dress!”

Laura laughs, putting her hands up in defense. Carmilla smirks.

“Either take it off or never wear it again, princess. One…”

Laura’s face drops when Carmilla starts counting.

“You wouldn’t.”

Carmilla takes a step closer to Laura.

“Two…”

Laura takes a step back. Carmilla bites her lip in concentration and cocks her arm further.

“Three-”

“Okay! Okay! I’m taking it off.”

Carmilla smirks and lowers her hand, patiently waiting for Laura to remove her dress. Laura places the can of paint on the paper and carefully maneuvers her dress over her head with her hand that isn’t covered in blue paint and tosses is to the growing pile of clothes and shoes. Before she has a chance to pick up her can of paint again, she feels a cool, thick liquid splatter her in the chest and drip down her stomach. Her mouth falls open in disbelief.

“Now, we’re even.”

Laura shakes her head, picking up her can of paint.

“Not even close.”

* * *

After successfully managing to cover practically every exposed inch of each other's skin, as well as part of the floor and ceiling, in multiple colors of paint, Laura and Carmilla finally settle down enough to clean themselves off a bit and relax on the floor with their, now cold, dinner. Carmilla tries to run a hand through her hair, but quickly gives up when her fingers get stuck and decides it’d probably just be best to throw it up in a bun, which she does with ease, pulling a hair tie from her wrist and wrapping it around her hair.

“Okay, I swear it’s the best Chinese takeout you’ll ever eat warm, so you can’t blame me if it’s bad.”

Carmilla defends herself, placing a piece of meat into her mouth with a pair of chopsticks while Laura aggressively concentrates on trying to hold her pair of chopsticks correctly, but miserably fails and ends up stabbing her piece of chicken with one end of the wooden stick. Carmilla laughs.

“You’ve never used chopsticks before?”

Laura looks up sheepishly.

“That obvious, huh.”

Carmilla puts on the most serious face she can muster.

“Not at all, you’re practically a professional over there.”

Laura sticks her tongue out at Carmilla.

“Shut up.”

Laura nudges Carmilla with her foot and continues to use her method of stabbing each piece of chicken to get it to her mouth without it falling back into the takeout container.

“I did get forks, you know.”

“Now you tell me.”

Carmilla laughs placing her box in front of her and rummaging through the bag for the forks. She pulls one out and throws it at Laura, hitting her in the stomach.

“No, I don’t even want it, now. I’m determined to conquer these chopsticks.”

“By stabbing the innocent sweet and sour chicken? How are you going to eat the rice? You can’t stab rice.”

Carmilla laughs.

“Watch me.”

Laura proceeds to stab one of her chopsticks into the rice in the container sat between her and Carmilla. Carmilla watches her, an amused grin on her face.

“How’s that workin’ out for ya?”

Instead of answering, Laura picks up the container and uses her chopstick to shovel rice into her mouth.

“Great, actually.”

She mumbles around the food. Carmilla just shakes her head and laughs, placing another piece of chicken between her teeth. She watches Laura intently, realizing she missed this. She missed messing around with her, making her laugh, watching her get frustrated at the smallest things, her voice, her smile, the light in her eyes when she’s excited, the way her face turns a bright red when she’s embarrassed.

“Carm, you’re staring…”

Laura whispers. Carmilla places her takeout box and chopsticks on the floor next to her, without taking her eyes off of Laura. She glances down to Laura’s lips, which are slightly parted, before she leans forward, placing her hands on either side of Laura’s waist. Laura’s breath hitches in her throat and her heart skips a beat. Carmilla being this close can’t be good for her health, but she’s automatically drawn toward her and can’t help herself when she closes the distance between them and presses her lips to Carmilla’s, closing her eyes and placing the rice container off to the side. Carmilla deepens the kiss by tangling her fingers in Laura’s paint hardened hair, holding her in place as she gently lowers Laura so that she’s lying on her back. Carmilla removes her hand from the back of Laura’s neck, breaking the kiss to place a hand on Laura’s knee, pushing her legs apart and positioning herself so that she’s straddling Laura’s waist. She looks down at Laura, her hair sprawled out around her head, her cheeks slightly pink and her body almost completely bare, slightly covered in excess paint that she couldn’t quite get off with just a washcloth, she’s beautiful. Laura reaches up and tugs on the collar of Carmilla’s flannel, bringing her to her lips. Laura blindly fumbles with the buttons of Carmilla’s shirt before sliding the flannel down her shoulders, Carmilla sliding it off the rest of the way and tossing it into the pile of clothes a few feet away, never breaking the kiss.

“Wait, Carm, this probably isn’t a good idea.”

Laura questions, breathless, placing her hand on Carmilla’s chest to stop her from going any further.

“Probably not, Princess, but I’m surprised we lasted this long. I’ll stop if you want.” Carmilla sits up, resting her hand on Laura’s hip, trying to hide the disappointment on her voice. “Do you want me to stop?”

Laura shakes her head. Carmilla smirks, looping her finger through the side of Laura’s underwear, pulling them down her thighs and dipping her head down to kiss Laura’s stomach then leaving a trail of kisses to her neck, stopping to place a soft kiss to her left breast along the way.

“You’d tell me if you wanted me to stop, right?”

Carmilla whispers into Laura’s ear, grazing her teeth against her earlobe causing Laura to shiver and goosebumps to rise on her skin. Carmilla’s smirk grows wider as she hears Laura’s breathing falter and her pulse pick up. Carmilla dips back down to Laura’s stomach leaving kisses in a path to her hip then her thigh, pushing Laura’s underwear down further, re-exploring this familiar path. Laura squirms under Carmilla, the anticipation killing her. Carmilla reaches up and grabs Laura’s hand, intertwining their fingers before she leaves soft, teasing kisses on Laura’s inner thigh. Laura grips the back of Carmilla’s head with her free hand, pushing her where she’s craving Carmilla’s touch. Carmilla looks up at Laura, her pupils are dilated and her breathing is ragged. Carmilla smiles.

“You sure?”

Laura tightens her grip on Carmilla’s hair and pushes her head back down, resulting in a low moan from Carmilla’s throat.

“Carm…”

Laura whines. Carmilla rubs her thumb over Laura’s where their hands are tangled together at Laura’s side and she smirks, following Laura’s silent pleas and dips her head in between Laura’s legs where they both get lost.

* * *

 Carmilla groans awake, the bright afternoon sun creeping in through the windows and hitting the back of her eyelids. She tries to stretch her arms and legs, but quickly finds that she can’t move. She opens one eye slowly and smiles. Laura is wrapped around her, one of her arms pinned to her side, her legs wrapped up in Laura’s and Laura’s head on her chest.

“Laura.”

Carmilla whispers, brushing Laura’s hair back, out of her face, with her free hand.

“Laura, we fell asleep on the floor.”

Carmilla laughs. Laura’s forehead crinkles and she groans, but she doesn’t open her eyes, instead she tightens her grip around Carmilla’s torso and nuzzles her face into Carmilla’s chest. Carmilla smiles.

“Come on, we have to get out before the owner comes in, granted she never comes up here, but-”

“Sh.”

Laura raises a finger to Carmilla’s lips.

“I don’t want to move either, but I’m pretty sure my back is bruised and-”

Carmilla mumbles under Laura’s finger. Laura whips her head up, searching the room for something, removing her finger from Carmilla’s lips and pushing herself off of Carmilla.

“Woah there, where’s the fire?”

Carmilla mocks.

“What time is it!”

Laura stands up and walks over to the pile of clothes. Carmilla leans on one elbow, watching Laura frantically rummage through their clothes.

“You got plans?”

“Actually, yes, I have to be somewhere-”

She stops when she finds her phone and turns on the screen.

“Shit.”

Carmilla sits up and stretches, watching Laura throw her dress over her head and sliding her shoe on, first on the wrong foot. Carmilla leans over and picks up Laura’s underwear that somehow made it to the other side of the paper they had just been lying on.

“Forgetting something?”

Carmilla smirks, dangling the underwear on one finger in front of her. Laura looks up from putting her other shoe on and narrows her eyes. She snatches the fabric from Carmilla’s grasp and quickly slides them back on.

“I’m really sorry, I’ll call you.”

Laura yells while racing down the stairs and out the front door. Carmilla is left on the floor, confused and in shock.

“Okay, then…”

She shakes her head and grabs her flannel, buttoning the buttons up to her neck and sliding her underwear back on that had been tossed into the pile. She slips into her pants and leather jacket and pulls her socks on before slipping her feet into her boots and lacing them up. She fixes her bun in the broken mirror on the wall above the filthy sink and glances at the artwork the two of them had created on the floor, grinning like an idiot and shaking her head. She cleans up the leftover takeout and rolls the paper up, placing it against the wall next to the easel before grabbing her keys and bike helmet from the floor and making sure she has her phone. She shuts the lights off on her way down the stairs and locks the door behind her, her face warming in the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is:
> 
> http://no-pantsparty.tumblr.com/


	6. rebâtir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla's stubborn and we get a glimpse of mother dearest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Carmilla's mom is a bitch

It was the following thursday after their steamy escapade in Carmilla’s studio and Carmilla still hadn’t heard from Laura. Carmilla was lying in her bed, staring up at the ceiling, her phone resting on her chest, the sound of Will clanking pots and pans in the kitchen filling her ears.

“Call her, you idiot.”

Will coaxes, glancing back at Carmilla. She’s been in their apartment for three days walking back and forth between the couch, when Will isn’t there, and her bed, when he is. Carmilla’s finger shoots up, flipping Will off.

“No.”

Will shakes his head, carrying a plate piled high with god knows what concoction he threw together.

“Why the fuck are you so stub-”

Carmilla throws a pillow, hitting Will in the face, cutting off his insult before her phone begins to vibrate. She runs her finger along the bottom of the screen without looking to see who it is.

“Took you long enough, was I really that bad that it took you nearly a week to-”

“Mircalla.”

Carmilla’s stomach drops at the sound of her mother’s voice, her eyes go wide and the color drains from her cheeks. She glances at Will on the couch, he’s watching her with a confused look on his face, his fork dangling from his mouth.

“M-mother, I didn’t...I thought you were-”

“Enough with the stuttering, dear, I taught you better than that.”

Carmilla subconsciously straightens her back, sitting up straight, her head bowing in shame.

“I’m sorry.”

“Right. Now, we have something to discuss and I’d prefer it be in person. Would you meet me for dinner, say, tonight? Promptly at half past four, this evening? I will have a car there for you and William at exactly four o’clock. Wear something appropriate.”

“Will-?”

Her mother hangs up the phone before she can ask the obvious question. What would she need to speak to her and Will for?

“What was that all about? You look like shit; More than you normally do.”

“Get dressed, you might want to shower, too. Wear something appropriate.”

Carmilla mocks her mother's tone on the last word, ignoring Will’s comment. She turns toward her makeshift closet and rummages through the clothes in a pile on the floor next to the dirty laundry hamper.

“Where we going?”

“Dinner. At my mother’s house. You wouldn’t happen to own anything resembling a dress, would you?”

Will brings his hand to his mouth and gasps in mock surprise.

“Did I just hear you say the D word?”

Carmilla just rolls her eyes and wanders over to the closet where the washer and dryer are, pulling out an unlabeled box. She carries the box to her bed and empties the contents, dropping the box on the floor before spreading out the clothing and looking it over carefully. This was only one box of many filled with clothes her mother had purchased for her that she never wore and never had any intention of wearing before today. She groans, snatching up a dark blazer and a white blouse, her mother would have to tolerate that, it’s just dinner. Carmilla’s heart starts to pick up again at her mother’s words. We have something to discuss and I’d prefer it be in person. She shakes her head, trying to remove her mother’s voice from her thoughts.

_Does she know about Laura? Does she know about the artwork? Did she find out about the fights? What would she want with Will though? They’re just friends. She knows that. There’s no way she could have found out about Laura already. Maybe that’s why she hasn’t called back. Maybe mother found out and got rid of her like she said she would. No. This has to be something else…_

“If you’re going to throw up can you at least go to the bathroom.”

Will snaps her from her thoughts. She glances up from her bed where she had been staring at the heap of clothes for who knows how long, the blazer and blouse scrunched between her fists, now a wrinkled mess. She looks over at Will and glares.

“Fuck.”

She whispers, walking to the dryer and throwing the clothes in, changing the setting to ‘Wrinkle Release’ before pressing the ‘Start’ button and grabbing a towel from the basket on the washer, her hands shaking. She needed to calm down.

* * *

Carmilla’s hands still hadn’t stopped shaking when the car arrived in front of her apartment at exactly four, just like her mother had said. She made Will stand outside with her 15 minutes before, just in case the car got there early. She didn't want to keep her mother waiting. The entire drive to her mother’s house, her knee uncontrollably bounced up and down and her stomach twisted in knots. She clenched and unclenched her fists together in her lap, every once in awhile, shaking them out to get the blood flowing again.

“Carmilla, I swear to God if you do not quit bouncing your leg and relax, I will cut it off.”

Carmilla looks over at Will in the seat next to her.

“Shut. Up.”

“Seriously, relax, you wreak of anxiety, I’m surprised you haven’t sweated through your shirt-”

“Will, shut. The fuck. Up.”

The second they pull up in front of the massive house, Carmilla’s knee stills and her eyes go wide. The last time she was here was the day her mother sent her away, the day she was forced to leave Laura. She tries to push the memories flooding back to the back of her head, when she feels a soft squeeze on her leg. She looks down to find Will’s hand on her knee. She looks up and finds him watching her, his eyebrows pulled together.

“You’re fine.”

Carmilla just nods her head. She hasn’t seen her mother, in person, in three years. Her mother always called or sent Mattie to get a hold of her. The driver was holding the door open and Will had already stepped out of the car, waiting for Carmilla before he ventured up the steps to the front door. It was 4:28, she still had two minutes until she absolutely needed to get out of the car. She clenched and unclenched her fists one last time before rearing her elbow back and hitting the headrest of the seat in front of her as hard as she could.

“Feel any better?”

Will was crouched down outside the door, one hand on the top of the car, the other on the seat where he had been sitting.

“No.”

“Normally, I would suggest breathing, but I’m afraid you’d punch me next and we have to go. Your mom probably doesn’t want me unconscious in her driveway, anyway.”

Will checks his watch, looking at the time. Carmilla rolls her eyes, but smirks at the thought of her mother’s face when she opened the door to see Will passed out in front of her beautiful, picture perfect home and blood staining the driveway from his nose. She scoots out of the car and takes a deep breath before she starts her walk up the footpath and up the steps to the front porch, Will close behind, where her mother pulls open the door before Carmilla even has a chance to knock. It was 4:30.

“Mircalla, William, please come in.”

Carmilla freezes when her mother steps to the side, opening the door further so they could come in. Will gives her a small push in her back and she has to force her legs to move forward and cross over the threshold into her childhood home. Her mother walks ahead of them veering off into the study and picking something up off her desk before she continues on into the formal dining room. Carmilla glances at the stairs leading up to where her room used to be and catches a glimpse of the wall just two steps up from where she’s standing. There’s a small dent at the bottom of the wall. She cringes and lifts her hand to the back of her head, her fingers brushing over the spot that had once been so tender she couldn’t even lie down properly. Will snaps her out of her thoughts when he grabs her by the elbow and follows after her mother, into the dining room where they find her seated at the head of the table, her hands folded in front of her, Mattie sitting to her left and three other place settings set.

“What the hell-”

Carmilla couldn’t stop the words from spilling out of her mouth. Why was Mattie there? Why was there another place setting? What was in the orange legal envelope her mother had under her hands?

“Carmilla, sit down.”

Mattie says, her voice low and serious.

“No, what the hell is going on?”

Will takes a seat next to Mattie on the other side of the table, keeping his head down, he doesn’t look Carmilla in the eye. Her mother places the envelope on the floor beside her just as three men and two women come out of the kitchen, carrying a plate in each hand.

“Sit. Down.”

Her mother was staring at her from her seat, her voice pierced Carmilla’s ears, sending a shudder down her spine. She doesn’t object and sits down in the seat to her mother’s right and stares at her plate that one of the men place in front of her.

“First, we eat, then we will discuss why I have invited you all here this evening.”

“I can’t do this-”

Carmilla says, her voice shaking.

“I think it’d be in your best interest to stay. Our final guest shall be arriving shortly.”

Carmilla gulps at the way she says those words and she has to bite her tongue to keep herself from saying something stupid.

“Now, eat.”

Carmilla robotically picks up her fork and begins to place pieces of the perfectly cooked duck, placed in front of her, into her mouth. Mattie and Will do the same, her mother watching them all, bringing her glass of wine to her lips, a tight smile plastered on her face.

* * *

Carmilla had put up with her mother’s stares all evening. She was two seconds away from telling her off when her mother calmly places the legal size envelope down next to Carmilla’s empty dinner plate. Carmilla looks up from the table and gives her mother a questioning look. Her mother nods. She picks up the envelope with shaky hands and slides her finger under the lip, opening the envelope. There were two more envelopes, slightly smaller, but just as professional. She pulls out the one on top. There was nothing written on the outside of the envelope, just as the first one had been. Carmilla slowly opens the envelope in her hands, keeping her eyes down, not wanting to see her mother’s face, knowing it would be filled with annoyance at how slow she was moving, but Carmilla didn’t care, she didn’t really want to open the envelopes in the first place. Carmilla pulls out two pieces of paper, folded in half and slightly worn. She unfolds them and her eyebrow shoots up, confused. Stapled to the piece of paper on top is a black and white picture of an ultrasound, her name, birthdate, weight, and height, printed on a sticker on the bottom right corner. She lifts up the ultrasound, not bothering to pay any attention to it, she knows it’s of her. She glances down at the paper, it’s her birth certificate, a couple things highlighted in yellow marker.

“What is this?”

Carmilla asks, dryly, looking up from the paper to her mother.

“Why don’t you look over it again, I know all the school I put you through has certainly taught you something.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes, regretting it immediately, cringing at herself, seeing her mother’s jaw clench, her lips pulled tightly in a menacing smile. She glances at Mattie and Will who squirms in his seat and looks anywhere but Carmilla’s face. Carmilla looks back down at the paper in her hands, her eyes searching the page for any indication as to what her mother wanted her to see. She reads the highlighted areas of the paper. ‘Karnstein’ and ‘1:23pm’. Okay? She knows her last name and her time of birth isn’t exactly interesting news. She places her birth certificate on the table and looks over the second paper. It’s also a birth certificate. Again, she ignores the ultrasound and quickly reads the highlighted areas. ‘Karnstein’ and ‘1:31pm’. Carmilla stares at the paper, not really looking at anything in particular, she was just as confused as she was before she read the second birth certificate. She raises an eyebrow again, this time not bothering to look up.

“Carmilla, we’re twins.”

The words come out of Will’s mouth in a rush. Carmilla’s head whips up, her eyes meeting his. He was staring at her, panic written all over his face. Carmilla felt anger deep in her stomach start to boil to the surface. She tried to force it back down, as this probably wasn’t the best time to get upset, but Carmilla felt betrayed. She looked back down at the birth certificate in her hands. Next to ‘Karnstein’ was ‘William’ printed in block letters. She flips the ultrasound down. On the sticker is his name, birthdate, weight, and height. She examines the picture more closely. Her hands begin to tremble with a million different emotions. There’s two very clear faces staring back at her, one clearly female, the other male. Carmilla doesn’t say anything at first. She folds the birth certificates back in half and places them back into the envelope before sealing it back up and placing it back in the larger envelope, leaving the second smaller envelope on the table.

“I want you and your shit out of my apartment before tomorrow or I’m leaving your stuff on the curb.”

Carmilla doesn’t look up from the table, she can’t meet Will’s stare. She watches her mother out of the corner of her eye, she’s raising her glass of wine to her lips.

“Carmilla, come on-”

“Stop. Talking.”

She looks up then, she’s hurt, all she wants to do is hit something, mostly Will, in the face, but then her mother puts down her glass and sits up in her chair. Carmilla sees someone walk into the dining room out of the corner of her eye. The hairs on the back of her neck stand up and her chest tightens at the voice that speaks next.

“You said she wouldn’t be here.”

Her voice sounds small, scared, she wouldn’t walk any further into the dining room, Carmilla had to force herself to keep from looking at her.

“Please, take a seat, Laura.”

Carmilla’s mother gestures towards the open seat next to Carmilla just as the people from the kitchen start carrying out plates filled with something covered in chocolate. Carmilla’s stomach twists at the smell and she feels like she’s going to be sick. Laura takes a seat in the chair next to her.

“Carm, I didn’t know-”

Laura whispers, too close for comfort.

“That second envelope, is for you, Miss Hollis. Mircalla, won’t you be a dear and pass it to her?”

Carmilla hands Laura the envelope, obediently, placing it in front of Laura on the table, without taking her eyes from her lap. Carmilla watches Laura slowly open the envelope, the same look Carmilla had on her face just minutes ago. When Laura pulls out it’s contents, she gasps, Carmilla’s head whipping up to look at what Laura is holding in her hands, her face twists in disgust.

“What the fuck?”

Carmilla takes the pile of pictures from Laura’s hands, no longer caring about what her mother will say about her behavior. They’re of her and Laura, all of them. There must have been more than three dozen pictures of the two of them taken from the last month. The two of them at Carmilla’s fight, Laura leaving the bathroom, Carmilla leaving the bathroom, Laura riding her bike home, Carmilla following, Laura leaving Carmilla outside her building, Carmilla waking up in the parking lot the following morning, their fight, Laura walking away, the two of them at the party, the two of them kissing, the two of them in Carmilla’s apartment, the two of them at the studio…

“What the fuck is this?!”

Carmilla throws the pictures down in front of her mother, pushing herself out of her chair, sending it toppling backward. Laura jumps at the outburst, tears streaming down her face. Her mother doesn’t say anything, instead she pushes her chair back and stands up, calmly. Mattie stands up too, ushering Will into the next room, whispering something in his ear.

“There’s more.”

Carmilla’s mother says, no emotion in her tone. Laura picks up the envelope and pulls out a check, quickly placing it back on the table, as if it were on fire.

“Oh, my God.”

Laura whispers. Carmilla catches a glimpse of the amount in the small box on the right side of the piece of paper.

“You are unbelievable. How could you?!”

Carmilla’s hands clench into fists at her sides, before she turns to Laura.

“Get your coat, I’ll take you home.”

Carmilla starts to usher Laura out of the room when she feels a tight grip on her wrist and is forced to turn around.

“You blatantly disrespected and disobeyed me, Mircalla. I warned you of the consequences, yet you lied straight to my face. Did it ever occur to you that I might find out? I always find out, Mircalla-” Her mother’s grip on Carmilla’s wrist grew tighter, making Carmilla wince. Her mother grits her teeth. “-You are selfish and immature and look where it got you. I thought I was done having to discipline you like a child.”

Her mother spits the last word, throwing Carmilla onto the ground. Laura is frozen in place, she doesn’t know what to do or if she should even do anything. Carmilla looks so small, fresh tears stain her cheeks. She pushes herself off the ground, standing directly in front of her mother, her shoulders square.

“Carmilla, don't.”

Laura’s voice is small, pleading, but Carmilla ignores her and points a finger at her mother.

“Fuck you.”

Carmilla takes a step towards her mother, her mother stands her ground.

“I am done with your bullshit, I am done with this family. You don’t deserve any of this. He gave you everything: his last name, his house, his children, his money. He loved you and this is how you repay him. How dare you call yourself a mother. I wish it was you in that accident. I wish you were d-”

Carmilla’s head whips to the side, a smack loud enough to be heard by the neighbors echoes through the house. A gasp escapes from Laura’s mouth, her feet moving themselves forward to Carmilla’s side. Carmilla’s hand automatically reaches up to her cheek, soothing the sting. She doesn’t look back at her mother when she takes Laura’s hand and leads them through the doorway to the dining room, where they find Will and Mattie in the foyer, staring blankly at Carmilla. Carmilla catches Will’s eye.

“See what you missed when you didn’t live with darling Maman?”

Will winces at Carmilla’s bite. Carmilla shakes her head and forces her head back down, her eyes on the ground, but is forced to stop walking when she feels a light touch on her arm. She doesn’t have to turn around to know it’s Mattie. The two of them don’t exchange any words, but Mattie hands Carmilla a set of car keys and Laura her coat and they walk out into the cold. Carmilla shuts the door behind them just as Mattie starts yelling.

Most of the car ride is quiet. Carmilla tries to calm herself down by gripping the steering wheel tighter and tighter, her jaw clenching and unclenching. She doesn’t bother to wipe away the tears that had been falling down her cheeks since they left. Laura doesn’t say anything, she’s witnessed what Carmilla’s mother could do, but never like this, never in person. Her hands were still shaking as she gripped the seat, Carmilla taking a turn too tightly.

“Carm,-”

“Don’t.”

Carmilla says through gritted teeth, pushing her foot down on the gas pedal, jerking the car forward.

“I don’t think you should be-”

“Laura, please!”

Laura jumps at the sound of her name and the cry that comes out of Carmilla’s mouth. Laura reaches across the car to place her hand on Carmilla’s arm, but Carmilla shoves her off.

“You’re scaring me, relax.”

“Fuck!”

Carmilla slams her palm against the steering wheel, Laura jumps again.

“Carm, pull over.”

Laura says softly. Carmilla doesn’t object this time. She vears the car off the road, onto the gravel shoulder and throws the car in park, gritting her teeth together to keep herself from crying anymore. Her grip on the steering wheel tightens, her breath quickens. Laura places her hand over Carmilla’s white knuckles and turns to face her in her seat. Carmilla’s grip on the steering wheel loosens slightly. Laura places a hand on Carmilla’s cheek, Carmilla flinches at first, but then leans into Laura’s touch, her eyes closing, her heart rate slows. Laura gently pulls Carmilla’s chin so she can look her in the eye.

“Let me see.”

Carmilla let’s Laura examine her cheek, one hand still on her chin. Laura winces at the red hand print covering the side of Carmilla’s face. She softly runs her fingers along the mark, Carmilla flinches, their eyes meet.

“Sorry.”

Laura whispers, dropping her hand.

“It’s already bruising.”

Carmilla jerks her head away from Laura’s touch and stares out the windshield, fresh tears forming in her eyes, her hands still gripping the steering wheel.

“Why were you there, Laura?”

Carmilla’s jaw tenses. She keeps her head straight, not wanting to see Laura’s face.

“Carm, it’s not-”

“God dammit, Laura, why were you there!?”

Carmilla hits the steering with her palm, again, pain shooting up her arm. Laura jumps in the seat next her , her mouth open, but no words come out. Carmilla looks over to Laura, both their cheeks wet, Carmilla’s eyebrows meeting together in the middle.

“Did you know she was going to try and buy you off?”

Carmilla’s voice cracks. Laura shakes her head, quickly.

“No, Carm, what the hell. I would never-”

Laura’s cut off by Carmilla throwing open the driver's side door. It’s raining and the air has cooled down a lot, but that doesn’t stop Carmilla. She needed to get out of the car, it was suffocating. She knew Laura would never do something like that, but her mother could be incredibly persuasive. She was furious her mother would even try to do something like that. She slams the car door shut behind her, leaving Laura inside and she kicks the tire. Ignoring the pain in her toes, she kicks it again, and again, and she screams until her lungs burn and her throat is scratchy. She hits the hood of the car with her fists, hoping it leaves dents in the metal. She’s surprised when she feels a soft hand on her waist and another on her forearm. She feels Laura’s body pressing into hers and she let’s out a cry she didn’t know she was holding. She turns around and buries her face in Laura’s neck and Laura doesn’t move when Carmilla leans into her, she wraps her arms around Carmilla’s shoulders and holds her. They don't talk. Laura periodically rubs Carmilla’s arms. Laura would’ve thought Carmilla had fallen asleep like that, if it weren’t for the hold she had on Laura’s arm and the uneven breaths on Laura’s neck. Laura rubs a few small circles into Carmilla’s back, before pulling away to look Carmilla in the eye.

“Come on, I’ll take you home. Let’s get out of the rain.”

Laura whispers, placing a small kiss to Carmilla’s forehead before leading her to the passenger side door and helping her in. Shortly after taking off, Carmilla falls asleep, her temple pressed up against the cold window, her knees pulled to her chest, dry tears staining her cheeks.

* * *

Half carrying-half dragging a barely awake Carmilla across the parking lot, up three flights of stairs and down multiple hallways that never seemed to end, proved to be a bit difficult for the tiny girl. When Laura finally reaches Carmilla’s apartment she silently thanks her father for making her take Krav Maga classes when she was younger and her toned legs for not giving out on her. She places Carmilla on her feet and tries to lean her against the wall next to her apartment door, but she wouldn’t loosen her grip from around Laura’s neck to allow there to be any space between them. Carmilla groans in protest when Laura gently unhooks Carmilla’s hands from the back of her neck and places them at her sides, holding them there so as to make sure she’s paying attention and leans in closer to Carmilla’s face.

“Carm, I need your keys.”

Laura says slowly, enunciating every word, making sure Carmilla understands what she was saying. Carmilla mumbles something unintelligible in response and Laura sighs, accepting the fact that she’s not going to get anywhere with this one-sided conversation while Carmilla’s half asleep and begins to search the pockets of Carmilla’s blazer and back pockets of her pants. Nothing. Carmilla mumbles again, her eyes half closed, this time Laura hears the words ‘key’ and ‘light’ in between all the gibberish. That doesn’t help.

“What about a light?”

She asks, placing her hand on Carmilla’s shoulder. Carmilla raises her arm and points to the light above her head before reaching behind the base and pulling the key out from between two bricks where the concrete had chipped away. She hands the key to Laura who is slightly amused. Laura takes the key and places it in the lock, turning it and the handle and pushing open the door.

“That’s smart.”

She shakes the key at Carmilla, who smirks and grabs the key back, tapping it against her temple before placing it back in her hiding spot. Laura shakes her jacket off and hangs it up on the back of one of the chairs circling the small table in Carmilla’s kitchen. Carmilla freezes in the entryway, her hand still on the light switch she just turned on.

“You’re staying?”

Laura pauses, turning around, Carmilla’s words hitting her like ice water coming in contact with her bare skin.

“Oh, I mean...I don’t have to, I just thought-” Laura looks to the ground. “-I didn’t think you should be alone, so I figured-”

“Laura, I’m fine. You don’t have to stay. I’ve been through worse.”

Carmilla takes off her blazer and slips her shoes off, carrying them over to the closet and throwing them on the floor, making her way to her bed. Laura doesn’t move from her spot in the kitchen, instead she plays with her hands in front of her.

“I know, but is it okay if I want to stay? Can I...stay?”

“Uh...yeah, of course, I just...didn’t think you’d want to.”

Carmilla’s voice is soft. She sits down on the edge of her bed and slides her pants off before picking up a pair of Nike shorts off her floor and putting them on.

“Carm, of course I want to.”

Laura takes a step closer to where Carmilla is sitting on her bed.

“You didn’t call, so I just assumed-”

Carmilla changes her shirt to a black v neck and scoots back in her bed, sitting up against the headboard, her eyes fixed on Laura who looks like she’s about to be sick.

“Oh, shit, I am so sorry. I had to get a new phone, I completely forgot I was supposed to call you. Carm, I am so sorry. Here let me-”

Laura starts to fish her phone out of her back pocket to give Carmilla her new number, but stops when Carmilla begins talking again.

“Laura, it’s fine. I’m just going to go to bed, I have a headache. You can do whatever you want.”

Carmilla scoots down and under the covers, in the middle of the bed, gently placing her head on the pillow, wincing at the contact of the fabric and her cheek. She turns over to lie on her other side and closes her eyes. Laura stands still in the middle of the room and nods her head.

“Okay.”

She whispers before taking her shoes off, leaving them by the door.

“Carm?”

Carmilla hums in response, keeping her eyes closed. She can feel Laura watching her.

“Do you have something I could change into?”

“The clothes in the white basket are clean.”

Laura quietly walks over to the closet where Carmilla had just thrown her dirty clothes and found the white laundry basket on the dryer filled with a heap of unfolded shirts and towels. She finds a plain white tshirt and makes her way to the bathroom. Once inside she slides out of her light, flower print dress, replacing it with the tshirt she found before checking her reflection in the mirror above the sink. She looks exhausted, sleep weighing down her eyes, despite the fact that it’s barely passed seven. She sighs and opens the cabinet under the sink, looking for something to tie her hair up with, but ends up finding a bottle of Aspirin, in which she grabs, along with her discarded clothes, before making her way to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. She places her clothes on the chair with her coat and makes her way towards Carmilla’s bed before stopping herself. She glances back at the couch, then back at Carmilla whose eyes are closed.

“Carm?”

Laura whispers. Carmilla opens one of her eyes.

“Yeah, Laura?”

Laura shifts on her feet contemplating if she should just sleep on the couch, but decides against it before climbing into Carmilla’s bed. Carmilla doesn’t object so she presents the water and painkillers.

“Here.”

She holds out the glass of water. Carmilla leans up on her elbows and takes it in her hand while Laura unscrews the pill bottle and pours two capsules into her palm before handing them to Carmilla and screwing the lid back on.

“Thanks.”

Carmilla tosses her head back with the pills and drinks a few sips of water before handing the glass back to Laura who places it, along with the pill bottle, on Carmilla’s nightstand. Laura turns around to find Carmilla holding back the duvet so she could climb underneath. Laura pauses, staring at Carmilla’s hand on the blanket.

“You sure?”

“Laura, come on.”

Carmilla nods her head once, Laura doesn’t hesitate again. She lets Carmilla pull the blanket over the both of them and they both lie their heads on Carmilla’s pillow. Laura pauses for a split second before turning around to face Carmilla, draping her arm over Carmilla’s waist.

“Is this okay?”

Carmilla’s eyes are closed again. She places her hand on Laura’s hip and pulls her closer, humming in response. Laura closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, her nose filling with the scent of Carmilla’s sheets and vanilla and the only thing she can feel is the touch of Carmilla’s hand on her bare skin.

* * *

The light drizzle that lulled them to sleep quickly escalated to a storm. A loud boom of thunder rattles the windows just as a flash of lightning breaks across the sky lighting up the apartment. Carmilla’s body jerks in her sleep at the sound, causing Laura to shift under Carmilla’s arm, but she quickly drifts back into a deep sleep. What feels like seconds later, Laura is forced awake by thrashing and screaming coming from beside her. At first she thinks she’s stuck in a dream and tries to ignore it and go back to sleep, the screaming is muffled and her body is still asleep, but as she slowly regained consciousness, she realizes the screams are, in fact, real and not in her head. In fact they were close and the thrashing even closer, her shin meeting with a stiff foot. Her eyes shoot open and her body jolts upright in bed. Her eyes search the room around her, landing on Carmilla’s writhing body in the bed next to her. There are tears streaking down the sides of her face, staining the pillow underneath her head. Carmilla’s eyes are still closed, but her feet are kicking and her hands are wrapped up in the sheets. Another round of thunder booms through the apartment and lightning lights up Carmilla’s face. Her eyes shoot open and all at once her screaming is cut off and replaced by the sounds of her gasping for air. Laura is frozen, she knew Carmilla had night terrors, but the most she had to deal with was Carmilla’s muffled cries and shaking, never anything this bad. She was scared and her terror only grew as Carmilla’s eyes seemed to bulge out of her head and her lips started to turn light blue. Laura tries several times to yell Carmilla’s name, but she doesn’t know if she can even hear her and with every breath Carmilla didn’t take, the terror Laura felt, continuously grew.

“Carm! Breathe!”

Nothing. Laura draws in a deep breath and hopes Carmilla’s neighbors are already up.

“Carmilla!”

She yells as loud as she can. She balls her hand into a fist and hits Carmilla, once, in the middle of her chest. Almost immediately, Carmilla begins to cough and sputter, gasping for air, the color returning to her face and lips. Laura didn’t realize she was crying until a tear dripped from her chin onto her clenched fist on Carmilla’s chest. She quickly wipes at her cheeks, removing any other stray tears before returning her attention to Carmilla. Carmilla was startled, her body shaking uncontrollably, she quickly sat upright in bed, scooting to the edge before getting up and backing into the wall, her hand on her chest, her breaths coming in short gasps, on the verge of having a panic attack. As if her legs couldn’t support her anymore, she falls down the wall and a sob escapes her throat. Laura is frozen on the bed, on her knees, hovering over the spot where Carmilla had just been, her features full of worry. Carmilla is staring at Laura with complete horror, her eyes glazed over.

“Carm...?”

Laura slowly rises from the bed, untangling the sheets from her legs and kneels down a couple feet in front of Carmilla on the wood floor.

“No, please.”

Carmilla cries.

“Carm, it’s me.”

Laura whispers, reaching her hand out in front of her, her eyebrows creasing in the middle. She slowly scoots closer to Carmilla, her arm still outstretched. Carmilla flinches.

“Baby, relax. It’s okay, it was just a dream. Breathe, Carmilla.”

Laura reaches out and begins to gently rub Carmilla’s arm in an attempt to calm her down. She freezes, tears still streaming down her cheeks.

“Shhh, you’re okay. Carmilla, it’s me.”

Laura places her hand on Carmilla’s cheek, at first she shies away, but when their eyes meet Carmilla visibly relaxes, although her breathing isn’t quite back to normal. Her eyebrows furrow.

“Laura?”

Laura nods her head, Carmilla leans into her touch, closing her eyes.

“It’s me, you’re okay.”

Laura whispers, cautiously scooting closer to Carmilla. She sits against the wall next to her and pulls Carmilla into her lap, wrapping her arms around her shoulders. Another round of thunder rolls through the apartment causing Carmilla to jump. Laura tightens her grip on Carmilla and runs her fingers through Carmilla’s dark hair, occasionally placing soft kisses to the top of her head, ignoring the numbness in her legs. They sit like this until the storm dies down and the sun begins to rise over the rooftops of the neighboring buildings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is:
> 
> http://no-pantsparty.tumblr.com/


	7. bonifier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DOMESTIC.  
> There's no food in the apartment so Laura goes to get some and when she gets back shit happens.  
> Oh, and we meet Perry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning:

“Laura…”

Her voice was soft and velvet-like, it reminded Laura of when she was little and she would fall asleep in the car and her mother would gently call her name until she showed even the slightest sign of waking up. Except now, Laura stayed still, hoping the voice would continue to call to her. She liked the way her name sounded rolling off her tongue, it sounded like home and she hadn’t had a lot of that feeling recently with everything going on between her and her brother, resulting in everything that was going on with her and her father.

“Laura.”

The voice whispered again. This time there was pressure resting on her thigh, but she still didn’t want to move. Maybe if she stayed like this, she would continue to say her name.

“Laura.”

This time the voice was closer, the pressure on her thigh increasing. She could feel hot breaths on her neck and ear. The corner of her mouth twitched up as the hairs on the back of her neck stood up and her nose filled with the aroma of something sweet, something chocolatey…

“Laura, I can see you smiling, I know you’re awake, now come on, wakey, wakey, eggs n’...whatever, I don’t have bacon. I made you hot chocolate, though.”

Laura slowly forces one of her eyes open, but quickly regrets it and closes it with a groan when she’s met with the sun's rays in her face. She covers her face with her arm. Her body slowly wakes up, the smell of fresh hot chocolate with a slight hint of cinnamon, hitting her nose. Her joints scream as she regains consciousness and the events of the following night come flooding back. Her back aches and her butt is numb, but her thigh is on fire where Carmilla still has her hand. Laura’s eyebrows come together at the discomfort flowing through her body.

“We fell asleep on the floor again, if we keep doing this, we’re going to need new hips by the time we’re 30.”

Laura slowly cracks her eyelids open, her vision coming into focus on Carmilla’s face in front of hers. She’s smiling and holding out a red mug that has cat pawprints all over it and says ‘Crazy Cat Lady’ in big black letters, it’s filled to the brim with steaming hot chocolate. Laura smiles and Carmilla stands up, extending her hand out for Laura to take. Laura grips Carmilla’s hand and Carmilla’s grip tightens as she lifts Laura from her spot against the wall before handing her the hot chocolate.

“Morning.”

Carmilla whispers, smiling. Laura yawns and takes a sip of the hot drink in her hand.

“Mmmm, morning.”

Carmilla laughs. Laura’s ‘morning’ sounds more like “mernin’” and her eyes are half closed. Laura yawns again and stretches her free arm over her head, her back popping along her spine. She watches Carmilla over the top of her cup.

“Hey.”

Carmilla’s voice is low as her face drops and she suddenly finds great interest in her feet on the cold floor.

“Hey, what?”

Laura asks, reaching up to place her hand on Carmilla’s cheek, clearly noticing her discomfort. Carmilla leans into her touch before placing her hand over Laura’s and bringing it to her lips, kissing Laura’s palm.

“Thanks for last night...all of it.”

Carmilla whispers as she looks up at Laura, she’s giving her a small smile, causing Carmilla to smile back immediately. Laura nods and wraps her arms around Carmilla’s neck, mug still in hand, bringing them closer.

“We don’t have to talk about it.”

Laura whispers, their faces almost touching. Carmilla’s eyes close at the warmth flowing through her body at their close proximity to one another. She leans forward pressing her forehead to Laura’s, a small smile playing on her lips and rests her hands on Laura’s hips, drawing small circles into her skin with her thumbs.

“Thank you.”

It comes out softer than a whisper, Carmilla’s eyebrows coming together in the middle. Carmilla knows Laura hears it because she feels her lips on her cheek a second later. Laura gives Carmilla a quick squeeze before removing her arms from around Carmilla’s neck and wrapping her hands around the mug in her hands, bringing it up to her lips and taking a small sip, hiding her smile behind the lip as she takes a small step back. Her face heats up.

“This is really good, like amazingly good. Have you always made it this good?”

Carmilla raises an eyebrow at Laura and smiles, genuinely smiles, at how fast Laura can manage to talk sometimes and how little it takes for her to become flustered. She shakes her head at her and pulls Laura back to her, this time she wraps her arms around Laura’s shoulders and buries her face in Laura’s hair. This was nice. Laura wasn’t running off anywhere, she didn’t seem to be in a hurry, she seemed content and that made Carmilla content and at ease. She didn’t want this moment to end, Laura in her arms, it was nice, it was more than nice, it was exactly what she needed at the moment. Until that moment ended. Carmilla groaned in frustration as a light knock sounded at her door. Laura turns her head and presses a soft kiss to Carmilla’s lips.

“I can get it if you don’t want to deal with company right now.”

Carmilla laughs softly, but starts towards the door.

“I never want to deal with company, cupcake.”

Laura follows Carmilla to the door, sipping her hot chocolate, with a small smile on her face at the use of the nickname. She was happy right then. Her usual weekend plans the last thing on her mind in that moment.

Carmilla opens the door while running a hand through her tangled curls, but they get caught and Carmilla’s hand freezes immediately, her shoulders tensing. Laura cranes her neck around Carmilla’s body to see who is standing outside in the hallway. She catches a glimpse of short, styled, dark brown hair and that was it before Carmilla went to slam the door in his face. His hand shot out and caught the door just before it reached the door frame.

“Fuck off, _William_.”

Carmilla growls, mocking her mother’s tone when she says his name, standing her ground, but she makes no effort to stop him anymore.

“Relax, I’m just here to get my stuff since you haven’t thrown it on the curb yet.”

Will sounds defeated and sad as he pushes the door open more and takes a step over the threshold and into the apartment. Carmilla takes a step to the side, blocking Will from going any further and the look in her eyes makes Laura’s eyebrows shoot up and panic fill her chest. It was the same look she gave her mother the night before. She places her hot chocolate on the table to her left, in the kitchen, and stands in front of Carmilla. She places her hands on Carmilla’s stomach, trying to calm her down and keep her from hitting anyone or anything.

“Hey, hey, Carm. Why don’t we just go for a walk or something while he gets his stuff out and then when we get back I can make us some lunch and we can stay in? I won’t make you watch the stupid rom-coms I like, we can watch whatever you want and we can eat cookies and popcorn and-”

Laura takes a breath and carefully watches Carmilla’s face, her features soften as their eyes meet and Laura takes that as her cue to grab Carmilla’s hand in hers. She drags her to the kitchen table, grabbing her jacket from the kitchen chair and then she heads to the closet where Carmilla’s jacket and the rest of her clothes are. She grabs a pair of Carmilla’s sweats and Carmilla’s pants from the night before, along with her jacket and she leads Carmilla out into the hallway where Will is waiting, his arms wrapped around his chest, standing awkwardly to the side. Carmilla glares at him before Laura pulls hers arm, causing her to stumble forward and further down the hall. Carmilla’s stature is still as Laura pulls her into the stairwell. She can feel the anger building inside her, but it stops in her stomach when Laura stops suddenly on the landing and turns around to face her, dropping the pile of clothes into a corner. She begins to run her thumb over Carmilla’s white knuckles as she rubs her free hand up and down Carmilla’s arm. Laura looks up at Carmilla’s face. Her eyes are shut, eyebrows pulled together, and she’s trying to calm herself down by breathing deeply through her nose.

“Relax.”

Laura whispers, reaching up to run her thumb along Carmilla’s jaw. Carmilla reaches up and gently takes Laura’s wrist, bringing back down between them. She forces her eyes open and looks down at Laura’s confused face, interlocking their fingers, she gives Laura’s hand a squeeze before letting go completely and turning to pick up the clothes Laura had grabbed for her. Laura goes to grab Carmilla’s hand, but Carmilla shakes her off and heads down the stairs.

“I’ll meet you out front, Laura.”

Carmilla sighs, running a hand through her hair. Laura is left frozen on the landing.

“Okaaay...yeah I’ll be right down, don’t wait up.”

Laura says sarcastically to an empty stairwell, picking up the sweats she grabbed from Carmilla’s. She slips them on over Carmilla’s shorts and grabs her jacket before heading down the three flights of stairs and out into the lobby where she waits.

Five minutes pass by and no sign of Carmilla. Laura begins to pace the length of the lobby. Five more minutes, still no sign of her. Laura starts checking her phone every 30 seconds, for what, she doesn’t know, Carmilla doesn’t have her new number and she can read the time on the clock behind the front desk. Ten minutes. Laura turns to head back towards the stairs to see if Carmilla might have went back to her apartment.

“You’re wearing a path in the hardwood, cutie.”

 Laura whips her head around, almost losing her balance in the process.

 “It’s been 20 minutes. What were you- Have you been- Were you crying?”

 Laura’s face drops as Carmilla approaches her, Laura’s eyes searching her face.

 “No. Let’s go, I believe you promised me a walk?”

 Carmilla grabs Laura’s hand and leads them towards the front door.

“Your eyes are red.”

Laura tries to get a better look at Carmilla’s face, but Carmilla is practically dragging her out of the building and across the street towards the park. It was late enough that they missed the morning rush of people trying to get to work and the streets and sidewalks were calm.

“Allergies.”

Laura rolls her eyes.

“It’s cold.”

Carmilla shrugs.

“I’m allergic to lying, betraying, assholes. They’re out year-round.”

Laura doesn’t say anything at first, she wraps her arms around Carmilla’s waist. Carmilla lifts up her arm and drapes it over Laura’s shoulders.

“Touché.”

Laura whispers. Carmilla looks down at the small girl tucked into her side, a small smirk on her lips. She pushes the thoughts from earlier to the back of her mind and decides to mess with Laura. That always made her feel better.

“How’re your feet, princess?”

Laura looks up at Carmilla, confused.

“My feet? They’re fi-” Laura looks down at hers and Carmilla’s feet. “Shit.”

Laura frowns. Carmilla laughs, hugging Laura closer to her before placing a kiss to the top of her head.

“If we die from hypothermia before we get back, I blame you for not grabbing our shoes before you dragged me out here.”

Carmilla mumbles into Laura’s hair. Laura playfully smacks Carmilla in the stomach.

“Thanks for pointing it out, now they’re cold.”

Laura whines. Carmilla shakes her head, smiling, and leads Laura to a bench on the side of the paved trail they were walking down.

“Nice socks, by the way.”

Laura takes a seat on the bench and pulls her feet up underneath her to hide the purple polka dot socks from Carmilla, a small smile hidden behind her scowl.

“Shut up.”

Carmilla laughs, taking the spot next to Laura and mirroring her position. Laura scoots closer to Carmilla, placing her head on her shoulder and looping her around around Carmilla’s while they watch the squirrels run up and down the scattered trees in front of them.

“I feel like we’re two old ladies.”

Carmilla smiles.

“Nah, we didn’t bring anything to feed the pigeons with so it doesn’t count.”

Laura giggles and reaches her hand into her jacket pocket. She pulls out a package and places it in Carmilla’s lap. Carmilla looks down at the small bag of cookies and shakes her head before grabbing one and placing it in her mouth.

“Wow, thanks, I think I just aged 50 years.”

Laura nudges Carmilla in the shoulder and grabs a cookie for herself.

“You don’t look a day over 20.”

Carmilla smiles, glancing down at Laura.

“Ah, the glory years.”

Laura’s watching the leaves whirl by in front of them on the pavement, a smile on her face. Carmilla watches her for a minute before the smile, that had creeped its way into her features, falls from her face and she doesn’t want to ruin this moment, but she needs to know the answer to the questions that have been rattling around in her brain since the moment Laura left the studio the previous weekend after what she called a date.

“Laura…”

Laura doesn’t take her eyes off the ground in front of her.

“Yeah?”

Carmilla swallows hard and squeezes her fist inside her jacket pocket, her heart racing in her chest.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

Laura looks up at Carmilla through her eyelashes. Carmilla is still looking down at her, but when their eyes meet, Carmilla’s heart jumps and she panics.

“N-nevermind, it’s nothing.”

Carmilla shakes her head and clears her throat, looking out at the trees. Laura let’s go of Carmilla’s arm and turns so she’s sitting with her back against the bench’s armrest. Carmilla’s side goes cold where Laura had just been.

“No, you can’t do that. What’s wrong?”

Carmilla quickly shoves a cookie in her mouth.

“Sorry, it’s rude to talk with your mouth full.”

She mumbles around the cookie. Laura tilts her head to the side and gives her a look.

“Carm…”

“Laura.”

Laura gives her another look. Carmilla rolls her eyes and chews quickly before swallowing and wiping the crumbs from the corners of her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Fine.”

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

Carmilla nods her head, her palms getting sweaty.

“Okay, well, the other night...or morning, I guess...when you left…” Carmilla looks over at Laura. She has her full attention. Shit. “...and the time before, when Will…”

Laura grins.

“If you keep this speed up we might actually age 50 years.”

Carmilla let’s out a nervous laugh.

“Stop, this is serious.”

Laura tries to hide how much she’s loving seeing Carmilla nervous. It doesn’t happen very often and it’s adorable.

“Okay, I’m listening, we can age 50 years on this bench and get hypothermia, take your time.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes.

“Nevermind.”

“Oooh, come on, I’m sorry. I’m listening, really.”

Laura reaches over the space between them and takes Carmilla’s hand in hers, mindlessly drawing circles on the back of her hand. Carmilla concentrates on the patterns Laura draws in her skin finding the courage she needs to just spit out what’s on her mind.

“What are we?”

She whispers. Laura freezes for a second before clearing her throat and continuing to draw circles over Carmilla’s pale skin, her eyebrows drawn together.

“That’s not what I was expecting, but I feel like you already know the answer to that. Carm, I told you I wasn’t ready for anything serious, relationship wise. Although, what we’re doing might be considered ‘serious’...I’m not seeing or talking to anyone else, if that’s what you’re getting at. I don’t think I could.”

Laura shrugs, whispering the last part. Carmilla looks up and meets Laura’s gaze. Anything playful that was there before, is gone. Carmilla nods her head and before she has time to hold her tongue, another questions slips out, catching them both by surprise.

“Where did you go?”

Laura knew what she was talking about without her needing to elaborate. She was hoping Carmilla wouldn’t bring it up, thinking she had work or something, but of course she would. She had skipped out on her time with Carmilla the past couple of times they had been together. She couldn’t tell Carmilla about where she went, but she couldn’t lie either. They were trying to be truthful with each other ever since their big fallout. This was a secret only three other people knew about and she was trying to better herself, for her family, her friends, Carmilla. It was going to be hard for her to stop, but that’s why she got a new phone and number and cut ties with her source so quickly. She was a go big or go home kind of person and this move was big for her.

Laura looks back down at their hands in her lap and squirms under Carmilla’s gaze. She knows Carmilla’s probably thinking the worst possible scenario out in her head so she gives her the best thing she can. Hope and a promise.

“Carm...I can’t talk about that right now, but it’s probably not at all what you’re thinking in your head and it has to do with why I got a new phone and changed my number and I need you to not worry about it because I know you worry about a lot of things that you shouldn’t. I just need you to know that it’s fine, I don’t plan on leaving like that ever again and I will tell you, I promise, just not right now.”

Laura takes a deep breath and looks up at Carmilla’s face, her expression is blank, but she nods.

“Okay.”

“Okay? That’s it? Okay?”

Carmilla shrugs.

“Yeah, okay. I mean, I trust that you’ll tell me when you’re ready and, yes, I’m curious and a little hurt, slightly jealous, and I’m kinda hungry, that’s beside the point, but I know we both have to build our trust in each other back up and I can wait. Also, please tell me you didn’t get another flip phone.”

Carmilla smirks. Laura shoves her shoulder, a surprised look on her face.

“No, it’s not a flip phone, you ass. I haven’t had a flip phone since-”

“Since I got you an Iphone for graduation and you wouldn’t stop using emojis for everything for like six months. I regretted it immediately.”

Laura shoves Carmilla in the shoulder again, laughing, glad that she was taking this so well, which was somewhat surprising, but Laura would take what she could get.

“You liar, you loved it.”

Carmilla smiles.

“Love is a very strong word and I don’t think it applies to that situation. From my point of view, anyway.”

“Asshole.”

Laura tries to act mad, but she can’t stop smiling.

“That’s my middle name, cupcake.”

Laura rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

“So, lunch-”

Laura’s cut off by a rustling sound coming from the bushes behind the bench where her and Carmilla are sitting. She lunges at Carmilla, knocking the bag of cookies onto the ground as she latches onto her arm. Carmilla laughs.

“Laura, it’s probably a bird, relax-”

The bushes rustle again.

“That is not a bird, Carm. I’m ready to go, come on.”

Carmilla laughs again as Laura stands up on the bench, grabbing Carmilla’s hand.

“Calm down, you’re fine.”

“It sounds huge! This is not funny, Carmilla!”

Carmilla can’t stop laughing. She covers her mouth with her free hand and tries to pull Laura down, but her eyes are glued to the bushes and she clearly has no intention of moving until whatever is in there leaves first.

“Want me to look for you, then we can go eat?”

“No, Carm, what if it has rabies or something? Oh my god, what if it’s a rabid raccoon?!”

Carmilla rolls her eyes and goes to stand up with Laura to pull apart the leaves, but stops when she notices movement under the bench and smiles.

“Hey, Laura, look, it’s your rabid raccoon.”

Carmilla points under the bench and laughs. She watches Laura glance down, between the slats in the bench seat and her face lights up. Carmilla can practically see the wheels spinning in Laura’s head.

“Carm, pleeeeease!”

Laura whines, her face contorting into a pout as she struggles to keep the small bundles of fur in her arms, while trying to feed them the remnants from the package of cookies.

“Laura, my landlord would kick me out in a second if he had any idea. There is a strict ‘No Pets’ policy and I kind of like my place.”

Carmilla shrugs. Laura dramatically juts out her lower lip as far as it would go and gives Carmilla her best puppy dog eyes. Carmilla rolls her eyes, trying her hardest not to give in, but she kind of feels like she already has.

“Laura, I can’t. Those things might have fleas and worms and who knows what else. Besides they’re probably someone’s pets, we can’t just take them.”

Carmilla hopes that Laura gives up at trying to convince her because she’s running out of reasons they shouldn’t keep them when one of the small balls of fur jumps into her lap and begins to lick her face excitedly. A smile breaks out across her face, but she quickly hands the pup back to Laura, replacing the smile with a stern look. Laura laughs when Carmilla starts to wipe her face off with the sleeve of her jacket.

“Awh, Finn likes you!-”

“You’ve already named them?! Laura-”

Carmilla looks at Laura with a soft expression when she says her name. She feels bad, but there’s no way in hell she could keep two puppies in her apartment without anyone finding out and Laura’s dorm wasn’t really an option.

“-Besides, the fact that they might have fleas and worms is the reason we can just take them, they were born out here, they don’t have a home.”

Laura’s face falls at her realization.

“Carm, they’re homeless! Oh my God, Carm, they’re orphans!”

Carmilla groans as she watches Laura look at the puppies in her lap with such sadness in her eyes. When Laura looks back up at Carmilla, she looks as if she might cry. Carmilla drags her hand down her face and sighs in defeat.

“You’re killing me, Hollis.”

Carmilla stands up.

“Come on.”

She holds out her hand to Laura. Laura looks up and her eyes are full of tears.

“What? We can’t just lea-”

“Give me Finn.”

Laura’s face lights up at the realization of what Carmilla had just said. She stands quickly, struggling to hold the two wriggling pups in her arms while she practically bounces in excitement. Carmilla grabs the light brown colored puppy from Laura’s hands and she tucks him in her jacket, against her chest.

“This things paws are as big as my hand, Laura.” Carmilla looks down at Finn and he’s already snuggling into her. She sighs and whispers, “What did I just get myself into?”

Laura squeals with excitement and wraps an arm around Carmilla’s neck forcing her to lean down and into Laura’s kiss which she complied, happily, a smile forming on her face before Laura pulls back, her face bright red.

“Uh, sorry, I didn’t- Um- Sorry.”

Carmilla just laughs, a smirk playing on her lips, and watches Laura busy herself with placing the puppy in her arms securely in her jacket with her.

“Don’t be, cupcake.”

A small smile forms on Laura’s face.

“What’d you name that one?”

Laura’s smile grows as she answers, looking down at the black mass of fur in her arms.

“Doc.”

Carmilla laughs, grabbing Laura’s hand in hers, Laura mimicking the way Carmilla holds the pup beneath her jacket as to not draw too much attention to the small lump against her chest.

“Of course, you did. Didn’t think you were still into that sorta thing.”

“Duh. Dr. Who is amazing and he has a bow tie.”

Laura points to the tuft of white fur on the puppy’s chest in the shape of a bow. Carmilla laughs and leads them to the parking lot on the side of the building rather than walking straight through the front lobby with two protruding bulges in their coats that clearly didn’t belong there. Laura’s face was full of worry as they stepped into the building and up the back staircase. The staircase was on the opposite end of the building from where Carmilla’s apartment was, but it was more likely that they’d get the puppies to her room safely this way, rather than taking the main stairs in the lobby that was just a few doors down from Carmilla’s room. Both Finn and Doc had fallen asleep on their way to the third floor and Carmilla was thankful for that. They arrived at Carmilla’s apartment without any complications and Laura lets out a long breath. Carmilla reaches up behind the light attached to the wall outside her door to grab her spare key, looking back at Laura. She smiles up at Carmilla and Carmilla smiles back, shaking her head.

Once inside the apartment, Laura carefully walks over to the bed and lies down on the mattress on her back with Doc still in her coat. Carmilla locks the door behind her and follows Laura, taking off her jacket and letting it fall to the floor in the kitchen. She crawls into bed beside Laura, Finn fast asleep in her arms. She places him in the crook of Laura’s arm and props herself up on her elbow watching Laura take in the sight before her, her face full of light and an aura around her that just made you want to smile. Carmilla feels a smile creep onto her lips as she rests her head on the pillow beneath her head. Laura looks over at Carmilla.

“We have puppies!”

She half whispers, half yells, trying to keep her excitement to a minimum as to not wake the sleeping bundles of joy in her arms. Carmilla laughs quietly and nods her head.

“We have puppies.”

* * *

Laura wakes up before Carmilla, which isn’t unusual, but Laura didn’t remember falling asleep in the first place. Laura rolls over in bed and has to place her hand over her mouth so she doesn’t wake Carmilla up with the giggle that escapes her lips. Carmilla is dead asleep. Her head resting on her pillow, mouth slightly open. Finn is fast asleep, perched on top of her head, lying on her mess of curls laid out over her pillow, his feet spread out on either side of her face, Doc is sleeping on her chest, his head nudged underneath her chin. They were precious. Laura quickly grabs her phone from her back pocket and takes the opportunity to get a quick picture before the three of them woke up. She carefully rolls off the bed and tiptoes into the kitchen, picking up Carmilla’s coat on her way and placing it on the back of a chair before she starts rummaging through Carmilla’s cabinets in order to find something for lunch. She’s met with nothing but empty shelves with crumbs that couldn’t even feed a mouse and coffee grounds and filters.

“How the hell does she live like this.”

Laura mumbles to herself. She opens the fridge and finds a half empty carton of soy milk and take out containers haphazardly thrown onto the shelves next to several bottles of water. Laura shakes her head and moves to the kitchen table where she finds a pen and an old envelope that had been ripped open and thrown onto the table, forgotten under the mess of bills and junkmail and homework papers and textbooks. Laura writes Carmilla a quick note saying she’s picking up some groceries for lunch and that she’ll be back in a bit. Walking into the hall, Laura calls Perry to come pick her up, considering she only has her bike, which isn’t at Carmilla’s, and to help with the task.

* * *

Carmilla wakes up to sharp teeth nibbling on her ear. She only knows it’s not Laura because she can feel whiskers on her cheek and she’s pretty sure Laura’s teeth don’t have sharp points at the ends.

“Fuck off, you little bugger.”

She gently swats at the mass of fur on her shoulder and rolls over, onto another mass of fur. She groans and opens her eyes, pulling the pup from her shoulder to lay pressed into her side next to Doc who was now awake and trotting to the edge of the bed. Carmilla quickly grabs Doc and pulls him to her, next to Finn.

“Oh, no you don’t.”

She buries her face in her pillow and tries to fall back asleep when she realizes she’s the only one in her bed. She lifts her head off the pillow and she looks around the empty apartment, confused.

“Laura?”

No answer. She sets the pups on the floor and rolls off the bed before wandering into the bathroom. No Laura. She walks into the kitchen where she finds an open envelope taped to the fridge. In scratchy handwriting, it reads:

_Carm,_

_I went to pick up some things to make lunch, I don’t know how you survive on soy milk, coffee and take out. I’ll be back soon with something more substantial and we can eat and play with the puppies!_

_-Laura_

Laura signed the note with her name and a heart. Carmilla rolls her eyes and smiles, turning around to walk back to her bed, where she plops down onto her stomach and hugs her pillow close to her before closing her eyes and drifting back to sleep.

* * *

It’s around two in the afternoon when Laura and Perry return to Carmilla’s apartment, arms filled with paper bags filled with food and other essentials Carmilla indeed did not have. Laura opens the door with the spare key and Perry follows her in. They’re met with a still sleeping Carmilla who only seemed to roll over onto her stomach, from the position in which Laura left her and two very much awake pups.

“Shit.”

“Oh, dear.”

Laura and Perry express in unison, the bags in their arms almost falling to the floor. Laura rushes over to the bar separating the kitchen from the living room and places the bags in her arms on the counter before turning back around and quickly grabbing Finn and Doc from the disaster on the floor in front of her. She winces, looking from the mess to Carmilla asleep in her bed. Laura hears Perry shuffle behind her, placing the bags on the counter next to Laura’s.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Laura whispers, admittingly, to Perry, who is now beside her in the midst of the mess of fabric and foam on the floor.

“Judging by the smell, I’d suggest they get a bath before anything else.”

Perry exclaims, in a high pitch voice, grabbing Finn from Laura’s arm and holding him out in front of her, as far away from her body as possible, her nose scrunched up in disgust.

“Right, good idea.”

Laura follows Perry to the bathroom where they place Finn and Doc in the tub and Laura rushes to where she put the grocery bags, silently thanking herself that she thought to buy dog shampoo, along with puppy food, a pair of leashes and dog collars with tags that read ‘Doc’ and ‘Finn’, and some chew toys, while she was out. She grabs the dog shampoo from the bag and quietly runs back to the bathroom where Perry is struggling to keep the pups in the tub. Laura gives Perry a small apologetic smile and takes over while Perry heads out to the living room and begins cleaning up the mess on the floor.

By the time Laura is finished giving the two dogs a bath, she is soaking wet and the floor is covered in puddles. She wraps each pup in a towel from the hall closet and places them in the bed with Carmilla, who STILL has not moved. Laura throws the toys she got for them in the bed and they seem distracted enough for her to help Perry. Perry’s on her hands and knees on the living room floor, scrubbing Carmilla’s light grey carpet that is placed under the coffee table and couch.

“She’s going to kill me.”

Laura whispers to Perry, picking up foam from the couch and stuffing from the pillows off the floor and shoving it in the garbage bag that Perry had already halfway full. They manage to pick up the mess and clean any stains out of the carpet before Carmilla wakes up. Laura ties the bag and places it by the door, turning back around to what was left of the couch, finding that Carmilla was, of course, still asleep and the pups had fallen asleep too. She just sighs and runs a hand through her hair before following Perry into the kitchen to start putting away the groceries and maybe make them some dinner, since they sort of missed lunch. Laura sincerely apologizes to Perry and invites her to stay for dinner, but she insists that she go back to her place so she can make something for herself and Laf, who Laura invites over as well, but Perry politely refuses.

Carmilla doesn’t wake up again until Laura is at her side with two steaming bowls of buttered rigatoni noodles topped with shredded parmesan cheese, a bit of salt, and little flakes of cilantro. She was quite proud of her dish and figured it was easy and fast enough to make that Carmilla could do it, which is why she had bought the ingredients in the first place.

“Carm.”

She doesn’t move.

“Carmilla, wake up.”

At this she groans into her pillow, a muffled ‘no’ escaping her lips.

“But, I made dinner, come on.”

Carmilla mumbles into her pillow again, but Laura doesn’t quite catch what she says.

“What was that, sleeping beauty?”

Carmilla lifts her head slightly, turning to face Laura. She’s smiling and it’s too bright and happy for Carmilla so she groans and buries her face back in her pillow.

“Oh, come on, you haven’t had anything to eat all day except stale cookies. Eat.”

Laura shoves the bowl in Carmilla’s face forcing her to either grab it or get a face full of buttery noodles. She grabs it. Laura smiles victoriously and climbs over Carmilla to get to the other side of the bed. Carmilla groans under her as she tries to maneuver herself so she didn’t wake the puppies snuggling into Carmilla’s side.

“Now, don’t make me feed you.”

“I’ll just feed them to Dumb and Dumber over here.”

Carmilla gestures to the puppies.

“Hey, I worked hard on this lovely home cooked meal! And their names are Finn and Doc.”

Laura enunciates their names and points to the name tags hanging from the collars around their necks. Carmilla shakes her head, noticing the toys sprawled out across the comforter.

“You are too much sometimes, cupcake.”

“Shut up and eat, cupcake.”

Laura playfully nudges Carmilla’s shoulder with hers, matching Carmilla’s tone on the use of the nickname. Carmilla rolls over and sits up, scooting her back against the headboard and grabbing a few noodles with her fork before placing them in her mouth. She can’t help the satisfactory moan that escapes her throat at the taste of the parmesan and butter that hits her tongue. Laura laughs on the bed beside her as she watches Carmilla.

“This is del-” Carmilla raises her head to look at Laura and practically chokes on her food at the sight before her. Laura’s face goes red as Carmilla’s eyes stay glued to the couch.

“Oh, right. Um...Dumb and Dumber ate your couch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is:
> 
> http://no-pantsparty.tumblr.com/


	8. baisse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see a different side of Noah and get into a bit of Laura’s past from when Carmilla was away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry, don’t hate me. This one hurt to write, I didn’t plan this.
> 
> Warning: Indications of drug use, character death, descriptions of the deceased

“Carmilla, come on!”

Laura tugged on Carmilla’s arm toward where there were several different living room displays setup. Carmilla groaned in response as she dragged her feet along the floor behind Laura, ignoring the burning on her arm where Laura’s fingers are wrapped around her bicep.

“The faster you pick out a couch, the faster we can leave.”

“Okay, that one. Let’s go.”

Carmilla points to the nearest couch and writes down the number before taking Laura’s hand and turning to find the escalator, but Laura grabs Carmilla’s wrist back and pulls her to a halt. Carmilla groans again at the look on Laura’s face.

“Carmilla.”

Carmilla sighs and rolls her eyes.

“Why couldn’t you just do it? It’s too early to be couch shopping.”

Laura rolls her eyes and pulls Carmilla further down the row of displays.

“It’s your apartment. Can you just cooperate for the next five minutes? And it’s after two, when would be a better time to go couch shopping?”

“No. And never.”

Laura rolls her eyes again, stopping in front of a display holding a light colored, fabric couch.

“How about this one?”

Laura exclaims, excitedly, Carmilla just makes a face.

“Ooookay, moving on.”

Laura walks over to the next display and makes a face at the blue couch against the wall. Carmilla bites her bottom lip trying to hide the smirk creeping onto her lips.

“Maybe we should narrow down our search...What color were you thinking?”

Laura turns around to face Carmilla who immediately returns her expression to that of unimpressed, not wanting Laura to see her finding any amusement in this.

“Black.”

Laura groans.

“Carmilla, everything you own can’t be black. If you don’t pick one I’m getting you that yellow one over there and you’ll have to deal with it.”

Laura puts her foot down, literally, and Carmilla smirks at her.

“I thought you said it was my apartment. Besides, if you get me a yellow couch, I will personally sic Dumb and Dumber on it myself.”

Laura rolls her eyes, for the hundredth time this trip, but reluctantly leads Carmilla over to the dark colored couches and gestures at them with her free hand.

“Happy?”

“No.”

Laura huffs.

“You are impossible.”

Carmilla smirks and threads her fingers through Laura’s, leading her over to a dark grey, almost black, leather corner sofa and plops down on it, bouncing a bit on the cushions before standing back up.

“This one's super, let’s go.”

Laura rolls her eyes and goes to write down the number of the couch anyway, but stops herself and looks back at Carmilla, her face falling.

“Carm, this is almost two thousand dollars…”

Laura whispers. Carmilla looks at her, confused, raising an eyebrow.

“And?”

“And, I can’t afford that, that’s like...seventeen hundred dollars more than I was planning on spending!”

Carmilla raises an eyebrow at the girl in front of her.

“Than you were planning on spending?”

Laura shrugs.

“Yeah, it’s kinda my fault Finn and Doc ate your couch in the first place, so-”

“You are not buying me a couch.”

Carmilla shakes her head.

“Yes, I am.”

Carmilla narrows her eyes at the girl in front of her.

“Laura.”

Laura mimics her look and lowers her voice to match Carmilla’s tone.

“Carmilla.”

Laura crosses her arms across her chest and Carmilla rolls her eyes.

“Ok, one: I do not sound like that, and two: no, you’re not. Plus, this is the one I’m getting for my apartment and since you don’t want to pay over three hundred dollars, you have no choice but to let me pay for it. Now, let’s go, I don’t want to be here any longer than we have to. Also, your friends are still watching the little monsters and it’s only polite to not leave them for too long.”

Carmilla drawls before turning on her heel and making a beeline for the escalator to go pick up the couch from the storage compartment on the lower level. She smirks when she hears Laura groan behind her, but quickly shuffle her feet after her anyway, not bothering to object. 

* * *

It took the two of them over a half hour to find all the pieces for the couch on their own, since Carmilla refused to ask for an employee’s help. It took even longer to maneuver the pieces for the couch over to the line for the check out, considering the trolley they had found only had enough room for the largest, heaviest box, leaving the two girls to carry the rest in their arms. Once in the line, Laura immediately spotted the small cafe behind the registers and her eyes lit up.

“Carm! You need to try the cinnamon rolls here! It’s all part of the IKEA experience!”

Laura grasps Carmilla’s arm, causing her to almost drop the boxes she was balancing. She watched as Carmilla raised her eyebrow and rolled her eyes at the small girl in front of her who was practically bouncing with excitement. Carmilla nods her head and Laura shoves the boxes she was holding onto the boxes in Carmilla’s arms before rushing over to the counter and ordering two cinnamon rolls with extra frosting and a black coffee for Carmilla and a hot chocolate for herself. She found a small table for two in the corner and placed the order down before eyeing the register she had just left. It was Carmilla’s turn at the register, she was digging through her wallet with her eyebrows furrowed and jaw tense while the woman behind the register was swiping a card through the reader. After a few seconds the woman shakes her head and Carmilla’s jaw clenches before she throws down another card. The woman swipes the card through the reader and, again, looks up at Carmilla apologetically and shakes her head.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

Laura’s eyes grow wide at Carmilla’s sudden outburst. She watches as the woman mouths the word ‘sorry’ before Carmilla throws another card down. The woman reluctantly takes it and swipes it through the reader, not meeting Carmilla’s eyes when she shakes her head this time. Carmilla pinches the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before she grabs the card from the woman in front of her and places it back in her wallet with the others. She places her wallet in the back pocket of her dark jeans and pulls out a wad of cash from the pocket of her leather jacket and starts flipping through the cash before placing a pile on the counter in front of the woman, whose eyes were as wide as Laura’s at that point, and stuffs the wad back in her pocket. Carmilla narrows her eyes at the woman before huffing loudly and pushing the trolley to where Laura was sitting at the table, frozen. Laura watches as the woman behind the register holds up what should have been Carmilla’s change, but she’s left looking around worriedly with a handful of coins.

Laura doesn’t say anything as Carmilla sits down in the chair across from her and picks up the drink on her side of the table. Laura clears her throat and Carmilla’s eyes snap up to meet hers.

“What?!”

Carmilla snaps, a bit too harshly, her features stoic as she waits for Laura to say something. Laura’s shoulders tense at the sudden bite. Carmilla’s face falls at Laura’s change in demeanor and she lowers her head to look at her hands around the cup of coffee in front of her.

“Um...Sorry, I didn’t-”

Laura quickly shakes her head, her eyebrows furrowing.

“No, it’s fine-”

“My mother drained my savings.”

Carmilla quickly blurted out, keeping her eyes on her hands, focusing on the warmth from the cup. She could feel Laura’s eyes on her and the anger in her stomach was beginning to bubble to the surface. Her entire body was buzzing with fury, but she couldn’t lose it in front of Laura, not again. She was focused on pushing the building rage to the deepest parts of her mind when she felt a soft touch on the back of her hand, causing her to jump and her fists to tighten around the styrofoam in her palms. Suddenly her hands were burning and she was quickly brought out of her thoughts as she quickly stood up, the chair she was sitting in falling back behind her with a loud bang, surely capturing the attention of anyone nearby.

“Ah, fuck!”

Carmilla’s hands were dripping in hot coffee and now the table was covered in the dark liquid, as well as her lap. Somehow Laura had saved the cinnamon rolls, moving them to an empty table and had grabbed a stack of napkins which she was now placing in Carmilla’s hands, her first priority to get the burning liquid off her skin. She placed a few napkins on the table, stopping the flow of the coffee and trapping it before turning her attention to Carmilla.

“Are you okay?”

Laura asked, taking Carmilla’s hands in her own. Carmilla’s eyebrows were pulled together as she nodded. Carmilla knew she wasn’t talking solely about the condition of her hands. Laura dried Carmilla’s hands as best she could before handing her more napkins and the cinnamon rolls and the keys to Lafontaine’s truck, which they had borrowed to transport the couch.

“Here, I’ll meet you in the car.”

Carmilla didn’t move.

“Carm…”

Laura was looking at her with such intensity that Carmilla felt like she was going to burst, but at the same time there was something in Laura’s eyes that put out the fire in her stomach and she wasn’t mad anymore. She just nodded her head and took the keys and made her way to the exit to the parking lot to bring the truck around to the loading dock where Laura would soon meet her with the trolley filled with boxes balancing on top of each other and a fresh coffee for Carmilla. 

* * *

The car ride back to Carmilla’s was silent. Laura didn’t comment on the fact that Carmilla had eaten both hers and part of Laura’s cinnamon roll, but instead, reached for Carmilla’s hand across the center console and intertwined their fingers together while drawing small circles on the back of Carmilla’s hand with her thumb. Carmilla didn’t object, so that’s how they sat for the 40 minute car ride.

Upon arriving at Carmilla’s apartment, Laura didn’t bother letting go of Carmilla’s hand, instead she put the truck in park and they sat in the parking lot on the side of the building until Carmilla was ready to head up.

“Are you okay?”

Laura whispered, squeezing Carmilla’s hand in an effort to somewhat comfort her. It scared her when Carmilla wouldn’t talk. She shut down a lot and although Laura knew when to pry and when Carmilla needed distance, talking about Carmilla’s mother was fairly new. In high school, Carmilla never really mentioned her and Laura never brought her up in fear of her closing down and shutting Laura out and now Laura knew why. Carmilla squeezed Laura’s hand back and brought it up to her lips, placing a soft kiss to the back of her hand and nodding her head.

“I will be. Thank you.”

Carmilla whispers. Laura just nods and Carmilla releases their hands before going to open the passenger side door and turning around to give Laura a small smirk.

“Now, let’s go relieve the Ginger Twins of the Monsters and get this couch together over a bottle of wine.”

* * *

Laura had conveniently left Carmilla in the company of Laf and Perry and the two puppies while she went and picked up the pizza she ordered, 40 minutes prior, and a couple bottles of wine. Carmilla tried to volunteer to go instead, but Laura could be incredibly convincing and she insisted that Carmilla stay behind and ‘bond’ with the redheads on her living room floor where the remaining shreds of the couch had been before they left earlier that afternoon for IKEA. Laura mentioned that Perry must have cleaned it up and took it out back to the dumpster and that Carmilla should probably thank her, but to be honest, Carmilla didn’t know how she felt about the fact that there were two, almost complete, strangers in her apartment with access to everything she owned and a lot of her past, but then on the other hand, she trusted Laura and her judgement and tried to push those thoughts to the furthest corner of her mind. Even if she did, slightly, know the Ginger Twins from high school, they weren’t that close and Carmilla only knew who they were through Laura and if Laura was still friends with them, then they might not be so bad.

When Laura came through the door, 20 minutes later, arms full of pizza and a bottle of wine in each hand, Carmilla was standing awkwardly in the kitchen, her back against the counter, arms crossed over her chest and her most impressive indifferent expression on her face, watching the interactions between Laf and the puppies and Perry who seemed to want nothing to do with the pups in front of her. Seeing Laura walk through the door, Carmilla quickly rushed to Laura’s side and grabbed the pizzas, placing them on the island bar. Laura smiled at her and whispered a thanks, but then turned her attention to Laf and Perry on the living room floor.

“Hey, you were supposed to be bonding, not brooding over here in the corner.”

Laura teased, a slight smile on her lips as she bumped her shoulder into Carmilla’s. Carmilla shrugged in response, looking completely out of place and uncomfortable, even in her own apartment. She gathered from the way the two had looked at her over the past 20 minutes that Laura was gone, that the taller, curly haired one, the one Laura mentioned had helped her the day before when Carmilla was asleep, didn’t exactly like her. The other, shorter ginger didn’t act like they disliked Carmilla, but they made no move to get to know her better, either. She was sort of ignored and, although Carmilla didn’t mind the lack of communication, they were in her apartment and when they did happen to glance up at Carmilla, it was with sadness in their eyes and disappointment and the curly haired one always seemed to be judging her. It was unsettling to say the least.

“I don’t think they like me very much.”

Carmilla whispered as she began dishing out pieces of pizza onto her plate and grabbing four glasses from the cupboard for the wine, which she placed on the counter in front of Laura.

“They don’t know you that well, Carm, maybe if you relaxed-”

Carmilla paused, a slice of pizza halfway to her lips, her mouth open. Laura had begun to pour the wine.

“Relax? They’ve been looking at me like I just pushed over an old woman walking across the street, that’s not exactly inviting, cupcake.”

Carmilla lowered her voice so only her and Laura could hear. She placed the slice of pizza back onto the plate as Laura turned to go walk the pizza and wine she gathered for Perry and Laf to where they were still sitting on the rug in front of the coffee table.

“They’re just overprotective. When you left, I went-”

“They know!?”

Carmilla whispered harshly, grabbing Laura’s elbow before she could walk any further into the living room. Laura turned around with an apologetic look on her face. She dropped her eyes to the ground before placing the the cups and plates back onto the counter.

“Carm, you were there and then you weren’t, it-”

“...wasn’t my fault. We’re still doing this? My mother-”

Carmilla was starting to get angry. She thought when she told Laura what had happened that night, that she would understand that there wasn’t really anything she could have done.

“It doesn’t matter that you left anyway, she still found out. I’ve already started looking for different schools and-” Laura groans. “Can we not do this right now?”

Carmilla’s face contorts in confusion and hurt.

“What do you mean you started looking for different schools? You have a year left. What did she say to you? Laura, if she threatened you-”

Carmilla and Laura were no longer whispering or trying to keep their voices down, in fact, their voices were rising as each fueled the other’s fire. Laura ripped her arm out of Carmilla’s grasp on her elbow.

“Hey, L, you need help with the-”

Laf tried to diffuse the situation, but Carmilla was having none of it.

“Not now, Ginger One.”

Carmilla raised her hand in Laf’s direction, cutting her off.

“Stop. It doesn’t matter. Please, can we just go put together your stupid couch and get drunk?”

Laura’s voice was small, she didn’t want it to have to come to this, but she didn’t really think she had much of a choice when she was dealing with Carmilla’s mother.

“It does matter. You matter. She can’t make you leave.”

Carmilla’s voice was soft, but Laura just scoffed.

“She’s the Dean, Carmilla, she can do whatever the fuck she wants and since I didn’t accept her check… Forget it.”

Laura shakes her head and Carmilla’s confusion only grows, she grows more concerned with each sentence out of Laura’s mouth.

“What does she have on you? Why is this suddenly okay?”

Laura’s mouth goes dry and the floor of Carmilla’s kitchen suddenly becomes the most interesting thing in the room.

“Just forget it, please.”

She’s practically begging Carmilla to back down and she can feel tears start to build up at the corners of her eyes. Carmilla brings two fingers to rest under Laura’s chin as she gently raises her head so she can look Laura in the eye.

“No, Laura. She’s not going to win, this is ridiculous. Where’s the Laura that would fight tooth and nail to bring her down? I’m not walking out again.”

Laura pulls her head away from Carmilla, a tear escaping and rolling down her cheek as Carmilla’s arm falls limp at her side.

“Then I am. I can’t fight this. You know first hand how she is. I’m finishing the rest of this semester and then I’m moving back home with my dad and Noah. I should have done that years ago.”

Laura says the last part mostly to herself. She reaches up and wipes away the tear on her chin. Carmilla shakes her head.

“Your house isn’t that far away, I could still-”

Laura cuts her off with a harsh no.

“Not here home. Home, home. They moved back with my other relatives after my freshman year.”

Realization crossed Carmilla’s features and her mouth formed into a small ‘O’, her stomach dropping to her feet.

“Home, home, as in Canada. You’re moving back to Canada. What the fuck Laura, since when? The semester ends in less than a month.”

Carmilla’s voice was soft, she wasn’t angry at Laura, she was furious at her mother. She pushed the anger down and ignored the vibrations in her arms and hands, itching to hit something, and she was left with hurt and betrayal.

“I was going to tell you-”

“Since. When.”

“Your mom called me the day after I left the studio.”

Laura murmurs, Carmilla scoffs, crossing her arms across her chest.

“Of course she did. It all makes sense, now. How did she even...Is that why you didn’t call me or come over?”

“Part of...the reason.”

Laura chances a look at Carmilla’s face, before she quickly glances over to Perry and Lafontaine on the floor. She can feel Carmilla’s eyes on her.

“Look at me. You’re keeping things from me.”

Carmilla takes Laura’s chin in her hand again and attempts to turn her face toward Carmilla, but Laura pushes her hand away.

“Laura, please, I just want to help.”

Carmilla whispers, bringing her hand up to cup Laura’s cheek. Laura closes her eyes for a second, relaxing into Carmilla’s touch before she pulls her head back, out of Carmilla’s grasp.

“I can’t do this right now.”

Laura starts toward the door to Carmilla’s apartment, but stops short at the gentle grip on her wrist.

“Laura…”

Carmilla whispers, almost pleading. Laura just shakes her head and pulls her wrist from Carmilla’s hand.

“I’m sorry.”

Laura’s voice cracks on the last word and she slips out into the hallway without looking back because she knows if she did, she would see hurt in Carmilla’s eyes and it would stop her from doing what she needs to do. Carmilla’s mother has a lot of shit over Laura’s head and Carmilla can’t find out, not like that.

Lafontaine and Perry left shortly after Laura did. Laf offered to take the puppies with them, but Carmilla turned down their offer with a door to their face after shoving a box of pizza into their arms since they didn’t really have any time to eat. In the back of her mind, Carmilla figured Laura would want to come back and get the dogs before she left for Canada, and then Carmilla would talk to her. She had to come back, right? She wouldn’t just leave Carmilla with two puppies and a broken heart, right? Right?

That night, Carmilla sat on the floor of her shower with Finn and Doc and just let the water pour over her head and soak her clothes while she ate the leftover box of pizza in it’s entirety, ripping off pieces of the crust, every once in awhile, and feeding it to the pups. She had already finished one bottle of wine and was in the process of uncorking the second when she heard a knock at the door. She immediately sprung to her feet, her body swaying from the alcohol in her system. She shakes her head to try and shake some of the drunkenness out, but ends up almost slipping on the wet tile, having to catch herself on the sink before opening the door and stumbling into the living room. The knock comes again and she starts walking faster to the door, nearly landing on her face when she runs her hip into the corner of the island bar. She makes to the door in one piece, mumbling profanities under her breath at the inanimate objects that kept getting in her way. She flings the door open with hope in her eyes and butterflies in her stomach, but maybe that’s just the alcohol.

“You’re not Laura.”

She deadpans, slurring a bit, upon seeing the figure standing in the hallway outside her apartment door, her face falling instantly.

“And you’re wet and drunk. Now that we’re finished stating the obvious, are you going to invite me inside, or are you going to leave your darling sister out in the hallway.”

Carmilla stares at Mattie, hand still on the door handle, actually considering leaving her sister in the hallway, but Mattie pushes past Carmilla and invites herself in before Carmilla even has a chance to comprehend what just happened.

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

Carmilla says slowly, shutting the door and locking it before taking a long sip from the bottle in her hand and heading back in the direction of the bathroom.

“Carmilla, I think you might want to hear what I have to say.”

* * *

As it turns out, Carmilla isn’t broke after all. Although her mother drained her bank accounts of every last penny she had ever given her, her father left her with a great deal of money from himself and the address of some property around where he grew up, that his father had given him, before he moved to pursue his dream of becoming a surgeon and before he met their mother. In his will he stated that half of his fortune would go to Carmilla, along with the property, and the other half would go to William, along with their father’s antique car collection, but only when they turned 25. Mattie was given the house she had been living in since she was 18, in Versailles, and the education to become the lawyer she is today. Of course, he left their mother a small fortune for herself and the large estate in which they lived in Styria, but the children’s fortunes were kept separate and under lock and key with their father’s lawyer and old friend.

Mattie told Carmilla that the will also stated that Carmilla and William were only able access to what was stated in the will before they turned 25, if he, by some wicked twist of fate, died before they reached the age of 18, which he had. Apparently their mother had kept the information a secret and hidden away since his passing and Mattie just recently thought to pull out her copy of their father’s will.

* * *

It had been two weeks after Mattie told Carmilla the news of her father’s will and her newfound wealth. She hadn’t heard anything from Laura since she walked out on her. Currently she was sitting on the pile of boxes that contained the pieces for the couch her and Laura bought, but she couldn’t bring herself to put it together. She was watching an old black and white movie that was on tv. It was pretty late, almost 10pm. The puppies were at her feet playing with a rubber tire when a knock sounded rapidly at her door. She jumped when she heard the noise, as she wasn’t expecting company and from what she gathered by interrogating the Ginger Twins, it wasn’t Laura either. The person on the other side of the door began pounding on the door again just as Carmilla was rising from her stoop on the boxes.

“I’m coming, calm the fuck down!”

She yelled, but the knocking only grew in intensity. Carmilla groaned and unlocked the door, throwing it open, a scowl plastered on her face.

“What?!”

Her face relaxed immediately when she saw the terror in the shorter ginger’s face, their hand still floating in midair from where they were knocking on the door.

“I-um-I’m sorry, but-”

“Out with it, Lafonbrain.”

Carmilla exclaimed, defeated.

“I-It’s Laura.”

Carmilla’s stomach dropped to the floor at her name, it felt like she was punched in the gut and it must have shown because Lafontaine quickly stumbled over an explanation while pushing Carmilla out of the way to step into the apartment.

“Ah, no-sorry, sorry-I mean...Laura’s fine, it’s her-”

Carmilla shut the door behind them and turned to face Lafontaine who was wildly waving her hands at Carmilla.

“Laf, breathe, what’s going on?”

Lafontaine took a deep breathe before simply saying,

“She left.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, no shit.”

Laf groans.

“No, I mean, she left for Canada.”

Carmilla’s eyebrows come together, her head cocking to the side.

“What? When? I thought she was finishing the semester?”

“This morning. And she was, but- She told Perry it was because of her dad and I mean, we knew he was sick, but-”

“What?”

“He’s sick, did she not tell you?”

“Uh, no.”

“Oh, um, well she seemed pretty upset from what I heard on the phone when Perry was talking with her, but I just thought you should know and-”

Carmilla didn’t let Lafontaine finish her sentence before she pulled her phone out of her pocket and redialed the first number in her recent calls. She put the phone to her ear and the phone barely rung once before she heard Mattie’s voice on the other end. She didn’t bother with pleasantries and quickly got to the point.

“Hey, change of plans, I’m leaving tonight on the red eye.”

She didn’t pay much attention to what Mattie had to say about her sudden decision. She was busy rummaging through the piles of paper on her kitchen table, looking for a pen and paper, which she shoved into Lafontaine’s hands when she found what she was looking for.

“Address.”

Carmilla stated curtly, gesturing to the pad of sticky notes in Laf’s grasp. Laf just looked at her with a blank expression.

“Laura’s. Laura’s address, write it down. Come on, I thought you were the smart one.”

“Ouch.”

Carmilla still had the phone to her ear and caught the last bit of Mattie’s speech.

“- in 20 minutes.”

Then the line went dead and Carmilla placed her phone on the table, looking at it, confused, her eyebrows knitted together. She shakes her head and looks to Lafontaine who is now holding up the pad of paper, an address written on it and two phone numbers, one with Laura’s name next to it and the other with Lafontaine’s. Carmilla grabs the paper from Lafontaine’s grasp and shoves it in her pocket.

“So, you need someone to watch Finn and Doc while you’re gone?”

Carmilla shakes her head, walking to the back of the apartment and grabbing her suitcase from the closet.

“Nope, they’re coming with me.”

* * *

 

20 minutes later and Mattie was walking through Carmilla’s apartment door. Carmilla and Laf had thrown all of her essentials in the single suitcase and were now busy packing for the dogs. Mattie tried to talk Carmilla out of leaving before the semester was over, but Carmilla didn’t give two shits.

“Mattie, we’ve already done this. I’m afraid that if it happens again, we won’t be able to come back from it. You’re not going to be able to convince me to stay. I’m going.”

Mattie sighed, knowing very well how stubborn Carmilla could be and accepting her fate.

“At least be rational and take the company airliner, Carmilla. You’ll be more comfortable and you’ll be able to pack your things and you won’t need a second trip to do so. I know much you love flying.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes.

“Of course your company has a plane, why wouldn’t it?”

“Holy shit, your family is loaded.”

Carmilla glares at Lafontaine, who throws their hands up defensively before turning back to Mattie.

“Can we be wheels up in an hour?”

Mattie smiles.

“I’ve already contacted the pilot and he’s going through the pre-flight checks as we speak.”

Carmilla nods looking Mattie in the eye.

“Thanks, Mattie, for everything.”

Mattie smiles back and clasps her hands together before turning to Lafontaine.

“Now, why don’t we get this show on the road so the big sap over here can go get her girl? Hm?”

Carmilla pushes Mattie in the shoulder.

“Shut up.”

* * *

 

It took Carmilla less than 30 seconds to find Laura after reaching the 16th floor of the hospital. 25 of those seconds were spent giving herself a pep talk and catching her breath in the stairwell after sprinting up 16 flights of stairs to the Oncology and Palliative/Hospice Care Unit that made up the entire 16th floor. She found Laura shortly after opening the door and taking a step into the hallway, the strong smell of antiseptics and flowers hitting her nose immediately. The small brunette was sitting on the floor less than ten feet from Carmilla, leaning against the wall across the hall from a closed door with the number 1607 marked above it. Laura’s elbows were resting on her knees in front of her, that she had drawn to her chest, and she had a hand tangled in her hair on the side of her head, the other was placed over her mouth. Carmilla couldn’t really see her face, but her shoulders were slumped and shaking and Carmilla could hear her sniffling from where she stood by the door to the stairs. Laura was wearing an old, oversized black and red Silas University crewneck and a pair of gray sweats with the university’s logo on the leg rolled a couple times at her waist because they were too big. Her hair was slightly out of place and, just by the way she was sitting, Carmilla could tell she was exhausted. Her heart sank at the sight.

Remembering she had a hot drink in her hand and a bag with two, warm, chocolate chip cookies from the cafe on the main floor, Carmilla finally takes a step toward the girl on the ground. She’s suddenly extremely nervous. What if she just makes it worse? What if Laura doesn’t actually want her here? She probably wants to be alone. This probably isn’t the best time to show up out of the blue. She’s probably not even hungry anyway. What if Noah’s here? There’s no way he would be, in any way, ecstatic to see her here. Now that she thinks about it, neither would Laura’s father, but she’s not here for them. She’s here for Laura. Laura, whose dad...Oh God. This is the Oncology and Palliative/Hospice floor. No nononono. Oh God.

Carmilla swallows hard when she realizes what this means. None of the reasons for him being up here are particularly good, just some better than others. She’s never hoped for someone to have cancer as much as she did right now.

A nurse walked past her with a tray of food and brought Carmilla out of her thoughts. She took a deep breath before forcing her feet further down the hallway. She stopped when she reached Laura’s side and realized she had never seen her look so small. She quietly cleared her throat and when Laura didn’t look up she leaned back against the wall and slid down until she was sitting with her shoulder touching Laura’s.

“Hey, Cupcake.”

She said softly. When Laura looked up, her eyes were red and bloodshot and there were tears streaking down her cheeks. She wiped at her eyes before running her hand through her hair.

“I know you’re probably not hungry, but I got you cookies and hot chocolate and I made sure they put cinnamon in it-”

“Carm, what are you doing here?”

When she finally spoke, her voice took Carmilla by surprise. She sounded so broken and fragile and it was almost as if they were kids again, sitting on the floor of Laura’s old bedroom after her father had told her that her mother wasn’t coming back from the hospital and she was confused and scared and didn’t know what that meant and when he told her that the sickness had finally run it’s course and he broke down in front of her, she realized that she didn’t have a mother anymore. Now, she was losing her father and the realization hit Carmilla like a punch to the stomach.

“Laura, I am so sorry.”

Carmilla forgot about the cookies and hot chocolate as soon as Laura’s bottom lip started trembling and her face crumpled in front of her and before she knew it she was holding the smaller girl as she cried into her chest, her small arms wrapped around Carmilla’s waist, Carmilla’s instinctively wrapped around Laura’s shoulders, one hand on the back of her head. They sat like that until Laura was calmed down enough to speak, barely above a whisper.

“He has what my mom had.”

“Laur-”

“His scans light up like a fucking christmas tree.”

She doesn’t even make it through the sentence before her voice cracks and another heart wrenching sob escapes her throat. Carmilla just holds her tighter, running her fingers through Laura’s hair.

“I’m sorry, this probably isn’t what you came here for.”

Laura cries before pulling back to wipe at her cheeks. Carmilla placed her hand on Laura’s cheek bringing her closer, resting their foreheads together, their eyes closing.

“Sweetheart, this is exactly why I came here.”

Laura scoffs and tries to turn her head away, but Carmilla places her free hand on Laura’s other cheek and she holds her there.

“Laf told me you left earlier than expected and said you sounded upset on the phone when you called Perry, so I flew out here and they gave me the address of your house and no one was there when I got there and when they said your dad was sick I started calling hospitals and thank God it only took me three tries to find the right one-”

Laura pulls their foreheads apart, placing her hands over Carmilla’s on her cheeks.

“Carm. You’re talking really fast.”

She whispers. Carmilla takes a deep breath and nods her head.

“Right. Um, anyway-” Carmilla clears her throat. “-I just wanted to make sure you were okay, or somewhat functioning, I know how you were when your mo- um...I...I have some news, but first, I actually have a surprise for you.”

Laura’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. Carmilla stands up and offers Laura her hand which she takes, pulling herself up as she gently wipes her cheeks free of tears. Carmilla starts to lead her to the stairs, but Laura stops them both and looks back at the door to room 1607.

“Wait, Carm, I don’t-”

Carmilla tugs on her hand and gives her a small smile.

“Come on, it won’t take 15 minutes.”

Laura takes a step forward.

“Are you sure?”

“Do you trust me?”

Laura’s eyebrows scrunch together again before she nods and watches as Carmilla squats down in front of her.

“Uh, what are you doing?”

Carmilla just laughs and shakes her head.

“Come on, get on. You look like you’re about to pass out, there’s no way you'll make it 16 flights. When’s the last time you got any sleep?”

Laura shrugs and wraps her arms around Carmilla’s neck, but starts wiggling when Carmilla goes to stand up.

“What is it, creampuff?”

“Wait a second.”

Laura hops off Carmilla’s back and turns back to her dad’s room, hopping back on a few seconds later with the hot chocolate and the bag with the cookies in it, in her hands. A small smile makes it’s way onto Carmilla’s face as she takes the bag and pulls out a cookie before handing it to Laura and taking the other cookie and holding it in her mouth while she bends over once again and let's Laura hop onto her back.

* * *

 

By the time the two of them have reached the ground floor, they both had finished their cookies (Carmilla only ate half of hers before giving the rest to Laura) and Laura finished the hot chocolate. Carmilla was still carrying Laura on her back, Laura’s face pressed into the side of her neck, when they walked out to the parking garage and down a couple aisles where Carmilla’s car was.

“Who’s car is this?”

Laura gestures to the black SUV before she slides off Carmilla’s back and runs her fingers through her hair, turning to Carmilla.

“It’s just a rental, but your surprise is inside.”

“You rented a range-?”

Just then the back door opened and out stepped Laf with a wriggling Doc and behind her, in the next seat over, Perry, with a sleeping Finn in her lap and Mattie in the front seat. Laura’s face lit up, just enough for only Carmilla to notice, but also just enough for her to count as a small victory, in her favor.

“They insisted on flying here with me, trust me, it would have been just me and the dogs, but Lafontaine and Perry are a force to be reckoned with, also they promised to help me with a couple things, which I am holding against you two.”

Carmilla stated that last part with a finger pointed at the two gingers. A slight smile made it’s way onto Laura’s face as she took the puppy from Laf before she hugged them, whispering a small thank you into their ear. Lafontaine just nodded in agreement, knowing what she meant. When Perry emerged from the backseat of the SUV, she was carrying two tupperware containers in one arm and Finn, still sleeping, in the other. Carmilla grabbed Finn from her arms before propping him up on her shoulder, hanging onto his butt and letting Laura hug Perry.

“Lafontaine and I brought you some of your favorite’s.”

Perry said, handing the tupperware containers to Laura, who eyed them suspiciously before she realized that there were Perry’s famous brownies in one and enough homemade lasagna in the other to feed a small village in the other and they were in fact, Laura’s favorite.

After fifteen minutes of watching Laura quietly hold Doc while he, every once in awhile, licked her face, making her smile slightly, Carmilla reluctantly announced that they should get back up stairs. Laura nodded, handing Doc back to Lafontaine and Carmilla handing Finn back to Perry. Laura hugged them both once more before she turned to start heading out of the parking garage, finding Carmilla bent down in front of her. Laura just rolls her eyes, but placed herself on Carmilla’s back anyway, tossing a ‘see you later’ over her shoulder with a small wave of her hand as Carmilla lead them both to the door to the stairs, Perry’s tupperware containers in her arms.

Carmilla had wanted to tell Laura about the house her father had left her, which was less than an hour from the hospital, but when they reached the 16th floor of the hospital and Carmilla opened the door that lead out into the hallway where she first found Laura, that thought was the absolute last thing on her mind.

The hallway in front of Mr. Hollis’ room was in complete chaos.  Carmilla felt her heart sink as Laura’s body immediately stiffened on her back, her grip around Carmilla’s neck tightening slightly, at the sight in front of them.  Suddenly Laura was sliding off Carmilla’s back and making a beeline for room 1607, dodging a couple nurses as she went, almost knocking one to the floor in her panic, her hair flowing wildly behind her, but Carmilla was quicker than her and quick to react.  Carmilla grabbed Laura’s wrist, catching her before she could reach the room where a middle-aged man in a white coat briskly entered, seconds before.  Carmilla could hear Laura’s brother yelling behind the now closed door, as well as a loud, steady beep.  Carmilla had never heard anything more grim.

Everything around them seemed to slow down.  Carmilla’s grip on Laura’s wrist tightened as she, once again, tried to reach the door to her father’s room.  Carmilla couldn’t let her go in there.  She shouldn’t have to see that.  She shouldn’t have to see him like that.  Her father.

“Laura, no-”

When Laura twisted around to face Carmilla, her cheeks were wet with fresh tears and her eyes were red and puffy and suddenly she was screaming, but Carmilla couldn’t hear anything other than the faint sound of Mr Hollis’ heart monitor echoing in her ears and the sound of Noah’s pleas of ‘ help him ’ and ‘ why the fuck aren’t you doing anything? ’.  Carmilla knew why they weren’t doing anything, though.  Their father was admitted here, knowing he wouldn’t make it home.  He knew what it meant when he was put on the 16th floor, he knew they were waiting for him to die and that the only thing they could do was take the pain away and wait.  He probably didn’t mention that to his children, but Carmilla knew and Laura and Noah would soon find out.  

It didn’t take long for Carmilla to register the fact that Laura was now hitting her chest with her tiny balled up fists and the words she had been screaming were more clear.  Instead of the steady beep ringing in Carmilla’s ears it was Laura’s broken screams of ‘ I trusted you ’ and ‘ you made me go with you ’ and ‘ you promised ’.

Each blow to Carmilla’s chest became weaker and weaker with each cry from Laura’s mouth.  Eventually, Carmilla took hold of both Laura’s wrists and held them against her chest, bringing Laura to her and wrapping her arms around Laura’s body.  She placed a hand on the back of Laura’s head, holding her against her body.  Laura struggled against Carmilla’s grip, with every last bit of strength she had, trying to get free, trying to continue to hit Carmilla.

“Laura, stop.”

Carmilla’s voice was small and broken and she hadn’t realized she was crying until she felt a wetness on her cheek that wasn’t there before, when she rested her cheek against Laura’s hair.  Laura stopped fighting seconds later, the only sound in Carmilla’s ears was the sound of Laura sobbing into her chest.  Carmilla was still clutching Laura to her when Laura’s legs gave out from underneath her as if it took everything out of her to go off on Carmilla the way she did, and they both ended up on their knees.  Carmilla didn’t blame her though, she understood why she was acting the way she was.  She understood why she needed to blame Carmilla instead of the disease, it was easier.  It was easier to put the blame on something physical, rather than something she couldn’t control and Carmilla just happened to be there and Carmilla was the one that took her away from her father in his last moments.  Maybe if Carmilla held her tight enough, Laura wouldn’t be able to break into a million pieces like she had when her mother passed away from the same cancer when they were 7.  Maybe if they sat there long enough and Carmilla held her long enough, they would both wake up back in Laura’s bed, back in Styria, on that night that seemed like a lifetime ago and this would all have been a dream, the last three and a half years were all a dream.  Oh how she wished this was all just some cruel, twisted, joke that her subconscious was playing on her.  Oh, God, how she wished.

Carmilla was brought back from her thoughts when Noah rushed backwards out of the room in front of them, his hands in his hair.  They must have shut the beeping from the heart monitor off because the only sound coming from the room now was a silence so loud it made Carmilla’s ears ring.  Noah looked older than she had remembered, he was more muscular and, maybe it was just her position on the floor, but he looked taller too.  His hair, the same color as Laura’s, was cut shorter on the sides and left a little longer on top of his head, messily pushed to the side.  He had a bit of stubble on his chin that made him look like his father, in a way.  He was wearing a military uniform and a set of dog tags were hanging loosely around his neck.  His eyes were bloodshot and red and he looked fragile and out of place in his uniform.  When he caught sight of Laura in Carmilla’s arms, he suddenly looked so full of rage that Carmilla had enough sense to pull the two of them up and place Laura slightly behind her.  Laura was so out of it that she hadn’t caught on to what was happening, yet.

“Where the hell were you?!”

Carmilla knew he was talking to Laura, but she almost felt as though his words were somewhat directed towards her in a way, if it weren’t for the fact that his gaze was glued to the smaller girl clutching to Carmilla’s jacket behind her.

“Where the fuck were you?!  He was calling for you, he was- You selfish child-”

Carmilla’s body stiffened in front of Laura’s.  She could hear Laura silently crying behind her.

“Noah, enough.”

He takes a step forward, bringing his hands down to his sides in fists, there were tears brimming in his eyes.

“You always leave when it’s convenient for you.  Did you even consider what you leaving could do?  To him?  Jesus, Laura, you have no idea.  I hope it was worth it.  I hope you know what you did-”

“Noah!  Enough.”

For the first time since he started talking, he looked right into Carmilla’s eyes, taking another step forward, laughing hollowly.

“Oh, look, it’s the Karnstein that-”

“Stop.  I get it, you’re hurt and angry, but you shouldn’t be pushing her away, you should be-”

Noah laughed again, there was no humor in it.

“Pushing her away?  You have no idea do you?  She-”

Carmilla tried to defuse some of the tension that seemed to be lingering in the air between them.

“Just now, she was with me.  We were in the parking garage, she looked like she needed some air, that’s where she was, so if you want to blame someone, blame me.  I-”

“I’m not talking about ten minutes ago, Carmilla.  When he was diagnosed, she-”

“Stop!”

Laura walked out from behind Carmilla, her cheeks still wet, her hands clutched into trembling fists.  Noah averted his gaze to the frail girl behind Carmilla’s outstretched arm.

“What, you mean to tell me you haven’t told her?  Oh, this is rich, Laura.  Always the innocent one.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, Noah.”

Laura’s voice was shaky and small.

“No?  Shall we recap the last three years, then?  You want me to start?  Or are you going to finally tell your girlfriend here what the fuck you did to this family?”

Carmilla stood frozen at Noah’s words, she had no idea what the hell he was talking about, but the way he was talking to Laura was scaring her.

“Laura…”

Laura shook her head and pushed Carmilla’s arm out of her way before stepping closer to Noah, leaving Carmilla in the background.

“I was scared, okay?  I was heartbroken and scared and I didn’t know what the fuck to do and alcohol wasn’t cutting it anymore.  When you told me what happened to Carm, I lost it, then when dad told us he had what mom had and it had already spread to his lungs… He wasn’t supposed to make it this far, Noah.  I honestly didn’t think I would either.  I didn’t-”

Carmilla was beyond confused at this point.   She didn’t think she would make it this far?  What is that supposed to mean?

“Yeah and you almost didn’t.  He wasn’t the same after that night, Laura, and you know it.  It crushed him when he saw you in that hospital bed, too high to even remember your fucking name.  Do you even remember what happened?  Do you remember waking up?  Do you remember the look on his face when the doctors told him there was benzoylecgonine in your system?  What about when-”

“Noah, please, don’t.”

Laura pleaded, trying to get Noah to stop the story, but he was on a roll and ignored her pleas.

“Laura, what the hell is he talking about?  What's benzo- whatever the fuck he said?”

Carmilla was looking at Laura like she had just slapped her across the face.  Laura didn't know what to say, she didn't remember anything from that night other than the fact that she woke up to the brightest light imaginable shining into her eyes, in a hospital bed and a woman in a white coat told her she was extremely lucky to be alive and her dad was sitting in a chair next to her bed holding her hand with tears in his eyes, while Noah was asleep in a chair across from her against the wall.  She remembered the uncomfortable burn in her nose from the oxygen she was hooked up to and the unbearable pain in her chest and head and how her left leg had been wrapped in a white cast up to her hip, but she didn't remember how she got there or what had caused her injuries.  She remembered how hard it was to breathe and how pain shot through her entire body with even the slightest movement or expansion of her lungs.  The doctors told her she broke multiple ribs and one had punctured her left lung and at one point she had needed a chest tube and the scars from the surgeries and impromptu incisions that covered her body, reminded her everyday that she was stupid and reckless but that she was alive and she made it through that part of her life and onto the next.  The police told her her car was wrapped around a tree when they arrived on the scene, she didn't remember even getting in her car that night.  It took her over a year to finally be able to step foot in a car again, let alone drive one.  She remembered the physical therapy that followed her release from the hospital and the counseling and the constant look of sadness in her father’s eyes.  She remembered refusing the pain medication, believing if she had taken even the slightest bit of medication she would relapse.  The pain was barely tolerable, she barely slept or ate.  But she didn’t tell Carmilla any of this, she couldn’t.  Even with Carmilla looking at her like she needed to know, the words wouldn’t work past her lips and she was frozen in the middle of the hallway in front of the hospital room where her dead father now lay, hooked up to machines and wires and on so many drugs for the pain that he could barely speak or keep his eyes open.

Her dead father.  Dead.  Dead, as in, never coming back.  The words he told her when her mother had passed away were floating around in her head.  

You remember how I told you Mommy was sick, Laura?  She nodded her head.  Her father’s eyes were bloodshot and red and his voice was so pained, Laura’s bottom lip had started trembling the second the words left his mouth.   Well, she’s in a better place now, Sweetheart.  She’s not coming home.  Carmilla was sitting on the bed next to her, she grabbed her hand and squeezed it before bringing it to her lap and she didn’t let go until the following morning when Mr Hollis woke them up to take Carmilla home.  Laura had cried the entire night on Carmilla’s shoulder and again when her father dropped her off.  She begged him to let Carmilla stay, she needed her, but Mr. Hollis didn’t think it would be a good idea.  Carmilla was there for the funeral though, along with her mother and when Laura had cried herself to sleep that night, she was there too.

Laura pushed passed Carmilla and Noah in the hallway and into room 1607 with a blank expression on her face.  Her father’s lifeless body lay in the bed, placed in the middle of the wall to Laura’s left.  The machines and tubes and wires had been removed from his body and when she placed her hand over his, it was still warm, it was like he was sleeping, she thought.  She hadn’t realized there were tears running down her face until she was sobbing into his chest with her arms wrapped around him and she thought about how he didn’t smell like himself and how frail he looked and how pale he looked under the fluorescent lights above their heads.  She whispered I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry over and over again and didn’t let go until three doctors pried her from his body and out into the hallway where Carmilla and Noah had been waiting, silently crying from the other side of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is:
> 
> http://no-pantsparty.tumblr.com/


	9. guérison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla gets some news, Noah drops off some things and gross, cute Hollstein shit happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long it was a bit difficult to write, I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go with it and after the heaviness of the last couple of chapters I didn’t want to go into too much detail about the funeral and everything. I thought you guys should have a little break from the incredibly depressing shit, this might be just mildly depressing. I don’t really know where my brain came up with this chapter, to be honest, but it’s a lot less depressing than I had originally planned and it’s longer so, enjoy.
> 
> Warning: This is sappy as shit.

The funerals and wake were the following weekend.  Laura was out of it for pretty much the entire rest of that week and weekend and mostly stayed silent, other than the occasional one worded responses to Carmilla’s questions or the monotonous, rehearsed ‘ Thank you for coming ’ and the robotic ‘ I’m fine ’ when any of her relatives asked how she was at the service.  Since that last day in the hospital, Laura had refused to go back to the house she lived in for the first six years of her life, and the past couple days, where Noah and her father had moved back to during Laura’s freshman year. Carmilla (after a lot of persuasion from Perry), along with Lafontaine and Mattie’s help (Perry had stayed behind with Laura, baking and keeping her busy), moved all of Laura’s things she brought from Silas (which wasn’t a whole lot) to the house Carmilla’s father had left for her, leaving Noah to take care of the Hollis home.  In other words, Carmilla and Laura (And Finn and Doc, of course) now lived under the same roof.  Mattie and Laf and Perry stayed in the spare bedrooms.

The house seemed like it had been, simply, plopped down in the middle of a clearing of trees that seemed to stretch on for miles.  32 acres to be exact.  The clearing was about three acres, with a river running along the back of the lot.  The house sat about a mile inland from the road, the driveway lined with dense trees on either side, and just wide enough to barely fit one car.  When Carmilla first came to the house, she wasn’t sure it was even the right one.  The driveway opened up into a wide circle in front and there was a dog run that ran down the side of the clearing that was attached to the house.

The house was essentially three stories, with the first being the walk out basement, which had a bar and a fireplace, as well as a bathroom and a furnace room and a small area under the stairs stocked with centuries old wine that Carmilla’s grandfather had collected during his time overseas.  The basement had an old pool table set up and a small lounging space fixed with a couch that had seen better days and old brown leather chairs that Carmilla actually fancied, next to the fireplace.  The second story was an open floor plan with a fireplace in the living room, the kitchen and dining room off to the right and a mudroom to the left with three bedrooms and a bathroom down a hallway off the kitchen.  Another stairway led to the third floor that contained the master bedroom, which had it’s own bathroom, a smaller nursery-like room, and a reading loft that extended over the mud room that had bookshelves that reached the ceiling, filled with novels.  Everything was covered in white sheets and dust when they got there and the heat wasn’t working throughout the house so Carmilla allowed Lafontaine to start a fire, if they promised not to burn the house down, and the five of them slept on the floor in the living room the first night, moving the furniture out of the way so they could lay blankets down on the carpeted floor.

Laura didn’t sleep that night, meaning Carmilla didn’t either.  Laura sat in front of the fireplace, a blanket that Carmilla draped over her shoulders sometime between 10 pm and midnight, wrapped tightly around her and an untouched bag of fast food on the floor next to her.  Carmilla lay on her spot on the floor, wrapped up in several blankets, her head resting on her arm behind her head as she watched Laura, being there for comfort if Laura needed her, but also just far enough away that Laura could have her space.  Laura crawled over to Carmilla around four in the morning and buried her head in Carmilla’s chest and Carmilla wrapped her arms around her shoulders and they silently watched the flames flicker behind the grate of the fireplace, not moving until the sun was coming through the skylights above their heads.  Perry and Lafontaine shared an old ratted sleeping bag that Carmilla had found in one of the bathroom closets and Mattie, reluctantly, slept on her jacket on the floor, claiming there was no way in hell she was using one of the blankets they had found in the house, on the other side of Carmilla and Laura, and used a blanket they brought from the Hollis’ to cover herself with.  The dogs switched spots between sleeping at Lafontaine and Perry’s feet and Laura and Carmilla’s.  They wouldn’t go near Mattie.  After that night Mattie chewed out the moving truck company and her airline and had most of Carmilla’s things delivered the next day, well the important things, like mattresses and blankets.  The next couple of days, they had laid the mattresses in the living room, again in front of the fireplace, with clean sheets and blankets without moth holes that didn’t smell like the back corner of a closet that hadn’t been touched in 20 some years..

It was the following Saturday after Mr. Hollis’ funeral when Carmilla finally found someone to come out and fix the heat for the house.  The entirety of Carmilla’s belongings had arrived that afternoon, along with Laura’s, which Mattie took the liberty of sending after she and Lafontaine and Perry were back in Silas.  Carmilla was sorting through boxes on the kitchen floor, with Finn in her lap, nonchalantly watching Laura out of the corner of her eye as she quietly worked on an end of the term paper, sitting at the kitchen table, when her phone rang.  She didn’t recognize the number that was flashing across her screen, so she let it go to voicemail, only to be left with several text messages and a voicemail notification.  It wasn’t 30 seconds later when her phone started ringing again.  She groaned when the buzzing picked back up, but this time she answered it with a curt ‘What’.

“Carmilla Karnstein?”

It was a woman.  Carmilla could hear the relief flooding her voice even through the phone, which was a bit confusing.  Carmilla raised her eyebrow, glancing over at Laura who was now watching her with a curious expression, before responding.

“Speaking.”

The woman on the other line let out a sigh.

“Oh, thank God I got ahold of you.”

Carmilla’s eyebrows knitted together.  Why was this woman so glad to be talking to her .

“May I ask who’s calling?”

Carmilla asked, slightly annoyed.

“Oh, shit, right, my apologies-”  The woman on the other end squeaked.  “My names Sarah-Jane Radshaw, my client, Mr. Vordenberg was extremely interested in some of your work, well all of-”

“My work?”

Carmilla looked back up at Laura to find her mouthing, ‘ Who is it? ’, to which Carmilla just shrugged as the woman began talking again.

“Yeah, your work, at the gallery on fifth and maple?  Wait, did Miss Spieldorf tell you she gave me your contact information?”

“Uh, she did not.”

“Well, this is probably awkward then, I’ll email you my information and Mr. Vordenberg’s offer for the entire series.  Let me know if we need to adjust the price, he’s willing to make a compromise, within reason of course.  Have a good night, Miss Karnstein.”

“Wait, what?  He wants the enti-”

And with that the line went dead, leaving Carmilla dumbstruck.  She muttered a ‘ what the fuck ’ before lifting herself off the kitchen floor, moving Finn into Laura’s lap and making her way down the hall to what was soon to be the office, ignoring the email notification that popped up on her screen and immediately called her boss.  She answered on the second ring.

“Carmilla, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

Betty answered sweetly.

“You’re selling my work, now?”

Carmilla didn’t know if she should be mad or flattered that someone was actually interested, but right now she was more confused than anything.

“Ah, Sarah-Jane finally got in touch with you, eh?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes and began pacing in front of the open office door.

“I told you, specifically , I wasn’t in it to make money.  I mean those are personal.  Isn’t it weird that some man wants to buy an entire showroom of my work?  He doesn't even know the meaning behind those pieces.”

“Did she tell you the price he’s offering, Carmilla?”

“No, she just sent me an email with all the information in it, I haven’t opened it, yet, though.  I don’t-”

“Open it.”

“Betty, I don’t want his money.”

“Carmilla, open it.”

Carmilla groans, but puts the call on speakerphone and opens the email.  She skims past the bullshit greetings and when she reaches the middle of the thread, she pauses mid stride and almost drops her phone at how many zeros there are at the end of the number in bold.

“What the fuck , my work is not worth that much.  How the fuck-  Ugh, he doesn’t even-”

“Think about it.”

Carmilla runs her free hand through her hair, turning to look out the large window, her back to the door.  She watches a squirrel run up a tree and a bird fly near the window before it dives down and lands somewhere in the trees.

“I’ve thought about it, it’s not happening.  I told you, I don’t-”

“Yeah, yeah, you told me a lot.  Just go meet with him, it’s not going to hurt.”  Carmilla listens to Betty sigh on the other end.  “Anyway, I’ve been meaning to tell you, that exhibition I had you working on before you left is this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.  We decided to call it ‘Repressed Colors’.  Theo came up with it, it’s not bad.  At least he’s good for something.  I need you to set up your work for the exhibit and take down some old stuff around the showroom.  You can take all of your stuff with you after if you’d like or I can have Theo send it, but I wouldn’t advice that.  The kid has no clue what the hell he’s doing half the time.  Plus, the storage room and loft look atrocious and your shit is everywhere.  Oh, and that lovely piece you left by the easel is definitely going in the show.  Who was the other-“

“Stop-“

Carmilla can feel her face heat up at the memory of what her and Laura had done on that particular piece.  Her mind wanders to the moments leading up to that point.  The take out, Laura and the chopsticks, the kiss…  She can feel a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

“Fine, I don’t need to know details, but I would need you here on Monday and you’d be staying the week.”

Carmilla shakes her head free of anything Laura and turns her attention back to Betty.

“Betty, I-“

“I will pay you.  Carmilla, Theo can’t- Don’t make me beg.”

Carmilla smirks at the neediness in Betty’s tone.

“Kinda want to hear you beg, though.”

“Carmilla.”

Carmilla chuckles.

“Fine.”

“So, you’ll do it?”

Carmilla rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, whatever, I’ll be there Monday.”

“I’d say I owe you, but-“

“Bye.”

With that, Carmilla hangs up the phone, shaking her head.  She goes to turn around to walk back out to the kitchen to continue unpacking, but freezes mid step when she sees Laura in the office doorway, leaning against the frame with Doc in her arms and Finn now at Carmilla’s feet.

“Where are you going Monday?”

Carmilla runs a hand through her hair, placing her phone in her back pocket.

“Uh, Betty needs my help at the gallery.  That show I told you about is this weekend and I sort of owe her big time for letting me use the loft and the new kid she has working there is shit and I sort of left in a hurry and all my shit is still there-“

Laura holds up her free hand.

“Carm, it’s fine.  Go.”

“I’d be there Monday through Saturday, that’s-“

“Really, it’s fine.”

Carmilla doesn’t know whether she should believe her or not.  She knows how Laura is and with her father just having passed away, Carmilla doesn’t think she should leave her here alone.  Flashbacks of the time her mom died course through Carmilla’s head and her mind is definitely made up.  There’s no way Laura is staying at the house by herself.

“Go with me.”

“Carm, I can stay by myself, I’m not-”

“I know you can, but I want you to come with me.”

Carmilla takes a step closer to where Laura hasn’t moved from her spot in the doorway.

“What about the dogs?  Unpacking?”

Suddenly, Carmilla realizes something that she failed to before, with all the chaos of Mr. Hollis’ passing.

Unpacking.  Boxes.  At Carmilla’s house.  Carmilla’s house that her father gave her.  With Laura.  Some of these boxes are filled with Laura’s things.  Laura’s things are in her home.  Their home.

“We can leave the monsters with Laf and Perry, they love them.  Well, maybe not Perry, but Laf certainly does.  As for unpacking, the boxes will still be here when we get back, or we don’t have to unpack, we don’t have to do anything.  I could sell the house.  We could move back.  We could-”

Laura watches the panic flash across Carmilla’s features.

“Woah, what?  Where did that come from?  You don’t need to sell the house, Carm.  This was where your father grew up, you’re happy here, I can see it in your-”

“Are you , though?”

“Am I what?”

“Happy...here?”

Carmilla watches Laura carefully, looking for any sign of doubt or regret in her eyes as she answers.

“Yes, Carm, I am more than happy here.  It was a little sudden and out of the blue, sure, but it’s new and- I like it here.  It’s quiet, I can’t hear my neighbors having sex through paper thin walls-”  Laura let’s out a breathy laugh.  “We’ve got the dogs, the view in the morning is amazing...You’re here.”

“But, you’re okay with this?  The whole, living together thing?  It doesn’t freak you out?”

“Carm.  No.  I like...being here with you, it’s-”

Carmilla feels a smirk form on her lips.

“Domestic.”

Laura rolls her eyes.

“Relax.  You practically lived at my house when we were kids.  Two people don’t have to be in a relationship to live together.  We’re just-”

“Practically married.”

It’s Laura’s turn to smirk.

“With two kids.”

Carmilla bends down to pick Finn up off the floor before he turned something innocent like the corner of a box, into his chew toy, and brings him up to her chest, where he licks her face, without mercy.  She cranes her neck to try and get away from his puppy breath.

“It’s good practice.”

Carmilla mumbles, trying to keep her mouth somewhat closed as to not allow access for the happy pup in her arms.  Laura walks further into the room to where Carmilla and Finn are, patting him on the head.

“Sure, except I want three.”

Laura is still smirking.

“Three what?”

“Kids.”

Carmilla raises an eyebrow in Laura’s direction.

“Yeah?  You have this all planned out?”

“Since we were nine.”

A small smile plays at Laura’s features.  She keeps her eyes trained to Finn in Carmilla’s grasp.

“Let’s hear it, then.”

Laura’s eyes shoot up to Carmilla’s, who is watching her intently.

“What?”

“My life.  I’d like to know what I’m getting myself into, Cupcake.”

Carmilla sits on top of one of the boxes in the middle of the room and places Finn in her lap, letting him chew gently on the knuckle of her forefinger.  Laura shrugs, her face heating up slightly, before taking a seat on the box across from Carmilla.

“Well, I’d like to be married by 26.  Outdoor wedding in the fall, so it’s not too hot and not too cold and the leaves are still colorful and on the trees, but there’s some on the ground too.  Um, first kid at 27, a girl.  I think I like the name Charlotte or Charlie for short, or just Charlie.  Probably just Charlie.  Her middle name could be Madeline.  Second kid at 28, a boy.  Liam.  It means warrior, I like that.  Him and Char would be close and look after each other.  The third kid would come a little later, maybe 30, another boy.  I like Hayden.  Bayley, maybe.”  Laura grimaces.  “Actually, not Bayley.  That girl that picked on me in third grade was named Bailee.  She was a jerk.”

Carmilla was trying not to smile like an idiot because what Laura had just explained sounded perfect to her.  She focused on Finn in her lap, biting the inside of her cheek.

“Yeah, not Bayley.  She told her older sister that you were being mean to her when you were just trying to stick up for yourself and she made you cry.”

“And then you kicked her in the shin and she never talked to either of us again.”

Carmilla looked up at Laura then to find she was smiling at her.  Carmilla didn’t bother trying to hide how ridiculous her smile probably was.

“Damn right, she didn’t.”  Carmilla looks right into Laura’s eyes before whispering, “I think I can manage the rest, though.”

* * *

 

Carmilla was in the master bedroom “packing” from boxes on the floor in the middle of the room.  “Packing”  because Carmilla’s version of packing is throwing a bunch of black shirts, a pair of black pants and her toiletries in a suitcase and calling it a day.  She was just starting to get Finn and Doc’s things ready for the trip.

“Hey, Laura, can you hand me the dog leashes?  I think they’re by the front door.”

Carmilla called down from the bedroom.  No answer.

“Laura?”

No answer.  Carmilla grabbed the suitcase off the floor and started wheeling it out the bedroom door and dragged it down the stairs before making her way down the hall and into the living room to where she thought Laura was.

“Hey, if we’re planning on leaving in the morning-”  Carmilla paused in front of the basement stairs.  Laura wasn’t in the living room.  “Laura?”

“Noah stopped by…”

Carmilla about had a heart attack  when Laura finally spoke up from where she was standing in the mudroom on the rug in front of the front door.

“What’d he want?”

Carmilla questioned, cautiously.  Laura lifted one shoulder in a half shrug.  Carmilla took a step closer to her, leaving the suitcase by the basement door.  Laura’s eyes never left the envelope in her hand.

“He dropped off a few boxes and this.”

Laura holds up the paper envelope in her hands.  Carmilla closes the distance between them, taking the box Laura was carrying and setting it down on the floor next to the other three that were against the wall by the front door.

“What is it?”

Carmilla asks.  Laura shrugs again, but makes no move to open it.  Noah’s words before he walked back to his jeep in the driveway were rambling through Laura’s brain.  ‘ These were Dad’s, I thought you might want them. ’  ‘ These were Dad’s... ’  ‘ ...Dad’s. ’   Carmilla can see the faint lining of something in the corner of the envelope and another object, almost as long as the envelope itself, causing the envelope to bulge.

“Do you want me to-”

Laura shakes her head, stepping around Carmilla towards the island in the kitchen.  She places the envelope on the island counter before resting her hands on either side on the cold granite.  Carmilla watches her carefully, leaving at least ten feet between them.  She can see Laura’s hands shaking from where she’s standing and her eyebrows knit together in concern.

“Laur.”

Laura shakes her head and let’s out a hollow laugh.

“It’s just an envelope.  Why can’t I-  It’s just an envelope.”

She whispers.  Carmilla walks slowly behind Laura and reaches her hand around to where Laura’s was still resting stiffly on the counter before resting her chin on Laura’s shoulder and flipping their hands, bringing Laura’s palm to her lips and placing a soft kiss there before threading their fingers together.  Laura relaxes into Carmilla’s embrace and let’s her head fall back to Carmilla’s shoulder, closing her eyes.  Carmilla wraps her other arm around Laura’s waist, holding her against her as Laura shakily takes the envelope in her free hand.  Carmilla places a small kiss to the back of Laura’s shoulder and lets go of their intertwined hands to wrap both arms around Laura’s waist.  Laura opens her eyes and takes a deep breath before carefully opening the envelope with her now free hand.  Laura holds it open in front of her, letting out a small gasp.  

Wedged in the corner of the envelope are two silver bands, one larger than the other, but nearly identical.  In the other corner is a ring that looks to be older than the house they’re standing in.  There’s a single silver chain tangled at the bottom of the envelope and the thing that was bulging out is a pocket knife with a wooden handle.  Laura reaches in and carefully removes each item, placing them on the counter in front of her.  In the side of the knife’s handle, the name ‘Harrison’ is engraved.  Harrison Hollis.  Whenever anyone would call him by his full first name, he’d politely tell them, ‘ Oh, no, Harrison was my father.  Please, call me Harry. ’  Laura runs her fingers across her father’s name, a small smile pulling at the corner of her lips, a silent tear trailing down her cheek.  She recognizes the knife as the one her father always had on him.  He would bring it with him to work, leaving it in his shirt's chest pocket.  Next, she picks up the silver bands.  She recognizes them as the rings her father used to wear around his neck.  She used to play with them when she was smaller and she had had a bad dream, after her mother died she had a lot of those.  She would join her father in his room and fall asleep in his arms, the rings clasped in her tiny fist.  Laura grabbed the silver chain from the counter and spent a couple minutes carefully untangling the links before she placed the chain through the silver bands and clasped the two ends together.  She slid the chain over her head and the two bands hung low in the middle of her chest, between her breasts.  Carmilla pulled her hair out from under the chain and let it go over Laura’s right shoulder, placing a gentle kiss at the back of her neck while Laura picked up the last ring from the counter.  She recognized it as her mother’s ring.  Laura remembered stories from her mother about the ring in her closed fist.  It was passed down to the first born girl through generations on her mother’s side.  It had been Laura’s grandmother’s before it was her mother’s and now it was hers and she would pass it down to her daughter later on her 18th birthday.

“It was my mom’s.”

Laura whispered, softly, her eyes glued to the ring in her hand.

“It’s gorgeous, Laura.”

Laura nods before turning around in Carmilla’s arms, her eyes still trained on the ring between her thumb and forefinger.  Carmilla’s hands trail down Laura's body to rest on her hips, drawing slow, comforting circles in the exposed skin just above the waistline of Laura’s jeans, under her sweatshirt.

“It’s been passed down from generations going back to the late 1800’s.  I was supposed to get it when I turned 18, I just thought it was lost or that my dad didn’t want me to have it.  I figured he kept it for himself after my mom died.  I didn’t think I’d see it again.”

“What did you have planned for it?”

Laura looks up at Carmilla then, meeting her eyes.  Laura’s cheeks are wet, but there are no more tears running down her cheeks.

“Give it to my daughter, but for now-”  Laura shakes her head.  She glances back down at the ring then back up at Carmilla.  “I think you should have it.”

Carmilla’s hands freeze on Laura’s hips.  Her eyes snapping from Laura’s to the antique family heirloom in Laura’s hand.

“Laura, I can’t-”

“Please?  It’s not like an engagement ring or anything, just-  I don’t know, I don’t plan on getting rid of you.  If anything, think of it as a promise ring?  Or don’t, just-”

Carmilla laughs.

“Well, today has certainly been way more sentimental than I’d like.  You’re basically forcing me to marry you and have a family.  I mean, I can’t exactly say no when you’ve had our lives planned out since we were nine.”

Carmilla winks and Laura pushes her shoulder and sniffles, a smile plastered on her face.

“Shut up and take the ring.”

“Wow, Hollis, you just earned yourself the award for the worst. Proposal. Ever.”

Laura rolls her eyes before shoving the ring into Carmilla’s hand.  Carmilla holds onto it like it’s the most precious thing in the world.

Carmilla woke up the following morning way too early for her liking.  Her and Laura were planning on leaving around six so they would make it to Perry and Laf’s for dinner, but there was no way it was six yet.  She didn’t even bother risking a glance at her phone that was plugged into the wall beside the mattress she deemed her bed for the night, she knew if she looked it would just make being awake more of a burden.  She went to turn over to seek warmth from the girl who insisted they share the mattress instead of one of them sleeping in the living room, but was met with an empty bed.  Laura’s pillow and blanket weren’t even in her spot and the mattress wasn’t warm where Carmilla was sure Laura fell asleep the night before.  Carmilla figured she had changed her mind about them sleeping in the same bed and went and laid on one of the mattresses downstairs.  Well, that’s what she thought until she noticed the unmistakable yellow pillow, hanging off the foot of the mattress, half on the floor.   So, Laura did sleep in here all night?  

Carmilla attempts to rub the sleep from her eyes, slowly maneuvering her body to grab the yellow pillow and placing it back next to hers before making her way downstairs.  All the lights are off throughout the house, except for the dim light of the tv sitting on the floor of the living room, playing Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.  Carmilla rolls her eyes, a small smile forming on her lips.  The Prisoner of Azkaban was Laura’s favorite out of the series.  Carmilla continues through the main floor of the house, checking each bedroom, all empty, then the bathrooms, also empty.  The bathroom upstairs was empty and she hadn’t noticed anyone in the reading loft when she walked by earlier, either.  The house was a decent size, but not big enough to lose somebody in.  Carmilla noticed the several pairs of keys on the counter in the kitchen.   Okay, well if she went somewhere she didn’t take a car or the motorcycle, her shoes are still by the front door, and she has her blanket and possibly the dogs?  

Carmilla continues her search and decides to check the basement next.  Halfway down the stairs, the temperature noticeably drops and Carmilla has to wrap her arms around herself to shield her upper body from the cold, but it does nothing to help her bare legs and arms or the cold from the tile under her feet.  She walks towards the pool table in the middle of the basement and notices the door leading to the backyard is open a sliver, letting in the cool night air.  Carmilla grabs a blanket that was haphazardly thrown onto the back of the couch to her left and wraps it around her shoulders before she quietly opens the sliding glass door and steps outside.  It’s not as cold as she thought, but the wind is enough to cause a shiver to run through her body.  

She doesn’t see Laura right away, but if the sound of two playing pups, growling somewhere in the yard, is any indication Carmilla would say she found her.  She walks along the dog run, her feet silent in the soft grass, until she sees a figure sitting cross legged on top of the picnic table near the river, the moon shining on her dirty blonde hair, her blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders.  Finn and Doc are wrestling in the grass under the picnic table.  Carmilla watches as Laura picks at the wood on the table, her shoulders sagged.  She contemplates turning back around and leaving her alone, but one of the pups spots her and her cover's been blown.  She walks a couple steps before bending down to pick Finn up at her feet.

“Finn, get over here, what are you-”

Laura about jumps out of her skin when she turns her head around and sees Carmilla standing behind her, a few feet from the picnic table, her hand flying to her chest.

“Jesus Christ, Carmilla, you scared the shit out of me!”

Carmilla just laughs.

“Jesus Christ had nothing to do with it, Cutie.”

Even in the dark, Carmilla can see Laura roll her eyes before turning back around to face the river.  Carmilla closes the distance between them and takes a seat on the picnic table, next to Laura, when she notices a pack of cigarettes in front of Laura and a couple butts in a red solo cup next to the pack.  Carmilla raises her eyebrow, setting Finn in her lap before bending down to scoop Doc up from where he was trying to get up onto the picnic table, and turning to Laura.

“Take up smoking in your spare time?”

Laura doesn’t acknowledge that she’s heard Carmilla and a couple seconds go by when Carmilla decides maybe being a smartass isn’t helping anything and she starts thinking of something else to say, but Laura wipes at her cheeks and only then does Carmilla notice the remnants of dried tears before Laura speaks, barely a whisper.

“Old friend.”

Carmilla grabs the pack from in front of Laura and opens it, she counts six cigarettes before she pulls one out, along with the lighter and sticks the filter end in her mouth.  Laura watches her with mild curiosity and a raised eyebrow as Carmilla lights the cigarette between her lips.  She takes a long ,well practiced, drag, letting the smoke flow out through her nose before she turns to Laura and hands her back the pack and the lighter, shrugging.

“Older friend.”

Laura just nods once.  They sit in comfortable silence as Carmilla finishes the cigarette and gently puts it out before she discards the butt in the red solo cup.  Carmilla wraps the blanket tighter around her as another gust of wind sweeps past them and unconsciously moves closer to Laura.  It doesn’t take long before they’re practically on top of each other and Carmilla notices Laura’s knee brushing against her own, their arms touching, but decides to ignore the fact that, now, when the wind blows, ruffling their loose hair, she isn’t cold.  Carmilla chances a glance at Laura.  Her eyes are glistening, from unshed tears, in the moonlight, her face relaxed as she watches the slow current in the river in front of them.  Carmilla traces the profile of Laura’s face with her eyes, pausing at her lips, making sure to memorize their shape, before her eyes travel back up to Laura’s honey brown colored eyes and the golden specks in her irises.  It’s only when Carmilla notices a small smirk playing at the corner of Laura’s lips that she realizes she’s staring.  For how long, she has no idea, but she’s been caught.  She mumbles a ‘ Shut up ’ before returning her gaze to the water.  She can see Laura silently laugh out of the corner of her eye and she sniffles before shaking her head and lying back on the picnic table.  Carmilla hears her sigh and she places Finn and Doc between them before she lies down next to Laura, her eyes shifting from the water to the stars.

“Remember when we were little and you would tell me random things about the stars when I was upset to get my mind off things and distract me?”  Laura turned her head to catch a small smile on Carmilla’s lips and a small nod from the girl beside her.  “You never admitted that’s what you were doing, but I always knew.  You always knew when something was bothering me.  I never questioned how, or even why, but I’ve always been curious.  Honestly, I thought I covered it up pretty well, but that’s not the point.”  Laura turned her attention back to the stars, silently acknowledging the constellations Carmilla used to talk about for hours.  “I just...I wanted to say thank you.  No one else can do that.  They’ve tried, trust me.  I missed it...when you were gone.  There was no one to talk to me about the constellations when my mind ran rapid and I had to find other ways to quiet my thoughts.”  Laura felt a single tear escape the corner of her eye.  “Sometimes I would try and replay your stories on repeat in my head when I was upset, but I think that just made everything worse.  You always told them with so much passion and love and I hung onto every word, but it wasn’t the same.”Laura’s voice dropped to a whisper.  “I tried drinking away my thoughts, but that didn’t end well.  I tried sleeping them away...fucking them away.  The only thing that seemed to remotely work was the drugs.  It was an accident, how I got into using.  I didn't even know I was doing drugs, if that tells you anything-”

Carmilla had been silent the entire time during Laura’s monologue.  Sometime in the middle, Carmilla’s hand found Laura’s and she began to, absentmindedly, draw small circles in the center of Laura’s palm with her thumb.  Carmilla didn’t know where this was coming from, but if Laura was finally opening up to her, she wasn’t going to risk fucking it up, but she also didn’t want Laura to feel pressured to tell her anything she didn’t want to and up until now, everything coming out of Laura’s mouth had been unchartered territory that was considered off limits.

“Cupcake, you don’t have to-”

“Carm…”

Laura turned to face Carmilla, propping herself up on her elbow.  The unsurity in her own voice scared her.  It didn’t sound like her speaking, her voice was so small, but she knew she had to get this out.  Carmilla wasn’t sure she wanted to hear what was about to come out of her mouth, but Laura’s eyes were pleading and sad and now she was eyeing the ring Carmilla put on a loose chain around her neck after Laura had given it to her the evening before and when she picked it up in between her fingers and her eyes met with Carmilla’s, they were shielded and there was a hint of guilt in her features.  It was enough for Carmilla to whisper a ‘hm’ in response.  Laura shifted uncomfortably and her eyes fell to the ring in her hand, attached to the silver necklace hanging from Carmilla’s neck, before finding their way back up to look into Carmilla’s eyes.  Laura started rolling the ring between her forefinger and thumb as she rested her head on Carmilla’s chest.

“I want...I want to tell you what happened that night I got in the car accident.”

Carmilla swallowed hard, her mind going back to the hospital when Noah had first mentioned the accident and then to the morning Laura found Carmilla outside her building and she had mentioned she almost died and Carmilla ignores the way her stomach drops at the thought, but she wraps her arms around Laura’s shoulders, anyway, and rubs her back softly, waiting for Laura to continue.  When she does, Carmilla doesn’t think she wants to know anymore.

“The night it happened- I was- It...it was the anniversary of my mom’s...and it was the first year you-”

Laura struggled to get out the admission.  She knew it would hurt Carmilla to hear this, but she had to live through it.  Carmilla grimaces, her hand pausing on Laura’s back.  She remembers that day, the first year after she left.  She tried to get her mother to let her call Laura to explain, to tell her she was sorry, to say she wanted to be there, to tell her she was getting on the next plane, anything.  She tried so hard.  It was the first time, since Laura’s mother’s passing, that Carmilla wasn’t with Laura on that day.  For ten years, Carmilla made sure she was always with Laura on the anniversary of her mother’s death.  Ten years.  They made a tradition out of going to the cemetery to visit her mother, at first with Laura’s father, but as they got older, they went just the two of them and it was special.  They brought Laura’s mother lilies even though the weather was never right for them.  After, they always went and ate at her mother’s favorite diner, ordering milkshakes and fries and dessert to take home to eat in the early hours of the morning when Laura couldn’t sleep.  Ten years and one time Carmilla isn’t there.  She imagines Laura doing their ritual by herself and her heart clenches in her chest.

“Laura, I am so-”

Laura shakes her head.

“No, it’s not your fault, please don’t think of it as your fault.  Just- I need to say what really happened and it needs to be you I tell.  Just...listen.  No talking.  Okay?”

Carmilla nods her head, her eyebrows knitted together.  She continues rubbing circles into Laura’s back.

“Okay...Well, I was upset because you...you never missed it, even if we weren’t on the best of terms, you never left me alone on that day.  So, when you didn’t show up, I got really mad, at myself and you and my dad and Noah, and at that point I was practically a ticking time bomb anyway, everyone was just standing by, waiting for me to go off.  I guess that did the trick.”  Laura sniffles and takes a deep breath before continuing.  “Anyway, I was upset.  My dad wasn’t helping and Noah had already left for boot camp by then so I kind of just took matters into my own hands and I ended up driving for nearly two hours before I had to stop for gas and one thing led to another and I ended up at this party in the middle of buttfuck nowhere and...I don’t know.  I didn’t know anyone there, they were all older college kids with money and expensive booze and drugs and I didn’t give two shits about anything, so I drank what they gave me and took whatever pills they took and I don’t- I don’t remember a lot of what happened, there’s parts of the night that are just blank.  It’s just a black spot in my head, I’ve tried so hard to remember, but I can’t.”  Laura shakes her head and tucks herself closer into Carmilla’s side.  “What I do remember is meeting this girl, I couldn’t tell you what she looked like, but she was there and she was fun and we were interested in each other, or maybe that was the alcohol and drugs.  I remember her having a bag, small enough to fit in her pocket.  It kept distracting me, I didn’t know what it was, or what was in it.  At one point she put her finger in the bag and pulled out this powdered stuff.  I remember her putting her finger to my lips and I didn’t push her away when she put her finger in my mouth and put it on my gums...but that’s not the part- Um...I don’t know how much later it was after that, but...she took me upstairs-”

“Laura, you don’t have to-”

Laura moves to look up at Carmilla through her eyelashes.

“I do.  Please, Carm.”

Carmilla sighs, but mumbles a ‘ sorry ’ in the shorter girl's hair.

“It’s okay, I’m almost done, I just...need to get this out.”

Carmilla nods her head, placing a gentle kiss to the top of Laura’s head as they settled back into their previous position and Laura continued with her story.

“So, she took me upstairs and into one of the bedrooms.”  Carmilla felt Laura tense against her and listened to her trying to keep her breathing normal.  “It was just us for awhile, or maybe he was there the entire time, I don’t know, but it started off as us just kissing on the bed, but then there was this guy there and...he didn’t want to just kiss.”  Laura paused, taking a few deep breaths.  Carmilla ignored the feeling of Laura’s quick heartbeat on her chest and tried to keep hers regulated for Laura’s sake.  She tried to keep the anger she felt in the pit of her stomach at bay, but it was growing more and more difficult with each word from Laura’s mouth.  “The girl gave me more of the stuff from her bag I remember her whispering something to either me or the guy, but I don’t remember what she said, it was hard to concentrate and my heart was beating really fast, and then she left, or it seemed like she left, at that point it felt like the guy was the only one in the room, it didn’t really even feel like I was there.  I felt like I was watching myself, like a movie.”   Laura’s voice cracked and she cleared her throat, sniffling, but letting the tears flow freely onto Carmilla’s shirt.  She took a deep breath to steady herself and continued.  “The guy...he- I was wearing a dress, so it wasn’t that hard to- he kept his hand over my mouth...He was strong, but he must’ve been drunk off his ass...I don’t know how I did it, but somehow I managed to get out from underneath him and into the hallway and I made it to my car and then I was driving and crying and I was scared and I don’t remember anything after that.  I woke up in the hospital and everything hurt and Noah was there and he was furious.”  Carmilla couldn’t keep her heartbeat tamed for much longer.  The thought of Laura scared out of her mind, hurt, manipulated, used, taken advantage of, in a hospital, in pain...it all made the anger seem to boil over and on the inside she was fuming.  Images of a faceless man with his hand over Laura’s mouth and another up her dress filled her mind and fueled the fire.  Her jaw clenched and she felt her breathing pick up and body tense under Laura, but she was trying to focus on not clenching her fists and remaining as calm as she could for Laura.   “No one else knows what I just told you.  I didn’t even tell the police what happened at the party.  I can’t- You can’t tell anyone what happened.”

“I wouldn’t, you know that.”

Carmilla’s jaw was still clenched shut so her words came out in more of a mumble, but she tried to keep her tone more gentle than angry because she wasn’t, at all, mad at Laura, she was mad at herself and the girl that lured Laura to the bedroom and the guy that took advantage of her.  Her mind couldn’t get rid of the image of the man on top of Laura’s body and when she closes her eyes, he’s still there, but when Laura nods her head against Carmilla’s chest and grabs one of her hands, intertwining their fingers, Carmilla feels the anger die down subtly and her jaw isn’t as clenched as it had been and her body was mostly relaxed.  How she had made it three years without Laura by her side was a mystery.

They laid wrapped up in each other, in comfortable silence, for what seemed like hours.  Carmilla had started to drift off to sleep not too long after she relaxed.  Laura knew Carmilla was probably exhausted so she didn’t bother waking her up, instead listening to her steady heartbeat and her breathing even out.  The hand that had been slowing rubbing circles into Laura’s back slowly came to a stop and eventually went limp.  Neither of them moved until the sunrise started poking up over the horizon.

“Carm…”  Laura whispered into Carmilla’s neck from where her head was now resting on Carmilla’s shoulder.  Carmilla didn’t move.  “Carm, come on.  You’re going to miss it.”  Laura placed a kiss in the crook of Carmilla’s neck.  She stirred, slightly, and groaned, but made no move to wake up.  Laura kissed her shoulder again before moving along along Carmilla’s collarbone and up her neck, leaving soft kisses as she went.   Carmilla stirred again, but kept her eyes closed.  She couldn’t keep the smile off her face for long as Laura’s lips eventually made their way to hers and before she knew it she was kissing Laura back.  Laura pulled back after a few seconds.  “Open your eyes, the sun’s coming up.”  Laura whispered, hovering over Carmilla’s lips.  Carmilla groans, reluctantly opening her eyes.  Laura’s head is turned toward the rising sun, the flecks of gold in her eyes catching the light.  Carmilla doesn’t realize she’s staring until Laura’s eyes meet hers and Carmilla catches a light pink blush into her cheeks before she turns her head back.  “You’re missing it, Carm.”

“That’s okay.”  Carmilla says, barely above a whisper, mostly to herself.

It wasn’t until around 7:30 that Laura and Carmilla grabbed the dogs and made their way back inside, not caring that they were supposed to leave the house at six.

* * *

 

Carmilla made a light breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast while Laura showered and had a fresh pot of coffee ready by the time she came back out, her hair still wet, hanging past her shoulders.

“First order of business, when we get back: new shower heads.  The water pressure in those things is horrible.”

Carmilla placed the still warm eggs and buttered toast and a bottle of hot sauce in front of Laura, where she took a seat at the island in the kitchen before turning around to poor her a cup of coffee.

“Noted.  I’ll put it on the to do list before ‘new carpet’ and ‘getting rid of the atrocious wallpaper’.”

Carmilla pulls out a paper plate from the cabinet and picks up a pen from the counter before she puts the cup of fresh coffee in front of Laura who crinkles her nose at it.

“Coffee?”

Carmila raises an eyebrow at her.

“Yes.  Coffee.  I need you to be the copilot and tell me directions and that requires being awake.  Therefore, you need caffeine.  We don’t have any hot chocolate, I checked the boxes.  Don’t worry, I put enough creamer and sugar in it, you won’t even be able to tell.”

Laura smiles before taking a sip and sighing contently.

“I knew I kept you around for something.”  Laura winks from behind the lip of her coffee cup.  “Put hot chocolate on the list...before the shower heads.”

Carmilla writes ‘To Do’ at the top of the paper plate, scribbling numbers down the middle and writing ‘get Laura hot chocolate (with marshmallows)’ next to the number one, while she sticks a piece of her own toast in her mouth before finishing the list.

“I forgot how attractive I thought you being left handed was…”

Carmilla smirks, taking the toast out of her mouth and placing it on the counter next to her cup of coffee.

“Eat your breakfast, Cupcake, we’ve got a long day ahead of us.”

* * *

 

The car ride was supposed to be nine hours and 27 minutes, exactly, meaning if they left at six in the morning, they would arrive at Laf and Perry’s around 4:30, in time for dinner, adding on an hour for pit stops and gas.

Lies.

They didn’t leave at six.  They ended up leaving at nine.  Three hours later than originally planned.

By the time Laura and Carmilla arrived at Perry and Lafontaine’s apartment it was passed midnight.

It took them 12 hours and nine minutes, total, from the minute Carmilla started her car, in their driveway, to the minute she shut it off.

12 hours.  Nine minutes.

Bullshit.

Every two hours Carmilla had to pull over so the dogs could go to the bathroom.

Every.  Two.  Hours.

Also, bullshit.

At 11:45, Laura’s stomach started growling.  Loud.  Loud enough to be heard over the radio, if that says anything.

Carmilla pulled into a Taco Bell drive through at noon and they ate while she drove.

At one, Carmilla pulled over and let Laura walk the dogs to try and get them to go to the bathroom.

It took nearly 20 minutes, but they finally went and were back on the road by 1:17.

At 2:03, Laura had too pee.

Carmilla pulled into a gas station at 2:21.  They took turns using the restroom and staying in the car with the dogs.  Laura bought cookies and candy and when Carmilla groaned and rolled her eyes at her, Laura threw a bar of Carmilla’s favorite dark chocolate into her lap and that shut her up.

At three, Carmilla pulled over and it was her turn to walk the dogs around.  Neither of them went.

At 3:16, Finn peed in the backseat and Carmilla about had a conniption about the safety of her leather seats.

Laura used the Taco Bell napkins to clean it up and Carmilla definitely didn’t get distracted by Laura’s ass in the rearview mirror when she was reaching into the backseat and she definitely didn’t almost rearend the car in front of her.

After that, the dogs sat up front with Laura, in her lap.

At 4:51, Laura started asking how much longer they had.  Carmilla could’ve strangled her after what felt like the hundredth time she asked in less than 20 minutes.  She fell asleep shortly after, her head on Carmilla’s pillow against the window.

At 6:33, Laura woke up and had to pee again.

Carmilla pulled into a McDonald’s parking lot and while Laura did her thing inside, she walked the dogs around in the grass.  They both went number one and number two.

Laura came out with double cheeseburgers and fries and four waters.

Around seven, Laura put in a movie on her laptop.

It was Up and she started crying not even five minutes in and Carmilla couldn’t stop laughing.

After the movie, Carmilla pulled over and let Laura walk the dogs around on the side of the road while Carmilla plugged her phone into the aux cord and started playing her favorite playlist.

At nine, Laura plugged her phone into the aux cord and right away, Taylor Swift started coming through the speakers.  

Carmilla made sure to smack her forehead on the steering wheel a couple times.

At 10:58, Laura was performing I Want it That Way by The Backstreet Boys and not paying attention to the signs on the side of the road and they missed their exit.

It took longer than expected to find their way back to the freeway and illegally turn back around before they found the exit again and got off.

At 12:26, Laura and Carmilla pulled into Perry and Lafontaine’s apartment complex.  

It took 12 minutes of driving around in circles to find the right building.

At 12:42, they finally pressed the buzzer and 30 seconds later they were walking through the door.

At 1:03, Carmilla was passed out on the couch, face first in a throw pillow, still wearing her clothes from the previous day.

Laura was setting up the dog kennel in the laundry room.

* * *

 

After 12 missed calls, six ignored text messages, two cups of coffee, and a lecture from Laura, Carmilla finally decided to move from the couch...to the bedroom, where she immediately plopped down on the bed that Perry had made up for either her or Laura, but neither slept on.  Laura had fallen asleep on the living room floor next to the couch, after putting on a movie shortly after getting the dogs in their kennel and changing into her pajamas.

“Carmilla Karnstein, get your ass up.  Your phone has been going off since like nine this morning.  I’m about ready to throw it out the window.”

Carmilla made no move to get off the bed, instead groaning loudly into the duvet.  She felt a small thud on the mattress next to her head.

“Nooooooo, it’s not even noon, yet.  Let me sleeeeep.”

Laura rolls her eyes and laughs from where she’s leaning in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest.

“Carm, it’s after 1:30.”

Carmilla groans again, but reluctantly rolls over, onto her back and places the palms of her hands to her eyes, rubbing dark spots into her vision.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, get up.  Perry made bacon this morning, so that’s leftover, and I can make you an omelet if you want.”

Carmilla sits up at the mention of food and raises an eyebrow, her hands propping her up from behind her, her legs crossed at her ankles in front of her.  Laura smirks and shakes her head before she walks back to the kitchen, yelling ‘and take a shower! ’ over her shoulder.  Carmilla rolls her eyes and plopped herself back down on the bed, pulling her phone out from underneath her where Laura threw it at her.  Two more text messages lit up her screen.  She sighed and opened up the thread, not bothering to read the previous texts knowing it was Betty and that they all probably said various versions of the same ‘ Where the fuck are you ’.  Instead, she simply typed out a quick ‘ I’m getting in the shower now.  I’m bringing Laura. ’ Before leaving her phone on the bed and walking to the bathroom across the hall, where two towels were already left out for her on the edge of the sink.

* * *

 

Laura was .5 seconds away from barging into the bathroom and pulling Carmilla out by her ear when the bathroom door suddenly opened and out walked a practically naked Carmilla in just a towel, wrapped around her waist and a bra.  Laura’s eyes widened and a small squeak escaped her mouth as she turned quickly toward the living room where Laf and Perry were sitting on the couch, a sleeping dog in each of their laps.  She could hear Carmilla chuckling behind her as she walked into the bedroom and Laura could feel her cheeks heating up.

“Hey, Hollis, could you do me a favor and tell your girlfriend that we have neighbors?”

If possible, Laura’s cheeks get even more red, her eyes getting even more wide.

“She’s not my- We’re not- I don’t-”

She can hear Carmilla downright cackling in the bedroom behind her.  She groans and glares at Lafontaine as she passes by the couch to the kitchen where Carmilla’s cold omelet is sitting on the counter.  She throws it in the microwave before joining Laf and Perry on the couch to watch whatever they had on the tv.  Laf was snickering next to her.

“Not.  Funny.”

Laura mumbles, crossing her arms over her chest.

“It’s kinda funny.”

Carmilla comments, walking out of the bedroom in her bra and underwear, holding a plain white t shirt and a pair of dark jeans with holes in the knees and paint smudges on one of the back pockets, eliciting a mouse-like squeak of ‘Carm!’, a gasp from Perry, and a barking laugh from Lafontaine.  Laura and Perry both have their hands over their eyes, while Lafontaine just holds out their fist, to which Carmilla bumps her own against, laughing.  She slips the shirt over her head and walks into the kitchen, grabbing her omelet from the beeping microwave before folding it in half and shoving a large part of it in her mouth before pulling on her pants.

“Is it safe?”

Laura asked cautiously from behind her hands.  Lafontaine laughed at that and Carmilla shoved the rest of the omelet in her mouth before going to stand behind Laura and covering her hands with her own.

“Come on, creampuff, do I have to mention, again , that you’ve already seen all this?”

Laura swats Carmilla’s hands away just as Laf laughs out ‘ again? ’ And Perry elbows them in the ribs, causing an oof to escape their mouth.

“Laura, hon, it’s safe.”

Perry says through cracked fingers before sighing and dropping her hands to her lap, her shoulders visibly relaxing.  Carmilla smirks at the fact that she can see how red Laura’s ears are and decides she’s having way too much fun with this.  She ruffles Laura’s hair before bending down so her lips are right next to Laura’s ear.  She notices Laura’s back turn rigid and she definitely notices the goosebumps forming on Laura’s bare skin and finds herself smirking even more, if possible.

“Let’s go, cutie, I told Betty you’d be joining me.”

Laura’s body involuntarily shudders at Carmilla’s words and that just makes the heat in her cheeks rise even more because what Carmilla said wasn’t even remotely suggestive, but Carmilla’s voice was low and raspy and Perry and Lafontaine were watching them from their spots on the couch and-

Laura jumps up from the couch and practically sprints into the bedroom.  Carmilla laughs and slips on her jacket from where it was hanging up on the hooks by the front door.  Laura emerges from the bedroom less than two minutes later in a pair of old overalls and a t shirt, with one of the straps undone and the cuffs at her ankles rolled and her hair pulled up in a ponytail.  Carmilla has to cover up her laugh and her choking on her own spit at the sight, with a cough as she slides her socks on and her combat boots and grabs her keys, placing her phone in her back pocket.  She clears her throat before Laura bounds over to her and slips into an old pair of black chucks.

“You know we’re just taking down some paintings and putting the others up right?”

Laura just shrugs and opens the door to the apartment.

“I like to be prepared.”

Carmilla smirks and calls out a ‘ don’t kill the little shits ’  to Lafontaine and Perry before following Laura down the hall to the stairs and where she parked the car earlier that morning.

* * *

 

Not even two steps into the gallery and Betty already starts lecturing Carmilla on tardiness and responsibility.  Carmilla just rolls her eyes and makes her way through the chaos of the main floor of the gallery to the back room where her artwork was still all hanging on the walls.  Laura followed close behind Carmilla, Betty kind of scared her.  Theo was trying to keep up with Carmillas quick pace as he explained that there were packaging boxes in the storage room and crates for her old work to go in and Laura jumped at the opportunity to get them and bring them out for Carmilla.  Anything to get her away from Betty who didn’t let up on the lecturing.  Theo handed Laura the key with a warning to be careful of falling objects, to which she glanced at Carmilla who just shrugged and smirked, completely ignoring Betty’s rant about her.

“He’s not kidding, Cupcake, try not to get buried.”

Betty rolled her eyes and huffed, mumbling a ‘ why do I even try ’ before grabbing Theo by the elbow and dragging him out to the main floor to continue rearranging the pedestals, lights, and display panels for the few other artists.  Carmilla had just connected her phone to the gallery’s speaker system and started playing her songs on shuffle before taking down her third painting and was busy placing it against the wall with the previous two when a muffled scream came from the direction of the storage closet.  She ran around the corner faster than she cared to run in years.  The sight she was met with caused to her burst into a fit of laugher.

Laura was standing in the doorway of the storage room, the front of her shirt and overalls covered in thick yellow paint from a can that had been placed haphazardly on the storage shelf and hadn’t been closed completely.

“At...least it’s your...favorite color.”  Carmilla managed to get out between gasps for breath.  She was doubled over in the hallway, keeping her balance with a hand on the wall.  “Feels like...deja..vu.”  She couldn’t stop laughing.  The look on Laura’s face was priceless.  There were splatters of yellow paint across her chest and some had managed to make it to her hair and face.  “You’d make...a cute lemon.”

“Laugh it up, Karnstein.”  Laura threatened, but she was trying not to smile and her tone was teasing.  “Laugh it up.”

When her laughing subsided a bit, Carmilla pulled out her phone from her back pocket and quickly took a picture.  Laura was standing with her arms out at her sides, a small pout on her lips as she looked down at her disheveled state.  Carmilla immediately sent the picture to Lafontaine, who replied seconds later with a ‘ Oh my fucking god, I’m putting this in your wedding.  I don’t know how yet, but I’ll figure it out.  Maybe I’ll have a cardboard cutout made ’.  Carmilla got a text from Perry a few seconds later saying ‘ Don’t worry, I won’t let them make a cardboard cutout ’.

* * *

 

Four hours after the paint mishap, Laura and Carmilla managed to completely bare the room of all of Carmilla’s work and get them packed away in bubble wrap and large sheets of brown paper and into the crates.  There were five crates total, almost overflowing with paintings and drawings, meaning they’d have to take some with them the next day, as well as the day after.

The next step was to paint the walls.  It was Theo’s idea to have practically everything in the gallery splattered with paint.  He had spent the entire day covering each pedestal and panel in white paper and splattering different colors of paint on them.  He set a few aside for Carmilla’s part of the exhibit, as well as some plastic sheets for the floor of her work’s room and doorway, even though Carmilla had no intention to repaint the back room.

The room where Carmilla’s artwork was shown, was the only room that wasn’t painted in a bright white.  Betty had allowed her to paint it shortly after Carmilla agreed to help her out without pay.  Her only rule, was that the room couldn’t be black, so, naturally, Carmilla picked a color, from the hardware store down the street, called Onyx.  Betty about had her head when Carmilla finished painting because it was, indeed, black.  Carmilla’s argument had been ‘the word black isn’t even on the can ’.  As an afterthought, Carmilla decided to splatter some white paint on the walls and ceiling with a paintbrush to make it look like the night sky, she even went as far as painting a few of her favorite constellations on the ceiling.  The night she finished, she ended up falling asleep on the floor, after nursing a bottle of whiskey she got from Betty as a sort of ‘ you’re hired, but not really because I’m not technically paying you ’ type thing.  The morning after, Betty found Carmilla in the middle of the room, curled in a ball, covered in paint and sound asleep next to the empty bottle of jack.  When Betty opened the gallery that day, she blocked off the room with a panel from the storage room and let Carmilla sleep off the night before.  She didn’t come out until Betty was getting ready to close for the day.  That was barely five months ago.

Seeing the room bare for the first time since that night, brought the memories of Laura back that had driven her to drink that entire bottle and Carmilla forced down the urge to pick one up again because Laura was here.  She was right next to Carmilla.  If she wanted to, Carmilla could reach out and easily take her hand, but she didn’t.  Her being here was enough...or it should have been.

Carmilla and Laura spent the next couple of hours painting the pedestals that Theo set aside for her in the leftover onyx paint and splattering constellations onto the dark masses.

* * *

 

The next two days went by in somewhat the same manner.  On day two, Laura woke Carmilla up at noon, knowing any earlier would be dangerous for anyone that came across Carmilla’s path, meaning Laura, Lafontaine and Perry, mostly.  That day Laura and Carmilla, with some help from Theo, loaded Carmilla’s car with the remaining crates of her old work and they managed to fit some of her supplies from the loft into the trunk.  Laura was sent upstairs to organize the scattered brushes and paint and get them into boxes so Carmilla could take them with her before they left, after the showing that weekend.  Meanwhile, Carmilla and Theo set up the displays in the back room with the right light fixtures, which were just a few floor lamps pointed in the right direction.  Carmilla even went as far as hooking up a couple strands of bright white rope lighting over the constellations she painted, on the ceiling, in order to make them stand out more.

The last day before the exhibition, Carmilla and Laura drove separate, Laura driving Lafontaine’s truck and Carmilla driving her car.  They filled the bed of the truck with Carmilla’s easel’s and the boxes Laura had packed the day before and loaded Carmilla’s car with the small stuff, like drawing pads that didn’t fit in the boxes or extra things from the storage room that had piled up from the previous five months she took over the space.  Carmilla and Laura helped Theo and Betty get the main space ready and by the time they were finished it was nearing two in the morning and they still needed to get the back room setup.  Theo and Betty left shortly after the clock struck two and Laura fell asleep on the floor in the back room with Carmilla’s leather jacket next to a box of pizza and a bottle of wine, shortly after that.  Carmilla let her sleep, though, because god knows she hasn’t been getting a lot of that, lately.

She carefully brought down the punched bust of Laura that Betty adored so much and set it up on one of the pedestals in the center of the room, adjusting the lamp accordingly, her mind going back to the first night Laura saw it.  She found herself laughing quietly to herself because how the fuck did she get so lucky to have found someone like her.  She didn’t even flinch when she pulled the white sheet off of it.

Carmilla pulled several of the works Betty saved for this particular show from storage and accordingly hung them on the walls.  The canvases varied in size, from one almost taking up an entire wall to one that barely fit in the palm of Carmilla’s hand.  Some were bunched together on a wall, as a part of a series she did.  The last thing Carmilla pulled from the loft was the painting her and Laura did from the night they spent in the loft.  This piece had a special spot on the wall in the space above the walkway to the alcove where the rest of Carmilla’s work was.  Betty had framed the piece already, all Carmilla had to do was sign it with her signature messy rendition of, CK, and place it above the door where the hooks and lights were already set up.  Except, it didn’t look right.  Something important was missing.  Carmilla dragged the piece out into the center of the gallery and stared at it.  She caught a glimpse of Laura turn in her sleep and she suddenly knew what was missing.

* * *

 

The night of the Repressed Colors exhibition Carmilla was freaking out, more than usual.

One, the little shit for brains of a dog, Lafontaine wouldn’t say which one (they were scared Carmilla might banish the pup from the premises), decided her contacts case would be a better chew toy than their rubber tire that was bigger than either dog’s head.  Carmilla was forced to wear her glasses, which she tried to avoid completely, since her mother made her buy both, glasses and contacts ‘ just in case’ .  Laura thought Carmilla looked sexy as hell in glasses and apparently had no idea she was practically blind as a bat this whole time.

Two, Betty insisted she and Laura “dress up”.  Of course Laura had no problem with it and had pulled out a blazer and a shirt with fucking giraffes on it, which she tucked into a pair of brown pants that may or may not have accentuated her ass in all the right ways and had Carmilla ready to throw herself to the wolves because, really, how pathetic could she be, she’s had her body memorized since they were barely teenagers, but still got caught up in the fact that Laura had a nice ass because apparently in their three year hiatus (that’s what she’s calling it, for reasons) she got really into yoga and she took up self defense classes again and started eating ”healthy” and drinking copious amounts of green tea, although she still ate her weight in chocolate and sweets and Carmilla was overly confused about the whole thing.  Whatever.  Carmilla wasn’t complaining.

Carmilla ended up pulling her hair into a messy bun and wearing her leather pants that she somehow remembered to throw into her suitcase, a flannel she “borrowed” from Laura, which she buttoned up to her neck, her “nicer” leather jacket, and instead of her usual combat boots, she went with Laura’s suggestion of wearing a pair of black heels Laura tossed in her suitcase at the last second, that she forgot she had that someone, probably Mattie, got her for her birthday one year, but never touched.  Apparently they were expensive and, according to Laura, Carmilla should have been worshipping these shoes, instead of throwing them to the back of her closet to collect dust, which she immediately did when she was unpacking boxes.  When Betty saw her choice of an outfit, she simply rolled her eyes and said nothing about it.  Carmilla was grateful to say the least, but she’d never admit it.

And, three, Betty failed to mention, until the last possible second, that she had invited the infamous Vordenberg and his annoying secretary, or whatever the fuck she was, to whom Carmilla had yet to speak to about her paintings and had planned on avoiding for all of eternity.  Betty also failed to mention that Carmilla was the “spotlight artist” as she called it and apparently her face and name were on the fliers and invitations that Betty handed out months prior.  Carmilla didn’t want to think about how Betty acquired the picture on the front of the card, considering she had no recollection of it ever being taken.  This small town gallery showing was a much bigger deal than Betty had let on when Carmilla agreed to do some pieces for it.

Laura didn’t leave Carmilla’s side the entire night, she could practically smell the anxiety coming off her in waves and if the shaking of her hands was any indication, Laura saying Carmilla was nervous, was an understatement.  They mostly stood by the entrance of Carmilla’s contribution to the showing and Laura just held her hand and smiled while Carmilla talked about her pieces to whoever asked.  There was a lot of numbers talk that Laura barely paid attention to, but when Carmilla white-knuckled her hand, she just squeezed back tighter to keep her grounded.  The ginger twins even made an appearance and Laura about had a heartattack when Lafontaine questioned their joint effort in the painting that hung above their heads.  Of course she noticed the little CK and LH in the corner.  Laura thanked every god imaginable when Perry suggested her and Laf get the four of them another drink from the refreshments table.

The night before, when Carmilla eventually woke Laura up from where she was curled up under Carmilla’s jacket on the floor, to add her contribution to the piece, Laura wasn’t 100% on board with the whole ‘ this is actually going in the show ’ idea.  Of course it wasn’t really Carmilla’s decision either, but Betty was somewhat her boss and Betty loved the piece and it was the one they used on every fucking flier so Carmilla really didn’t have a choice.  Carmilla used Betty’s words when she explained to Laura why it fit perfectly into the theme of Repressed Colors.  Laura was still unsure about the fact that her naked body was practically going up for everyone to gawk at, but Carmilla pointed out that her ass was plastered right next to it and that seemed to calm the blonde’s protests.

The night was going pretty smoothly until right before Betty was getting ready to close the doors.  Carmilla noticed the mop of black hair that so closely resembled her own, it was uncanny, and she wanted to slap herself in the face because it had taken her mother to actually show her the fucking birth certificate to notice.  He was literally the male version of herself.  Laura noticed him too and it took her squeezing Carmilla’s hand, almost painfully, for Carmilla to snap herself out of her thoughts enough to realize he was trying to talk to her.

“What are you doing here, Will.”

Carmilla barely managed to get out his name, let alone a coherent sentence, so Laura, naturally, took over and asked what was on Carmilla’s mind.

“I came to see my sister.  I didn’t know she was this popular.”  Will made his way passed them and into the room behind them, his eyes sweeping across every piece of work quickly, but taking it all in with as much care as a paleontologist on a dig site.  It was almost as if he actually cared.  “Or that she was this good.  Damn, Kitty, and here I thought your only talent was knocking people unconscious.”  He was smiling, now, but he was sincere in what he said, which only made Carmilla furious because how the fuck dare he.

“Get out.”

It was the first thing she said to him after her and Laura left her mother’s house that night she found out about them.  Carmilla squeezed Laura’s hand tighter and ignored the familiar itch in her palm to punch his lights out.

“Come on, Carmilla, I just want to talk.”

He was practically begging, but the feeling from when he had blurted out that they were twins, was boiling deep in Carmilla’s gut and she felt like throwing up or punching him square in the face, or both.

“Fuck you.”

Carmilla was fuming.  She had absolutely no desire to talk to him, yet here he was, standing in front of her, still fucking talking.

“Carmilla, please, it’s not even my fault.  Let me-”

Not his fault?  Oh, hell fucking no.

“No!  How can you say that?!  How is it not your fault?  You fucking knew, Will, you knew and you didn’t tell me!  You were her fucking lackey and what, I was just her poor fuck up of a kid?  Did you keep tabs on me and fucking report back to her for my entire life?  I trusted you!  I thought we were friends.  Do you understand why I might be a little upset about this?!”

“I didn’t know until recently, Carmilla!  She told me less than a week before she told you!”

Smells like some fucking bullshit, but whatever.

“You still fucking knew and you didn’t tell me!”

“I’m sorry!  Is that what you want me to say?  That I’m sorry?  I didn’t know how to tell you without you blowing up about it exactly like you’re doing right now!  I didn’t think 20 years of us being friends would just be thrown out the window because you found out we were related!  This is fucking ridiculous!”

“Carm, he kind of has a point…”

Fuck no.  Fuck.  No.

“Are you kidding me, Laura?!  You’re taking his side?”

“I’m not taking sides, I’m just-”

Really?  It sounds a lot like taking sides.

“Agreeing with him!”

“All I said was he has a point!”

There’s that bullshit again.  Wow, everyone’s just full of it today.

“This is bullshit.  Don’t fucking follow me, either of you.”

“Carm, wait, I-”

She did not just...

“No!  Leave me alone, Laura.  Tell Laf and Perry not to leave the door unlocked.”

With that, Carmilla turned and left Will and Laura in the gallery and she made her way out the door.  The only sound, the chime from the front door when she opened it and walked out into the snow covered street.

Inside the gallery, Laura turned to Will who was standing rigid, his features pained.  She shook her head and went to go after Carmilla, but stopped when she felt a soft, but strong grip on her wrist.

“Don’t follow her, she needs a minute to cool off.  I have an idea of where she might go, just-  Let her cool off.”

Laura simply nodded her head and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands before going to help Betty with picking up the gallery to busy herself.

* * *

 

It was over an hour later when Will finally agreed to drive Laura to where he thought Carmilla was.  His theory ended up proving to be right when they pulled up in front of his and Carmilla’s old apartment and they found her car parked half on the curb.  Will gave Laura his key and promised he would stay there in case things didn’t go as well as she’d hoped and she needed a ride back to Laf and Perry’s apartment on the other side of town.

Laura made her way through the building's lobby and to the elevators quickly, sighing a sigh of relief when she heard the familiar sound of loud and, what could only be described as angry, music the second she stepped out of the elevator and onto the third floor.  She walked slowly to the source of the music, stopping at the end of the hall in front of the familiar door to Carmilla’s old apartment.  She took a deep breath before slipping the key into the lock and pushing the door open, hesitantly.  Inside the room, Carmilla was stood, her back to Laura, in front of a battered punching bag hanging from the steel beams in the ceiling.  She had traded her leather pants, heels, and flannel for a black sports bra and a pair of black gym shorts, her hands were wrapped tightly in black wraps and medical tape and there were beads of sweat covering her entire body.  She took several swings at the silver X in duct tape on the bag before screaming something incoherent and landing another sloppy punch to the X, except this time she hit the bag wrong and she felt the impact all the way up her arm.  Carmilla instinctively cradled her left hand to her chest and started to turn around when she caught sight of Laura and nearly lost her shit.  She slammed her right fist down on the speaker on the table next to her, effectively cutting off the music, in it’s place, an eery silence, so loud both their ears rang.

“Jesus fuck, Laura, what the hell are you doing here?”

There was no venom behind her words, just sadness and regret and she was sorry for the way she acted earlier.  Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest and it suddenly felt like the first night they saw eachother again when Laura had barged into the bathroom after Carmilla lost her fight with what's-her-face.  Laura ignored her question and instead went to the freezer where there was still a tray full of ice.  She grabbed one of Carmilla’s discarded t shirts from the floor and put a couple handfuls of ice in it before slowly walking over to where Carmilla still stood, facing her, from her spot in front of the punching bag.  Carmilla was watching her, her brow furrowed.  Laura gently placed the ice filled shirt on the counter and gestured for Carmilla to join her in the kitchen.  She did without hesitation, placing her hands in Laura’s.  Laura patted the counter next to the shirt and Carmilla easily scooted herself onto it.  Laura stood between her legs and gently began unwrapping Carmilla’s hands.  Laura swallowed the gasp in her throat at the sight of Carmilla’s swollen and scraped knuckles, already bruising.  She shook her head and placed the shirt filled with ice over the knuckles of Carmilla’s left hand.

“Hold this.”

Carmilla did as she was told.  She left her focus on the necklace hanging from Laura’s neck, too scared of what she might see if she looked up at her eyes.  Laura placed her hands on Carmilla’s bare knees, watching her intently.

“I’m sorry.”

It was barely a whisper, but it held everything Carmilla needed to say in two words.  Laura sighed, squeezing Carmilla’s knees gently.

“I don’t need an apology, Carm, I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Carmilla simply nods her head.  She feels Laura’s hand move from her knee to her cheek and she closes her eyes at the contact.  Laura tilts Carmilla’s head up.

“Look at me.”

Carmilla slowly opens her eyes and is met with Laura’s small, watery smile.

“I’m an asshole.”

She whispers.  Laura laughs.

“That’s the understatement of the year.”

* * *

 

Laura left shortly after Carmilla promised to stop with the self pity and mutilation she was causing by angrily punching a sand filled bag, leaving Carmilla to change and get herself together before she even thought about making her way back to Laf and Perry’s.

True to his word, Laura found Will parked outside in front of the apartment building waiting for her.  On the drive back to Laf and Perry’s apartment, Laura broke down.  She didn’t know why she had started crying, but it felt like it had been building up inside of her for days and it didn’t feel weird to let it out like it normally did.  She didn’t even know she had tears left in her after the previous couple of weeks.  Will tried to ask what happened, but she just shook her head repeatedly and said over and over again that she didn’t know why she was crying and that it wasn’t Carmilla’s fault.  When Will pulled up in front of the apartment, she thanked him and didn’t say a word to Lafontaine, where they were curled up on the couch with Perry, when she barged through the front door and made a beeline for the bathroom, silent tears staining her cheeks.

* * *

 

When Carmilla finally made it back to the apartment, after showering the sweat from her skin and bandaging her bruised knuckles, Lafontaine was pacing back and forth between the kitchen and the living room.

“What did you do?”

Carmilla was beyond confused and she let it show.

“What are you talking about?”

Her eyebrow was nearly touching her hairline at this point.  Lafontaine had since stopped pacing and now had Carmilla pinned against the back of the door she had just walked in from.  The smaller ginger was oddly threatening when they wanted to be.

“Laura.  What did you do?”

Laura?  What was wrong with Laura?  She was fine when she left the apartment...

“Nothing?  Why?”

Lafontaine gave her a sceptical look and sighed, pointing to the closed door of the bathroom where Laura had yet to come out of.

“You might want to go check on her, she’s been in there awhile.”

Carmilla gave her a questioning look before dropping her duffle bag on the floor of the foyer and walked over to the bathroom door.

“Laura?”  No answer.  “Laur-”

“Go away.”

She sounded defeated and small and that was not a good sign and there was no way in hell Carmilla was going to just ‘ go away ’ or stand outside in the hall and wait for her to come out when she sounded like someone just kicked her puppy...Unless...No, Lafontaine or Perry, not even Carmilla, would do that.

“I’m coming in.”

When Carmilla opened the door to the bathroom, she found Laura sitting in the bathtub, the water filled passed her waist, her head turned toward the tiled wall, resting on her knees that she had drawn to her chest.

“You don’t listen for shit.”

It came out as barely a whisper.

“Never have, why start now?”

Carmilla’s tone was soft.  Laura shrugs, her hand drawing circles in the warm bath water.  She slowly turns her head to face Carmilla, who watches her with a look of pure concern and adoration.  Laura’s eyes are red rimmed and puffy and the dark circles under her eyes could have made a zombie jealous.

“What do you want, Carmilla?”

Shit.  She didn’t really have an answer to that other than ‘ Lafontaine thought I did something to make you upset and I didn’t think I did anything, but who knows, I’m an idiot ’.

“You’re not okay.”

Way to state the obvious, Karnstein.  Points for effort, though.

Laura laughs, humorlessly, at Carmilla’s obvious observation, before shaking her head, her face crumbling.

“No.”

Carmilla’s heart breaks at the sight.  Laura sniffles and wipes at her cheeks with the back of her hand, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

That’s it.

“Scoot forward.”

Laura gives Carmilla a confused look when she starts to unbutton her pants.

“What?”

“Move up, I’m getting in.”

Carmilla finishes sliding her leather pants down her legs and steps out of them, leaving them piled up on the floor next to Laura’s clothes.

“Why?”

Carmilla carefully removes the necklace from around her neck that she had tucked under her shirt, leaving it set out on the counter, next to the sink before unhooking her bra and sliding the straps down her arms without removing her loose, black t shirt.

“I’m offering affection, it doesn’t happen often.  Just go with it.”

She was trying to lighten the mood.   Trying being the operative word, here.

Her words were useless, though, as Laura had already moved herself forward so there was enough room for Carmilla to slip into the tub behind her.  The water was still warm enough that the cool air from the bathroom left goosebumps on Carmilla’s arms when she stepped into the warm water and slid down until her legs were on either side of Laura’s body.

“Come here.”

Carmilla whispered, softly.  Laura leaned back into Carmilla without hesitation, Carmilla wrapping her arms around the smaller girls middle before resting her cheek against Laura’s bare shoulder.

“I miss him.”

Oh... oh .  Well, fuck.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Stupid question, Karnstein.  Why the fuck would she want to talk about it.

Laura shook her head and leaned back further into Carmilla’s warm body, resting her hands over Carmilla’s and laying her head back against her shoulder, her eyes closed.  She focused on the feel of Carmilla’s heartbeat against her back and the rise and fall of her chest.

“Then can we talk about when you got this tattoo on your shoulder?  Because I don’t remember it being there the last time we were-”

Distract her.  There we go.

“It was there.”

Carmilla nuzzled her nose into Laura’s neck, leaving a small kiss against her damp skin.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.  You were a little busy.”

Carmilla laughed quietly and twisted her hands under Laura’s so that their palms met and she intertwined their fingers.

“What’s the date for?”

She whispered into Laura’s hair.

“You don’t know roman numerals?”

Of course, she did.

“I’d rather you tell me.”

“You know the date, Carm, think about it.”

Carmilla leaned back enough to kiss each dark letter pressed permanently into Laura’s skin.

I.XIV...

She didn’t need to go any further.

January Fourteenth.

She did know the date.  She knew the date well, in fact.

“Your mom’s-”

“Yeah.”

Carmilla placed another kiss to the tattoo before pulling Laura back, flush against her.

“She would be so incredibly proud of you, Laura.”

Laura nods her head, ignoring the tears streaking down her cheeks and her trembling lip.  Carmilla kisses the top of Laura’s head and squeezes her hands.

“Your father too.”

It was whispered, but that didn’t mean Laura didn’t hear it.  That didn’t mean to come out.  We were supposed to not talk about it, damn it.

“Stop.”

Way to go, Karnstein.

Laura barely got the word out before she couldn’t hold in her cries anymore.  Carmilla didn’t know what to do.  Laura had turned her body around so she could cry into Carmilla’s shoulder and was bunching the fabric of Carmilla’s shirt in her fists.  Carmilla wrapped her arms around the smaller girl’s shaking frame and placed her chin on her head and they didn’t move.

“Shh.”

“He...left.”

“I’m so, so sorry.”

Carmilla let Laura cry on her until she couldn’t cry anymore.  It was well passed one when Laura finally fell asleep in Carmilla’s arms, but Carmilla didn’t dare move her.  Instead, she drained the tub of the now cold water and grabbed the towel that was folded on the floor in front of the sink and covered Laura’s body, ignoring the pain in her back and rear and let the girl finally sleep.

* * *

 

Laura didn’t wake up again until almost three when Carmilla couldn’t stand the pain in her back anymore.  It was cramping and beyond uncomfortable.  Carmilla successfully managed to lift Laura out of the tub without killing either of them and even made it to the bedroom and had placed Laura under the covers of the bed before she woke up.  In fact, she made it two steps from the door before she heard a soft ‘Carm? ’.  She had no choice but to turn around.  She could see the outline of Laura’s body under the duvet, but that was it.  She couldn’t see her face or any other feature that defined her.

“Yeah?”

“Stay.”

It wasn’t a question and Carmilla barely heard it, she said it so soft.  Anyone else might have took it as a simple exhalation of her tired breath, but Carmilla knew.  She walked over to the bed in silence, stripping her wet clothes as she went and crawled under the blankets.  Laura turned so her back was completely against Carmilla’s front and she grabbed Carmilla’s arm and securely wrapped it around her body.  A quiet ‘ thank you ’ was all that she said.  Carmilla simply nodded and pulled Laura closer, as if that was even possible, and she easily fell asleep to the even beat of Laura’s heart against where her palm was resting on Laura’s chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is:
> 
> http://no-pantsparty.tumblr.com/
> 
> The ring:  
> http://s3.weddbook.com/t4/2/4/1/2417899/antique-engagement-ring-garnet-engagement-ring-14k-art-deco-160-ct-garnet-diamond-ring-unique-engagement-january-birthday.jpg


	10. amender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla gets a very unexpected phone call and ends up having to miss day two of the exhibit and Betty isn’t very happy, we learn what not to do in a ‘68 Pontiac GTO and Laura and Carmilla may or may not talk about things?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's 17 pages of brain barf, you're welcome.
> 
> Warning: Not sure.

Numb.

It was beginning to become less of a feeling and more of a welcomed form of inevitable torture.  If she was numb, she wouldn’t have to deal with the ache in her chest whenever she pulled stupid shit like she did last night.  She wouldn’t have to deal with the thousands of thoughts unwelcomely swarming in her head.  It didn’t matter that she would eventually have to deal with the consequences of succumbing to the paralysis of her mind, it was easier to deal with it later rather than in that moment (that’s what she told herself anyway).  She had already been doing it unconsciously for the past few weeks.  She was putting her feelings aside so she could be there for Laura, her reason being because Laura is in a fragile state and her brother’s getting deployed in the next few weeks and her father just passed away and her friends are in Silas and the only person she’ll have is Carmilla.  She was responding without really thinking, letting her instincts take over.  Her instincts proved to only care about one thing.  It was easier to focus solely on Laura and not think about what this new closeness between them would do to her heart, in the long run, especially after Laura told her she wasn’t ready for anything even resembling what Carmilla wanted.  

That they were, as of right now, _ just _ friends.

Then Laura had to go and give her her mother’s ring and they’re living together and making eachother breakfast and coffee and Laura keeps asking her to sleep with her in the same bed because she doesn’t want to be alone and how the fuck can Carmilla say no.  

It’s fucking confusing to say the least.

Laura Hollis was more confusing than Nietzsche’s views on Nihilism and eternal return.

She was starting to feel the numbness and she couldn’t go to the place she spent so long digging herself out of, again.  She couldn't force herself to let the numbness settle in her veins, no matter how much she wanted to.  Not again.

She needed to be there as much mentally as she was physically.

For Laura.

She couldn’t leave her to face her own demons alone, definitely not after hearing what she had gone through when Carmilla was in Paris, not after last night and not after this morning, waking up to find her fast asleep, her features calmer than the eye of a hurricane, which was oddly ironic.  Carmilla hadn’t seen her like that since they spent the night at the studio before Laura ran out.

She needed to be there for herself.

So, instead of mentally numbing her senses, Carmilla settled for the physical feeling of cold wind numbing her bare cheeks and exposed hands, clenched into tight fists so she could feel the tape she still had over knuckles press against the bruises that had formed.  She pumped her arms at her sides, her legs moving almost effortlessly underneath her, the only sound in her ears, the light thump of her shoes hitting the pavement in a steady, but fast, rhythm.

And her thoughts.

The bullshit going on in her head was practically deafening.

* * *

 

_ “Carm?” _

_ She had no choice but to turn around. _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “Stay.” _

_ It wasn’t a question... _

* * *

 

Carmilla’s jaw clenched at the memory from last night and her fists were so tight they were nearly shaking.  She dug the toe of her shoes into the ground harder and pushed her legs until her lungs were burning from lack of oxygen.

* * *

 

_ Carmilla woke up to a warm, even breath tickling her cheek and a warm body tangled with hers.  Almost on instinct she went to pull the body closer to her until bare skin brushed against bare skin and her eyes shot open taking in Laura’s figure next to her. _

_ Shit. _

_ Shit, shit, shit. _

_ She should not have done that.  She should not have agreed to sleep with Laura again.  She sure as hell should not have agreed to sleep with Laura stark naked.  It almost seemed more intimate than the last time it happened. _

_ Oh, right. _

_ This wasn’t the first time. _

_ Except it felt like it was. _

_ It felt raw and amazing and the fact that they didn’t have sex, let alone even attempt to have sex, was what made the fact that she was in bed with Laura’s naked body wrapped up in her naked body feel normal.  She felt safe and comfortable, except she didn’t.  She shouldn’t be feeling this way, not when Laura didn’t feel the same way back.  It would only hurt more when Laura moved on and left. _

_ Laura. _

_ Laura, who was laying in bed with her.  She was on her stomach, her mouth open slightly, her hair strewn across their shared pillow bunched in her arms.  One of her legs were tangled between Carmilla’s, the other spread eagle, taking up the entire bed, leaving Carmilla a small sliver of mattress.  The comforter had been kicked to the end of the bed sometime in the few hours they had been asleep, leaving only a thin sheet shared between the both of them, resting lightly at the small of Laura’s back.  Carmilla’s arm was resting over her and she had Carmilla’s other hand in a loose grip between them.  There was a small sliver of sunlight coming through the curtains and if Laura were to open her eyes, Carmilla was sure she would find lost solar systems.  Her palms actually itched to pick up a paintbrush and paint the scene before her.  That didn't happen very often, everything she painted or drew was from memory. _

_ Beautiful, was the first word that came to mind when Carmilla opened her eyes, before the terror. _

* * *

 

The pain in her muscles still wasn’t enough to suppress the memories and among the thoughts, there was a little voice in the back of her head screaming at her to tell Laura how she feels, but then there was also the louder voice at the front of her brain screaming into a fucking megaphone telling her to keep her damn mouth shut and it was giving her a headache and this whole running from your problems thing didn’t actually work when the problem was one Laura Hollis with honey brown hair and light brown eyes that held galaxies inside them and when the sun hits them just right, could paralyze and capture anyone who dared look into them.  Carmilla was the captive.  She had been the second she came in contact with Laura’s eyes nearly 15 years ago, but only in the last few years did she realize how far gone she actually was.  There was no getting away.  She was a goner at age six and she wasn’t the least bit taken back by this realization.  She somehow knew then that she was stuck.

And she wanted to be.

And that scared the shit out of her.

* * *

 

_ Carmilla carefully removed herself from Laura’s grasp, untangling their legs and extracting her hand.  She quietly tiptoed her way across the hardwood floor to her suitcase with wide eyes, trained on Laura’s sleeping figure, and precise movements, grabbing the first pair of sweats she saw and a shirt and slipping into them quickly.  With shaky hands she turned the doorknob to the bedroom and slipped out into the hallway, pulling the door softly shut behind her.  She made her way to the front door where she remembered leaving her duffle bag the night before and threw the strap over her shoulder.  She was walking out the door when a hand on her arm stopped her.  She froze immediately, her eyes narrowing, her grip on the door handle tightened and she let out a labored breath before turning around.  She expected to see Laura standing behind her, wrapped up in a sheet, her hair tousled with sleep and her feet bare, but was surprised to find Lafontaine with a curious look on their face. _

_ “Where do you think you’re going?” _

_ And suddenly she was back in Laura’s house, three years ago, and instead of Laf standing before her it was Noah.  She just stared at him, her eyes wide, feet glued to the floor, and he stared back.  The grip on her arm tightened. _

_ “Carmilla?” _

_ It wasn’t Noah’s voice.  Carmilla shook her head and closed her eyes, trying to get rid of the image of the soldier in front of her. _

_ “You okay?” _

_ Carmilla shook her head again and she was back in Laf and Perry’s apartment. _

_ “I...um.” _

_ Laf gave her a questioning look, but dropped their hand from Carmilla’s shoulder. _

_ “Run...I’m going....” _

_ Carmilla cleared her throat and went to turn back to the door, but Lafontaine stopped her, expecting more. _

_ “I’ll be back in a few hours...I’m just going to clear my head.” _

_ Laf nodded and Carmilla sighed, reaching for the door handle.  This time she made it out into the hallway and headed straight for the nearest stairwell. _

* * *

 

Carmilla couldn’t feel her legs moving beneath her anymore, her legs were like jello and her breathing was shallow, her mouth dry and her vision was beginning to go fuzzy around the edges.  She didn’t remember the last time since she left that she recognized anything in front of her, but somehow she had ended up in front of Laf and Perry’s apartment building and she rushed to catch the door where a man was walking out into the cold air.  She caught the door just before it closed and sprinted to the stairwell she used when exiting the building and ran up the stairs, two at a time, grabbing her duffle bag she left before she made her way out into the hallway and to the redheads’ door.  She pushed it open and nearly ran into a startled Perry with two dogs in her arms, followed by Laf, but none of that registered to Carmilla.  It was almost as if her legs were moving to their own accord and ignoring the screaming ache in her muscles, begging to collapse on the floor, begging for some sort of relief.  She ignored the voice in her head behind the megaphone telling her to stop what she was about to do and when she found herself in front of where Laura was sitting on the couch, her legs tucked underneath her, her hands wrapped around a steaming mug of hot tea, a blanket around her shoulders, Carmilla finally made up her decision.  She thinks she knew her decision before she even walked out of the apartment that morning, but seeing Laura in that moment, her hair tousled with sleep, glowing in the sun’s rays from the bare window behind her, tired brown eyes, and a yawn on her slightly chapped lips, Carmilla thought she never looked more beautiful and she knew then that she would do anything to wake up to that sight every morning.

Carmilla didn’t know how long she had been gone, but within that time, the only thing she thought about was Laura.  It was pathetic really, how much space the small girl took up inside her head.

“Carm, where’d-”

Ignoring her, Carmilla didn’t waste anytime pulling Laura to her feet, effectively cutting her off and causing her to almost drop the mug in her hands and the blanket to drop from her shoulders to the couch cushions where she once sat.  Without thinking about what she was doing, Carmilla took Laura’s face in her cupped hands and before she could tell herself to stop, her lips were pressed against Laura’s, almost as if she needed to kiss her in order to get her labored breathing under control.  Laura sighed into the kiss and Carmilla took that as a good sign and she didn’t have second thoughts about trying to deepen the kiss, but when Laura pulled back and three little words slipped past Carmilla’s lips, they both froze.  Carmilla’s eyes shot open at the realization of what she just said and she jumped back, her hands dropping from Laura’s cheeks to the space between them.

“You what?”

Laura’s voice was quiet and the look on her face looked almost as if she was in pain.  Carmilla tried to backup more but the back of her knees hit the coffee table and holy shit she just said that out loud.  Without another word, Carmilla turned and practically sprinted to the bedroom, the look of hurt on Laura’s face burned into her memory.  With the door shut and locked against her back, she slid down to the floor and tried to get her breathing under control.  She ignored Laura’s pleas from the other side to open the door and focused on slowing her heartbeat.  Her hands were clasped together, held tight to her chest when she let herself fall to her side on the hardwood floor.

She could tell by just looking at the way Laura’s face contorted into one of shock to horror to hurt all in a matter of seconds:

Laura didn’t love her back.

She should’ve listened to the voice with the megaphone.

* * *

 

**_Laura’s POV_ **

When Laura woke up, Carmilla wasn’t there.  She wasn’t all that surprised, but it would’ve been nice to wake up in her arms or to have her simply lying next to her.  She was neither.  Come to find out, she wasn’t even in the apartment and that was slightly worrisome, considering their history, but Laura pushed that away because that wasn’t Carmilla’s fault (not all of it anyway) and she promised not to leave like that again.  She usually never broke her promises.

When Lafontaine mentioned Carmilla practically ran out of the apartment that morning like a bat out of hell, saying she needed to clear her head, Laura immediately called her.  She ignored the sinking feeling in her stomach and taking reassurance in the fact that Carmilla left her suitcase.  Not even three seconds later, Laura heard the familiar theme song for Doctor Who and rolled her eyes.  Of course Carmilla would leave without her phone, but that also meant she was coming back.  Laura relaxed, slightly.

After barely 20 minutes passed, Laura began to pace.  She walked back and forth between the living room and kitchen, circling the couch and island in a figure eight. She paused every once in awhile to snatch a brownie from the baking sheet cooling on the island that Perry replenished at record speed or to plop on the couch next to Lafontaine where they were trying to watch something on tv before, inevitably hopping to her feet a few minutes later only to start pacing again.  It wasn’t long before Lafontaine forced Laura to go shower and calm the fuck down, claiming her anxiety was practically palpable.  Laura frowned but did as she was told and took the quickest shower she could manage before changing back into the pair of sweats she slipped into that morning and one of Carmilla’s t shirts and plopping down on the couch next to Lafontaine again.  They groaned.  Perry brought over the last of the brownies, placing them on the coffee table in front of Lafontaine, and a cup of tea for Laura.  Apparently, she didn’t “need anymore sugar”, thus the lack of hot chocolate in her cup.  When Laura tried to grab a brownie from the plate in front of them, Perry slapped her hand away and gave her a look.

They made it through most of the Avengers before the dogs started whining to be let out.  Laf and Perry (more so Laf, than Per) both jumped at the opportunity to go walk them around for a bit.  It was getting close to lunch time and when Laura’s stomach growled, Perry offered to pick up something on the way back.  Laura agreed happily and poured herself another cup of tea and sneaked a brownie while Perry and Lafontaine got the dogs ready for their walk.  She sank back into the couch and draped a blanket over her shoulders before unpausing the movie and shoving the brownie in her mouth.  She heard the door to the apartment open and the jingling of the dog chains and in her peripheral, she saw Perry holding the two pups in her arms in front of Lafontaine.  Perry turned around to walk out the door and let out a startled yelp, capturing Laura’s full attention.

After that everything happened so fast Laura barely registered any of it.

Her eyes locked with Carmilla’s dark brown orbs immediately and almost on instinct, she felt herself smile.  She swallowed the last bit of brownie she had in her mouth and in three strides Carmilla was standing in front of her.  Her breathing was labored, she was covered in sweat, and part of her t shirt was matted to her skin, outlining her toned stomach, which holy shit how didn’t she notice that before.  The corner of her lips were curled up in a slight smile and her eyes looked almost terrified, but there was a hint of something Laura saw only a handful of times before, always directed towards her.  Laura’s breath got caught in her throat.  She could sit there and admire that view forever.  When she could finally speak, all she was able to get out was ‘ Carm, where’d- ’ before she was being lifted off the couch by gentle hands and a pair of soft lips met hers in an eager kiss, almost as if Carmilla needed to kiss her.  The only thing she could focus on was the way Carmilla’s lips felt against her own and the taste of salt from Carmilla’s upper lip and she sighed.  The kiss was messy and if it had been anyone else, the idea of kissing someone covered in sweat would have been gross, but it was Carmilla and she tasted sweet and salty and there was a hint of champagne on her tongue from last night and it was anything but gross. It was hot and saccharine and there was so much emotion in the gesture it was almost overbearing, then three words came out of Carmilla’s mouth and Laura froze.  Her body involuntarily stopped, stalled, halted.  Did she hear that right?  No.  That can’t be what she said.  She felt Carmilla tense in front of her and when she opened her eyes Carmilla’s were already opened staring back at her, wide.  She looked scared to death and not at all like she meant for the confession to slip past her lips and into Laura’s.  Suddenly there was an absence of warmth as Carmilla took a step back as if Laura was on fire and Carmilla didn’t want to get caught in the flames.

She should say it back, right?  That’s what you do when someone you love confesses their love for you, right?  You say it back?

She doesn’t.

Her brain jumbles three years of thoughts into her head at once and she can’t think straight.  Her conscious catches on to a steady stream of the words ‘ she hurt you ’ and ‘ we’re too broken to fix ’, then there’s the voices saying ‘ but you do love her ’ and ‘ it doesn’t matter, love conquers all ’ and all that bullshit and her brain short circuits because confusing much?  Before she knows it, Carmilla is putting more space between them and Laura should really say something, like anything would be great.  ‘ You what? ’  was not what she was hoping for when she was begging her brain to focus for five seconds to come up with a coherent thought.  Of course that was the wrong thing to say.  When her brain finally caught up to that fact, Carmilla was already across the living room, down the hallway, and behind a closed door.  When Laura heard the click of a lock, her feet started moving and suddenly she was in front of the bedroom door.  Words were coming out of her mouth, but her brain wasn’t registering them and the palm of her hand was starting to sting from hitting the door too many times.  She could hear Carmilla’s breathing pick back up on the other side of the door and when she knelt down in front of it and started pleading for her to unlock it, Laura could feel a terror in her chest so overwhelming she had to steady herself by lying down on the floor.  She placed her hand against the cool hardwood and ignored the heat running down her cheeks and tried not to think about what it would mean if Carmilla shut her out, or worse, if Carmilla left.

Laura closed her eyes and whispered three little words to a locked door and a rapid heartbeat.

* * *

 

Carmilla didn’t cry.  Laura didn’t love her back and she didn’t cry.  Her eyes watered, but none of the threatening tears ever made it as far as trailing down her cheeks to land on the hardwood beneath her head.

She didn’t cry.

Instead, she allowed the feeling of being underwater to envelope her.  She welcomed it with open arms.  Anything to get rid of the hollow feeling in her chest and the pain that felt like it didn’t have a starting point.  It just hurt all over.  When she finally picked herself up off the floor, after what seemed like hours, she didn’t feel anything.  She felt like a shell.  Empty, but there, but not really.  She was physically there, of course, but mentally?  She was in a void.

She forced herself to shower and get dressed after ignoring Betty’s call for the sixth time.  She numbly put on a white button up from her suitcase, tucking it into her leather pants and slid her feet into the heels she wore the night before and borrowed a necktie from Lafontaine, which she loosely hung around her neck.  She threw her hair up in a messy bun and slid her glasses over her nose before grabbing her phone and sending a quick text to Betty telling her she was on her way before slipping it into her back pocket.  She grabbed her jacket, car keys and, as a last minute thought, her suitcase before going to open the door to the bedroom she had been hiding behind.  Carmilla paused, her hand twitching over the doorknob.  She turned her head back to the dresser where she found the ring Laura had given her, still laid out where she left it after grabbing it from the bathroom that morning.

“...think of it more of a promise ring…”

Maybe she was overreacting about this whole thing.  Laura had seemed excited about their future together, eager even.  It didn’t make sense that she would just backtrack on what she said and unintentionally rip Carmilla’s heart out of her chest just to throw it on the ground and stomp on it, or worse, rip it to shreds and proceed to sew it back together.  She wouldn’t do that, she wasn’t that person.  She was genuine and kind and not just on the surface, that’s just how she was, through and through, that’s what Carmilla saw in her at least.  If anything, her exterior had been hardened over the years, but somehow she was still caring and, overall, too good.  Maybe she just got scared and froze.  For the love of Hogwarts that’s what Carmilla did.  She wasn’t expecting to say ‘ I love you ’, she barely even registered the fact that she actually did love Laura, but she does.  Now that she’s said it, she’s somewhat glad it came out.  It’s out there now and Laura has a choice to make.  If Laura legitimately didn’t love her back, it was going to hurt, but somewhere deep down, Carmilla thinks maybe Laura does love her.

Carmilla walked the three strides it takes to get to the dresser and picked up the ring, gently between her fingers.  She carefully placed the chain over her head and let it fall against her skin, between her breasts, and took a deep breath at the unfamiliar, yet not uncomfortable weight.  She sighed and turned back around, this time not stopping when she reached the door handle.

When she opened the bedroom door, what she found wasn’t at all what she was expecting.

At her feet, in the middle of the hallway, was Laura.  She was curled up on the hardwood on her side, her hand lightly pressed to the floor just in front of the bedroom door, as if she was reaching out, but decided against it and paused midway, letting her hand fall into the space between her and the wooden barrier that separated her from Carmilla.  Her eyes were closed and her breaths were even, but her eyebrows were knitted in the middle and she looked anything but peaceful.

Carmilla was frozen, the only thing she wanted to do was reach down and smooth the lines creasing Laura’s forehead.

Had she been there the entire time?

Carmilla was snapped out of her thoughts only when Lafontaine emerged from their bedroom.  They gave Carmilla a sympathetic look before continuing down the hallway.

“She’s been there all day.”

The voice startled Carmilla.  When she looked up, Perry was walking out of the bedroom that Lafontaine had just come from and there was a sad look in her eyes as she focused her gaze on Laura’s sleeping form before she continued down the hallway, following Lafontaine.  Carmilla looked down to Laura at her feet and sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes as she shook her head.  She set her suitcase down in the hallway across from her, her jacket on top, before placing her keys in her unoccupied back pocket.  She quietly bent down and slid her arms under Laura, grunting when she started to lift the smaller girl in her arms, trying not to lose balance in her heels.

She couldn’t just leave her on the floor, that’d be detrimental to her health...probably.  It would probably hurt her hips or something.  Maybe her back or neck.  Carmilla couldn’t have that, she’d feel responsible and guilty and such.

Wow, she clearly wasn’t as good at shutting her emotions off as she used to be.  One look at Laura and she was ready to beg at the girl’s feet.  Okay, maybe not beg , but whatever.

Carmilla slowly turned around in the bedroom doorway, Laura still sleeping in her arms, and made her way to the unmade bed.  She gently placed Laura down onto the mattress and pulled the blanket to her chin.  She got as far as one step back from the bed before a hand reached out and grabbed hold of Carmilla’s wrist and she panicked.  Laura’s eyes were still closed, but she had the hint of a smile playing on her lips and Carmilla’s body went rigid.  Her mind flashed back to the morning she left for Paris and the way Laura looked lying in her bed, the way her warm skin felt against Carmilla’s lips as she left a lingering kiss to her forehead.  Carmilla swallowed the lump in her throat and took another step back, letting Laura’s hand limply fall to the mattress with a sigh of relief from Carmilla when Laura didn’t show any more signs of waking up.  She was not ready to talk about what happened yet, especially if she was wrong about how Laura felt.  She couldn’t deal with that yet.  Laura didn’t move again as Carmilla made her way across the dark bedroom and out into the hallway.  She picked her suitcase and jacket up from where she left them and slipped her arms into the jacket sleeves before sighing and rolling her eyes at herself as she turned around and placed her suitcase against the wall just inside the bedroom.  

Seriously, this girl made every last ounce of self control she had fly straight out the window.  

She shut the door, softly, and made her way to the front door of the apartment, only pausing to mutter a low ‘ make sure she eats something ’ and an ’ I’ll be back late...probably ’ to whoever was listening before stepping out into the complex’s fourth floor hallway.

* * *

 

The air outside was cool, but despite it snowing the night before, it was a comfortable cold that Carmilla was familiar with.  The snow that had lightly covered the sidewalks less than 24 hours ago was melted into small, distant puddles on the cement.  The only evidence that it had even snowed was the salt left over on the sidewalk crunching under Carmilla’s heels.

As Carmilla made her way to her car parked on the street, she tried to erase any thought of Laura from her mind, she didn’t need to be distracted.  This night was about her.  She was just going to go to the stupid gallery exhibition, drink a couple glasses of champagne, talk to potential buyers, and then after everyone left, she was going to go up to the loft and get lost in a sketch and hope it occupied enough of her time so she wouldn’t have to go back to Perry and Laf’s apartment until the sun was peaking over the tops of the buildings.  Maybe she’ll search for something a little stronger than champagne and she won’t leave the loft at all.  Maybe.

But probably not.

Because Laura.  Laura who was sound asleep in the bed they shared the night before, tucked under blankets, wrapped up in each other.  Laura who would probably be upset if she wasn’t there in the morning.  Laura who she kissed, probably with a little bit too much enthusiasm and need.

Fuck.  And her mind was back to the person she was trying not to think about.  Looks like that’s a lost cause.

Carmilla’s mind was saved from her pitiful self-loathing when her phone rang from her back pocket, letting out an ear piercing rendition of Apple’s generic IPhone ringtone.  She quickly fished the phone from her pants and, without checking the caller ID, slid her thumb across the screen and put the phone to her ear.  She didn’t have anytime to bite out whatever snarky remark was on the tip of her tongue, thinking it was Betty, before she recognized Mattie’s voice on the other end.  When what she was saying finally registered, Carmilla wasted no time in throwing open her car door and climbing inside the driver’s seat, thrusting the key in the ignition, and pulling away from the curb with an angry squeal of the tires, heading in the opposite direction of the gallery, her phone thrown onto the passenger seat and forgotten.

* * *

 

“You are such a fucking idiot!”

Carmilla was fuming.  

She was mad because she cared.  As it turns out, nearly 21 years of friendship, can’t be thrown away when said friend turns out to be family.  She was mad because he crashed their birth father’s car.  It wasn’t one she ever helped him work on, but she still spent a lot of time around it and it had been one of his babies.  She was mad because Betty wouldn’t leave her the fuck alone.  Obviously, twin brother/best friend in the hospital trumped second night of a gallery showing that she didn’t really want to be at in the first place.  She was mad because she wasn’t a huge fan of hospitals, yet here she was.

She was mad because seeing Will in a hospital bed made her sick to her stomach.

He was awake, but he looked like shit.  His left arm was in a sling ( good, he’d have to try and write with his right hand ), there was a bandage covering a gash on the left side of his forehead ( serves him right ), and there was an IV in his right hand.  A man in scrubs was leaning over Will’s bruised body, shining a light in his eyes, when Carmilla burst into the room, catching everyone’s attention.  She glared at the nurse and he practically sprinted out the door of the small room with his tail between his legs.  Must be new.

Carmilla’s hands were closed in tight fists at her sides, her jaw was clenched shut and she could feel the back of her eyes starting to burn with unshed tears.  Will was a piece of shit, but he was her piece of shit and if anything happened to him, she didn’t know what she would do, despite their disagreements.  They had known eachother for their entire lives, literally from the womb.  Carmilla considered him a brother even before she knew he was.  He was her best friend.  He was always there when she needed someone, he took her shit and she took his, they knew how to handle each other, they knew each other's secrets and first kiss stories.  When Carmilla came out to her mother and things didn’t go as planned, Will was there.  When Will found out he was adopted, Carmilla was there.  So, yeah, maybe Carmilla overreacted when she found out he was her twin, but she was always one for dramatics, everyone really should’ve seen it coming.  Plus, the fact that her mother withheld that information made it a bigger deal than it actually was, not to mention she was stressed the fuck out with this Vordenburg guy.  She wasn’t positive if she even wanted that collection of her work to be sold, let alone for the over gracious amount he was offering.

Will had a small smirk on his face when Carmilla finally managed to make eye contact.

“Is Carmilla “Shows No Emotion” Karnstein tearing up?”

His voice was hoarse and he sounded about as good as he looked, but there was a familiarity in his teasing tone that Carmilla missed.  Carmilla let out a sigh of relief before briskly walking up to him and gently pushing him in the shoulder that wasn’t in a sling.

“Don’t look so smug, you bastard.”

“Ah, careful , I’m wounded.”

Carmilla just rolled her eyes, a slight smile on her lips.

“You’ll live, you’ve been through worse…maybe if you weren’t a fucking moron...”

“Hey…rude.  People usually just bring flowers, not insults.”

“Yeah, not when you crash the GTO, she was one of dad’s favorites.”

Will had the decency to look at least a little guilty, cringing and ducking his head under Carmilla’s glare.

“Sorry, I should’ve probably learned to drive a stick before taking her out.  You could definitely fix her up though: paint job, buff out the scratches, fix the dent...dents.”  Carmilla just rolled her eyes and muttered ‘ idiot ’ under her breath before landing her eyes on her brother’s and shoving her hands in her front pockets.  “But, Carm...I’m glad you came.”

“Yeah…”  Carmilla shrugs, glancing down at the floor,  “it’s not a big deal.”

“Hey, I’ll be fine.  Go to your show thing.”

Carmilla shakes her head and makes her way over to a chair in the corner, taking a seat.

“I’m good.”

Will smiles and settles further into the hospital bed.

“Then get some sleep, you look like shit.”

Carmilla lifts her middle finger in the air, but smiles nonetheless.  She scoots the chair closer to her brother’s bed and plants her feet on top of the thin blanket draped over his body, resting her head on the back of the chair and crossing her arms over her chest and closing her eyes.

“Carmilla?”

She cracks open an eye, raising her eyebrow.  She found Will looking at his lap, a nervous crease in his brow.

“Hm?”

“Are we good?”

Carmilla laughs and nudges Will’s leg with her heel.

“Yeah, little bro, we’re good.”

Will frowned and huffed out a puff of air.

“Little?  We’re twins…”

Carmilla smirks, closing her eyes.

“I’m eight minutes older.”

Will mumbled a ‘ whatever ’ before closing his eyes as well and Carmilla’s smirk turned into a small smile.  This was familiar, the teasing banter between the two.  It was their normal and she missed it.  Carmilla was never going to let their mother get between the two of them again, if she could help it.

* * *

 

Will was released from the hospital the following afternoon after signing a stack of release papers thicker than a college textbook and getting a prescription for painkillers from the doctor.  He even went as far as getting one of the floor nurse’s numbers.  Carmilla had rolled her eyes at that and promptly left to go get the car.  She dropped him off at their old apartment and helped him get situated before taking his prescription and walking to the pharmacy to get it filled and stopping by the garage, where Will mentioned he had the car towed, while she waited for the pills.

The left side of the car was dented and the corner of the front bumper was smashed, including the left side light, the driver’s side window was shattered and all over the front seat, but the mechanic that had been working on it told Carmilla it was driveable but that she should be careful.  She scoffed at that and paid the grease clad man for the repairs he made on the engine and cursed her idiotic brother for his lack of brains.  She didn’t even want to know what possessed him to try and drive a stick shift on busy, hill-ridden roads in the middle of the day when he knew nothing about how to drive a stick.  Carmilla shook her head in disbelief.  He probably tried to coast and lost control of the car.  Moron.

Carmilla dusted the seat of any glass shards and slipped into the car through the driver’s side window NASCAR style, after failing to get the door open by the handle.  She managed to leave the shop with only a few questioning glances her way from the men, that quickly turned to those of impressed as soon as she got the car started and ripped out of the garage with the ease and skill from someone with years of practice.  She stopped at the pharmacy on her way back and picked up Will’s prescription and as a second thought, stopped by the corner store by the apartment and picked up a bottle of cheap whiskey that she tossed in the passenger seat.  She dropped the pills off to Will who was asleep on the couch when she got back, but she managed to get out of him that mother was out of town until the following weekend.  She silently thanked whatever deity was out there watching over her or her possible bout of good karma and left Will to sleep on the couch with a note taped to his chest saying she’ll be with his car at the “Karnstein Estate”, as her mother referred to it.

When she arrived she didn’t waste any time in pulling up to the front gate, entering the code ( stupid bitch hadn’t even changed it yet, she’s practically asking for Carmilla to break in ), and pulled up in front of the garage.  She discarded her heels on the floor of the car, climbed out of the car the same way she got in and walked around to the back of the garage where she found the window with the broken latch and no screen she discovered as a little girl and climbed through it, using the windowsill as leverage before jumping and landing on the hard cement of the garage floor.  She dusted her hands off on her pants before looking around.  Her mother hadn’t touched the space.  Every surface was covered with her father’s things.  Carmilla was surprised the structure was still standing, she hadn’t stepped foot in her father’s space since the day of his funeral when she snuck away from the strangers in her home and sat under her father’s work bench until Laura found her not even an hour later.  She always did know Carmilla’s favorite hiding spots.

Laura.

Dammit.

Carmilla never went back to Laf and Perry’s apartment last night.  Laura was probably thinking the worst right now.  Or she moved on from the worst and just thinks Carmilla is avoiding her, especially if she’s called or texted or anything because Carmilla hasn’t even had her phone on her since last night.  Wait.  Her phone.  She didn’t have it in the hospital room, she didn’t have it at the pharmacy or the garage, it obviously wasn’t in her pockets...Her car.  Which was with Will at the apartment.  An hour away.  Awesome.  Oh well, going off the grid for a day never killed anyone, probably.

Carmilla groaned and rolled her eyes at herself.  She’ll just have to deal with that whole mess later.  Instead, she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind and opened the garage door, the sunlight from the afternoon sun warming her skin as she stepped into the light and out into the driveway to the car.  She put the car in neutral and rolled it into the garage before snatching the bottle of whiskey off the passenger seat and shutting the car off.  She opened the bottle and took a large sip, wiping the excess off her top lip with the back of her hand before placing the bottle on the tool bench and making her way to the house.  If she was going to fix her brother’s mess, she was going to need to change into something a little less restricting.

Of course her mother hadn’t changed the locks or bothered as much as to pack up her shit, so when Carmilla made her way through the front door with her key and up the grand staircase and down the upstairs hall to her old bedroom, she found it just as it was the night she left, except maybe cleaner.

Carmilla paused in the doorway.  Her walls were the same deep maroon color she picked out when she was 12.  The wall behind her bed was practically covered with photographs.  Some of them were of Carmilla and Will.  Some of her and her father that she had taken from old photo albums.  Most of them were of her and Laura from high school, Carmilla actually smiling in a few of them, a lot of them were just Laura.  Some of them were pictures taken at their favorite hang out spots, like the roof of the middle school where they met or the playground that was a 10 minute walk from Laura’s house or the attic above Carmilla’s room where her and Laura shared their first kiss.  A few of them were of Carmilla’s favorite constellations that she was proud to have gotten pictures of.  On her desk along the wall to the right of her bed, Carmilla found her old camera, the one she bought from a thrift shop when Laura asked her to join a photography class the summer after they graduated high school.  She thought she left it in the class.  If she remembered correctly, there was still a roll of film in it that had yet to be developed.

She hadn’t anticipated being smacked in the face with so many memories.  She just wanted to find a change of clothes and get lost in the task of trying to fix Will’s car until she had to go get ready for the last showing at the gallery.  Instead, she found herself walking to the wall of photos and she began to carefully remove each photograph, placing them on her bed when the pile in her hand got to be too much to hold.  It didn’t take long before she moved to the bookshelf and started removing her cherished novels, as well, placing them in a pile on the floor next to her bed.  She moved on to the closet next, opening it to find nothing but clothes hangers and the few band t shirts her mother hadn’t packed for her when she left for Paris.  She ripped the shirts off the hangers and threw them on her bed.  With the closet empty, she found the familiar hatch in the wall that led to a set of old stairs.  She quickly scrambled to the foot of her bed and pushed the bench that sat at the end of it to the side and bent down to the floorboards.  She pressed her hand along the wood and stopped when she felt the crack in the wood.  She pressed down on one side of the board, causing the opposite end to pop up and smiled when she saw the glint of the metal catch in the light from her window.  She picked up the key from the hole in the floorboards and replaced the board before pushing the bench back over her hiding spot and making her way back to the closet.  She pried the lock open on the hatch with the key and slid the piece of wood away from the hole.  Dust filled her nose, causing her to sneeze and she swatted at the air before crawling through the hole to the staircase.  She gingerly made her way up the stairs stopping at the last step to run her thumb over the spot in the railing where Laura had carved their initials inside a heart.  It was sappy and gross, but it made her smile and warmed her insides.

Inside the attic was a large box set up in the middle of the floor covered in dust and spider webs.  Carmilla and Laura used to sit around the box and play monopoly.  Carmilla pretended she hated it, but everytime she saw Laura’s face break into a grin whenever she won or sent Carmilla to jail, Carmilla couldn’t help but smile just as wide.  She couldn’t complain.  90% of the time Laura won only won because Carmilla let her, but that was still a secret she’d take to her grave.  There was no way in Hell she was going to tell Laura that, especially because the only reason she did it was to see the girl smile and to watch her stupid victory dance after counting their money.  One time, Carmilla even went as far as hiding some of her own money so she made sure Laura would have more than her.  It was pathetic, she knows.

Other than the overturned box in the center of the attic, two chairs, a couple board games, millions of cobwebs, and a few old blankets, now ridden with moth holes and dust, the space was empty.  What made it special was the fact that it was their own and when Carmilla and Laura would play in the space as kids, it seemed like another world.  They would build forts and slay dragons and their sleepovers were always filled with loud laughter and quiet whispers.  Of course that was all when her father was alive or when her mother was on a business trip and she was left alone with the nanny.  Her mother never really liked Laura, despite how happy she made Carmilla.  Her father, on the other hand, loved that Laura could make Carmilla laugh and smile the way she did.  Carmilla found herself smiling at the memories.  She never realized how bad she had it for this girl.

Carmilla walked over to the overturned box and flipped it, dodging a few spiders as they scurried along the floor.  She threw the blankets and board games into the box and made her way back down the stairs and through the hole that she locked up tight before slipping the key into her pocket.  She set the box on the floor next to her bed and put her old band t shirts inside, then her books, and finally the photographs from her wall.  She grabbed her old camera next and placed it gently in the box, among the pictures.  Carmilla didn’t bother with her dresser, she knew that was empty, and her desk had nothing of importance in it, just old homework papers and tests she had been so excited to show her mother, but she never even glanced at.

Carmilla picked up the box of her childhood memories and belongings and made her way to the bedroom door.  Her hand was on the handle and she was about to pull it shut behind her when she suddenly remembered something.  She carefully placed the box down in the hallway and made her way back into the room and walked up to the only piece of art left over on her walls.  It was honestly hideous and boring and the only thing in her room that she had no say in.  She hated it.  She took the painting from the hook it had been hanging from and laughed when she saw what was underneath.  Her mother would have killed her if she had ever found out what she and Laura did.

In the space where the painting once hung, Carmilla instead, stared at a small hole in the wall where her and Laura had cut a piece of the drywall out.  The hole was only as big as a small book, but it was inside that counted.  Carmilla reached her hand inside the hole and felt around in the dark until her hand hit what she was looking for.  A journal.  It was leatherbound and the pages were old and faded.  Laura made her get it when she started having nightmares.  Laura told her to write them down and she would rewrite the dream so it wasn’t so scary anymore.  It had worked for a while, but when the abuse got worse so did the dreams and nothing Laura did could stop them, especially when Carmilla left out the parts where her mother was holding her by the throat or throwing her across the room, she conveniently left those parts of her dreams out, for Laura’s sake.  Carmilla opened the journal to the inside cover where she found her name written in perfect cursive in a fountain pen Carmilla borrowed from her father’s office, then under it was Laura’s name written in yellow crayon with a smiley face next to it and a bumblebee underneath on a pink flower.  She said the journal needed to “radiate happiness” whenever Carmilla opened.  Little did Laura know, all it would have taken was Laura’s name under hers.

Carmilla ran her thumb over Laura’s sloppy handwriting and laughed before she turned to the first page.  It was dated almost a year after her father’s accident.  The dream seemed innocent enough at the time, it wasn’t even that bad, especially compared to the later entries, but as she continued to read, the real message wasn’t that hard to decipher.  Carmilla had written that there was a small girl crying, she was stuck, it was cold and she couldn’t see a thing, and a monster was making a lot of noise from somewhere far away.  At hindsight, it would seem that the girl was hiding from the monster, which is what Laura had guessed.  Looking back now, it wouldn’t take a genius to see that the monster was Carmilla’s mother and she was the small girl, and she was, indeed, not hiding from her mother.  Earlier that day she had received her first ever failing mark on a test she took.  She buried the test deep in her backpack and hoped her mother wouldn’t look through her things.  That night she dreamed her mother had found her blank test with a red ‘ F’ in the corner and a ‘ see me ’ written in cursive underneath.  In her dream her mother had locked her in the storage space under the basement stairs.  It was cold and the space was pitch black, the only sound was that of her mother yelling at her from the other side of the door.  When Carmilla woke up, she couldn’t control her breathing and she was crying so hard, she couldn’t form words.  She remembered climbing out of bed, shaking like a leaf, tears running uncontrollably down her cheeks as she reach under her bed where she had stuffed her backpack the night before, except it wasn’t there and there was a pain at the back of her head and her wrist hurt.  She looked down and found bruises wrapped around her small wrist.  Only then did she realize it wasn’t a dream.

Carmilla’s eyes drifted to the paragraph underneath her short entry, written in Laura’s handwriting in bright yellow crayon.  Laura had turned Carmilla’s vague experience into a story from her imagination written about a small girl playing hide and seek with a friendly giant, adding things in like eating peanut butter and jelly and turning the sandwiches into fish.  It was incredibly random and all over the place and so very much Laura.

Carmilla flipped to the last page of the journal.  It was an entry written on a scrap piece of paper that Carmilla just stuffed into the back of the book, dated the night after her and Laura’s prom.  There wasn’t a paragraph after it written in Laura’s handwriting.  This one she knew wasn’t a dream.  She didn’t sugarcoat any of it.  It was raw and messy and Carmilla never showed it to Laura because Laura had no idea about her home life.  At the time, she didn’t think Laura would understand.  She didn’t want to taint Laura’s view of the world with her sob stories.  So, instead, she kept it from her.  The night before the entry, the night Carmilla took Laura to prom, everything was going the way it was supposed to.  They had planned to stay the night at a friends after the after party, but ended up taking a walk and falling asleep curled up in each other’s arms next to a small fire on the beach at 4am near the house where the party was.  When they woke up two hours later and watched the sunrise together, it was honestly the best morning Carmilla ever had.  They made their way back to Carmilla’s house hand in hand, too wrapped up in each other and still slightly intoxicated from the night before, to notice Carmilla’s mother’s car in the driveway on the side of the house.  She was supposed to be on a business trip, but decided to come home early.  Long story short, Carmilla’s morning quickly turned to hell when her mother caught Laura pushing Carmilla up against the front door, in the foyer.  She made Laura leave and that morning was the first time her mother had given her a concussion, it happened two more times after that, and she has the scars to prove it.  Carmilla stayed home from school for a week and a half before her bruises were light enough to cover with makeup.  Laura spent the entire time thinking it was something she did that had Carmilla in hiding.  Since that day, Carmilla never told anyone what happened.  No one except her journal.  

A journal she decided she should show Laura, maybe when they were on better terms, but definitely in the near future.

* * *

 

Considering her mother was out of town for the week, Carmilla left the car in the garage and closed it up before she called a cab and had the driver drop her off at her old apartment with the box of her things she took from her mother’s house.  When she got there Will was still passed out on the couch, the bottle of pills open on the floor, the sticky note still taped to his chest.  Carmilla left his keys on the island and another note telling him where the car was and that she would take care of it tomorrow before grabbing her own set of keys and making her way down to the side lot where her car was parked.  She shoved the box of her shit into the trunk before sliding into the driver’s seat and starting the car, eyeing her phone in the passenger seat and rolling her eyes.  She went to check how many messages and missed calls she had, but found her phone dead.  Great.  This was going to be fun when she showed up at Laf and Perry’s.  Carmilla groaned and let her head fall back against the seat.  She reluctantly put the car in drive and started heading in the direction of their apartment.

* * *

 

When Carmilla opened the door to the apartment, she expected chaos or yelling or some type of commotion directed toward her.  Instead, she was met with silence.  The apartment appeared to be empty.  The tv in the living room was playing one of the Harry Potter movies, but it was muted and no one was on the couch.  It was nearly seven, there was no way Laf or Perry would be asleep, Laura, maybe.  Carmilla made her way to the bedroom where she left Laura the previous evening.  No Laura.  The bed had been made, but Laura’s suitcase was still open on the floor, Carmilla’s still against the wall where she left it.  Seeing Laura’s suitcase gave her some comfort.  At least she hadn’t left…

Next, Carmilla made her way to the laundry room where the dogs were staying.  They were both sleeping, curled up against one another on a blanket on the floor.   So, they didn’t take the dogs, left in the middle of watching one of Laura’s favorite movies and didn’t leave a note .   Super .  Carmilla really couldn’t do much but place her phone on the charger and wait, so she decided to get ready while she did.  She figured she should probably show up to the last night of Betty’s showing, even if this weekend was kind of a shitshow.

Carmilla managed to shower and change into a somewhat nicer top that she found in Laura’s suitcase that was better than the plain t shirts she packed and found a pair of dark jeans at the bottom of her suitcase.  She was zipping up her suitcase and towel drying her hair when the sound of the apartment door shutting got her attention.  She started to make her way out into the hallway, but before she could make it very far, she was face to face with a short stack packed with the amount of fury of a volcano 10 seconds from erupting and a stinging cheek.  Okay, make that two seconds from erupting.

“ Ah , Laura, what the hell was that for?!”

Laura replaced her scowl with that of pure guilt the second Carmilla’s hand instinctively flew to her left cheek.

“Shit, Carm, I didn’t mean to hit you that hard.  Did I actually hurt-”  She was cut off by someone clearing their throat from the living room behind her.  “-Um...I mean...w-where the hell have you been?!  You didn’t come back last night and-”

“-and she’s been bugging us all day- Oof- Ow!”

Carmilla heard Lafontaine shout from the kitchen, what she suspected was an elbow to the gut, and Perry whispering something.  Laura looked nervous and she was playing with her hands in front of her like a scolded child.  It almost made Carmilla forget what happened the night before.  Almost.

“It’s a long story, Laura, and I have to get going.  I’m already late.”

Carmilla went to go turn back around to grab her leather jacket and shoes from the room behind her, but stopped when a strong hand grabbed her forearm.  She turned around and was met with Laura’s brown doe eyes, slightly puffy and red.

“I thought…You weren’t answering your phone-”

Laura’s hand fell from Carmilla’s arm.

“It died.”  Laura slowly nodded her head.  Carmilla sighed, running a hand through her hair.  “Look, can we do this later, I really need to go.”

Laura’s eyebrows knitted together in the middle, her eyes on the floor.

“Where’d you stay?”

Carmilla suppressed the urge to groan.  Of course Laura would think she went home with someone else last night.  This woman, this insanely beautiful woman standing directly in front of her, thought she went home with someone else.  Astonishing, really.  Carmilla literally confessed her love for this girl and she still thinks...ugh!

“I spent the night at the hospital-”

Laura’s head snapped up.  That probably wasn’t the best way to start that.

“What happened?!  Are you-?”

“I’m fine.  It was Will-”

“What?!”

Carmilla rolled her eyes.

“Like I said, long story.”

Laura shrank back a bit under Carmilla’s stare, but cocked her head to the side, continuing to play with her hands.

“Short version?”

She never gave up, did she?  Carmilla took a deep breath.

“Mattie called, Will was in a car accident, I went, stayed the night with him, helped him home, ran some errands for him, stopped by mother’s house…”

Laura’s eyes about bugged out of her head at that.  Carmilla just raised her hand in front of Laura to stop the tirade of words that was most likely about to spill out of her mouth.

“I-Long story, I know.”

Carmilla nodded her head.

“I’ll try to be back by 11-”

“And then we’ll talk?”

“And then we will talk.”

Laura nodded her head in understanding and Carmilla slinked back into the bedroom.  She quickly grabbed her heels and slid them onto her feet and slipped on her jacket, pulling her phone from the charger on the dresser and picking up her keys.  As she walked past Laura on her way out of the bedroom into the hallway, Carmilla held up her phone.

“All charged.”

Laura smiled.

“Expect a call at 11 if you’re not here already.”

Carmilla made a show of turning the volume up on her phone.

“Yes, ma’am.”

A small smirk crept it’s way onto Carmilla’s face.  She tried to get past Laura again, but instead of her hand this time, Carmilla was met with a soft pair of lips on her cheek and a ‘ nice shirt ’ whispered in her ear before Laura was across the hall and inside the bathroom, leaving Carmilla frozen in the hallway.

She would definitely be back by 11.  They really needed to work their shit out.

* * *

 

To say Betty was mad, was an understatement, but she couldn’t exactly scream at Carmilla in front of the guests, so instead she gave Carmilla clean up duty and considering it was the last day of the showing, that meant she also had to take down the paintings and get the gallery ready for it’s normal hours on Monday.

She definitely wouldn’t be back at the apartment by 11.  She should’ve seen that coming, though.

After sending Laura a quick text telling her as much, she stalked her way to the refreshments table and snatched a glass of champagne before making her way to the back of the gallery where her paintings were hung up.

* * *

 

There weren’t that many people the third night, but the people that were there, were important.  One important person stood out from the rest, though, and Carmilla recognized him immediately.

Vordenburg.

Followed closely behind by who Carmilla assumed to be Natalie, the woman she spoke with on the phone before her and Laura left.

When they approached her, Carmilla was standing in front of one of her favorite paintings she had done for the show, drinking a glass of champagne with her free hand lazily resting in the front pocket of her dark jeans.  She was the only one in the back part of the room.

“Mircalla Karnstein.”

The use of Carmilla’s birth name caused her body to immediately stiffen.  Her mother had been the only one to ever call her that.  Only a handful of people even knew about the name change and it’s origin.  The man had a thick accent and walked with a cane, the handle coated in gold.  Carmilla turned around, cautiously, with a raised eyebrow and took the man’s extended hand in hers, giving him a single firm shake before resting her hand in her back pocket and sending a nod towards Natalie.  She took a sip from her glass as the man started talking again.

“Ah, yes, well, Natalie here did mention you were quite the conversationalist.”  Carmilla scoffed and Vordenburg cleared his throat before continuing.  “I do believe we have a few things to discuss, but given our current whereabouts-”

Carmilla respectfully raised a hand, cutting the man off.

“Look, I already told Betty and your secretary here, I wasn’t interested in the money aspect of any of this and, frankly, I’m flattered, don’t get me wrong, but I can’t help but be curious as to why you’re even interested.  Those pieces were some of my firsts, they’re raw and messy and-”

“-and nothing.  They’re beautifully done and the emotion depicted is rather haunting.  The fact that they’re raw is what makes them so incredibly astonishing.  You are quite the artist, Miss Karnstein.”

Carmilla shakes her head, her eyebrows furrowed.

“They’re personal.”

“They’re exactly what I am looking for.  Have you taken into consideration-”

“No offense, but I don’t want your money and excuse me if this sounds rude, but what use could you possibly have for an entire collection of memories painted by a heartbroken amatuer with mommy issues and-?”

“Oh, I digress, I hardly see you as an amatuer, Miss Karnstein.  You clearly know what you’re doing and the amount of progress you have made since the aforementioned works, is impeccable.  If I didn’t already have a theme picked out, your more recent works would be more than sufficient.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Carmilla takes another sip of the liquid beginning to warm the pit of her stomach, but nearly chokes on it at Vordenburg’s next words.

“You are aware of the Kunstmuseum Liechtenstein, yes?  I am interested in placing your first works in a permanent installment in the modern-”

“Wait, what?!”

A small smile makes it’s way onto the man’s face.

“So you are familiar.”

Carmilla clears her throat.

“Of course, but-”

“No, buts, Miss Karnstein.  Of course, it is entirely your decision and you may certainly choose which pieces I am able to purchase, but if possible, I would like to buy them all from you.  Now, I will give you the rest of the month to make a final decision, but I must be going.  You see, it is my last night in Silas and I have other matters to attend to.  Natalie will be keeping in touch.”

Carmilla only gets in a nod before the man is turning around and heading toward the open space of the gallery where the other guests and potential buyers still lingered.

“Uh, wait...How did you-”

“Mircalla, dear, you ask too many questions.  Perhaps, maybe, you should learn to, I don’t know, how do you youngsters say it now?  Go with the flow?”  Carmilla watches as he turns to Natalie, she nods her approval and smiles.  “Yes, go with the flow, Mircalla.”

And he was gone.  Carmilla squints her eyes and shakes her head.  What the actual hell just happened and who was this guy and how the fuck did he know her birth name...Weird.

Suddenly, in his place was a tiny blonde bundle of energy radiating with the light of a thousand suns, skipping towards her, wearing a maroon colored dress paired with patterned tights.

Honestly, where did she get these outfits, she needed to not, because she looked amazing in them and it wasn’t making their... situation ... any easier.  Wait, what was she doing here?

“Who was that?  He looked important.”

Laura was standing in front of Carmilla, smiling up at her like she was having the time of her life.  Carmilla watched her, confused.

“Just the guy that wanted to buy my last collection.  What are you doing here?”

“I got your text and figured you wouldn’t mind some company while you were stuck here...and I might have figured I could help you afterwards and we could still have that talk?”

Laura ended her statement with a question, as if she wasn’t sure Carmilla would want her there.

“Of course, cutie.”

A smile formed on Laura’s face at the nickname and she immediately bounded across the room to the painting that Carmilla had been admiring before Vordenburg interrupted her.  Carmilla followed her.

The painting was mostly blacks and browns, but the sky was painted with reds and there were two small girls holding hands, one hardly visible against the dark background, the other in a white dress with light brown hair, walking away from those looking at the piece.  They were facing toward the only other object in frame, a seemingly giant oak tree on the right side of the canvas.  It didn’t take a genius to figure out that the vibrant girl was Laura and the slightly taller, almost nonexistent girl, was Carmilla.  The observer would only realize the taller girl was there if they were to follow the line of the shorter girl's hand to where the color bled to put color into the dark girl’s skin, blending into black the further up her arm the onlooker went.  The outline of the taller girl was barely visible.

The painting was based on a field near Laura’s home where the girls would chase each other after school sometimes.  The field was located in the middle of a clearing of trees, off a running path in a park with a sand pit and a couple of playscapes.  Carmilla and Laura had discovered it one day while walking their bikes to Laura’s house after school.  They were eight.

“I remember this place.”

Laura whispered, standing so close to the painting her nose was almost touching the canvas.  She was studying the girl that was supposed to be Carmilla, running the pads of her fingers gently over the girl’s joint hands in between them.  Carmilla watched from a few steps back, a hand in her front pocket and the other grasping the champagne glass like a lifeline, as Laura took in a shuddering breath.

“Is this really how you see yourself?”

It came out barely above a whisper and with the noise of chatter from the other room, Carmilla wasn’t even sure she heard it.  When Laura turned around to face Carmilla, there were tears in her eyes, but her face was carefully void of emotion as if she was trying to hide how she felt.  Too bad her eyes gave her away every time.  Carmilla looked at her, confused.  It was just a painting.  Sure, it held a lot of emotion and maybe more so for Laura and Carmilla than any other person that had laid their eyes on it, but it was still just a painting.

Carmilla wanted to tell her that it was more of a depiction of how she saw Laura and not herself, but before she could get anything out, the smaller girl in front of her rushed forward and wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s waist and buried her face in her chest, closing her eyes.  Carmilla stumbled back a step before she caught herself and placed her now empty glass on a nearby podium so she could wrap her arms around Laura’s shoulders.  She kissed her head and relaxed into the embrace, letting the shorter girl hug her tight as she let her eyes flutter closed and her nose be overwhelmed with everything Laura.

Carmilla let her hold her for what seemed like forever.  When people started to pool into the small room and the crowd started to get to be too much, Carmilla gently stepped out of the embrace and grabbed Laura’s hand before pulling her out of the room and headed to the loft on the other side of the gallery.

The loft was quiet and empty due to the fact that it was blocked off with a silver chain and a sign that read ‘ Employees Only ’ so, Carmilla knew they would get the privacy they needed.

They were standing facing each other in the center of the space, Carmilla holding onto Laura’s hands between them.

“Laur-”

“Carm-”

Laura smiled up at Carmilla.

“You go first.”

“No, you.”

Carmilla’s heart was in her throat.  She could barely get out those two words let alone anything else and she had to swallow down the lump that had been forming in her throat so she waited for Laura to start.

“Yesterday…”

Oh God .

“...what you said…”

Carmilla visibly cringed.

Shit, here we go .

“It...surprised me, to say the least.”

Carmilla tried to keep her face neutral and Laura looked down at their hands in the space between them.

Huh?

“I wasn’t expecting that at all and when you kissed me...I don’t know, I just...I got scared.”

Carmilla raised an eyebrow.

Wait... she got scared?

“When you left, you hurt me…”

Oh .

“Laura, I told you I was never going to leave like that again, I-”

“I know, but Carm...when someone tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn’t.”

Her voice was soft and almost apologetic.

Ouch.

“I guess I’m just scared that what we had isn’t there anymore.  It feels too broken to...I don’t know, I don’t think it can be fixed.  I love you, but I don’t think we can have what we did before with all that’s happened.”

Wait...did she just…?

“Maybe it’s not about trying to fix something that’s broken… maybe it’s about starting over and creating something better…”

At that Laura looked up, her eyes going wide at the softness of Carmilla’s tone and the amount of love in her eyes before she closed the distance between them and her lips landed on Carmilla’s in a soft kiss.  Carmilla’s hands went to Laura’s waist reflexively as Laura’s made their way up to cup Carmilla’s cheeks.

“So poetic, Miss Karnstein.”

Laura mumbled against Carmilla’s lips before deepening the kiss.  After what felt like hours, Carmilla pulled away to take in a much needed breath, her eyes still closed, her forehead resting against Laura’s.

“Say it again.”

She whispered, breathing heavily.  Laura knew she wasn’t talking about her previous comment.

“I love you, Carmilla Karnstein.”

Laura felt Carmilla smile against her lips as she brought her in for another kiss just as Carmilla whispered ‘ I love you too, Laura Hollis. ’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the car Will fucked up:
> 
> http://gearheads.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/1968-pontiac-gto.jpg
> 
> Also, my surface fell from my bed onto the hard tile floor in the basement while I was doing laundry and shattered so I ordered a laptop and that’s why it took a little longer for this one to be put up, but it’s here now. Thanks for being patient. I don't edit the chapters before posting them so I know they're full of tense mistakes and such, but I'll edit it all when it's completed. Hang in there.
> 
> I think I’m going to make this fic 40 chapters, total, including an epilogue. The chapters are also going to be a little longer than they have been because I have to wrap it up in 5 more chapters. 
> 
> I’ve also compiled a shit ton of notes for a shorter 15 chapter prequel that’s based around their childhood and how they met and everything up until the fight and then I have some notes for a sequel type thing that takes place five years after the epilogue. Just putting that out there. I’m not sure when I’ll start these, but I’m determined to make them happen, whether you want them or not. They’re going to be fun to write.
> 
> AND I have some fun ideas for other au's that I might write. We’ll see.
> 
> My tumblr is:
> 
> http://no-pantsparty.tumblr.com/


	11. renouveau - reprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are going well, for the most part, until someone gets hungry and Carmilla takes her and Laura to go get breakfast, but they don't actually get to eat because of reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this took a long time to write, my bad.
> 
> Warnings: Homophobic slurs (if you don't want to read this part, it starts when Laura mentions Fish and ends when Carmilla says 'It's too early for this shit')

Okay, so maybe their entire relationship was sort of completely backwards from the traditional view of how things were supposed to play out.  The _I love yous_ and whole _living together with pets_ thing came before the actual rekindling of their relationship.  The talk of _marriage and kids and a ring_ came before the _I love yous_ .  The _sex_ came before all that.  It was essentially all vice versa.

But then again, they were never really on board with traditional methods of doing things, especially in terms of their relationship.

Or maybe it was the fact that they never officially ended things.  Of course, they had both assumed things were over after Carmilla left unexpectedly and her mother shipped her off to France without allowing so much as a goodbye to Laura, but now, after actually _talking_ and sorting things out ( _who knew communicating actually worked?!_ ), it was almost as if they just took a break to find themselves and grow up and were back in sync and on the right track with each other.

And they were _happy_.

Being _truly_ happy wasn’t something either Carmilla nor Laura had felt in a long time.  It was like their hearts knew they needed each other in order to feel complete before the message was passed on to their brains.  Without each other, they simply survived, but now they were living.  And they were doing it together.  And it felt _right_.  When Laura admitted she loved Carmilla, it felt like the hole that had been eating its way at her heart was finally starting to close and she hoped to whatever higher power was up there that it would continue that way.  She didn’t know if she could take another heartbreak.

In high school, when Carmilla first told Laura she loved her, it was the night of their senior prom and it came with the confession that she had loved her for years before that.  Laura had cried, her tears happy.  Carmilla cried with her when Laura admitted that she had loved her for the same amount of years, maybe even longer.  Back then their relationship was new, but the love they felt for each other had been brewing for seven years before that.

Like a fine wine or bottle of scotch, it only grew better with age.

The three years they were apart only proved to show that, sure they could _survive_ without each other, but they didn’t want to and things were better when they were together.  Dating other people didn’t seem right.  Having sex with other people wasn’t the same.  Loving someone else wasn’t even an option.

They tried.

Carmilla had Ell for 15 months.  Laura had Danny for six.

Both relationships ended in heartbreak for both parties, but for completely different reasons.  For Danny and Ell, it was because they knew Laura and Carmilla could ever love them.  Except while Danny and Laura opted to continue to be friends, Carmilla and Ell had rarely spoken since their breakup.  For Laura and Carmilla, it was because they knew they couldn’t love anyone the way they loved each other and that was the only love they wanted.  Maybe even needed.

They thought they’d never get a chance to love the other again.

* * *

 

The rest of the showing wasn’t all that eventful, in terms of unwanted guests.  Carmilla sold another few pieces of work to visitors all the while with Laura stood by her side with a huge grin on her face, never moving more than a few feet away from Carmilla at a time.  Carmilla would never admit it, but she was convinced Laura’s bubbly personality and award winning smile were the reason for more than one sealed deal on her paintings.  Laura talked up Carmilla’s work without really even trying and the curators from other small town galleries loved her.  Honestly though, how could someone _not_ love Laura?

Well, besides Lilita Karnstein-Morgan, but she didn’t really count.

She didn’t like anyone.

No one liked _her_ either.

By the time the last guest made their way out of the front door of the gallery, it was nearly midnight.  Before Betty and Theo left, however, Betty made sure to remind Carmilla that she was in charge of the cleanup.  Carmilla had rolled her eyes at that, but knew she couldn’t get out of it and that she probably, a little bit, deserved it.  She turned to tell Laura she didn’t actually need to stay and help, but found Laura mischievously grinning up at her, causing Carmilla to raise a suspicious eyebrow.  The second Betty and Theo were outside and the door was locked behind them, Laura pulled a half filled bottle of champagne and two empty glasses from behind her back.

“I found this leftover and thought we could have fun while we picked up.”

How could Carmilla say no?

“I like the way you think, Cupcake.”

Carmilla was already working on connecting her phone to the gallery’s speakers while Laura poured the champagne into the glasses.

* * *

 

The first two hours, Laura wouldn’t let Carmilla take a break, knowing full well that if she did, the gallery would never be ready for its usual hours on Monday and considering they were leaving again for Canada the next day, the cleanup had to be finished by the time Betty showed up the next morning.  Laura ended up doing most of the work while Carmilla mostly drank champagne and lazily sang along and danced to whatever song was playing over the speakers throughout the space.  Not that Laura was complaining, watching Carmilla be so carefree and happy enough to actually sing was a rare sight and more than enough motivation to keep going.  Also, Laura would do anything to keep Carmilla in that mood.  Her voice was melodic and just the right amount of raspy that made Laura’s insides warm.  Or maybe that was the champagne.  Either way, Carmilla singing was nice and a good change to the tense air that they had been wading around in the past couple of days and if Laura had to make a sacrifice and clean then so be it.

By the time 3am rolled around, the girls ( _mostly Laura_ ) had cleared the main space of the gallery of all the non resident's art from the show and packed them up neatly in the storage room in the back.  Carmilla had managed to pack away her pieces, labeling and moving the ones that she sold to Betty’s office and the ones she planned on keeping, she packed up and put near the front door so she could take them out to where Laura parked Laf’s truck ( _Good thinking on her part, honestly what would Carmilla do without her?  She’d be stuck making several trips with her Jag at 4am to Laf and Perry’s apartment, that’s what._ ).  Together they moved the empty podiums back into storage and Carmilla made sure to get the bare panels back up to the loft.

Carmilla was busy placing the last of the panels against the far wall of the loft, where her easels and art supplies used to sit, when she heard the tiny _padpadpad_ of tiny bare feet running up the stairs.  She listened as the padding slowed down and the footsteps got closer.  She heard the quiet snicker of Laura a few feet behind her before an ‘ _oof_ ’ and an ‘ _ow_ ’, followed by a quiet ‘ _dammit_ ’.  Carmilla couldn’t contain her amusement any longer and started laughing as she turned around.  She found Laura leaning against the wall with one hand and holding her foot with the other, her face scrunched up in pain and disappointment.

“You’re about as stealthy as a herd of elephants stampeding across bubble wrap, Cutie.”

Laura looked up at Carmilla’s voice and stuck her tongue out which only caused Carmilla’s laughs to turn into a low chuckle and a small smile form on her lips at the ridiculous human in front of her.

“Jerk...face...meaniehead.”

Carmilla’s smile grew into a smirk at Laura’s efforts to come up with a promising insult and failing miserably.

“Jerkface meaniehead, huh?”

“Shut up.”

Carmilla took a step toward Laura, her face bearing an innocent smile, but the look in her eyes was anything but.

“Make me.”

Carmilla had lowered her voice as she got closer.  She watched as Laura’s eyes grew twice their size and laughed when Laura cleared her throat, trying to compose herself.  She narrowed her eyes, her voice not at all threatening and coming out shaky and weak.

“Don’t tempt me, Karnstein.”

Carmilla reached out her hand and grabbed a piece of Laura’s hair, wrapping it around her finger.  Laura watched her movements, eyes wide, and visibly gulped.  Carmilla leaned forward so her mouth was just below Laura’s ear, her lips ghosting the soft skin of Laura’s neck.

“Oh, but that’s exactly what I was doing... _Hollis_.”

Carmilla let out a breathy laugh when she felt Laura shiver underneath her.  She placed a light kiss to Laura’s pulse point and could feel goosebumps form on the girl’s skin.  Carmilla paid close attention as Laura’s breathing started to pick up, a small smirk growing on Carmilla’s face.  Laura’s eyes were closed and her lips were slightly parted when Carmilla pressed a line of kisses down the girl’s jaw, causing her breath to hitch.  Before she could go any lower than Laura’s collarbone, though, Laura placed a hand to her chest and gently pushed Carmilla back from her neck.   Carmilla silently relished in her small victory, but it didn’t take long before the sight of Laura so wound up began to affect Carmilla.

“S-slow down, Lady Killer.”

Laura’s voice came out as a strained whisper that caused a trail of heat to pool in the pit of Carmilla’s stomach.  Carmilla’s voice came out as more of a low growl when she spoke next.

“I don’t know if I can _do_ slower, Cupcake, this is already killing me.”

“ _Fuck_.”

Laura bunched up Carmilla’s shirt in her fist, where her hand was still on Carmilla’s chest, and pulled her closer, every last bit of restraint leaving her body as their lips sloppily found each other’s before Laura backed Carmilla into the wall next to them, Laura’s stubbed toe forgotten.  Carmilla’s hands found their way to Laura’s hair, her fingers tangling in the golden locks at the back of Laura’s head, as Laura’s lips left bruises on Carmilla’s neck.  She let her head fall back against the wall with a low moan when Laura’s mouth landed on the soft spot of her neck and she began to suck and nip at the sensitive skin.  Carmilla halted the path of destruction by trailing her hands down Laura’s back to her waist and began bunching up the fabric of Laura’s dress, causing the smaller girl to gasp.  Carmilla grabbed the back of Laura’s thighs in a swift movement, lifting her up, eliciting a small squeak.  Carmilla laughed as her mouth found Laura’s and she switched their positions, pushing Laura against the wall.  When Laura’s back hit the cool plaster, she couldn’t help the involuntary moan that escaped her throat as Carmilla’s tongue slipped past her lips.

* * *

 

Compared to the last time they had sex in the loft, this time it was almost as if time slowed down.  It started heated and full of want and need and passion, similar to the last time, but as things progressed it all slowed.  They took their time re exploring each other’s bodies, re discovering each other’s weaknesses and secret blemishes that could only be found if they looked hard enough.

And Carmilla did.

It had been entirely too long since she had the chance to map out every freckle, every mole, every birthmark and scar on Laura’s body and she took advantage of the time they had.  She memorized every mark on Laura’s skin with her lips, her fingertips, paying extra attention to Carmilla’s favorite mole on Laura’s stomach and every scar that Carmilla knew Laura hated looking at.  Every mark she knew of and every one that was new to her.  She asked Laura about every scar, even the one’s she was there for, if only as an excuse to hear to her voice.  Most of the smaller scars, Laura had forgotten the story behind, but the few that stood out, she remembered the stories like she remembered her birthdate.

“What’s this one?”

Carmilla was gently tracing a caterpillar-sized bump on Laura’s kneecap.  Laura’s bare back was pressed against Carmilla’s front; they couldn’t have been any closer if they tried.  Carmilla had the fingers of her free hand absentmindedly drawing circles on Laura’s stomach, goosebumps rising in its wake, eliciting small shivers from the girl wrapped up in her arms every once in awhile.

“Was it from the accident?”

Laura let out a small laugh at the memory behind the scar and shook her head before leaning back to let her head rest on Carmilla’s shoulder, turning so her lips pressed against the hollow of Carmilla’s neck and resting her arms over Carmilla’s on her stomach.  Carmilla sighed at the gesture, her eyes closing as she listened to Laura’s story and relaxed further into the wall she was leaning against.

“We were at a family reunion at the cabin in Newfoundland a couple summers ago before Noah was deployed.  He and I were running around playing tag with the younger cousins while the parents were drinking by the fire.  Noah was it.  He was chasing me and I tripped over one of my uncle’s stupid dogs and-”

Carmilla smiled, imagining Laura running around with a bunch of kids under the age of 15, that were probably all taller than her by now, and her uncle’s large dogs, laughing and having a good time.  At least, that’s what she hoped, anyway.  She couldn’t bare to imagine Laura being miserable, especially because of her.

“Was it Brutus?”

Laura laughed because of course it was Brutus and it was somewhat reassuring that Carmilla knew that.  Carmilla had only been near the dog a handful of times, but they had become good friends the second Carmilla paid him any attention and treats were involved.

“Duh, that dog doesn’t know how big he is, he’s such an oaf.”

“You would think, considering he’s a Great Dane, he’d have a better understanding of where his body was.”

“Yeah well, he’s 200 pounds of a disaster waiting to happen...and his name is Brutus.  We should have all seen that coming.”

“Very true.”  Carmilla smirked.  “Not to mention you’re not so coordinated yourself.”

Laura feigned offense and playfully scoffed, knowing full well she was anything but coordinated.

“ _Hey_ , I would have been just fine if I didn’t land on a tree root.”

“A tree root did this to you?  Remind me to chop the tree down at the next reunion.”

Laura smiled at the thought of Carmilla actually wanting to spend time around her family.  They were pretty accepting of her being queer and when she told them her and Carmilla were a couple, most of her extended family had given her a pat on the back with comments like ‘ _It’s about damn time’_ and ‘ _Oh, we thought you were together already’_.  But that family reunion, a couple summers ago, when Carmilla wasn’t there and they caught wind of what happened between the two of them, they took Laura’s side for obvious reasons, not that she mentioned what had happened between them, her family just wasn’t stupid and knew something was up.  Especially when she would “go to bed” earlier than usual and wouldn’t come down for breakfast in the mornings until after everyone else had finished so she wouldn’t be badgered with questions about Carmilla.

“Oh, my dad already did, don’t worry.  That was the first thing he did when he woke up the next morning.”

Carmilla chuckled because of course he did.  It was just like Harry Hollis to eliminate any threat to his only daughter even if that threat was a tree, never mind the fact that his daughter was playing tag… in the dark.

“Typical Papa Hollis.”

Laura closed her eyes, the smile on her face slowly fading as her next words slipped past her lips.

“That was the summer he told us he had cancer.”

Carmilla laced her fingers with Laura’s, automatically regretting her words.  She still wasn’t sure of how Laura was going to react to her talking about her father.  Especially after the night she cried herself to sleep in Carmilla’s arms in the tub at the Ginger's apartment.  She knew Laura was keeping a lot of her emotions inside.  When her mother died it seemed like she was a lot more of a mess, and although the fact that she was holding so much in scared the shit out of Carmilla, she didn’t want to push Laura to talk about anything she didn’t feel comfortable talking about.  So when the words ‘ _I’m sorry’_ came out of Carmilla’s mouth in barely a whisper, she expected Laura to say something other than ‘ _don’t be’_.  Carmilla just nodded her head before she placed a kiss to Laura’s knuckles and turned her attention back to where she left off with Laura’s scars, choosing not to push anymore than she already managed to.  She traced her fingers down the side of Laura’s knee and over a rather large pink line that ran almost half the length of Laura’s leg and felt Laura flinch at her touch.  She knew this one was from the accident so she didn’t ask, but much to her surprise, Laura told her about it anyway without any prompting.

“They had to put screws in my leg and a metal plate to hold the bones together.  You should’ve seen me try and use crutches...I looked like an idiot.”

Carmilla knew Laura was trying to hide how she really felt by playing the scar off like it was no big deal that it was etched into her skin as a constant reminder of that night so Carmilla played along.  She tried to stifle her amusement from picturing Laura trying to use crutches, but ultimately failed causing a pout to form on Laura’s face.

“An adorable idiot.”

Laura playfully slapped Carmilla’s shoulder, feigning offense.

“ _Asshole_.”

Carmilla chuckled and accentuated each following statement with a kiss to Laura’s forehead.

“ _My_ adorable idiot.  That I _love_ .  With my _entire being_.”

Laura bit her cheek, trying to hide the smile that was slowly making it’s way back onto her face and shook her head.

“Flattery will get you nowhere.”

Carmilla smirked.  She enjoyed the playfulness behind their words and she missed that kind of interaction between the two of them.  That was how it was supposed to be.  None of that closed off, “fighting”, holding back feelings nonsense.

“It got me this far, hasn’t it?”

“Nope, that was your impeccable jaw line and sultry demeanor.  Or your seduction eyes…Definitely the seduction eyes.”

Carmilla shook her head in disbelief and laughed quietly, kissing Laura on the nose causing the girl to scrunch her face up in an adorable pout.  Carmilla was settling back into her previous position when she noticed an odd half circle scar on the top of Laura’s left foot with the diameter of about a quarter and another, almost elongated triangle shaped, scar on the inside curve of the same foot.  Carmilla bumped her foot into Laura’s where the scar sat.

“What’d you do there?”

Laura smiled and wiggled her foot, rubbing it against Carmilla’s in the process.

“Oh, that’s just more evidence of how absolutely graceful I am.”

Carmilla barked out a laugh, causing Laura to join in with quiet giggles.

“You’re not allowed to laugh at me.”  Laura warned, waiting for Carmilla to agree.  When she felt Carmilla nod against her shoulder while trying to stifle her laughter, Laura just rolled her eyes and continued anyway, knowing it was a lost cause and that Carmilla would laugh whether she wanted her to or not.  “The one on the side was from when I stepped on a pair of wedges in my closet and then the other one, I tripped on a stack of 5-gallon buckets in the basement a couple weeks ago.  It’s still bruised.”  

Carmilla coughed and cleared her throat, trying to hide her laugh.  She could see the hint of a smile on Laura’s lips as she elbowed Carmilla in the stomach.

“It was dark, shut up.”

Carmilla smirked.

“Maybe you should invest in a flashlight or we need to install floodlights everywhere you go.  I’ll put that on the list when we get home, after ‘ _hot chocolate_ ’ and before ‘ _shower heads_ ’.  Or you know what, I could get you a headlamp with a huge light on it-”

“Jerk.”

Laura elbowed Carmilla in the stomach again, she didn’t even bother to hide her laughter this time.

When their laughing and teasing died down to a comfortable silence, Laura took hers and Carmilla’s joint hands and brought Carmilla’s hand up to her side, just under her ribs, running the pad of Carmilla’s fingers across the raised skin.  Carmilla had noticed the scar before, but didn’t say anything about it.  It looked too clerical and pristine to be anything but an incision.

“Chest tube.  A few of my ribs broke and one of them punctured my lung and it filled with blood.”

Carmilla felt her heartbeat pick up in her chest as Laura guided her fingers down the side of her body, to her hip where a soft scar, about four inches in length, protruded from her skin.  Carmilla noticed this one too, but just as before, she didn’t know if Laura was prepared to share the reason behind it, so she didn’t ask.

“The impact of the car hitting the tree, caused my hip to dislocate.  They had to fix it surgically.”

Carmilla tried to slow her heart back to its normal rate and hoped Laura couldn’t hear it beating wildly in her chest, but what Laura told her about that night kept resurfacing to the forefront of her mind and left a nasty taste in her mouth.  She couldn’t help but think about Laura waking up scared and confused and in pain in a hospital bed.  She should’ve been there, in fact if she had been, Laura would have never felt the need to drive to that part of town and she never would have met that girl and she never would have been pressured into anything she didn’t want to do.  She never would have gotten behind the wheel.  She wouldn’t have crashed the car.  She wouldn’t have the mental and physical scars that she did to remind her everyday of what happened.

Carmilla couldn’t help but blame herself.  She only wanted to protect Laura when she left that night.  Laura never should have seen her like that, drunk and beaten by her mother’s hand.  It wasn’t Carmilla’s plan to end up at Laura’s house that night, but she didn’t know where else to go.  Too bad her plan backfired tremendously and too bad her mother was the bitch that she is.  Carmilla never really thought about what might have happened if her mother hadn’t sent her away.  She had planned on keeping her distance from Laura, at least until things died down and the bruises disappeared enough to be covered with makeup, but she knew eventually she would have probably given up on that.  Her mother made up the choice for her though and here they are.

“You are so brave, Laura.”

Laura shook her head and laughed humorlessly.  Carmilla furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

“ _I_ crashed the car.  I could’ve seriously hurt someone, Carm.  I was _high_ , for Christ’s sake.”

Carmilla turned her body so that she could see Laura’s face.

“Laura, that wasn’t your fault-”

“It was my fault when I went back to look for her because I wanted more…”

Laura’s voice shook when she spoke.  She sounded exhausted.  It dawned on Carmilla that maybe Laura still kept in touch with the woman she met.  She hoped not, but if someone was desperate enough…  She didn’t want to think of Laura as one of those people.

“When was the last time-”

“I haven’t had any since Laf and Per got involved.”

“They know?”

Laura nodded silently.  Well that was news to Carmilla.  She didn’t think Laura and them were that close, but then again, what did she know?  She was in Paris for the past three years.  Not really having the time of her life ( _quite the opposite, actually_ ), but still, she wasn’t _here._ Where she should have been.

“Noah knows, too.  He found out in the hospital and then Laf walked in on me on my mom’s- last January.”

Carmilla closed her eyes.  Last January wasn’t that long ago.  Less than five months.

“I dumped the last I had down the toilet the night of the Zeta party before you showed up.  That’s why I was drinking like I was.”

Carmilla stayed silent.  It made sense.  Get over one addiction by starting another.  She wasn’t saying Laura was an alcoholic or even addicted to the drugs she was getting, but she saw it first hand and before she left, Laura wasn’t that avid a drinker.  In high school she was barely able to get down a bottle of Smirnoff before she was buzzed.

“I cut ties with the guy I got it from the day we watched Shrek on your couch in your apartment and Will showed up.”

“That’s why you left early.”

Laura nodded before continuing.

“I got a new phone and a new number after he wouldn’t leave me alone... and after I found out your mother knew my number.”

Carmilla didn’t know what to say, so she went with her usual snarky comment, with a touch of sarcasm.

“Maybe I should try that approach.”

“It’s worked so far.”

They were silent for a few minutes as Carmilla took in what Laura had just told her.  She wasn’t actively using.  That was good.  But what if she started again?  Carmilla didn’t know how to deal with that.  She didn’t know what to do when someone was going through withdrawal.  She didn’t know what she’d do if Laura started begging her for a fix.  She sure as hell didn’t know what to do if she were to find some in the house.

“I still get cravings sometimes.  Every time I would get one, I used to call Laf or Perry and they would come over immediately and try to distract me.  Like yesterday...when you weren’t answering your phone and you didn’t come back…”

Carmilla’s body stiffened and she knew Laura felt it.  She was the cause of Laura wanting to fill herself with toxic _shit_ .  She opened her mouth to say _something_ , but Laura stopped her with a raised hand before her mind could even come up with anything.

“Before you apologize, don’t.”

Carmilla nodded her head, closing her mouth.  Maybe that’s what she was going to do, maybe it wasn’t, but she wasn’t about to argue.

“I’m so proud of you Laura.  You are so strong.”

Carmilla wrapped her arms protectively around Laura’s shoulders in a warm embrace and placed a kiss to the side of her head.  Laura sighed and relaxed into Carmilla’s body, her eyes closed.  Carmilla tried not to pay attention to the tears hitting her forearm as she placed her chin on Laura’s shoulder and started humming to whatever song was playing.  There were no lyrics, just a soft, beautiful melody.  As Carmilla closed her eyes, she started swaying their bodies in time with the slow rhythm, hoping Laura felt the same comfort as she did in the song.

* * *

 

There was music still coming from the speakers as both girls relished in the other’s company.  Laura was lying on the floor of the loft, Carmilla’s naked body on top of hers.  At some point in the early hours of the morning, Laura had decided to switch their positions.  A small smile played at the corner of Carmilla’s lips as she focused on the rise and fall of Laura’s chest underneath her cheek and Laura’s fingers running through her hair.  Their breathing was slow and even and matched the rate of their heartbeats as they drifted in and out of a light sleep after their heavy conversation earlier.

The air was a lot lighter and Carmilla was close to falling into a deep sleep when Laura’s hand stilled on her head.  She groaned at the loss of fingers on her scalp, but couldn’t help herself when Laura’s stomach growled in her ear and she laughed.  So much for getting any sleep.  Carmilla propped herself up on her elbows over Laura and kissed her nose when she saw the slight blush on Laura’s cheeks and her sheepish expression.

“Sorry.”

Carmilla shook her head, smiling, and leaned down to plant her lips over Laura’s, causing a satisfied sigh to escape Laura’s mouth just as her stomach growled again, this time louder.  Carmilla laughed into the kiss and she had to pull away because she was smiling so big she couldn’t even kiss properly.  She stared down at the soft brown orbs looking back up at her and spoke her next words softly, as if speaking any louder would ruin the moment.

“There’s a 24-hour diner down the street.  Best chocolate chip pancakes in town.”

Carmilla watched as Laura’s eyes lit up at the mention of food and kissed her on the nose again with a smile.  She was too adorable.

“Yes, please.”

Carmilla smirked and lifted herself off of Laura, but not before leaning down to press a quick kiss to her lips.

“I’ll go get us a change of clothes and then we can go.”

After removing herself from the warmth of Laura’s body, Carmilla made her way over to the pile of her clothes and Laura’s dress that they left on the floor near the back wall of the loft in their efforts to get out of them as quickly as possible.  Carmilla slipped into her underwear and pulled on her pair of dark jeans before throwing on her bra and the shirt she stole from Laura’s suitcase earlier that evening over her head and grabbing her keys.  She glanced back at Laura, finding the girl propped up by her elbows and a shy smile on her face.  Carmilla returned the smile without much resistance.   _Beautiful_ , Carmilla thought, _this girl is truly beautiful_.  She almost didn’t want to leave and just take her clothes off again and return to the girl on the floor, but the sound of Laura’s stomach growling a third time, shook her from her thoughts and she made her way down the loft stairs and across the main gallery’s showroom and out to the street where her car was parked.

In her trunk, Carmilla found a pair of black basketball shorts, that were probably Will’s at one point, a hoodie with the Silas Devil’s baseball team’s logo on the front and Will’s jersey number on the back under the last name, _Luce_ , an old, ratted t shirt that she used to paint in, and an extra pair of her running shoes that she kept in her car just in case she didn’t have her duffle bag with her and she needed to clear her head with a few miles and concrete under her feet.  She figured Laura wouldn’t want to wear her dress to a hole in the wall diner, so she grabbed everything and made her way back into the gallery and up to the loft where she found Laura exactly where she left her.

Laura immediately grabbed the basketball shorts and hoodie and found out shortly after that both practically swallowed her whole.  Carmilla had laughed and shook her head at the hot mess of a girl in front of her and silently slipped out of her jeans and handed them to Laura before gently removing the shorts from around Laura’s waist before stepping into them herself.  Laura had thankfully worn flats to the gallery and opted to wear those, which left Carmilla with her running shoes.  She didn’t really want to walk around in a pair of heels and basketball shorts.  If Mattie caught wind of _that_ , she’d probably have a stroke.

After changing into the paint shirt and slipping on her jacket, Carmilla made sure to grab the rest of their clothes and after placing her hand in Laura’s, the two made their way out to where Carmilla’s car was parked.  Carmilla made sure to lock the gallery door behind them and threw hers and Laura’s clothes into the trunk while Laura made herself comfortable in the passenger seat, both girls opting to load Lafontaine’s truck with Carmilla’s paintings after they filled their stomachs with greasy breakfast food and coffee, or hot chocolate and pancakes, in Laura’s case.

* * *

 

When Laura and Carmilla arrived at the small building, less than 10 minutes later.  Laura was skeptical.  It looked like a shack, if anything, but Carmilla swore that the pancakes were to die for and she wasn’t about to pass up on the opportunity to get breakfast with Carmilla, especially now that she could without there being any emotional repercussions.  Carmilla pulled up to a yellow parking curb in the gravel lot and quickly got out of the car, making her way to the passenger side so she could open the door for Laura.

“Such a gentlewoman.”

Laura smiled up at her as Carmilla smirked and grabbed Laura’s hand, lifting her out of the car with an exaggerated mock bow.

“Only for you, my _love_.”

Laura blushed and rolled her eyes before she placed a small kiss to the corner of Carmilla’s mouth as she shut the door behind her.  Carmilla led the way into the building, a bell going off when she opened the door and held it open for Laura to walk through.  A woman about their age welcomed them at the door with a tired smile and told them to sit wherever they wanted.  Carmilla took Laura’s hand in hers and started leading them to one of the booths in the back of the diner, but was forced to stop and turn around when Laura halted in her tracks and her hand gripped Carmilla’s bicep harshly.

_Damn that woman was stronger than she looked._

“Um...you know what, Carm?  I’m not that hungry anymore.  We can just eat something at Laf and Perry’s before we hit the road.”

Laura sounded nervous.  Her voice was shaky and she was talking low like she didn’t want anyone else to hear their conversation or draw attention, which didn’t really make sense to Carmilla because they were just talking about getting food.  It’s not like they were planning some huge conspiracy.

“What?  What do you mean you’re not hungry?”

Laura’s grip on Carmilla’s arm tightened and her voice continued to grow more panicked and impatient.

“I’m just not hungry anymore.  Can we go?”

Carmilla was simply confused.  She raised an eyebrow at the girl clinging to her.  Laura was trying to keep her voice calm so she wouldn’t draw attention to herself, but there were only two other people in the establishment.

“I’m starving.  It won’t take that long, there’s hardly anyone here.”

Carmilla watched as Laura’s face grew impossibly more pale, her eyes darting around nervously and Carmilla could feel the sweat from Laura’s palm warming her arm where it was wrapped in a vice grip.

“Could you maybe get it to-go, then?  I’ll wait in the car.”

Laura turned to head in the opposite direction Carmilla had been leading them, but Carmilla’s voice could probably be heard from the sidewalk outside when she called out to Laura and managed to grab ahold of her wrist.

“Laura, wait!  What’s wrong?  Five minutes ago you were practically running to the door so you could get chocolate chip pancakes.”

So much for trying not to draw attention.

Laura cringed at how loud her voice seemed in the tiny building and tried to get Carmilla to calm down, hoping they didn’t get the attention of the familiar customer in the booth at the back of the diner, who had his back to them.  She stepped in front of Carmilla, Laura’s back to the booth where the man was seated.  She put her hands firmly on Carmilla’s stomach and gently tried to coax her back to the front door, her eyes pleading for Carmilla to understand.

“Please, can we just-”

“ _Hollis_?!  No way.”

“ _Shit_.”

Laura’s stomach dropped.  Carmilla’s eyes locked with the figure’s in the back booth, who had since turned around, and her eyebrows furrowed as Laura stood stock still.  Carmilla’s eyes slowly drifted down to catch the slight panic in Laura’s eyes before she slowly turned around and the man clumsily got up from the booth and made his way over to them, a sick, lopsided smile on his face.  Carmilla’s heart leapt into her throat.  She didn’t like this.  She didn’t like this at all.

The man was wearing a black oversized hoodie with the hood up, dark jeans, and he had on a pair of black combat boots that looked fairly new, in contrast to the rest of his outfit which looked like he had been wearing the same outfit for days.  The dark circles under his eyes indicated that he probably had.  Underneath the hood, shaggy, dark hair stuck out at odd angles and fell in front of his eyes.  He had multiple piercings in his ears, and nose.  The hint of a dark tribal-like tattoo peaked out from underneath the hoodie and snaked it’s way from his chest, up the side of his neck, disappearing behind his right ear and ended just to the side of his right eye.  His skin was pale, his face sporting a five o’clock shadow, and his eyes were glossy and far away.  He stood over a foot above the girls’ heads, when he wasn’t slouched against the booths to his right.  The sleeves of his hoodie were pushed up to just below his elbows, revealing a set of muscled, and heavily tattooed arms.  He had a ring on the middle finger of his right hand that looked like it hurt if anyone were to make contact with it.

“Haven’t heard from you in awhile, Hollis.  You haven’t been returning my phone calls.  Find a new supplier already?”

Laura wrung her hands nervously together behind her back where only Carmilla could see and tried to make her smile as believable as she could as she locked eyes with the man who had been selling to her for almost three years.  She hadn’t bought anything in months and was scared what he would do.  Terrified actually.  She once watched him pull a knife on someone when they expected a freebie.  He didn’t actually stab them, but she could see it in his eyes that he would if he thought he needed to.  Right now, though, she couldn’t read him at all.  His eyes were glossy and half lidded, his smile was too big for comfort, and he was standing just inside Laura’s personal bubble.

“Fish.  Hey.  No, um...I actually-”  Laura caught a whiff of his breath and took a step back, stumbling into Carmilla.  Fish just laughed, causing the hairs on the back of Carmilla’s neck to stand up.  “Are you drunk?”

Carmilla instinctively brought a hand out in front of Laura, Fish’s chest running into it as he took a step forward to follow Laura.  Carmilla eyed the man carefully, not trusting him at all.

“Hey, man, back off.”

“Who’s this?”

Fish swatted Carmilla’s hand away and straightened out his back, puffing out his chest.  His eyes found Carmilla’s and she was practically snarling at him.  Laura swallowed thickly and before she could stop herself, two words escaped past her lips.

“My girlfriend.”

Fish’s eyes widened for just a second before he scoffed and he turned his attention back to Laura.  His eyes raked over her body in a way that made Carmilla’s skin crawl.  She almost ripped his throat out right there.  How dare he.

“You’re _gay_ ?  Wow, Hollis, didn’t really pick you as a _carpet muncher_ .   _Fucking faggots_.”

That was it.  Carmilla shoved the man’s chest.  Hard.  He had a good few inches on her, but she wasn’t trashed and she was used to fighting people taller than her.  He barely stumbled back though, catching his footing before he went anywhere.  Like the floor, which was where Carmilla had hoped he’d end up.  Carmilla’s palms started to itch.  It was a familiar feeling when she was in the ring.  She got it when she was waiting for her opponent to punch her so she could hit back.  Except now, she wasn’t sure she wanted to wait that long.

“You need to leave.   _Now_.”

Carmilla growled the last word through gritted teeth as she slowly took a step forward, putting herself between Laura and the man.  He scoffed again and Carmilla’s arm almost involuntarily reared back, but she stopped herself.  For whatever reason, she didn’t know.

“ _I_ need to leave?  I believe I was here first.  Why don’t you take you and your _dyke_ -”

And that was all it took for Carmilla to give up on trying to hold herself back, for Laura’s sake.  Laura didn’t even have time to blink before Carmilla’s hand connected with the man’s face and there was blood pouring from his nose and down his chin and soaking into the fabric of the white t shirt under his hoodie.  The man’s hand went instinctively to his face and he stumbled back, knocking into a nearby booth before landing with a thud on the ground, his expression that of complete shock.  Carmilla shook her hand out at her side, wincing slightly as she tested how damaged her knuckles were.  She didn’t bother glancing down at them to know she broke skin, she could feel the familiar pull of a split knuckle where her hand connected with the diamond stud that pierced through the man’s right nostril.  Carmilla took Laura’s wrist in her non injured hand and started making her way to the front door.

“It’s too early for this shit.”

Carmilla grumbled.  Laura squeezed Carmilla’s hand in hers after lacing their fingers together and muttered a ‘ _sorry_ ’ to the blonde woman in a mustard yellow uniform and black jeans, standing wide eyed at the counter where they had come in at.  Laura took the lead and dragged Carmilla out into the gravel parking lot in front of the small trailer sized establishment, only stopping when they made it to Carmilla’s car parked in the middle of the lot.  Carmilla leaned against the driver’s side of the Jaguar and let Laura take her left hand gently in both of hers.  Carmilla closed her eyes and let her head fall back, while she tried to calm her breathing down.

She was fuming.  She had no idea who that man was, but he knew Laura.  Obviously not very well, he didn’t even know she was into women.  Unless he was just insanely unobservant because Laura was not subtle at all.  Ever.  Especially when it came to someone she had an interest in.  Laura was terrified of him.  It wouldn’t take a genius to notice that.  But he still knew her and they had a past and Carmilla didn’t know how to feel about that.

Carmilla was brought out of her short inner monologue when she felt a warm hand on her cheek.  She slowly opened her eyes and found Laura looking at her intently, her eyes filled with emotion.

“He was my dealer.”

Laura’s voice was small as she felt more than saw, Carmilla’s jaw clench.  She started running her thumb along Carmilla’s cheek trying to calm her down.  Laura could see how pissed she was in her eyes.

“Laura, if he found out while you were still buying from him...What if he hurt you?”

Carmilla looked like she was in pain.  Her eyebrows were knitted together and she was trying to hide her clenched fists from Laura.

“Carm, he didn’t.  I’m fine.  He never laid a hand on me, and even if he did, one punch to the throat and a kick between the legs and he’d be on the ground in three seconds flat.  I can take care of myself.  You know that.”

Carmilla let a small smile curl her lips up because she _did_ know that.  She’s witnessed it first hand and the move was effective to say the least.  Laura’s hand was still cupping her cheek, the other resting on her shoulder.  Laura’s face was inches from her’s, their noses nearly touching.

“I do know, you’re like this ball of rage stuck in a tiny human.  You even scare me sometimes.  I don’t know how you’re not lashing out every chance you get.”

Laura giggled at that, inching her face closer to Carmilla’s, their lips touching slightly.

“That’s what the yoga’s for, Babe.”

Carmilla smirked and raised an eyebrow, welcoming the suddenly light and playful mood.  She placed her right hand in the back pocket of her jeans that Laura was wearing and squeezed before putting on her most innocent expression.

“You sure the yoga isn’t for this?”

Laura laughed and closed the distance between them, mumbling a ‘ _that too_ ’ against Carmilla’s lips.  Their moment didn’t last long, though, when the sound of the diner’s bell rung out across the parking lot.  Laura’s body immediately stiffened and her hands dropped from Carmilla’s shoulders, where they had landed during their kiss, to the space between them, her eyes doing the same.  Carmilla’s body automatically straightened and her features hardened, ready to continue a fight and step between Laura and the man she called _Fish_ , if she needed to, but her face instantly relaxed again when she saw that it was just the woman that had greeted them when they first stepped foot through the door of the diner.  Laura turned around as soon as Carmilla relaxed, curious as to why.  The blonde from the diner was walking toward them with purpose, carrying two plastic bags in one hand and a jacket in the other.  She looked pissed.

“Hey!  Thank God you two are still here.  I wanted to apologize for that guy.  What a piece of shit.”  The woman scoffed and shook her head, rolling her eyes.  ”Anyway, I heard you talking about the pancakes and thought I’d bring you some.  There’s syrup and some forks and stuff in the bags and I made you some coffees to go and there’s some leftovers that my dad insisted on.  I really am sorry.  That guy won’t be allowed here anymore.”

The smile on Laura’s face practically cracked her face in two.  She didn’t know what to say, she was too excited.  She was expecting to be yelled at for Carmilla punching a guy out in the restaurant, not food.

“I-wow, thank you so much, you really didn’t need to do that!”

The woman smiled at Laura and her eyes flicked to Carmilla’s before falling to land on her already bruised and bleeding hand.  Carmilla stuck her hands in the pockets of her basketball shorts and looked over at Laura at her side who was looking in one of the bags of food.  The woman’s eyes found Laura’s again before she started talking.

“It was my pleasure, really.  My dad owns the place and trust me, he’d much rather give you guys a free meal than serve _that_ douchecanoe.”

Laura’s head snapped up at the word ‘ _free_ ’, one of her eyebrows raising to the middle of her forehead.

“Wait, _free_?”

The woman nodded her head and waved her hand in the air, dismissively.

“Absolutely!  Don’t worry about it, honestly.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!  It’s a few pancakes and some coffee, really, it’s our pleasure.”

Laura smiled and was practically buzzing with excitement.

“Well, at least take a tip!”

Laura turned to Carmilla expectantly before the woman could refuse.  Carmilla just laughed.

“Makin’ me pay for the date, huh?”

Laura rolled her eyes and playfully slapped Carmilla on the shoulder, trying to hide the blush that formed on her cheeks at the word _date_.

“I left my wallet in Laf’s truck.”

“Kidding, Cupcake.”

Carmilla pulled out a five dollar bill and tucked a few twenties into it before folding the bills so the woman wouldn’t see them and placed them in the woman’s hand with a small ‘ _thank you_ ’.  The woman smiled and wished them a good night before she pulled on her jacket that had been previously hung over her arm and tucked the bills inside the front pocket without looking at them.  She pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter and walked back to the building before lighting up.  Laura waited until the woman was out of earshot before she squealed with delight and turned to face Carmilla, grabbing her hand.

“Come on!  We don’t want these to get cold!”

Carmilla rolled her eyes, but she was smiling when she took the bags from Laura and lead her over to the passenger side of the car.  She unlocked the car and opened the passenger door for Laura, making sure she was all the way in the car before handing her the bags and gently shutting the door.  Carmilla made her way over to the driver side and as she was settling herself into the driver’s seat, she caught a glimpse of the man leaving the diner holding a blood stained tissue under his nose through her tinted windows.  His shoulders were hunched and he wore a scowl on his face as he walked in the opposite direction of the woman by the front door and continued down the street toward the edge of town, away from them.

* * *

 

Back at the gallery, Carmilla helped Laura load the truck with her paintings before they drove back separately to Laf and Perry’s, with Carmilla driving with the food in her passenger seat after leaving her spare key in Betty’s desk.  She didn’t trust Laura not to eat all the food before they got to the apartment and she was starving.  She couldn’t risk it.

Lafontaine and Perry were sleeping when they eventually made it back to the apartment, but that was to be expected.  The sun wasn’t even up yet.  Carmilla settled into a seat at the table as she placed the take out bags down and Laura immediately started removing the contents of the bags the second they touched the table’s surface.  She looked like a child on Christmas day, the way she was tearing into the plastic bags and Carmilla couldn’t help but laugh as she took whatever Laura handed to her, arranging them accordingly so they would both be able to get to them.  Laura only slowed down when she got to the coffees and made a disgusted face before handing both of them to Carmilla, causing Carmilla to laugh again.

Laura was in the middle of eating her third chocolate chip pancake, while Carmilla was finishing up her eggs when she remembered a certain word used that started this whole ordeal in the first place.  She gently placed her fork down on the table and wiped her mouth with a nearby napkin before clearing her throat and smirking at the blonde across the table from her.  Laura looked up when Carmilla had cleared her throat and was watching her with a mouthful of pancake as Carmilla rested her chin in her hand.

“So, girlfriend, huh?”

* * *

 

With a quick call to Mattie and a quick stop at her company’s airfield, the rest of Carmilla’s stuff from the gallery and all of her paintings were safely on their way back to the house and the only thing Carmilla brought with them in her car was stuff for the dogs and the suitcases.  It was a comfortable ride home, for the most part.

With Laura in the driver’s seat and Carmilla in the passenger seat with both dogs on a blanket at her feet, the only thing running through her mind was that she should _not_ have let Laura drive them home.  It didn’t matter that she was exhausted and had gotten, _maybe_ , two hours of sleep, Carmilla was ready to feed some assholes their own spleens, even if doing so used up every last bit of energy she had.

Laura was the most careful driver Carmilla had ever seen.  She was practically a driving instructor’s saving grace.  She followed all traffic rules, including stopping _completely_ at every stop sign and looking both ways _twice_ .  She even sat at full attention, hands at 9 and 3 and Carmilla watched her check her mirrors, _excessively_ , every 30 seconds.  Carmilla counted.

Of course there was good reason for her being the world’s most cautious driver, but come on, they could only be honked at so many times for driving 5 under the speed limit and Carmilla could only flip so many people off before she wanted to just walk the rest of the way, which she might as well have done because it took the same amount of time for Laura to drive them back that it would have taken for her to walk ( _that might be a_ slight _exaggeration, but only a slight one_ ).  Instead of walking ( _or ripping out spleens_ ), she turned up Laura’s shitty pop music to drown out the honking, reclined her seat until it touched the seats in the back, pulled her aviators over her eyes, and settled in with a book for the longest 13 hours of her life.

They still made sure to stop every few hours so the dogs could go to the bathroom, but instead of every two hours, Carmilla made Laura stop every three.  They didn’t stop for snacks because Perry made enough brownies and cookies to last a lifetime and packed sandwiches in a small cooler for their lunch and they had enough bottles of water to survive an apocalypse, let alone the supposed almost 10 hour drive.  The dogs were kept busy with homemade biscuits as well as a bunch of new toys that Lafontaine bought them claiming the pups would be bored to death if Laura drove and they were left with Carmilla to entertain them, which was mostly true, Carmilla wouldn’t deny that.

They were less than three hours away from their home and were just about to make their last dog pit stop for the trip when shit hit the fan.  Or rather, racoon hit the bumper.

Both girls were exhausted and the dogs were already asleep at Carmilla’s feet.  Carmilla was well into her second book when she was interrupted by an ear piercing shriek followed by a thump, a shrill ‘ _Oh my God_ ’ and the car coming to a complete stop in the middle of a deserted back road.

“What the _frilly hell_ are you doing?!”

“I’m sorry!  I just- I think I- There was a raccoon!”

There were unshed tears in Laura’s eyes as she sat ramrod straight, her eyes glued to the road in front of her and her knuckles turning white where her hands were gripping the steering wheel.  Carmilla sighed and slowly put the car in park before leaning over Laura to the other side of the steering wheel to turn her brights on.  She folded the corner of the page she was on in her book and placed it in the back seat before untangling herself from the blanket she had covered herself in and making sure the dogs weren’t going to escape when she opened the door.  They woke up with all the commotion and she didn’t feel like chasing two dogs around in the dark _and_ dealing with a possible dead raccoon.

“Open the trunk.”

Laura turned to her and her eyes widened, almost comically.

“What?  Why?”

Carmilla didn’t really want to explain to Laura that she had a baseball bat back there and if the raccoon wasn’t actually dead, but halfway there, then she’d need to-  yeah, _do something_ about that.

“Come on, the buttons on the left side.”

Laura looked down and hit the button after searching for it for a few seconds.  Carmilla’s hand was on the door handle and she was about to open the door when she felt Laura’s hand grasp her bicep.

“Carm, what if I killed it?  Oh, God…What if-”

Carmilla sighed and refrained from rolling her eyes because it was just a damn raccoon and she was exhausted and not in the mood for this, but she saw the tears in Laura’s eyes and she couldn’t bring herself to make fun of her.

“Laur, I’m sure it’s fine, raccoons have thick skulls, I’m sure it just got a little confused.”

She highly doubted either of what she just said was true, but the look on Laura’s face when she started nodding and released her grip on Carmilla’s arm was that of hope and Carmilla didn’t have the heart to tell her the raccoon was probably dead and she’d need to push it to the side of the rode so they could continue driving, or worse, not dead and she’d need to hit it to get it there.

As soon as Carmilla was free of Laura’s  grip, she carefully exited the car and made her way quickly to the trunk.  The baseball bat was at the back of her trunk behind both of their suitcases and she picked it up and kept it hidden behind her leg as she made her way to the driver’s side window where Laura was slumped over, her bottom lip quivering.  Carmilla knocked lightly on the window, making the smaller girl jump, but she rolled down the window anyway and looked up at Carmilla with sad doe eyes.

“Hey, close your eyes and don’t open them until I get back in the car, okay?”

Laura furrowed her eyebrows but did as she was told after nodding her head and rolling up the window.  After making sure Laura wasn’t watching, Carmilla made her way to the front of the car where she found a dent in her front bumper and a large raccoon lying in front of her car, it’s eyes open, blinking slowly, but there was no blood.

 _Dammit_ , she thought.

“You couldn’t have just died?”

Carmilla moved so she was standing a little further back from the raccoon and poked it in the side with the end of her baseball bat.  It hissed at her and she let out a small yelp, jumping back.

_Fucking bastard._

She was trying to psyche herself up to put it out of it’s misery when the raccoon suddenly jumped to it’s feet and hissed at her again.

_Oh hell no, you little shit._

Carmilla backed up again and raised her hands in front of her, palms out, as if to say she surrendered, then realized what she was doing and rolled her eyes at herself before lowering her hands and slowly tried to make her way back to the trunk of her car.  The raccoon followed her movements with it’s eyes and she narrowed her eyes and hissed at it when it made no move to get out of the way of her car.  The raccoon hissed back and she jumped, her eyes going wide and ran around to the driver’s side.  Looking back, she didn’t see the raccoon following her and she quickly threw the bat in the trunk and slammed the lid shut before walking swiftly to the driver’s side of the car again.  She tapped on the glass a few times and Laura’s eyes shot open before she realized what was going on and rolled down the window.

“I’ll drive, scoot over.”

Again, Laura furrowed her eyebrows, but didn’t ask any questions and maneuvered herself into the passenger seat before Carmilla quickly climbed into the car and backed up to make sure the thing moved.  It wasn’t there, instead she caught sight of a set of beady yellow eyes in the ditch to the right of her car and she glared out the window at them before putting the car back in drive and speeding off down the road.  She caught a glimpse of a smile on Laura’s lips and knew the girl’s happiness was more important than her dignity at that point so she didn’t say anything.  She knew Laura had heard her, she might have even watched the whole thing go down, but she didn’t really care, at least there was a smile on her face and the tears that had been in her eyes were dried up.

They didn’t end up stopping to let the dogs out, having forgotten after Carmilla’s embarrassing encounter with the raccoon and Laura falling asleep shortly after.  Carmilla only found out that one of them had an accident after she managed to carry Laura through the front door of their house, up the basement stairs and into the room she was supposed to be sleeping in and placed her in her bed.  She felt a wet spot on the blanket she had thrown to the floor of the car in her haste to get the raccoon out of the way, only, she was too tired to give a shit and just threw the blanket in the garbage after she let the dogs out and put them away for the night.  She fell asleep seconds after landing face first on Laura’s mattress and into her yellow pillow, not bothering to change clothes or even unpack the car, but instead curling up next to her _girlfriend_ and choosing to deal with it tomorrow.  That seemed like a much better idea anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for continuing to read this!
> 
> My tumblr is:
> 
> http://no-pantsparty.tumblr.com/


	12. évoluer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla does art, Hollstein go shopping for groceries and such and Laura gets hurt and proceeds to act worse than a toddler, but it's all good, Carmilla's there.
> 
> TW: Implied abuse (dream), swearing (let me know if I need to add anymore)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a filler chapter, but it’s happy (that can only mean there’s some angsty shit coming up...sorry? It was bound to happen.) Also, HEY, this thing has been around for a little over a year! That shits exciting. Thank you guys for reading this and sticking with me through my horrible, HORRIBLE bouts of writer’s block. You the real MVP.

**_le 11 avril_ **

     Carmilla was able to get maybe two hours of solid, uninterrupted sleep before the haunting face of her mother plagued her dreams.  She woke up with a gasp, her body covered in a cold sweat, shaking and curled up in a ball at the very edge of the mattress.  Her hands were gripping Laura’s yellow pillow so tight to her body that Carmilla’s knuckles were white and it was painful to remove them from their grasp on the fabric.  The second her eyes shot open, the basis of the dream was lost, but Carmilla’s mother’s sickening smile was burned into the back of her eyelids.  Carmilla took a few deep breaths and relaxed the muscles in her shoulders, continuing down her back, and ending with her toes, and tried to fall back asleep to the sound of Laura’s even breaths and light snores on the mattress beside her, but it wasn’t happening.  Carmilla’s heart was beating too fast and her breathing was still too erratic, not to mention, everytime she closed her eyes, her mother’s piercing gaze was staring back at her.  She hastily dragged a hand over her face a couple times and rubbed at her eyes with her palms before running a lazy hand through her mess of curls.

     Sleep clearly wasn’t an option.

     Instead of laying in bed and staring at the ceiling for what would most likely have been several hours, Carmilla carefully and quietly made her way down the hall and out into the living room and to the mudroom near the front door where Finn and Doc were sleeping soundly in their kennel.  She figured Laura was exhausted from the drive and would probably sleep like the dead until well into the afternoon and that an early morning (very early morning) run would be just what she needed to clear her head of her mother.  Why her mother was in her dreams that night was a mystery Carmilla didn’t mind _not_ solving.  She quietly made her way down the basement steps and out to her car where she grabbed her duffle bag full of clothes and wraps and dug the dog’s leashes out of the mess of Carmilla’s pillow and Laura’s blanket on the backseat before she headed back into the house where she quickly changed into a pair of running shorts and a sports bra.

     The pups woke almost immediately when Carmilla entered the small mudroom again, this time with their leashes and harnesses jingling at her side.  Both pups jumped up and excitedly started to yelp and run around the small space of the kennel like kids on christmas morning after discovering the many wrapped gifts under the tree.  Once releasing the pups from their cage, Carmilla managed to get Doc’s harness on without any issue, but the second she tried to slip Finn’s over his head, he took off and made a beeline for the room where Laura was still sleeping soundly on her mattress on the floor.

     Carmilla whispered, “You little shit,” as she padded down the hallway in her socks after securing Doc to the basement door handle and mumbling a ‘ _sitz_ ’ with an outstretched hand, palm up, bent at the elbow and a firm tone, making sure he wouldn’t take off like his brother.  He ended up taking a seat by the basement stairs and Carmilla couldn’t help the smug look that made it’s way onto her face.  She liked to think Doc actually knew what she said and that it wasn’t just a coincidence that he sat down at the hand signal and authoritative verbal command, which she learned from the many summers she spent with Laura’s extended family, many of them being in some type of law enforcement or military branch.  She was torn from her little victory when she heard a sleepy grunt, followed by a small giggle from the open door at the end of the hall.  Carmilla groaned and cursed the insanely cute little bugger for waking up her girlfriend the whole way down the hall, Finn’s leash and harness in hand.  She stood at the door and watched Finn as he licked Laura’s face without mercy.  She was laughing a sleepy, high pitched giggle that made Carmilla laugh lightly and her heart soar.  She couldn’t help it, the sight before her was just too adorable.

     Laura eventually managed to roll her body so that her face was tucked into her pillow and away from the wrath of the puppy, giggling into the blankets hugging her body.  But that didn’t stop him.  Carmilla watched in amusement as Finn promptly jumped over Laura’s body and started licking her face as he practically burrowed into Laura’s neck, eliciting a loud, shrill squeak from the heap of blankets on the mattress.  Carmilla laughed, clearing her throat before lowering her voice to sound more authoritative and stepping into the room.

     “Finnegan James Hollis-Karnstein, get your ass over here and let me put this harness on you.  We are going for a run and you are going to like it.”

     Laura just giggled and hugged the pup closer to her chest, stage-whispering in his ear, “Uh-Oh, full name.  You better go.”  Finn managed to get in an extra lick to Laura’s cheek before Carmilla made it to the bed and kneeled down to pluck him from Laura’s grasp.  He immediately licked her on the mouth, causing her face to scrunch up in disgust with a groan and she handed him back to Laura.  Laura laughed and absentmindedly began to pet the fluff ball behind the ears as he curled up into her side.  Carmilla huffed, annoyed, and was extremely close to giving up when Laura stretched her hand out to grab the harness from Carmilla’s grasp and simply slipped it over Finn’s head without so much as a whine from the pup.  Carmilla rolled her eyes and snatched the leash out of Laura’s hand, avoiding the smug look on her face, and picked Finn up, tucking him under her arm before she leaned down and pressed her lips to Laura’s with a mumbled ‘ _thanks_ ’.  Before Carmilla had a chance to get back out into the hallway, Laura grabbed her free wrist and brought her back for another kiss and a soft ‘ _how long do you think you’ll be?_ ’ whispered against her lips.

     “An hour at least.  I’ll be back before you wake up, I promise.  Go back to sleep, Cupcake.”

     Carmilla barely got the words past her lips before Laura’s eyelids were fluttering shut and she was relaxing into the pillow Carmilla found herself snuggled into just minutes before.  She placed a gentle kiss to Laura’s forehead and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear before lifting herself and the pup off the mattress.  Laura was sound asleep before they even reached the door.

* * *

 

     Outside, the sun was still below the horizon, leaving only the soft glow of the streetlights and the quiet chirp of the crickets to accompany Carmilla on her run.  There was a soft breeze that blew Carmilla’s stray hairs from her bun and tickled her face, but it was welcomed, it felt good on her sweat dampened skin.  About a mile into her run, she found a paved biking trail, lined with trees and wildflowers.  She couldn’t help the feeling of serenity and the small smile that snuck it’s way onto her face with the smell of freshly mowed grass and the dew that sat atop it, flowing through her nose.  There was no one else up at that hour and Carmilla found herself hoping the neighborhood was just as quiet when the sun was up.

     Carmilla made it barely two and a half miles into her run before the dog’s that had been running steadily at her side began to falter in their pace.  She turned around on the path and started to head back, but only made it a few feet before Finn and Doc halted all together and stubbornly planted their paws into the ground.  Carmilla rolled her eyes and briefly considered leaving them tied to a tree while she finished her run, but a little voice popped into her head at the thought, that sounded a lot like Laura, telling her that if she did, she’d probably be shunned to the couch for the remainder of the week.  So, instead of finishing her eight mile run, Carmilla decided five miles was enough and picked the dogs up, one tucked under each of her arms, and ran the few miles back to the house.

     So, her hour long run quickly turned into a 35 minute run, half of which she carried two 30 pound dogs.  Not ideal, but it got her mother out of her head for the time being and she felt a lot more relaxed than she had when she woke up.  Still not tired, but relaxed.

     After showering and changing into a hoodie and sleep shorts and making sure the dogs relieved themselves in the yard and not in the house, Carmilla left Finn and Doc to sleep in their kennel and found herself in the reading loft next to the master bedroom, where she lost herself in the hundreds of books that lined the shelves of the back wall.  She ran her fingers over the spines of the books, reading the titles as she went.  They were organized by the year they were published, then by author.  Carmilla laughed after she realized it because it was so like her father.  He was always organizing everything, especially the books that he kept so close to his heart.  She found first editions of several of her father’s favorites, all most likely on the ' _The 100 Greatest Novels of all Time_ ' list, but was surprised when she didn’t see the novel she listened to him read thousands of times as a child.  She could’ve sworn he read her a first edition copy.  Carmilla scanned the shelf of first editions again, paying close attention to every title and author, but again, found no sign of Kipling’s 1894 version of _The Jungle Book_.  To say she was mad about it was an understatement.  Carmilla just hoped her mother hadn’t given it away or sold it after he passed.  She would like to think her mother wouldn’t be so cruel as to do that to her, but then again she thought the same thing about other things her mother managed to get away with.  Specifically, mentally and physically abusing her only daughter for a majority of her life, blackmailing her and her best friend/girlfriend, neglecting her because of her sexuality, the list could go on and on.

     And Carmilla was once again thinking about her mother.  Funny how things worked.

     Carmilla tried to clear her head with a book.  She pulled out a hardcover novel at random, out of the first edition section, and plopped down onto one of the weathered leather chairs in the small nook.  Without bothering to read the gold print on the faded burgundy cover, Carmilla opened the book to a random page and began reading from the middle of the text:

 

**_“‘She hates her sons, takes no pleasure in seeing them. I’m afraid she’s dreaming up some dreadful plan._ **

**_She is dangerous. None who makes an enemy of her_ **

**_will win an easy victory.’”_ **

 

     Carmilla promptly slammed the book shut, laughing bitterly at herself, because really?   _Medea_ ?  She couldn’t have picked up... _anything else_ ?  After placing the book back on the shelf where she found it, Carmilla walked down the row of novels, past the first edition section, and picked another out at random, this time, making sure to read the title.   _Lolita_ .  Although she found the book a masterpiece, she wasn’t in the mood for Humbert Humbert’s bullshit so she put the novel back and wandered a few more steps to the right and picked up another.   _War and Peace_ .  Way too early in the morning for that one.  She grabbed another.   _The Idiot_ .  She knew a couple of those, but still, she needed something to get lost in.  She gave it one last try.   _The Princess Bride_.  That would have to do.

     Carmilla found herself easily lost in the fantasy with Buttercup and Westley in their travels across Florin and Guilder.  She wasn’t sure how long she had been reading for, but was only brought back to reality when an obnoxiously loud banging sounded through the walls, causing the dogs to start barking.  Afraid they would wake Laura up, Carmilla tossed _The Princess Bride_ gently onto the chair opposite her and ran down the stairs, whispering profanities under her breath.  The pups were still barking when she reached the mudroom and she immediately whisper-yelled ‘ _nein_ ’.  Finn continued to yap with his puppy bark, while Doc immediately ceased the noise and sat down.  Carmilla smirked and patted Doc on the head between the bars of the kennel and made a mental note to start training the dogs in simple commands.

     “This is why you’re my favorite,”  She whispered.  Turning her head to Finn, Carmilla glared and pointed her finger at him.  “As for you-”  She was cut off by another knock on the front door that drew her attention away from the dogs and she groaned before closing the distance between her and the person rudely interrupting her alone time with her father’s prized and immaculate book collection this early in the morning.

     It was a man and his partner from the moving company her sister hired to deliver all of her shit.  Of course they would show up first thing in the morning.  She really shouldn’t have expected anything less from Mattie.  While she was grateful and excited to start setting up her space where she had planned on working, having men in and out of her house at seven in the morning was not ideal.  Especially considering Laura was sleeping soundly, or she hoped, just down the hall and she made sure to mention that little fact to the guys.  Of course, they then proceeded to make sure they were practically silent the rest of the time they were there and Carmilla couldn’t help but feel a little guilty at cursing them for simply doing what they were told to do, most likely by Mattie, who could be quite intimidating sometimes.  They even went as far as to place all the boxes where Carmilla told them to and they even offered to assemble the couch and, really, she couldn’t be mad at them, or refuse their offer.  Laura even slept through the entire ordeal.

     By the time the men left, it was nearing nine am.  Carmilla managed to unpack the crates housing her paintings, organizing them into piles.  One pile contained several pieces of which she deemed she would definitely be keeping, while the other pile was a total of four paintings which she decided was the start of the series she would sell to Vordenburg.  A third pile, laid off to the side, contained all the paintings she was on the fence about.  This pile was by far the largest.

     Carmilla stood staring at the three piles on the floor in the living room, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth with her hands on her hips and a pained expression on her face.  She thought selling her paintings would be a lot easier, but then again, that mindset was from before she and Laura reunited.  Going through the paintings resurfaced a lot of old emotions that Carmilla thought were buried in the deepest parts of her mind.  She remembers when she painted all of them, whether they were followed by nasty hangovers the next morning or mindless sex the same night, she remembers and she’d rather she forgot.  Not so much the paintings themselves, but what she put herself through before, during, or after she painted them.  She wasn’t too proud of those moments.

     It took over an hour of reshuffling through each piece, but finally she came to the conclusion that she could bare to part with one crate full of her paintings.  Out of 21 pieces, Carmilla ended up keeping a total of six, three of which were different variations of Laura’s eye, always the left.  The first of the three paintings was one Carmilla painted after she slept with Ell for the first time.  When she started painting the piece, she had no intention of it becoming what it did, but the next morning when she woke up on the couch in her apartment and found the drying canvas, she found herself staring at Laura’s blown pupil, the dark brown of her irises barely visible under her half lidded stare.  In a panic, Carmilla almost burned the piece in the fireplace in her living room, but instead, found herself in front of a fresh canvas with a palette covered in different shades of brown paint.  She found herself painting the same eye, this time in lighter hues.  Her goal being to recreate the way Laura’s eyes used to light up when she was overly excited about something.  Anything really.  She was always getting excited over the littlest things, things Carmilla didn’t really see the big deal of, like cookies, or sweets in general, or Christmas and Halloween, or pointless British television.  The list could easily go on and on.  The third painting Carmilla did of Laura’s eye, she didn’t plan for the outcome at all.  The night, or early morning rather, that she painted the piece, her and Ell had their first fight, resulting in Carmilla storming out of her apartment with tears in her eyes after leaving Ell in her bed half naked and crying.  Looking back she had no idea what the fight was about, but when she came back to an empty flat with enough alcohol in her system to ensure she wouldn’t remember that night, she found herself staggering to her easel.  The next morning she woke up to a pounding headache and a painting of Laura’s tear filled gaze staring at her from across the room.  In her mind she knew she shouldn’t be painting the brown irises she left in the states, but instead the blue ones that loved her in Paris.  Before Ell returned that morning with breakfast and an apology, Carmilla managed to hide the three paintings in the back of her closet where she forgot about them as time went on until she came across them, nearly three years later, as she was packing to move back to her hometown.

     The fourth painting Carmilla decided on keeping was just a canvas covered in strokes of different shades of yellow paint.  She didn’t remember painting it at all, but on the back, written on the wood of the canvas in sloppy black ink, there was a date and ‘ _Laura Hollis_ ’ scrawled across the wood.  Carmilla almost wanted to laugh at herself, looking back now.  It was comical how she thought she could get away with forgetting Laura.  She never did, no matter how much she tried.  Even her subconscious couldn’t let her go.  God, she was such a sap.

     The last two paintings were the most emotional and raw.  Carmilla remembers painting them vividly, as if there was a chance she could ever forget.  The first of the two was on a larger canvas than any of the others and there was no way in hell she would have sold the piece, no matter the amount of money.  It was the first one Laura noticed when she walked into the room that first night at the gallery when Carmilla told her to meet her there.  The painting was very clearly of Laura, there was no way of mistaking her.  She was very clearly naked, as well.  Carmilla remembers the night the scene in the painting took place.  She remembers it like she remembers the feeling of her heart shattering after her mother tore her away from the only person that she ever loved.

     Carmilla painted the piece almost immediately after Dr. Renou handed her a paintbrush and canvas for the first time. It was messy and anger driven, but it was also beautiful and real.  Renou even went as far as calling it ‘ _romantic_ ’ after she saw it for the first time.  Carmilla didn’t think it was anything special at the time, in fact, the second she put the paintbrush down, she hated it.  She hated it with such a burning passion, she wanted Renou to get rid of it, but the next session, there it was.  From that day on, every time Carmilla looked at it, she fell more in love with the piece.

     At first, Carmilla swiped the paint covered brush across the canvas as if she had a personal vendetta against it.  The background was a mess of different light browns, the painting itself looked as though it was under a light sepia filter.  While she painted the piece, it was the first time she let Dr. Renou see her cry.  During the painting process, she didn’t have Laura on her mind.  She didn’t really have anything on her mind.  She was just angry, mostly at herself and her mother, but she found herself painting a woman over the chaos of brown.  In a light, almost white brown, off center and more to the top right of the canvas, Carmilla carefully and with as much precision she could muster, painted Laura.  Laura’s back was to the onlooker as she made her way towards something in the hazy background.  There wasn’t much detail, but if focused on hard enough, the observer could make out a dresser and a floor under Laura’s feet and the edge of a bed in the foreground.  Laura was looking back, over her shoulder with a shy smile on her face, barely visible, but Carmilla knew.  That post-orgasm, sleep-riddled, grin was one she could never forget.  Laura had her arms tucked to her chest almost as if she was trying to cover herself up.  Her hair cascaded down over one shoulder in loose curls, leaving her back bare to the audience.  There was a light sheet piled around her ankles on the floor, leaving nothing to the imagination.  Every feature was painfully detailed almost as if Carmilla thought she would forget what Laura looked like if she didn’t put everything down on the canvas.  Everything from the mole in the middle of Laura’s back, to the way her spine and shoulder blades protruded from her skin and the way her muscles flexed with the way she was holding her arms to her chest, to the small dimples in her lower back.  Carmilla didn’t want to forget anything.  Not like she could.  That night portrayed in the painting would take a lot more than her mother and a few thought consuming classes to make her forget.

     The final piece was a little less happy.  Again, Carmilla was angry when she painted it and the thought of Laura did nothing to calm her down.  The painting was more of a self portrait, but there was barely any trace of a human in the dark strokes.  Maybe at one point there was, but definitely not in the final product.  A sharp jawline could be made out among the black strokes over the white canvas.  An open mouth, as if it was screaming.  A nose, a chin, chiseled cheekbones.  The rest was angry strokes of black paint, cascaded across a majority of the canvas, covering the rest of the details of the focus of the piece.  The darkest strokes outlined the figures cheeks, followed by grey and fading into white and splatters of black at the edges into what looked like a large tree.  It was odd and abstract and to anyone but Carmilla and maybe Laura, it was confusing and looked out of place.  

     Although her portrait of Laura was her favorite, it was obvious why.  This one however, wasn’t so obvious.  It was a close second, in terms of rankings and Carmilla had no idea why she liked it, nor why she couldn't seem to part with it.  It reminded her of how angry she was all the time and how much hatred she stored inside herself.  Maybe she kept it as a reminder of how far she came since then.  Maybe she kept it as a warning to never let herself get like that again.  Maybe it was more of a warning to others.  She didn’t really know, but she wasn’t giving it to Vordencreep.

     After making sure to safely pack the paintings she was selling back into the crate and emailing Sarah-Jane back notifying her that she made her decision about the paintings, Carmilla piled the ones she was keeping on the couch and set to work on making the spare bedroom her own space.  She actually managed to unpack all of her art supplies from the boxes and got her easels set up to a position she could work in, along with her blank canvases and books of drawing, charcoal, and watercolor paper.  Looking at all of her shit on the floor in piles, Carmilla figured she should probably get organizers or something so the space wouldn’t look like a tornado just passed through all the time, but right now she only felt like indulging herself in mindless strokes of a paintbrush on a white canvas to the mind numbing sounds of Stravinsky.

* * *

 

     Carmilla couldn’t remember how long she was sat at the easel in front of her, it could have been the next day for all she knew.  Of course it wasn’t, but she was so engrossed in her work that her concept of time was completely gone.  She loved that feeling.  The feeling of losing herself in something she loved to the point where she was completely clueless to anything happening around her.  Even the sound of the music was lost to her after awhile and that was how Laura found her: sitting on the floor in the middle of the room, eyebrows knit together in concentration, tongue poking out of the side of her mouth, hair a mess, hands covered in paint, and somehow she managed to get a streak of red on her forehead, which should have been a feat in and of itself because nowhere on her palette was there an ounce of red paint.  Laura never had the chance to see Carmilla in the process of actually creating her art, she only had the pleasure of seeing the final product and she wasn’t about to give up her chance so soon.

     Carmilla didn’t notice when Laura walked into the room, she didn’t notice Laura watching her with a look of complete adoration, she didn’t notice when Laura stealthily left the room and came back with her phone in hand, and she definitely didn’t notice the shutter of Laura’s iPhone camera going off.  Several times, because the sight in front of her was just downright adorable, or dare she say, _cute_.  With the pictures saved on her phone and a smile on her face, Laura decided she should let Carmilla finish whatever she was working on while she was in her groove and ventured out into the kitchen to make her and Carmilla breakfast after letting the dogs out into the dog run.

     It wasn’t much, but with what they had, Laura’s homemade breakfast could be considered a miracle.  The eggs Carmilla used before their mini vacation back in the states were spoiled and the bread grew mold, but at least the milk was still good.  Well, Carmilla’s soy milk was still good.  Laura’s was curdling at the back of the fridge with the coffee creamer.  With a bit of effort and a lot of digging through boxes labeled ‘ _Kitchen Shit_ ’, Laura finally managed to find an unopened box of pancake mix, a bowl large enough to keep fruit in, some sort of serving spoon, and a measuring cup that had never been removed from its package.  Clearly, Carmilla cooked a whole bunch back at her apartment with Will.  

     After almost singeing her eyebrows off at the stove top, Laura finished breakfast with six pancakes in the shape of odd circles, oblong hearts, and one that was supposed to be a cat, but ended up going horribly wrong and, well, didn’t look like a cat after she collected it from the frying pan and placed it on Carmilla’s plate.  She even lost one to the dogs after she tried to flip it in the pan and it landed on the edge of the island counter behind her and fell to the floor.  At least she didn’t burn the house down.  She was going to take that as a win.  After finding the syrup in a box labeled ‘ _Probably Kitchen Shit, but Could Also Be Clothes_ ’, Laura made her way back to where she found Carmilla still working, completely entranced.  So entranced in fact, that it took Laura plopping down in Carmilla’s lap with a plate in each hand and the syrup dangling from her mouth for Carmilla to focus on anything but the canvas in front of her for five seconds.  Carmilla was surprised to say the least.

     “Holy-  Frilly Hell-  What the…Cupcake?”

     Laura could only laugh at the look of complete shock on Carmilla’s face, letting the syrup fall from her mouth to her lap.

     “What the cupcake?  That’s a new one.”

     Carmilla only raised an eyebrow, but it wasn’t long before she gave up fighting the smile that worked its way onto her face at the tiny human giggling in her lap and grinning up at her like she gave her the world.  And she would give her the world if she could, but it was impossible, so Carmilla planted a kiss to Laura’s soft lips instead and laughed when Laura couldn’t stop smiling enough to actually kiss her back properly.  They ate breakfast like that.  Laura sat in Carmilla’s lap, Carmilla pretending to be irritated that she couldn’t eat properly because Laura was in her way, and each of them stealing kisses between bites.

     When they finished, Laura set their plates to the side and immediately wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s waist in a bone crushing hug, to which Carmilla reflexively wrapped her arms around Laura’s shoulders, even if she was a little confused as to why the girl in her lap was practically clinging to her like her life depended on it.

     “Alright, Creampuff, as much as I enjoy your oxygen depleting hugs, I do need to breathe,” Carmilla chuckled.

     Laura immediately loosened her grip and mumbled a ‘ _sorry_ ’ into Carmilla’s chest, but didn’t move otherwise.  Carmilla sighed and tried to refrain from rolling her eyes.

     “Okay, what’s wrong?”

     Laura simply shrugged her shoulders and snuggled further into the fabric of Carmilla’s hoodie.

     “Cupcake…”

     Laura sighed, but gave in, her shoulders dropping.  She looked up to find Carmilla looking at her quizzically, her face immediately heated up, but she refused to look away from Carmilla’s soft gaze.

     “I just thought you needed a hug, but not just any hug, a Hollis Bear Hug...  because you got up super early and you never get out of bed before the sun unless you can’t get back to sleep and even then you normally just read in bed until I wake up, or at least you used to, but you went for a run instead and either you just get up super early and go for runs every morning now, which I doubt, or you needed to clear your head and yes, I know I’m rambling so I’m just going to shut up now and continue to hug you.  Good?  Good.”

     Carmilla let out a breathy laugh and and smirked as she wrapped her arms tighter around Laura’s shoulders before placing a kiss to the top of her head.  It was less than a minute later when Laura spoke up again.

     “Wanna talk about it?”

     Carmilla could only laugh, because the fact that Laura couldn’t even make it 60 seconds without talking was amusing, but Hell no she didn’t want to talk about it, so she deflected the conversation.

     “What happened to shutting up?”

     Carmilla could practically feel Laura’s eyeroll.

     “I know what you’re doing, if you don’t want to talk about it just say so, ya big grump.”

     This time, Laura could probably feel Carmilla’s eyeroll as she mumbled out,

     “I had a dream.  I don’t even remember what it was about.  All I can remember is my mother’s face, and frankly, I’d rather I didn’t.”

     Laura squeezed Carmilla tighter and nodded her head in understanding.  She knew Carmilla’s past, she knew about Carmilla’s dreams, she knew about a lot, despite how much effort Carmilla put into making sure Laura didn’t know.

     “Well, now you get to use mine as a distraction.”

     Carmilla looked down at Laura’s smiling expression with a smirk of her own.

     “Yeah?”

     “Yup.”

     Carmilla shook her head and planted a kiss to Laura’s temple, leaving her lips to linger there.  They sat in comfortable silence, Carmilla eventually closing her eyes, soon followed by Laura, when a thought popped into her head that would surely get rid of her mother from her mind.

     “Can I try something?”  Carmilla asked shyly.

     Laura tilted her head back and looked into Carmilla’s eyes, searching for something, a clue maybe, as to what it was she was thinking about.  She didn’t find one.  Carmilla was staring at the wall behind Laura's head.  She looked almost nervous, as if Laura wasn’t going to like what she had to say.

     “Sure, what is it?”

     Carmilla played with the fabric of Laura’s shirt behind her back before she sighed and mumbled a long stream of words that could be translated to:

     “Would it be weird if I asked you to pose for me so I could add some more pieces to my portfolio?”

     Laura just laughed and removed her hands from around Carmilla’s waist to place them on the back of her neck, interlocking her fingers.

     “Why do you sound so nervous?”

     Carmilla shrugged and buried her face in Laura’s neck, mumbling something into the soft flesh there.  Laura giggled, Carmilla's hot breath tickling her skin.

     “What was that?”

     Carmilla groaned, but lifted her head from Laura’s shoulder to look her in the eye.  She was going to repeat herself, but Laura cut her off with a light chuckle and a faux gasp.

     “Carmilla Karnstein, are you blushing?!”

     Carmilla rolled her eyes, scoffing a super convincing no and buried her head back into the crook of Laura's neck.

     “It’s cute.”

     Laura smirked, but it quickly turned into a full blown smile when she caught sight of Carmilla pouting.

     “I am practically the epitome of badass.  I am not _cute_.”

     Carmilla spit the word out as if just voicing it caused bile to rise in her throat.  Laura laughed again and started massaging the back of Carmilla’s neck under her fingers, whispering,

     “I beg to differ.  You are the cutest cutie patootie to ever cute.”

     Carmilla grumbled, “I’m going to go throw up, now,” and tried to get up and escape her girlfriend’s grasp, but Laura only wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s neck tighter.

     “Stooop.   _Okay_ , fine how about adorable?”

     Carmilla fake gagged and scoffed out, “No.”

     Laura rolled her eyes and started spouting off words like a thesaurus.

     “Delectable, charming, suave, alluring?  Rapturous?  Seductive?  How about pulchritudinous?”

     Carmilla chuckled.

     “Big words, Cupcake.”

     Laura placed a quick kiss to Carmilla’s lips before pulling back.

     “I am a journalism major, Carm, did you expect anything less?”

     Carmilla rolled her eyes.

     "You're just the whole package aren't you?"

     Laura scoffed ' _duh_ ' before jumping to her feet.

     "So, what do you want me to do?  A ballerina pose?" Carmilla raised an eyebrow with a smirk as she watched Laura try and balance herself on her tiptoes with her arms at a point over the top of her head.  When she about fell over, she gave up and moved into another pose.  "Maybe like a hand on the hip type thing?"

     Carmilla snickered at the look on Laura's face as she tried to look as model-esque as she could.

     "I was actually thinking that you would be...naked?"

     Laura froze, her hand still on her hip.

     "What?"

     Carmilla continued to smirk.

     "Naked."

     Laura nodded her head once.

     "Naked...like with no clothes on."

     "Only if you're comfortable."

     Laura's arms slowly fell to her sides as she thought over Carmilla's words, then without another thought, she started nodding frantically and blurted out,

     "Sure, yeah, why not?  I could totally do that."

     Carmilla laughed.

     "Cupcake, you don't have to."

     Laura started shaking her head.

     "No, it's fine.  I want to."

     Carmilla smirked and raised an eyebrow skeptically.

     "Are you sure?"

     "Mhmm, one hundred percent."

     “That didn’t sound like one hundred percent.”

     “Well, that was my one hundred percent.  Now, where do you want me?”

     “Uh, just...there’s good.”

     And then it was happening.  Laura was taking her clothes off, albeit a bit shakily, and Carmilla was doing everything in her power not to stare as she busied herself with trying to turn to a fresh piece of charcoal paper and find a new or lightly used piece of charcoal in the mess of art paraphernalia that surrounded her on the floor.  Carmilla couldn't hide her reddened cheeks when she forced herself to look up and was met with Laura looking at her expectantly with dark eyes and a smug expression.  She mentally slapped herself because, _really_?  Seeing Laura naked was not something new to her and neither was drawing her naked body, but for some reason, the fact that Laura was actually in front of her and naked and she wasn’t drawing from memory, made this all more real and all the more frightening.  Before when she drew Laura from memory, Carmilla always ended up tossing the finished product into the nearest garbage bin, claiming the lines her hands drew onto the paper weren’t even close to the real thing.  And now Carmilla had the real thing and she was standing in front of her with nothing but a silver chain around her neck that hung low between her bare breasts to rest gently against the skin of her toned stomach.  Carmilla caught herself staring as she unconsciously licked her lips and Laura took a step forward and dropped to the ground and into a comfortable position.  She eventually settled when she was sitting on the hardwood floor, her chest pressed against her thighs as she leaned into them and hugged them to her chest by crossing her arms over her knees where she rested her cheek.  Carmilla decided to roll with it.  If this was the position that Laura was most comfortable in, then she would do what she could with what she was given.

     Carmilla weakly cleared her throat.  She didn’t know where to start.  She was nervous and there was a tension in the air that could be cut with a knife, and if it weren’t for Laura’s smartass smirk she probably would have already been halfway through, but the naked woman in front of her was watching her so intently that she felt like she had to watch back in some sort of unspoken staring contest.  Until Laura broke her from her trance.

     “Alright, Ladykiller, you going to actually draw me or whatever it is you wanted to do?  Or are you just going to sit there and eyefuck me all day?”

     Well that was definitely not what Carmilla expected to come out of Laura’s mouth.  In fact, it was so far from what she expected that Carmilla’s first reaction was to gulp down whatever pride she had left, but that quickly backfired when she swallowed and her spit somehow managed to take a detour down the wrong tube and she started choking, causing her face to turn an even deeper shade of red, which she quickly hid behind her pad of paper as she looked down to her lap and focused intently on where she was creating random lines on the blank piece of paper.  When her coughs died down to a simple clearing of her throat, Carmilla worked up enough courage to look up at the subject of her current drawing.  She found Laura smiling at her.  She wasn’t making fun of her, the playfulness in her eyes was gone and instead she looked shy and maybe three years younger when her father wasn’t buried six feet under the ground and her brother had yet to join the military path of many of his family members and when it felt like it was just her and Carmilla against the world and Carmilla found herself genuinely smiling back.  Her smile just as shy and laced with just as much emotion and without any more stalling, Carmilla’s hand started moving almost as if it had a mind of it’s own.  Every once in awhile, Carmilla would glance back up at where Laura was sitting, followed by her dropping her gaze back to the paper in her lap.

     This continued for almost an hour and a half.  Laura didn’t complain about the literal pain in her ass that started around the half hour mark, or about how she practically lost all feeling in her lower half after the first hour.  She focused on Carmilla’s hand as it worked to create a version of herself that she had never witnessed and that was enough to help her forget about the uncomfortableness of the hard floor she chose to sit on.

     When Carmilla sat her pad down, she didn’t let Laura see the finished product.  Not at first anyway.  Instead, she stretched out her back, eliciting a few pops of her spine, cracked her knuckles and tore out a new page before telling Laura she could move.  Laura was confused at first, but she stood and did the same thing Carmilla did only seconds before and lifted her arms above her head and stretched out her sore muscles.  She cracked her back with a few quick twists of her body before she bent her body over to the right side, then the left, then forward to reach her toes.  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Carmilla scribbling furiously at the blank page in front of her with what looked like a fresh piece of charcoal, in her hand.  Laura didn’t really know what she was doing, but every few seconds Carmilla would glance up, only to quickly glance back down and continue scribbling away.  When Laura stopped stretching and began to replace her discarded clothing, Carmilla halted her hand and began to pack up.  When she was finished and Laura was fully clothed, Carmilla looked up to find a curious eyebrow watching her to which she simply shrugged and claimed it was for ‘ _figure studies_ ’, which apparently was just as important as the actual artwork.

* * *

 

     With dinner approaching and no real food in the house, Laura suggested the _brilliant_ idea of going grocery shopping.  Carmilla was not a fan, but Laura made a promise to put away all the groceries and Carmilla couldn’t really argue with that.

     Carmilla was on a mission the minute they stepped foot in the grocery store.  That mission being: get everything they needed in the shortest amount of time possible.  Laura had other plans.

     “Laura, I swear to whatever almighty power is up there, if you do not quit hitting me with that sword, I will break it in half and make you pay for it.”

     Laura immediately ceased her tirade of good natured assaults to the back of Carmilla’s head and shoulder and held the styrofoam sword behind her back while she made sure to plaster the most innocent smile she could muster, on her face.  Carmilla glared at the smaller girl from over her shoulder for good measure before turning back to the obvious, more important task at hand: picking cereals.  She spotted a box of _Lucky Charms_ on the top shelf and went to grab it, but before she even had time to extend her arm fully, a loud smack echoed through the aisle and a sharp sting radiated throughout her right asscheek, eliciting a yelp from the brunette.

     “ _Laura_!”

     Carmilla immediately spun around, her hands shielding her butt from any further attacks, shooting daggers where Laura was standing with her hands over her mouth, covering her look of complete shock and amusement and muffling her giggling.  To Laura’s left was a small boy, probably around the age of five, the styrofoam sword at his side and holding his free hand out to Laura expectantly.  With her eyes still on Carmilla, Laura slowly took a folded up five dollar bill out of her back pocket and placed it gently into the open palm of the five year old.  He immediately snatched the bill from Laura’s grasp and took off down the aisle at a sprint and around the corner, sword still in his hand.  Carmilla could only watch, dumbfounded, as Laura shrugged before skipping the remaining distance between her and Carmilla, placed a quick kiss to the corner of Carmilla’s agape mouth, and grabbed the shopping cart and the box of _Lucky Charms_ before continuing down the aisle.

     “Where did you even- How...?  I turned my back for two seconds!”

     Laura only laughed as she placed two more boxes of cereal into the cart.

     For the rest of the shopping trip, Carmilla made sure Laura was in her line of sight at all times.  They made it out of the store in a little under two hours with everything they needed on their list and probably more sweets than was necessary for two people.

* * *

 

     Laura made pizza for dinner.  Some type of vegetarian pizza of her own creation, stacked with goat cheese, figs, pears, and some homemade dressing.  It was good, sure, but after managing to put Carmilla’s bed frame together and putting new sheets on the mattress, and only getting 15 minutes into the first episode of season two of Doctor Who, Carmilla’s stomach started making weird noises.  Halfway through the same episode, Laura groaned in disgust and threw a hand over her nose and mouth before burying her face in one of the extra pillows that littered bed.  Laura blamed the dogs the first, second, and even the third time it happened.  The fourth time it happened, however, she heard it.  Mostly because she was laying with her head on Carmilla’s stomach and mere seconds before, it gargled.  Laura immediately jumped up from where she was laying, so she was kneeling on the bed, and backhanded Carmilla in the shoulder.

     “ _Carmilla_ , seriously?!  My head was right there!”

     Carmilla just shrugged and laughed at the look of pure disgust on Laura’s face while she tried to plug her nose and breathe from her mouth simultaneously.

     “You’re the one that fed me, Creampuff.”

     Laura groaned and continued to hold her hand to her nose.  She couldn’t really argue with that.  She paused the show that was still playing on the laptop on Carmilla’s thighs and bounded out of the room.  The second Laura reached the hallway, she sucked in as much fresh air as she could, making sure to be as overly dramatic as possible.  Carmilla still hadn’t moved from her position in the bed as she watched Laura with an amused expression plastered across her face and a roll of her eyes.

     “I’m not coming back in there until you get it out of your system and I’m no longer at risk of dying from toxic gas fumes!”

     Carmilla could only laugh.

     “It’s safe, don’t worry.  I don’t even smell anything.”

     That was a lie.

     Laura eyed Carmilla skeptically before taking a cautious step past the threshold of the bedroom and made a show out of sniffing the air.  After deeming it breathable and toxic-fart-fume free, Laura slowly made her way back towards the bed where her eyes caught the slightest twitch of Carmilla’s hips.  Laura narrowed her eyes, making severe eye contact with her girlfriend.

     “What are you doing?”

     Carmilla’s smile widened as Laura faltered in her steps slightly.

     “Nothing.”

     If possible, Laura’s eyes narrowed even further and the second she reached the bed, she was met with, a low, but unmistakable stream of air, followed by an awful, pungent smell and Carmilla’s cackling.

     “Carmilla _Karnstein_!”

     Laura couldn’t help but laugh and climb into bed anyway, because if she was being honest, she had gas just as bad.

* * *

 

     Laura fell asleep sometime during the fourth episode of _Doctor Who_.  Her head was lodged in the crook of Carmilla’s neck and everytime Laura took a breath, it warmed Carmilla’s skin just under her ear, eliciting goosebumps with every exhale, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.  In fact, it was quite the opposite.

     Carmilla fell asleep soon after with her hand in Laura’s mane of hair and a small, tired smile on her face.

* * *

 

**_le 12 avril_ **

     The next morning came with not-so-quiet beeping from an overly obnoxious moving truck backing up the driveway of the house.  Carmilla was not amused.  More than anything, all she wanted was _one day_ to peacefully sleep until noon, or later (most likely later), with Laura in her arms.  Clearly today was not that day.

     Laura opted to take care of the dogs and feed them their breakfast, while Carmilla dealt with the men carrying a stark white grand piano down a ramp attached to the moving truck.  Carmilla’s stomach bottomed out the second she saw it.  She despised the damned thing.  As beautiful as it was, it also brought with it more than a few memories of her mother that she would have rather kept buried for the rest of eternity.  Memories that filled Carmilla’s “dream” journal.  There was no way she was letting that thing be moved into her home.

     “Woah, woah, _woah_.  May I ask what you think you’re doing?”

     The men carrying the piano paused immediately and looked up at Carmilla’s outburst and hasty exit of the house.  They each wore confused looks as they set the piano down at the end of the ramp to give Carmilla their full attention.  One of the men took a small notepad from his back pocket and read it over quickly before returning his gaze to Carmilla.

     “I’m sorry, are you not Miss Karnstein?”

     “Oh, no, I am.  I just don’t want that thing-”

     Laura chose that moment to walk out the front door.

     “Woah, Carm, isn’t that your-”

     “Unfortunately.  Sorry, boys, but you can take that thing right back up the ramp and down the driveway and back to wherever you picked it up from.”

     The men simply stared at her, dumbfounded.

     “Uh, ma’am...this was sent here by a Matska Belmonde with strict instructions-”

     “Fucking Mattie,”

     Carmilla practically growled.  She was about to turn back to the house to retrieve her phone to call a certain _Matska Belmonde_ and give her a piece of her mind, but was stopped by Laura’s hand on her shoulder.

     “Carm-”

     “I fucking hate that thing,” Carmilla whined.

     “It’s a piano, Carmilla.  What could it have possibly done to you.  You used to play it all the time!”

     “ _No_ , my mother used to _make_ me play it all the time.”

     “It’s a piano…”

     “I am aware, Cupcake.”

     “No, I mean, it’s _just_ a piano.  Albeit, a very expensive, elegant piano, but still _just a piano_ that your sister obviously wants you to have.”

     “Well, I don’t _want_ it.”

     There was a pause in the conversation as Laura tried to catch Carmilla’s eye.

     “You don’t hate the piano, Carmilla.  You hate that you associate your mother with it.  I know you.  You would rather, I don’t know, lie in a bathtub full of spiders than have anything that reminds you of your mother in our house.”  Carmilla scoffed, Laura chuckled.  “See?  Plus, if I remember correctly, you’re actually pretty fantastic at it and I _happen_ to find it quite attractive...”

     Carmilla finally managed to look up at Laura, only to find her smirking at her.  Carmilla rolled her eyes.

     “Oh, _really_?  Flattery, Cupcake?  You know me too well...Fine.”  Carmilla turned back to the men at the end of the ramp in the driveway.  “You can put it in the foyer, boys.”

     Grabbing Laura by the hand, Carmilla led the two of them back into the house.  Maybe having the piano on the house wasn’t that big a deal, but it was sure going to take more than a little flattery from her girlfriend to actually get her to play it.

* * *

 

     That afternoon, after the men had successfully placed the piano in the foyer of the house, Laura decided it would be a good idea to “get to know the neighborhood” and took her bike out for a ride.  Carmilla decided she had already gotten to know the neighborhood enough on her run the previous morning and opted to stay home and cash in her promise to herself to start training the dogs.  She was outside in the dog run with a pocket full of treats and both dogs at her feet.

     It was going about as well as she expected it would.  She wasn’t even an hour in and she was already done.

     “Finnegan, sit down!  No!   _Sitz_ !  On your _ass_ , you little- that’s not _sitting_ , Finn!  Your brother knows what _sitz_ means!  Doc, _sitz_.  See!”

     Carmilla gestured wildly at Doc who had been sitting patiently for the past ten minutes while Carmilla tried to teach Finn simple commands in German.  She went over sit, down, stand, stay, and come at least once before she started getting fed up.  Fortunately, her phone rang from her leather jacket pocket before she managed to cut the training session short on her own.

     It was Laura’s contact that was lighting up her phone screen, with a picture of her and the two dogs.  Wasting no time, Carmilla slid her thumb across the screen, answering the call, and put her phone to her ear.

     “Hey Sunshine, on your way back from ‘ _getting to know the neighborhood_ ’?”

     There was a pause and a sniffle on the other end of the line.  Carmilla’s face dropped.

    “Laura?”

     “Well, I _wa_ \--was on my way back…”

     Immediately, Carmilla heard the crack in her voice, followed by another small sniffle.

     “What’s wrong?”

     Carmilla was already putting the dogs back in the house and into their kennel before Laura even had time to answer.

     “Cupcake-?”

     “Can you come and get me?”

     Carmilla didn’t hesitate.

     “Of course, where are you?”

     She was already grabbing her keys from the counter and making her way down the basement stairs to the garage before Laura mumbled the crossroads she was at and the way she took to get there.  Carmilla made Laura stay on the phone with her until she pulled up to the park entrance that Laura was at.  It didn’t take long to find her.

     “Cupcake, what are you doing on the ground?”

     Carmilla smirked as she got out of her car to stand in front of Laura where she was sitting on the curb on the side of the road, her bike lying next to her, the front wheel bent at an almost 90 degree angle.  There were twigs coming out of the girl’s lopsided helmet and there were leaves stuck in her hair.  Carmilla noticed a couple of scratches on Laura’s left cheek and nose and a larger scrape on her chin and the palms of her hands, as well as her elbows.  Laura was sporting a very profound pout as she looked up at Carmilla through her eyelashes.

     “I may or may not have ran into a curb and crashed my bike into a bush because I got distracted by a dog in the dog park and wasn’t looking where I was going…”

     Carmilla tried not to laugh.  She really did, but the situation was just so _Laura_ that she couldn’t help it when a snicker bubbled up out of her throat and she snorted.  Laura’s pout only deepened.  She clearly didn’t find her situation as amusing.

     “Carm, it’s not funny!  It was a cute dog...And I think I’m _concussed_!”

     “Babe, I hardly think-”

     “ _Carmilla_.”

     “Okay, okay.  I’ll take you to the urgent care down the road and we’ll get some ice cream or something after.  That okay?”

     Carmilla took a seat on the curb next to Laura and examined the damage.  On the surface it looked like she would just need to clean out the scrapes, but she wasn’t going to argue any further with the girl.  It couldn’t help to get her checked out by a medical professional.  Carmilla, very gently, placed a kiss to Laura’s unscraped cheek and unbuckled her helmet before carefully pulling twigs and leaves from her girlfriend’s hair.  When she was sure Laura was leaf-free, Carmilla helped her into the passenger seat and put her bike and helmet into the back seat before she got into the driver’s seat and pulled away from the curb, trying with every last fiber of her being to not glance back at the bush with a Laura-sized hole in it.

* * *

 

     As it turned out, Laura did have a concussion, albeit a very mild one, but a concussion nonetheless.  Carmilla ended up getting her multiple tubs of the most chocolatey ice cream the local grocery store had, along with a bouquet of lilies and a stuffed bear half the size of Laura because why the Hell not.  Laura thought she was sappier than a Canadian maple tree, but it didn’t really phase her when the end result was Laura’s face lighting up like a child’s on christmas morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was getting a lot of people wondering if I was going to update this soon and I already had most of it written so I typed the last bit out real quick and here you go. Sorry if it's not up to par.
> 
> My tumblr is:  
> http://no-pantsparty.tumblr.com/


	13. vaincre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla and Laura FINALLY get to unpacking their shit and there’s dancing involved. Then they (Laura) think it’d be a good idea to have a housewarming party and they get the dimwit squad back together and have a few nights of fun, resulting in a mostly innocent lover’s quarrel (or multiple) and a bet.
> 
> TW: Swearing, mentions of past abuse, drinking (let me know if I need to add anymore)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote 90% of the epilogue before this because why do things chronologically? I don’t. But anyway, holy shit is it long. I think you’ll like it, though. It’s disgustingly sweet. With that being said, there is still a chapter after this one, before you actually get the epilogue, that I still have to work on and who knows how long that’ll take. Sorry! At least I’m consistently inconsistent?

**_le 22 avril_ **

     Carmilla hated packing, but she absolutely _loathed_ unpacking.  The only thing making the seemingly asinine feat doable, was Laura dancing to “American Woman” in a loose grey tank top and a pair of _Harry Potter_ boxer shorts.  Her hair was tied up in a messy bun on top of her head and she had a can of Grape Soda in her hand and a goofy smile on her face as she belted out the words to the song at Doc who ran in circles around her feet.  Carmilla was nursing a beer and occasionally yelled out the lyrics to the parody, “Canadian Woman” instead, leaving Laura in a fit of giggles and Carmilla with a huge smile on her face every time, without fail.

     Carmilla had to admit that life was good.  Life was going well. She had the girl of her dreams, she was happy, her _girl_ was happy.  Up until then, the road was bumpy, but she didn’t think she’d take any of it back.  They were closer now than they ever had been and that feeling was new, but not unwelcomed.  She felt like she knew Laura, but in a different way than she did growing up.  Back then, it had been slow and steady and neither girl was sure whether they wanted to risk their friendship for a less platonic relationship.  Of course they had, when they got together after prom, but they were only together for a few months before Carmilla was forced to leave, forcing a gorge the size of the Grand Canyon between them.  But they took the leap, met each other halfway and now, here they were, living together as a couple, with two dogs that might as well be considered the equivalent of toddlers and doing _adult_ things.

     When the song ended, a new one began.  One that neither girl had heard in years, mostly because they refused to listen to it.  And for good reason.  It was _their_ song.  “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls.

     The beginning chords drawn from the guitar made Carmilla’s smile fall from her face almost immediately.  She quickly got up from her spot on the floor, sliding Finn from her lap and onto the carpeting underneath her and went to go change the song, but before she could even get up to her full height, Laura grabbed her wrist and held her in place.

     “Leave it on.”  Laura’s voice was soft when she spoke.  Carmilla was slightly surprised, she didn’t think Laura would be okay with it, after everything.

     “Really?”

     “It’s a good song,” Laura shrugged.

     “It doesn’t bring up bad memories?”  Carmilla’s voice didn’t sound her own.  It was small and full of guilt, but Laura was smiling softly at her and had intertwined their fingers and Carmilla instantly relaxed, the guilt washing away with her anxiety.

     “Of course, but it also makes me remember all the good ones.”

     Carmilla nodded, her eyes locked with Laura’s.  She knew what Laura meant, she didn’t have to ask which memories she was referring to.  Carmilla cleared her throat and held out her free hand, taking Laura’s half-full pop can and placing it on the coffee table next to them before she took Laura’s now free hand and guided Laura’s arms around to the back of her neck.

     “Well, in that case... may I have this dance, Miss Hollis?”  Carmilla smirked, making Laura giggle before she nodded politely.

     “You may, Miss Karnstein.”

     They danced like that for a while, swaying gently back and forth with Laura’s hands locked behind Carmilla’s neck, massaging the muscle there with her thumbs, Carmilla’s hands gripping Laura’s hips, her thumbs drawing small circles on the soft, exposed skin where Laura’s tank top had ridden up.  Their foreheads were together, eyes closed, just breathing each other in and enjoying each other’s presence in the other’s arms.  When the song picked up, Carmilla made sure to gently twirl Laura in front of her before bringing her back to her chest.  Laura let her arms fall to Carmilla’s shoulders then slowly down her chest where she tucked them in between her and Carmilla’s bodies.  Carmilla hugged her closer, her hands gripping the back of Laura’s tank top as Laura’s hands bunched Carmilla’s hoodie in her fist where she held it, letting her head fall to rest on Carmilla’s chest, over her heart.  They didn’t hear the song change to “Sink or Swim” by Lewis Watson, or “Saturn” by Sleeping at Last.  They didn’t care about the mess they made on the floor where several boxes were torn open, their contents haphazardly placed onto the carpet around them.  They were focused solely on each other.  The only thing that forced them out of their trance, was the incessant barking of Finn at the basement stairs because he had to go out.

     It took a while, but Carmilla eventually got Finn to listen to her for the most part and she even taught him a few commands without having a fit.  Doc was a natural when it came to learning and it was much less stressful teaching him things like _stay_ or _roll over_ , or how to ring the bell Carmilla tied to the basement doorknob and quietly sit by the door if he needed to go to the bathroom.  Finn got the door part, but still didn’t quite get the concept of _not_ barking, or ringing the bell for that matter.

     Carmilla groaned when Finn barked again and this time jumped up to scratch at the basement door.  She reluctantly let go of Laura before the pup could do any real damage, but not before smiling down at her girlfriend and placing a gentle kiss to her hairline.  While Carmilla let the dogs out, Laura went back to unpacking, this time to the sounds of Amy Winehouse.  She moved the last of the empty boxes over to the growing pile by the front door to make room for the last couple of full boxes before she grabbed her father’s pocket knife and carefully cut the tape on the small box she sat in front of her.  It was a box her brother dropped off from their childhood home, filled with things from her old bedroom.  She laughed, having an idea as to what would be in it.

     She was right.  The box was filled with stacks of countless pictures from elementary school, high school, early college years, and the summers in between, some in frames, others simply held together by rubber bands.  There were yearbooks dating back to preschool under her high school graduation cap and gown that was folded around her multicolored cords and framed awards.  Shoved into a corner was her old soccer uniform and cleats covering a signed jersey with her number _‘13’_ on it from when she scored the game winning goal and Carmilla’s dad made everyone on the team sign her jersey for her.  Carmilla’s name was written the largest, under her own and in the center, as if it was the only name that mattered.  To Laura, it was.

     Lying at the bottom of the box, were copies of every school newspaper that she was published in and thrown amongst the chaos were pieces Laura’s old camera that she threw against the wall in her bedroom and destroyed in a blind rage barely a month after Carmilla left.  She placed that off to the side, knowing she should throw it away, but not being able to just yet.  The last thing in the box was a blanket that her mother knit herself while she was pregnant with Laura, made with scrap pieces of yarn that were coming unraveled in some places.  For years, its home was the foot of her bed or the back of the rocking chair in the corner of her bedroom.

     Carmilla came back up the stairs with the two pups in her arms to find Laura sitting on the couch, her old blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and going through piles of pictures from a box on the floor.

     “What are those?”

     Laura looked up at the sound of Carmilla’s voice and laughed sadly.

     “Pictures from high school.  I forgot I had all of these.  My dad never missed an opportunity to document something, that’s for sure.”

     Carmilla sat down next to Laura on the couch and placed Doc into Laura’s lap before lying Finn down in hers with a chew toy and grabbed a stack of photos from Laura’s offering hand.  She began to flip through them.  A lot were from their senior trip, when they went on a cruise to the Bahamas with Mr. Hollis and Noah.  Her and Laura stayed in their own room on the ship next to Mr. Hollis’ and Noah’s room and ate ice cream after midnight most nights when Laura’s dad was already asleep.  One day, early in the trip, Laura got seasick and Mr. Hollis gave her something to settle her stomach that knocked her out for nearly 18 hours.  Carmilla managed to get a picture of her sleeping in their shared bed, her mouth wide open, hair splayed out all over the pillow, and snoring quietly.  Carmilla spent a majority of that day in the library playing chess with a man that could’ve been considered her grandfather and reading the ship’s collection of books.  On the last day of the trip, Carmilla fell asleep lying out by the pool on the back deck of the ship and her back got so burnt that she looked like she’d have been able to blend in with a pod of lobsters.  Laura made sure to get a picture of that.  Most of the pictures were of the two of them together or individually, some with Noah or Mr. Hollis, but mostly it was just the two of them being carefree and young.  In the same stack, there were photos from prom and their high school graduation.

     The pile of pictures Laura was looking through were all from the class that she took with Carmilla the summer after they graduated.  A majority of the photos were all black and white candid shots of the girl that was currently sitting to her right.  There were a few shots of the forest near their elementary school and the playground before it was rebuilt after she went off to college.  Some were of her dad in his uniform, or sitting in his recliner in the living room with a beer in one hand and the television remote in the other, laughing at whatever stupid joke was said.  There were a few of Noah and the Hollis family at their cabin in Newfoundland, secluded by snow covered trees.  She even kept the film that Carmilla left undeveloped in the back room of the classroom.  She never looked at it and instead, left the film in an envelope, thinking it’d be a breach of privacy if she were to develop them herself or simply hold the roll up to a light and look out of curiosity.

     “We were so young,” Laura murmured, mostly to herself, but Carmilla still heard.

     “We were 17, Cupcake.  I would hope we’ve grown up since then,” Carmilla tried to joke.  Laura lightly slapped her arm.

     “You know what I mean.”  Carmilla simply nodded her head with a slight smile and continued flipping through the stack of photos in her hands from graduation.  She stopped on a picture of her and Laura outside the church they graduated in.  Laura was on her back, one of her arms wrapped tightly around Carmilla’s neck, while the other was held high in the air, holding her graduation cap, her head back, eyes closed, and mouth open in a silent laugh.  Carmilla had one arm underneath the girl on her back and one holding her graduation cap on her head, her attention focused on Laura above her, a wide smile on her face.  Then she remembered the box she brought back with her from her mother’s house.

     “Wait.  This reminds me…”

     “About?”  Carmilla chuckled, but placed the pictures in her hand down onto the coffee table before sliding Finn to the floor and getting up, making her way to the basement stairs.

     “When I went back to my mother’s house that night...Will wanted me to fix his car...which I never finished, but anyway, I stopped and got a few of my things before mother used them for kindling.  I’ll be right back.”  Carmilla practically ran down the basement steps while Laura watched her, dumbfounded, the pictures that were previously in her hand, lying forgotten on the coffee table next to the ones Carmilla was looking at.  Carmilla returned not long later with a box that was falling apart and looked vaguely familiar to Laura.

     “Remember this?”

     Carmilla ungracefully plopped the dust covered box onto the couch next to Laura.  Laura just looked at it with a raised eyebrow until realization spread across her face accompanied by a small smile.

     “Holy crap sticks.  Is that what I think it is?”

     Carmilla laughed, but nodded and began to empty the contents of the box.  First, she pulled out the ancient Monopoly and Scrabble boxes and the dusty blankets from the attic.

     “Wow,” Laura laughed, taking the items from Carmilla’s arms.  “These blankets look like they’ve seen better days.”

     “At least the moths enjoyed them.”  Carmilla grabbed her camera and the pictures from the box next, placing them gently on the coffee table before removing her books and band shirts, leaving the journal for last and removing the box from her spot on the couch, taking a seat.  Laura had placed the board games on the floor at her feet with the blankets on top, the item in Carmilla’s hands having her full attention.

     “Is that your journal?”

     “Yup...”  Carmilla ran her finger over the faded leather on the front of the journal in her hands.

     “When was the last time you even wrote in that thing?”

     Carmilla didn’t answer right away, instead choosing to open it to the last page where she knew the loose piece of paper was tucked between the bonded sheets.  She pulled it out and held it in front of her, the journal placed gently in her lap when she practically whispered, “Prom.”  Laura didn’t say anything, she just silently stared at the folded piece of paper in Carmilla’s hands.  It took, what seemed like, minutes before Carmilla spoke again.  Her demeanor entirely changed.

     “Laura, I never wrote down the true extent of what really happened.  I always wrote the half-truth and hoped you never caught on.”  Carmilla let out a puff of air, resembling a sad laugh.  “Half of those entries weren’t even dreams…”  She trailed off with a furrowed brow.

     “Carm…”

     “No, listen.  When my mother found my dad that night...something broke in her.  I’m not saying that excuses her behavior, but it’s why she is the way she is, for the most part anyway, but honestly, part of me feels sorry for her.  She’s had to deal with seeing the love of her life dead, in her home, resting on her shoulders for the past almost seven years.  And she’s had to do it alone.  I don’t think I could-” Carmilla cut herself off and shook her head before she got too deep, and started again.  “I think I remind her of him and that’s why she treated me like she has.  Will looks like him, but his eyes are hers.  Not really sure how I missed that… But, I’m practically his spitting image, not to mention my love for books and Philosophy is all him.”

     They sat silent for a moment before Laura took Carmilla’s left hand in her own and sat so she was facing Carmilla, her legs tucked underneath her.  She took a deep breath before she spoke her next words.

     “Carm, I wasn’t as naïve as you thought I was.”

     Carmilla’s head whipped up from looking at the folded piece of paper in her hand to the small smile on Laura’s face.

     “What?”

     “Why do you think I was so adamant on turning whatever you wrote in that thing into the happiest stories I could come up with?”  Carmilla simply shrugged.  Laura continued.  “Of course, I wasn’t completely sure as to which ones were dreams and which were reality, but I knew at least _some_ of it was the truth.  I was an aspiring journalist for Pete’s sake.”  Carmilla let a small smile form on her lips, her gaze still directed towards her lap.  “And Carm, I saw the bruises.  No matter how hard you tried to hide them.  I saw them.  I just figured you would tell me the truth when you felt comfortable enough.”

     Carmilla nodded, trying not to make eye contact with the girl watching her so intensely.  Laura knew.  Not the full extent, but she knew something.  And she tried to help in whatever ways she could.  Suddenly Carmilla’s heart felt heavier, but it was a good feeling and she welcomed it.

     “I want to tell you now.”

     Laura nodded her head and squeezed Carmilla’s hand, waiting patiently for Carmilla to tell her what was probably the most difficult four years of her life in one go.  Carmilla finally looked into Laura’s eyes.  They were the color of honey and gold flecks bordered the dark of her irises.  Instantly, a feeling of intense calm washed over Carmilla’s entire body and she knew she could do this.  Laura needed to know and she was finally ready.  So, Carmilla handed Laura the piece of paper she had been holding with as much confidence as she could muster.  Laura took the paper with eager hands and with a last glance at Carmilla, she unfolded the paper and began reading, Carmilla watching her face for any slight change in emotion.

     It took Laura an hour to read the 8.5 x 11 piece of notebook paper that was covered, top to bottom, in Carmilla’s loose script.  She read it the first time carefully, not wanting to miss anything.  She wanted to feel Carmilla’s emotion through her words and she wanted to know what she had gone through at such a young age.  And she did.  But it wasn’t until the fourth or fifth time that she read it that she began to feel hot tears running down her cheeks.  She hadn’t known it was that bad, or that the abuse went on from when they were freshmen to even now.  The journal only covered the four years they were in high school.  Laura wondered what the woman Carmilla called her mother put her through in the years before that or even the three years after that, when they didn’t exist, physically, in each other’s lives and Carmilla’s mother practically controlled everything in the woman’s life.

     Laura was appalled, outraged, confused, yet everything that happened after their senior prom now made so much more sense.  The week Carmilla took off of school and barely texted Laura, the way Carmilla acted differently when she was with Laura in public and at school, the way she constantly flinched away from Laura’s touch.  All because of her mother.  It wasn’t Laura’s fault like she thought.  She was also slightly baffled at the fact that Carmilla’s mother didn’t believe that Carmilla was gay.  Or she didn’t _want_ to believe.  Especially after they were caught practically dry humping each other against the front door.  It only took a few months after that for Carmilla to officially come out and even then, her mother tried to convince her it was ‘ _just a phase_ ’.

     When Laura finally folded the piece of paper back up and placed it calmly back into Carmilla’s journal, she was livid.  She wasn’t exactly seeing red, but she might as well have been.  Carmilla didn’t deserve that.  She didn’t deserve her only parent to show her so much hatred and disdain over something as simple as loving another woman, or take the sorrow and sadness of seeing her love lifeless in front of her out on her _child_ in more ways than just physical abuse.  Laura wanted to yell, she wanted to drive over to that witch’s house and scream at her until her throat felt raw and her voice was hoarse, but she also knew she couldn’t.  Like Carmilla said, she felt slightly sorry for her.  So, as calmly as she could, Laura stood up from the couch, gently squeezed Carmilla’s hand in her own, placed a gentle kiss to Carmilla’s head, and walked quietly down to the end of the hall to the empty room in between the future office space and Carmilla’s small studio.  She locked the door and didn’t even bother turning on the light as she sat down in the center of the room and just breathed.  She breathed like she was taught in her yoga classes and took what she read on meditation to heart.  She focused all the anger and rage boiling inside of her to one spot in her body and focused on pushing it out.  She needed to clear her head and calm down.

     Back in the living room, Carmilla was frozen on the couch.  She figured Laura would need some time to process what she had read, but she hadn’t expect her to just get up and walk away, as if in a trance.  Carmilla had heard Laura lock the door behind her, but other than that, there was no sound.  The house was eerily quiet, even with the music quietly playing in the background, and it left Carmilla with an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.  Laura wasn’t one to just be silent.  She was vocal and expressive and anything but what she just witnessed.  She wasn’t sure what to think.  To drown out the noise, or lack thereof, Carmilla turned the music off and turned the TV on low to a local news station before busying herself with the last couple of boxes and placing items around the house where she thought they might go.  It wasn’t as fun as it had been, but it distracted her enough from her own thoughts that she actually made a noticeable bit of progress.  When she came to Laura’s busted camera on the coffee table, a pang of an uncomfortable _something_ racked through her chest.  Laura loved that camera, it was an exact replica of the one her mother gave her when she was incredibly young, and it was smashed to pieces as if it was thrown or hit multiple times with something hard enough to break through the plastic.  Carmilla gently picked it up with the rest of the pictures and her camera and took it into the future office, setting it all down carefully on the only piece of furniture in the room before she made her way back to the living room to continue the task at hand.

     It wasn’t until nearly an hour later that Laura finally exited the empty room and made her way into the bathroom without a glance in Carmilla’s direction.  Carmilla heard the water turn on for the shower shortly after the door closed and the lock clicked.  Carmilla managed to get the kitchen organized in the time it took Laura to shower and change and when she came back out, in her father’s oversized soccer coach hoodie, with the name ‘ _Coach Hollis_ ’ on the back, and a pair of sweats with her wet hair tied into a bun, Carmilla noticed her eyes were red rimmed like she had been crying.  Carmilla was sitting on the couch, barely paying attention to the TV, her leg bouncing out of nervous habit as she clutched onto the remote like a lifeline.

     Laura wordlessly took a seat next to Carmilla on the couch and drew her girlfriend as close to her as she could.  Carmilla was a little shocked at first, but didn’t protest and instead let herself relax into the embrace with a sigh and indulged in the comfort of Laura’s breath on her neck and her hand rubbing circles into her back.  She eventually responded by wrapping her arms around Laura’s middle, holding tight to the fabric under her palms.  The only words Laura spoke, were “I’m here.”  Just once and just a whisper into Carmilla’s hair, but it was enough.

     Carmilla decided it was only fair that she made dinner that night, considering Laura made it the night before.  Laura kept busy by moving furniture around the living room and ridding the dining table of years of dust and dead ladybugs, the 7 o’clock news playing in the background.  Carmilla sent Laura downstairs to the wine cellar with a request to find a bottle of red wine when she started to hover around the kitchen out of boredom.  Carmilla stayed at the stove top, stirring the spaghetti sauce she carefully perfected over the three years she spent in Paris.  It was the only dish she knew how to make, other than Kraft Mac & Cheese and PB&J, but it was pretty damn good.  She had a small pot of noodles boiling on another burner and a thin loaf of bread toasting in the oven with fresh, chopped garlic and olive oil spread over the top.  By the time Laura came back up from the basement with the pups in tow, the noodles were done and Carmilla was taking the bread out of the oven.

     “I don’t know anything about wine, but you said a dry red and this sounded pretty fancy, so...”  Laura was staring at the bottle in her hand as she made her way into the kitchen.  Carmilla took the bottle of wine and read the label.

     “ _Montepulciano d’Abruzzo_.  Not a bad choice.”  Carmilla placed a quick kiss to Laura’s lips before putting the wine bottle down on the counter and searching for a corkscrew through the unorganized drawers to the left of the stove.  “Could you set the table and I’ll pour us a couple glasses?  This sauce is pretty much done.  Just a few more minutes.”

     “Aye, aye, Captain.”  Laura mock saluted before turning on her heel and grabbing two plates from the cupboard above her head and bringing them to the kitchen table.

     “Dork,” Carmilla mumbled with a roll of her eyes.  She wasn’t expecting a slightly moist finger in her ear as a response just as she was grabbing a pair of wine glasses for her and Laura.  She nearly dropped them in her attempt to quickly wipe Laura’s spit from the inside of her ear with her shoulder.  “Laura Eileen _Hollis_!  You did _not_ just give me a wet willy.”  Laura simply smiled sweetly, her hands clasped in front of her, and shrugged.

     “I think I did...Carmilla ‘ _I Have No Middle Name Because My Parents Thought It Was Cool_ ’ Karnstein.”  Carmilla couldn’t fight the smile that began to creep its way onto her face as she shook her head.  Instead of hiding it, she used uncorking the wine as an excuse to turn back to the counter where she gently placed the two glasses before she actually _did_ drop them.

     “Real mature, _Pop tart_.”  Carmilla grabbed the corkscrew from where she previously placed it and screwed it into the cork of the wine bottle.  She heard Laura scoff behind her and if she turned around, she was certain she would find her with her hands on her hips and a pout on her face.

     “ _Excuse_ you, I am the _epitome_ of maturity.”  Laura’s voice was an octave higher than normal and Carmilla barely held in her laughter.

     “Maybe compared to a 13 year old boy,” she grunted, trying to hold the bottle of wine in between her thighs while simultaneously pulling at the corkscrew with both of her hands.

     “Are you comparing me to a 13 year old boy?”  Carmilla could hear the amusement in her voice and smirked as the cork popped from the bottle.  She carefully pulled it from her thighs and began pouring it into the glasses, stopping just below the rim.

     “You definitely have the sex drive of one,” Carmilla mumbled, still smirking.  It was a couple silent seconds before Laura answered.

     “...And that’s a bad thing because...?”  Carmilla turned around and handed Laura her glass before taking a slow sip from her own and stepping into Laura’s space.

     “Oh, I didn’t say it was.”  It was Laura’s turn to roll her eyes as she placed a gentle hand to Carmilla’s chest, effectively stopping her _not-so-subtle_ sexual advances before they went too far down that road and weren’t able to stop.

     “Okay, _Lady Killer_ , your sauce is going to burn.”  At that, Carmilla’s eyes went wide and she immediately spun around, placing her wine glass on the counter, and turned the burner off that the sauce pan was on as she hastily moved it to a cooled burner, nearly dropping it when the hot steam and a drop of the sauce burned her skin.  She gasped at the pain before a string of incoherent ramblings fell from her mouth.

     “Oi, _merde!  Fils de pute!  Merde, merde, merde!  Zut!  Vous faites le dîner à partir de maintenant, j’ai fini.  Fini!  Sauf si vous êtes d'accord avec manger des céréales pour le dîner tous les deux jours ou embaucher un chef.  J’ai fini._ ”  Laura stood, completely frozen, in front of where Carmilla was turned around, gesturing angrily with her hands at nothing in particular.  She knew Carmilla _knew_ French, she knew she lived in France for a time, she knew she had a French girlfriend at one point, but she didn’t know Carmilla was completely fluent in the language.  Or that she could be so incredibly attractive while very obviously pissed off.  Carmilla was muttering to herself at the sink now, running cold water over her wrist.  Laura had to force herself to focus for two seconds on the fact that Carmilla just got _burned_ and not on the feeling of whatever was going on deep in her stomach at Carmilla’s sudden bout of angry French in a practically native accent. She always did have a knack for foreign languages.  “... _J'essayais juste de faire quelque chose de bien pour ma petite amie parce que c'est ce que les copines font, mais non!  Je ne peux même pas faire ce droit.  Merde-_ ”

    Laura cautiously put a hand on Carmilla’s shoulder, effectively bringing her back to the present.  Carmilla was pouting, her head bowed over the sink as the water from the faucet continued to pour over her wrist and down her hand.  She watched it flow with a stare that burned with an intense fire as if she had a personal vendetta against water.  Laura squeezed her shoulder gently before moving to rest her arms loosely around her girlfriend’s waist, her chin softly placed on Carmilla’s shoulder.

     “Babe, I have no idea what you just said, and I’m honestly not sure I want to, but your sauce is fine and it smells delicious, so if you’re done cursing the existence of the contents of that pan, then we should eat it because I’m starving.”

     Carmilla managed a chuckle before letting herself relax back into Laura.

     “Sorry, I wanted to do something nice and when you said the sauce was burning, I-.”

     Carmilla shook her head, her face heating up.  She didn’t mean to lose it like she did, she just wanted everything to be perfect because she didn’t do things like make dinner for her significant other very often, in fact she could count the amount of times she had on one hand.

     “Hey, it’s okay.  I’d honestly eat it if it was black and charred, but thankfully for my taste buds, it is not.  It’s perfect.”

     “You haven’t even tried it yet,” Carmilla scoffed, turning off the running water and grabbing a hand towel from next to the sink, turning around in Laura’s arms.

     “Well, it smells amazing.  Now, come on, get your wine, pour the sauce over the noodles, and let’s eat.”  She let her arms drop from their hold on Carmilla’s waist as she backed up to finish her task of grabbing silverware and placing them at the kitchen table.  Carmilla joined her a couple minutes later with a small pot of cooked noodles covered in a light red sauce with a few green leaves sitting in it in one hand and two glasses of wine in the other, with the bottle tucked under her arm.  She had to make an extra trip for the garlic bread, and quickly threw a salad together, but she managed it well and Laura commented again on how perfect everything was.

     The rest of dinner went by without any more outbursts.  They finished their helpings, Laura going back for seconds before she even managed to finish her first, before they made their way to the couch in front of the TV where the evening news was still playing, a bottle of wine in their systems and their glasses nearly empty.  Laura was watching the news, her head resting in Carmilla’s lap, with the dogs lying on the couch at her feet, as the older woman gently ran her fingers through her girlfriend’s hair, and her feet propped up on the coffee table in front of her.  A headline flashed across the screen that made Laura’s brows furrow in confusion, the glossy look in her eye prominent as Carmilla focused her gaze on the woman in her lap with a slight smirk.

     “The amount of effort you are exerting right now, Cupcake, is astonishing.”  Laura’s eyes looked up to meet Carmilla’s own, her eyebrows still drawn together in confusion.

     “I just don’t get it.”  It was Carmilla’s turn to be confused.

     “Get what, Cutie?”  Laura vaguely gestured toward the direction of the tv, her eyes leaving Carmilla’s to watch the video playing on a loop on the screen, the caption: “ _Cat Burglar Strikes Again, Maybe Closer to Home Than You Think”_ lighting up the bottom of the screen.  Carmilla raised an eyebrow at Laura in question.

     “Why would anyone want to steal a cat?  I mean, sure, they’re cute, but why do you need to steal them?  More importantly, what would they do with them once they steal them?  Do they just let them go?  Do they keep them?  If that’s the case, I’m sure the Cat Burglar could just find one on the street-”  By this point Carmilla was using all the strength and sobriety left in her body to try and not laugh at the very obviously drunk girl with a newfound passion for stolen cats.  “I wonder if they only steal kittens, or if they steal older cats as well.  Imagine being that cat’s owner!  What an asshole!  Who even does that?!”  She was getting fired up now and Carmilla couldn’t keep her snickers at bay any longer.  Her shoulders were visibly shaking with the effort it took not to burst out laughing.  She had to remove her hand from Laura’s hair to hide the smile on her face.  The reporter on the TV finished the report by reminding the town’s residents to lock their doors and windows and think about investing in a security system.  “Carm, we should put up cameras around the house, what if the Cat Burglar changes tactics and starts going after dogs next?”  That was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  Carmilla couldn’t hold it in any longer.  She was openly laughing like a child at her girlfriend’s expense.  And her girlfriend looked pissed.  “Why are you laughing?  This is serious, Carmilla!”  Carmilla stopped laughing long enough to get out a few words.

     “No, no, I know.  Except he’s not actually stealing _cats_ , Cutie.”  Carmilla started laughing again at the look on Laura’s face.

     “He’s literally a _cat_ burglar, Carmilla.”  Laura rolled her eyes at the woman above her and focused her attention back on the screen, hoping to get more details on the Cat Burglar story.

     “I think you need to look up what a cat burglar is, Sweetheart,” Carmilla replied through a smirk that Laura glared at.  She pulled her phone from the pocket of her hoodie and Carmilla watched in amusement as she quickly realized why Carmilla found the situation absolutely hilarious.  Laura felt her face heat up as she silently tucked her phone back into her pocket and turned her attention back to the news.  She barely managed to mutter an _‘oh’_ before Carmilla was laughing so hard her sides hurt.  Laura found herself only ignoring her for a few seconds before her face was so hot she figured someone could fry eggs on it.

     “I think I need to go sleep this wine off.”  She managed to stand up and made it two wobbly steps before Carmilla was behind her with a smirk on her lips, her hands on Laura’s hips helping to steady her on their way to their bedroom.

* * *

**_le 23 avril_ **

     Laura was up bright and early the next morning with a pot of coffee and a mug of hot chocolate made.  Carmilla didn’t wake up until it was almost noon, so she had the entire morning to clean the house up from the night before and get the office organized with what furniture they _did_ have.  She even put together the basement and found places for Carmilla’s artwork (the pieces that didn’t reveal the more intimate parts of Laura’s body, those she hung up in Carmilla’s mini studio along with the piece of Ell).  Looking at the almost finished product of their new house, an idea popped into Laura’s head.  She and Carmilla hadn’t been back to Silas since she left and they hadn’t seen their friends in weeks.  What better way to get the gang back together than with a housewarming party?  Carmilla probably wouldn’t be too thrilled, but she missed her friends and she needed a laid back weekend after the move and before the summer semester started and figured Carmilla wouldn’t argue with that logic.  With that in mind, Laura grabbed her laptop from the coffee table in the living room and began searching for things to do in the area.  She found a few noteworthy activities she could bring up before she found a furniture store nearby, along with multiple antique shops that she made note of for future reference.  She was looking online for furniture for the office and the guest bedrooms with a fresh mug of hot chocolate and enjoying the breeze from the open windows when Carmilla finally made her way downstairs with the dogs, an hour later.

     “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.”  Laura acknowledged, way too cheerfully for Carmilla so early in the afternoon.  Laura received a grunt in response from the disheveled woman making a beeline for the fridge.  “There’s reheated coffee in the pot and Aspirin next to your mug and bagels and cream cheese on the middle shelf of the fridge.”  Laura watched as Carmilla’s entire demeanor changed from tired grump to excited child.  Laura chuckled before going back to the task at hand, while Carmilla rummaged through the fridge and cupboards.

     “This is why I love you.”  Carmilla took her seat next to Laura, at the island in the middle of the kitchen, with her mug in one hand and two Aspirin capsules in the other and a paper plate with a cheese bagel on it.  She placed a chaste kiss to the corner of Laura’s mouth before tossing back the pills with a gulp of coffee.

     “Mmhmm,” Laura responded with a sip of her hot chocolate.  Carmilla paused with her bagel halfway to her mouth and turned to Laura with the most serious expression she could muster.

     “This among _many_ other reasons.”  Laura smirked before leaning over and kissing Carmilla on the cheek who smiled at the action.

     “I love you, too.  Hey, I was thinking-”

     “Uh oh.”  Laura playfully hit Carmilla in the side if the leg closest to her.

     “Shut up, this is a good idea.”

     “Oh, then please enlighten me.  So sorry for interrupting,” Carmilla smirked, taking a bite of her bagel.  Laura rolled her eyes before she continued.

     “What if we had a housewarming party?  And went out for the weekend?  I found a paintball place around here somewhere.  We could invite Laf and Perry, and Will and Mattie, if you want, and my friend Danny is really cool, and then there’s Kirsch, I think he’s actually friends with your brother…”  Laura looked to Carmilla hopefully when she didn’t say anything.  Maybe she should’ve eased into it a bit more instead of ripping off the band aid, but sometimes things worked out better that way, especially with Carmilla.  “I’ll make them bring gifts and alcohol,” Laura tried to make a deal with her, thinking she’d immediately shut the idea down.

     “Fine.”  Laura’s eyes lit up.

     “Wait, really?  That’s it?  I tell them all to bring gifts and alcohol and you’re in?”  Carmilla sighed, but shrugged.

     “As long as it's good alcohol.”

     “Yes!  I’ll start a group chat!”  Laura did a small victory dance in her chair while Carmilla rolled her eyes.  She was just hoping she wouldn’t regret this.

     While Laura fished her phone out of the pocket of her jeans and started adding people to her message, Carmilla took hers out and sent a quick text to Mattie and Will, warning them about Laura’s plans.  Will responded immediately with an overly enthusiastic _‘yes’_ , while Mattie declined the offer of paintball, but said she would be there for the party.  After several minutes of Laura furiously typing at her phone, she came to the conclusion that everyone was free a few weekends from then and relayed the information to Will and Mattie who both agreed on the date, as well.  Carmilla figured she had at least two weeks to mentally prepare for the chaos that was surely going to erupt that weekend.

     Laura spent those two weeks “getting the house ready”.  Those were her words for throwing printed out pieces of paper with pictures and prices of various furniture on them at Carmilla until they agreed on the items and color schemes for the office, Carmilla’s studio, the bedrooms, and even the bathrooms.  Laura kept herself busy, that’s for sure, but Carmilla knew she wouldn’t do it, so she let Laura take the reins and simply input her opinion where she figured it necessary.  She figured commenting on Laura’s need to give each room its own separate folder with paint swatches, furniture sets, and window treatments, was pointless.  By the time the weekend of the party rolled around, the bedrooms had at least beds and a dresser in them and the bathrooms on all three floors were finished (not that there was a whole lot that needed to be done).

* * *

**_le 6 mai_ **

     The weekend of the party arrived a lot faster than Carmilla had anticipated.  She wasted two weeks, hoping she could prepare herself for the day, but ultimately, running every other day with the dogs while Laura rode her bike beside her, reading or painting in the afternoons, and spending the evenings either on the couch watching Laura watch her shows or in their bed just _being_ with each other, Carmilla didn’t find any time to actually prepare and was caught off guard when Laura told her she had to be up and ready before one because they had to pick up Danny, Laf, and Perry at the train station at three.  Kirsch and Will ended up driving together in Kirsch’s truck and Mattie drove herself from the airport in a rental car.  Mattie was given a room for the night, along with Laf and Perry, and Danny.  Kirsch and Will decided they would take the basement, one sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag, the other on the couch, no one questioned it.

     The party officially began when Kirsch and Will, the last to arrive, finally found the place around 4:30.  Carmilla made sure to generously accept (with a warning from Laura, of course) everyone’s gifts and various bottles of booze while she took their coats and Laura led them through the house, the dogs never leaving Lafontaine’s side after their initial greeting.  There were snack bowls set out and glasses passed around and before the sun even started setting, everyone had a good buzz going.

     Carmilla was on her third rum and coke when Laf challenged her to a game of pool.  They grabbed Laura by the wrist, claiming her as their teammate, while Carmilla called Perry over to be hers.  Laf upped the stakes though, when they suggested that the loser do a body shot off of the winner on top of the bar.  Carmilla silently snickered behind the rim of her glass.  Watching Laura take a body shot off of her was going to be amusing.  Laura was never good at pool when they were kids, Carmilla always beat her, and if her instincts were right, Perry was surprisingly good at the game.  Carmilla let Laf break for their team.  They sunk two solid balls right off the bat.  Carmilla took the next turn, sinking a stripe and a solid.  She didn’t think too much of it, letting Laura and Laf have their lead.  Laura didn’t sink any balls on her turn and Carmilla barely kept her grin to herself at the pout on Laura’s face when the cue ball completely missed its mark.  Perry ended up sinking three striped balls before she barely missed what would have been her fourth.  On the next round of turns, Laf sunk another solid and Carmilla sunk another stripe, but when Laura went, she ended up sinking two more solids, leaving one solid left, the eight ball, and two stripes.  Perry ended up getting another stripe into a pocket and Laf sunk their last solid, but didn’t end up getting the eight ball in so it was still anyone's game.  It was Carmilla’s turn next and she sunk the last striped ball into a corner pocket.  With eight ball the last one left, she lined up her shot and was seconds away from sinking it into her called pocket when Laura spoke up.

     “Is it getting hot down here for anyone else?”  Carmilla usually wouldn’t pay any attention to a simple question, but it wasn’t just a simple question.  It wasn’t just a simple question because Laura accompanied the question with the removal of her flannel.  This would have been completely fine if it weren’t for what she was wearing underneath said flannel that Carmilla somehow failed to acknowledge before.  Now with the absence of her flannel around her shoulders, Laura simply wore a plain cut off black shirt that revealed a couple inches of her stomach above the waist of her dark jeans, the neckline low enough to make Carmilla do a double take.  Carmilla tried to shake it off and focus on lining up her shot again with a subtle clearing of her throat and a small shake of her head to try and clear the drunk fog in her brain, but as she drew her pool stick back, Laura dropped hers.  It landed on the rug with a thud and when she bent down to get it, she was right across the table from Carmilla’s line of sight, the back of her shirt riding up with the extension of her body.  Let’s just say, Carmilla completely missed her shot and Laura perfectly sunk hers, effectively winning the game for her and Laf.  Carmilla was dumbfounded.  She actually lost a game of pool to Laura.  Laura at least had the decency to look a little guilty as she laid down on top of the bar, her arms at her sides, while Will poured a shot of tequila into an empty shot glass and Carmilla tried not to think about how she lost so easily and forced herself to blame it on her state of inebriation.

     Carmilla positioned herself over her girlfriend’s body lying on the bar top, ignoring everyone else’s eyes on them.  If Laura was going to play dirty, so was she.  She grabbed the lime wedge from Will’s outstretched hand and placed the peel in between Laura’s teeth before she grabbed the salt from the counter and lowered herself to the stretch of skin between the bottom of Laura’s shirt and the waistline of her jeans.  Carmilla made sure to keep her eyes locked with Laura’s as she slowly lowered her mouth to just above Laura’s naval.  She smirked at Laura’s immediate intake of breath and the twitching of her stomach muscles as she slowly ran her tongue over the smooth skin there and sprinkled the salt over the moist trail.  Carmilla grabbed the tequila shot from Will with one hand and steadied herself with the other as she, once again, lowered herself to Laura’s stomach.  This time, she left a soft kiss just below Laura’s naval before she licked the salt slowly off her girlfriend and chucked the liquid in the glass to the back of her throat before leaning down and grabbing the lime sitting between Laura’s lips, with her own and sucking.  She felt Laura squirm underneath her and try to lean up for a proper kiss, but Carmilla simply lifted herself off of the bar top, spit the lime in the sink and walked around the bar for a refill of her previous drink of rum and coke with a smirk that she didn’t bother hiding.  She pretended not to notice the look of complete astonishment on Laura’s face.

     The night didn’t last much longer after that.  Kirsch and Will lost a round of pool to Danny and Laura, Kirsch having to do a body shot off of Danny.  Laf passed out on the couch with the dogs around midnight and Perry eventually dragged them upstairs to their room.  Mattie went to bed around the same time, excusing herself for the night with a promise to see them all in the morning.  Danny and Kirsch got into a heated argument, after their whole body shot debacle, about who could drink more and they both passed out soon after on separate ends of the couch.  Laura made sure to give them each a blanket and pillow before following Will upstairs with Carmilla and the dogs close behind.  They spent the rest of the night in the kitchen talking about nothing and everything, slowing down with beer in their hands instead of liquor.  At some point, Will started taking out ingredients for pizza and turned on some top 40 station that Laura knew.  Carmilla sat at the island, sipping her beer, and watched Laura and Will as they threw odd combinations of vegetables on flatbreads while “quietly” singing and dancing around the kitchen.  They both ended up burning the pizzas and Will fell asleep with a piece of his on his chest after slipping on the wood floor after a dance move that involved a lot of spinning and he refused to get up.  Laura never made it back up either, after laughing so hard she collapsed on the ground.  When her laughs subsided and her eyelids began to droop, Carmilla made sure the oven was off and called it a night, leaving the mess for the morning.

* * *

**_le 7 mai_ **

Carmilla was not a morning person.  How Laura was, especially after a night of heavy drinking, was a mystery to everyone.  Much like the last time Laura and Carmilla drank too much, Laura was the first one up, out of the two, with Coffee ready and a bottle of Aspirin.  This time though, Carmilla’s mug was accompanied by six others; Mattie’s with black tea and a lemon wedge and honey, Perry’s with Green tea, Laf, Danny, and Kirsch filled theirs with coffee, and Will went with hot chocolate.  The only people not miserable and hungover were Mattie, Laura, and Perry.  Carmilla found it unbelievable.  Laura drank just as much as she did and looked like a fucking ray of sunshine.  

     When she came down the stairs, Will was half asleep at the kitchen island next to Laura blowing into his mug of hot chocolate, Perry was putting scrambled eggs and bacon onto plates, with Mattie’s help, Lafontaine was nursing their coffee with their head in the freezer, and Danny was talking to Laura about something Carmilla could care less about, while Kirsch rolled around on the floor with the dogs on top of him.  It was all incredibly domestic.  Upon her entrance into the kitchen, Perry handed Carmilla a plate of breakfast, along with her mug of freshly brewed coffee and painkillers, and she kicked Will out of her seat next to Laura who greeted her with a loud ‘ _Morning, Babe!_ ’ and a kiss to the corner of her mouth.

     “Ow, Cupcake.  How the hell are this awake right now?”  Carmilla grumbled.

     “Today’s paintball day!”  Laura responded, Carmilla only glared.

     “Oh, right.  Joy,” she mumbled, taking a sip of her coffee with her Aspirin before digging into her bacon and eggs.

     “Oh, hush, ya big grump.  You’re going to love it!  You get to shoot at people.”  Carmilla looked up at Laura at that, with a smirk.

     “Do I get to have you on my team?”  Before Laura had a chance to answer, Laf chimed in, removing their head from the freezer.

     “Sorry, Drac, you’re on our team.”  Carmilla raised an eyebrow, her smirk disappearing as she caught Laura’s apologetic look out of the corner of her eye.  She placed her free hand on Laura’s thigh and gently squeezed.  Sure she’d rather she be on Laura’s team, more so she could distract her from actually playing the game so they could just make out, but she wasn’t all that upset about being on Laf’s team either.

     “Drac?”

     “Short for Dracula?”  Carmilla rolled her eyes and groaned, going back to eating her breakfast.

     “No, I get it just-”

     “Okay! “  Laura cut in, “We have to be there at one, so everyone be ready in an hour!”  Carmilla groaned again while the rest of the gang finished shoveling their food in their mouth as quickly as they could, with the exception of Will, who was still half passed out, now next to Kirsch sitting on the ground, and Perry, who took her time.  Mattie didn’t even bother.

     “And it looks like that is my cue,” Mattie interrupted as she placed her empty mug in the dishwasher after rinsing it in the sink.  “As much fun as watching you all get deliriously inebriated was, I have a meeting in Toronto this afternoon and should get going.”  She walked over to Carmilla and opened her arms wide for a hug, to which Carmilla responded with a side hug of her own, her mouth full of eggs.  “Ciao, Kitty.”  Mattie turned towards the rest of the gang with a nod of her head.  “Kitty’s friends.”  Then she glanced down at Will.  “William.”  He simply groaned in response.  “Oh, and I love what you’ve done with the place, by the way.  Very...home-y.”  And with that she was halfway down the hall to the guest room she stayed in and everyone continued with their breakfast, not thinking twice about Mattie’s hasty exit.

     Everyone was dressed and waiting by the front door an hour later, just as Laura instructed.  Carmilla was the last to come down, dressed head to toe in black, her hair tied up in a loose, wavy ponytail, carrying an old pair of black Nikes.  She stopped next to Laura who was waiting impatiently with her keys in one hand and a bag of extra clothes for her and Carmilla in the other, the dogs already having been let out and put away in their kennel.  Carmilla rolled her eyes at Laura’s eagerness.  She could feel her excited energy from the hallway near the kitchen.

     “Alright, Sundance, let’s get this horror show on the road.”  Carmilla gestured to the front door with her free hand and Laura beamed and practically skipped out the front door, followed by a bored Carmilla, a scared looking Perry, a refreshed, but not fully awake Will, an overly excited puppy Kirsch, and an annoyed Danny.  Lafontaine just looked way too happy to be on their way to get shot with balls of paint that left welts the size of quarters.

     Laura drove Carmilla, Laf, Perry, and Danny, while Kirsch drove Will following close behind in his truck.  The drive wasn’t too bad and they were at the indoor arena in less than 40 minutes.  Laura took care of the reservations after she parked and when she came back out with waivers and pens attached to clipboards looking like a small child on Christmas morning, Carmilla couldn’t help the groan that escaped her throat.  Laura was too excited for this and she was not looking forward to getting shot at by her girlfriend.  Laura’s dad was a cop for Pete’s sake, Laura obviously knew how to fire a gun.  It was clearly an unfair advantage.  And if her team lost, that would be her argument.

     After waivers were signed, rules were covered and teams and colors were decided.  Laf was the captain of the Blue Team with Carmilla, Perry and Kirsch and they decided on the team name _Blue Balls_ , which Perry wasn’t too fond of.  Laura was the captain of the Red Team with Danny, Will, and some kid that worked at the arena as the team’s extra player.  They decided on the team name _P_ RED _ators_.  They thought it was hilarious.  Each player was given a face mask, an earpiece for communicating with their team, a gun with red or blue paintballs, and a black chest plate with either red or blue accents.  The arena was set up like capture the flag.  There was a Red Team base and a Blue Team base and in front of each base, surrounded in red or blue “rocks” was a flag of the team’s color.  The arena itself was set up in a warehouse and had multiple obstacles for cover.  It was basically a large scale game of hide and seek, with the goal to steal the other team's flag without getting hit in the chest, face, or back.

     The game officially started when all players were in their base and an air horn sounded across the arena.  Each round lasted an hour, or until one of the team’s flags was captured and successfully brought back to the opposing team’s base.  There were three rounds.  Round one was the longest for the group.  After the air horn announced the beginning of the round, each team took their time in scoping out the arena for the other team’s base and to get a feel of the obstacles.  On team _Blue Balls_ , each player took turns protecting the flag while the other team members ventured out into the arena.  It was 45 minutes into the round with Kirsch, Danny, and Laf out on the sidelines with splats of paint to their chests and it was Carmilla’s turn to watch the flag.  She was standing in front of it, looking to her left, her gun aimed at an obstacle where she thought she saw a red uniform crouch behind.  Apparently she was wrong because the second she went to investigate she was hit in the back with three paintballs and Will grabbed the flag and ran it back to his base with Laura covering his back, giggling the entire way.  It was just Carmilla and the extra and she took her anger out on him by shooting the employee in the thigh, dangerously close to his groin, just for the hell of it.  She almost got them kicked out of the arena for breaking the rules deliberately.

     In round two, Laf’s team won when Carmilla simply walked from her base and to the other side of the arena the second the air horn sounded, grabbed the red flag and walked back to her team’s base before team _P_ RED _ators_ even had a chance to exit their base.  Everyone was baffled and too shocked to even fight it so it went as a win for team _Blue Balls_.  With the game tied and one round left, the teams were given five minutes to come up with a strategic plan of attack.  Kirsch came up with the idea of having two people guard the flag, while the other two people ventured out into the arena as a pair, back to back, and tried to target the other team's strongest players, i.e. Laura and Will.  Considering no one else had successfully come up with a better plan, they all agreed that Perry and Kirsch would stay behind and watch the flag leaving Carmilla and Laf on “ _hunt and destroy_ ” duty, as Kirsch so gloriously nicknamed it.

     After the air horn sounded for the third and final round, team _Blue Balls_ exited their base, with Kirsch and Perry keeping watch on the flag and Laf and Carmilla making a beeline for the closest obstacle for cover.  They made it within 10 yards of the _P_ RED _ators_ ’ base without any issue until Carmilla spotted and shot the extra player on the red team and got him out.  Laf rewarded her with an overly enthusiastic fist bump before going back to business mode, their gun raised and ready to shoot at any moving target.  The pair barely made it a step from behind the foam wall they were hiding behind when a flash of honey hair streamed past Carmilla’s peripheral.  Her head immediately whipped in the direction and she was about to raise her gun to shoot when the body attached to said head of honey hair tripped over something Carmilla couldn’t see and landed on the ground with an _‘oof’_ , her gun skidding out of reach.  Out of instinct, Carmilla immediately lowered her gun and attempted to jog over to where Laura was now sitting, holding her ankle with both hands, a pained expression on her face.  All thoughts involving the game vanished completely from Carmilla’s mind were now replaced with making sure Laura was okay, but before Carmilla had a chance to take a step forward, Laf grabbed a hold of her wrist.

     “Wha-?  Are you insane, Karnstein?  You can’t just-” Carmilla shot daggers at Lafontaine with her eyes and they immediately let go of her wrist.

     “Like hell I can’t,” Carmilla growled.  If her girlfriend was hurt, she was sure as hell going to stop in the middle of a game of paintball and make sure she was okay, consequences be damned.  Which is exactly what she did.  Except, the second she got to Laura and crouched down in front of her, she was bombarded with several paintballs to the back, chest, thighs, ass, anywhere visible within Will and Danny’s line of sight.  She immediately threw her face mask off the second the shots stopped firing and glared daggers at Will and Danny.  Lafontaine was too pissed off at Carmilla to even try to retaliate and Will ended up shooting them in the chest while Danny took off to grab the blue flag.

     “Sorry, Sis,” Will shrugged.  “Your weakness for hot brunettes with puppy dog eyes and incredible acting skills is truly astonishing.”  Will was smirking as he walked around Carmilla, held out his hand for Laura to take and pulled her up from her position on the ground.  Carmilla just watched with her mouth hung open.  She had been played.  Not only by her brother, but by her girlfriend as well.  Laura wasn’t hurt, she just knew Carmilla extremely well, and Carmilla fell right into her trap.  Laura was smiling smugly when Carmilla chanced a glance at her.

     “ _Wow_ , you play dirty, Cupcake.”  Carmilla smirked, slightly impressed, but made a mental note to get back at Laura later and started scheming quietly to herself.

     After changing into clean and paint free clothes, the _P_ RED _ators_ were sent home with three small plastic trophies with their team name engraved in it, the date, and the company’s logo underneath.  On the walk back to the car, Will hoisted Laura onto his shoulders and they started singing “We Are the Champions” by Queen while Laura held the trophy above her head and team _Blue Balls_ sulked quietly to themselves, Laf pouted the entire drive back and refused to sit next to Danny in the back seat.

     By the time the gang arrived back at the house, everyone was tired and hungry and sore.  Carmilla could feel every welt on her skin with each subtle movement.  She wasn’t expecting paintball to actually hurt that much.  The second she walked over the threshold through the front door, she made a beeline for the living room and face planted onto couch with a groan.  She vaguely remembered talk of tacos for dinner before she felt herself drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is:  
> http://no-pantsparty.tumblr.com/
> 
> An anon messaged me on tumblr and I just wanted to say that one, it is not a bother at all for you, or anyone else, to message me on there, so don't hesitate to voice your opinion or any suggestions in my inbox!; and two, I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far, thank you for reading!


	14. avancer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some time has passed and a desk makes an appearance... Also, more Scooby gang shenanigans.
> 
> TW: Swearing, heavy drinking, vomiting (let me know if I need to add anymore)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I split this and the remaining chapters into a few more because this was getting WAY too long, but now you all have six more chapters to look forward to instead of the one and hopefully they won't be posted six months apart. Hopefully.

The following months in their relationship were complete domestic bliss for Carmilla and Laura.  Carmilla started working more on her art, taking it more seriously, and even getting a couple more pieces up in galleries outside of Silas.  Vordenburg’s deal finally went through and apparently her work’s permanent residence in the  _ Kunstmuseum Liechtenstein _ drew a lot of attention to her as an artist and she started receiving royalty checks from the museum as a part of her and Vordenburg’s deal, as opposed to him simply giving her the large amount of money he originally proposed.  Carmilla used those checks to pay for the rest of her and Laura’s schooling (with a little bit of resistance on Laura’s part), leaving the money her father gave her alone and in the bank.  After taking on a summer semester to catch back up, both girls were hoping to finally graduate in the near future, after putting their education on hold when Laura’s father passed away and with the move and everything else.  Laura was hoping to graduate after the fall semester with a degree in Journalism and an English minor, while Carmilla started working double time after choosing to start working on another degree, hoping to double major in Philosophy and Fine Arts and still be able to graduate after the fall semester, with Laura.  If it weren’t for the classes she took in Paris, under her mother’s orders, she probably wouldn’t have been able to pull it off, but things were looking good for her and she was on the right track to graduating in the upcoming months.

Laura was working as a paid intern with a pretty big news outlet in Toronto and she had to fly out every couple weeks to attend important meetings with the media mogul who she worked under, but other than that, they allowed her to work from home after the first week.  They loved her.  Back home, she had a part time job at the local newspaper and that helped with paying some of the bills.  Carmilla even started working with Betty again as a sort of gallery curator and only flew back to Silas when she absolutely had to, which wasn’t very often.  Betty even started paying her.  She secretly put the money she didn’t use for bills into the gallery’s donation box, though, whenever she did have to go in.  Theo was even able to straighten up and Betty let him keep his job after he proved himself to her when he was forced to set up the gallery for an exhibition while Betty was out of town and Carmilla couldn’t cover for her for reasons she left undisclosed.

The dogs were fully grown now, being almost two, at around 140 pounds each and healthy.  They looked like bears with the amount of fur that covered their bodies.  Laura loved it.  Carmilla secretly loved it too, but whenever she had to vacuum and the clumps of hair that came out of it could make pillows, she definitely didn’t refrain from complaining the entire time.  At least they were listening to her more.  Long months of endless training with Finn and Doc (mostly Finn) were finally paying off.  Carmilla could even take them running with her and they knew to stay at her pace without her constantly telling them to heel or  _ Fuss _ .  Laura was even able to ride her bike with them without toppling over and that was a big step, as well.

The house was coming together slowly, but surely, forming into the home Laura imagined it being, and Carmilla agreed to.  They were on the same page about a lot of things though, so it wasn’t that big a compromise for Carmilla to make.  They shared the office space on the main floor, using it solely for school and work, with two identical desks on either side of the room.  Carmilla’s was significantly more cluttered than Laura’s, but Carmilla knew where everything was.  Carmilla’s desk was Carmilla’s desk and Laura didn’t dare try to tidy it up, just like Carmilla didn’t touch anything that was on Laura’s.  The guest bedrooms were put on hold for the time being, but the master bedroom and bathroom were pretty much finished, as was the kitchen and living room.  Carmilla even managed to set up an area in the basement for weights and her punching bag.

The outside of the house and lawn were even starting to look better.  Laura started a small garden off on the side of the house and managed to grow ridiculously tall tomato plants, along with cucumbers, bell peppers, squash, peas, and rhubarb.  Carmilla recruited Will and Kirsch to help take down the dog run and install a privacy fence around the perimeter of the entire yard instead, to make more room for Laura’s vision of an outdoor patio or a place where they could set up the grill without the fear of catching the house on fire (there might’ve been an incident that left a large scorch mark on the brick where Laura and Laf tried to grill vegetables and steaks one night), and they had bought an outdoor furniture set and fire pit for late summer nights.

They were content with the little plateau of a life they created.

But they had little to no free time for themselves or each other between working and catching up with school and it was starting to take a toll.  They were drained.  Even their friends started to notice a shift in their relationship, even with a few hundred miles and a country’s border between them.

* * *

 

**_le 9 decembre_ **

They had a fight.

It was stupid and petty and for the life of her, Carmilla couldn’t remember what the bloody hell they were even fighting about, but there was screaming and yelling and crying probably and there was a hole in the wall that left Carmilla’s hand in a state that was less than ideal.  The whole thing was probably her fault.  It always was.  The night started off just fine, but they both ended up storming off.  Laura to go call Perry probably and Carmilla to walk her residual anger off, but she promised to be back later.  It was going to take more than a petty fight to get her to walk away from the woman she fought so hard for.

Instead of going straight home after cooling down however, Carmilla found herself sat in a bar at the edge of the small town, overlooking a large river meant for freights and whatnot, with a cold glass of whiskey in her good hand and a napkin, wrapped around several melting ice cubes, resting on the other.  The bar was fairly empty for a Friday night and Carmilla evidently became fast friends with the bartender, who also happened to be the bar’s owner.  He reminded her a lot of Laura’s father with his stocky build, bright eyes, and bald head, and they instantly hit it off.

Laura was on the phone with Perry explaining, in excruciating detail, her and Carmilla’s fight, hoping Perry would know what to do.  She already explained that it started when Carmilla complained about their lack of a sex life, or more so their lack of anything resembling intimacy.  She said it as a joke while they were eating a dinner of leftover Chinese takeout from the night before, as neither of them felt like cooking or ordering in, and watching some Christmas movie on the television in the living room.  Laura laughed it off that time, but Carmilla mentioned it again, a little later on in the movie, a pout forming on her face, the take-out long gone.  Laura felt something spark inside of her.  She didn’t say anything that time either.  She knew there was a lack of action in the bedroom, as of late, she didn’t need Carmilla to point it out to her.  Her body told her enough.  As if the amount of cold showers she was taking lately wasn’t enough of a clue as it was.  But they both had been so exhausted lately from taking more than a full load of classes that semester and with finals just last week and trying to find time to relax in between that and work, not to mention Finn had taken to chewing furniture and couldn’t be left alone for two minutes.  There wasn’t time for sleeping, let alone time for sex.  The third time Carmilla mentioned it, though, Laura snapped.  It was her fault.  She didn’t mean to snap, but she was stressed about school and anxious about passing her finals and being able to graduate on time and getting through all of her online classes without going  _ completely  _ insane and she knew Carmilla was in the same boat and that sex would most likely relieve  _ some  _ of that stress, if not momentarily, but she  _ snapped _ .  And the look on Carmilla’s face and the way she flinched when Laura practically screamed ‘ _ is that all I am to you?  Something that can get you off in ten minutes or less?  Another notch in your proverbial bedpost? _ ’ was enough to make Laura’s stomach drop and she regretted the words the second they escaped passed her lips, tasting like acid on her tongue.  Laura vaguely remembered Carmilla’s wide eyes and her whispering ‘ _ No, Laura.   _ God _ , no _ ’ before she calmly placed her takeout container on the coffee table under her feet.  Laura watched her walk silently down the hall to the stairs that lead to their bedroom on the top floor.  Laura was slightly taken aback by the loud bang that sounded 30 seconds later and the hiss of pain from her girlfriend that followed.  She was even more startled by the angry footsteps that paraded back down the few steps she had managed to climb, then back down the hall towards where Laura was frozen on the couch, fighting back tears.  Carmilla was cradling her left hand against her stomach with an unreadable expression on her face, amongst the pain and hurt.  Laura had an inclination that the pain etched on Carmilla’s face wasn’t from her hand going through the drywall.

“Is that really what you think?”  Carmilla raged.  “That I use you for sex?  That I’m only with you because you’re  _ good in the sack _ ?”  She sounded hurt.  Her voice was too even for comfort.

“ _ No _ , Carm. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“What?  You didn’t mean to say that?  You were angry?  Frustrated?  You’re stressed?  Upset?  You have a lot going on?”  She was getting more and more furious with each word, her voice rising to a shout near the end.  “I  _ know _ , Laura!  So do I.  But just because I want to  _ fuck  _ you until we both can’t move, does  _ not  _ diminish the fact that I want to hold your hand and watch stupid movies with you in your stupid pillow forts and buy you stupid flowers and fucking stupid boxes of chocolate…How many times do you need to hear that  _ I love you _ until you get it through your head that I  _ want _ this?  I’m not leaving you again, Laura.  Not unless you tell me to.”  By the time Carmilla stopped talking, she was practically screaming, her chest heaving with the effort, unshed tears in her eyes.

“I’m-”

“I’m going for a walk, I’ll be back... _ later _ .”  Carmilla took a deep breath and turned around before making her way to the front door.  She had to physically force herself not to turn back around, in fear of what look Laura was giving her in that moment.

“ _ Carm- _ ”

And that was where the conversation ended.  Laura cut off with the slamming of the front door and Carmilla walking down the driveway in sweats and a t shirt, no idea where she was headed.

Perry told Laura to give Carmilla time, that she said she’d be back so Laura had to let her calm down before she could try to apologize.  She knew Perry was right, but that didn’t stop her from staying up until way past midnight with her phone practically glued to her hand as she switched between pacing back and forth in front of the couch and sitting on the piano bench, her leg bouncing up and down with worry.  She tried calling too.  Each time she tried, it went straight to voicemail.  Laura grew increasingly worried every time the call cut to Carmilla’s personalized message, telling the caller “ _ I obviously didn’t answer for a reason, so leave a message, if you must.  I probably won’t bother listening to it though, so maybe you shouldn’t bother wasting your breath...unless it’s Laura, then I’ll call you back when I can _ ”.

* * *

 

**_le 10 decembre_ **

At exactly 2:30 the next morning, Laura got a call from Carmilla’s cell phone.  She had half a mind to let it go to voicemail in spite, but decided it was way too late and she honestly just wanted to go to bed, preferably with Carmilla in it, tightly wrapped around her.  Except when Laura answered her phone, it wasn’t Carmilla’s voice on the other line.  Instead, Laura’s ears were met with a man’s deep tone and thick Canadian accent and the sound of breaking glass in the background.

“Is this Carmilla’s significant other who she seemed to be avoiding all night?”

Laura’s stomach dropped at his words and she unconsciously flinched, though his tone was light and not at all accusing.  The man sounded way too calm for the amount of glass that was being shattered to pieces seemingly right next to him.  Laura answered his question with a hesitant ‘ _ yes _ ’, almost in question, causing the man to sigh in relief.

“Oh, great!  My name is Tim, I own  _ The Regatta Bar _ just off of North Main Street.  Do you think you could come and pick her up?  I would hate for her to have to walk home this late after she’s been drinking.  I would gladly take her home, but she’s been very adamant about wanting  _ you  _ to pick her up.”

_ Of course she would find a bar and get plastered _ , Laura thought, but mumbled a ‘ _ sure _ ’ to Tim who was waiting expectantly on the other end of the phone, completely ignoring his last statement.  She wrote down the directions Tim gave her and thanked him before going to hang up.  The last thing she heard before the line went dead was more glass shattering and a loud  _ whoop _ in what she assumed was some sort of victory.

The drive to the bar took less than five minutes.  It was practically around the corner and down the street from their house.   _ At least she hadn’t walked far in this weather. _  Laura pulled into the parking lot and up to a dingy, two story, brick structure with a small light blue, hole-in-the-wall building that desperately needed a paint job, attached to the back.  There was one car in the parking lot and considering it was almost 3am, Laura figured that it was the owner’s car.  She was proven right when she made her way inside the small bar and it was completely empty, the only proof that anyone was even there was the sound of glass breaking coming from an open door at the back of the kitchen to the right of the bar.  Laura made her way through the kitchen and the second she passed the threshold into the back alley, she froze.

Carmilla was carelessly throwing glass plates at the brick wall of the bar, along with coffee mugs and the occasional beer mug and shot glass, from a tub that was quickly diminishing in supply.  The man to her right, who Laura assumed was Tim, was simply watching her with childlike amusement in his eyes.

“Carmilla!”  The girl in front of her stopped mid-throw, plate in hand, and turned to look at Laura with glossy eyes that took a second longer than it should have to focus on her, but when they did, they immediately turned soft in recognition.  “What the  _ frilly  _ Hell are you doing?!”  The softness in her eyes immediately vanished behind Carmilla’s smirk before she sent the plate in her hand hurling into the building making Laura jump when the glass shattered and fell to the concrete at the base of the wall.  “ _ Carmilla _ !  You can’t just-”

“Relax,  _ Cutie _ .  I’ll pay him back.”  Her words were slightly slurred and when she tried to take a step, she tripped over the tub of intact mugs and plates, sending her straight into Laura’s arms.  Laura caught Carmilla against her chest with a nearly silent  _ ‘oomf’  _ shared between the both of them.  Carmilla started laughing hysterically.  “ _ Oops _ .”  Laura rolled her eyes, but held onto her girlfriend as tight as she could, whose head was already resting on Laura’s shoulder, soft breaths exhaled into the crook of her neck.  Laura could smell the whiskey on her breath and it caused a pang of guilt in her chest.

“How much does she owe you?”  Tim had been watching the two of them carefully and when Laura asked the question, he jumped as if startled out of a memory.

“No worries, get her home safe.  I’ll send a receipt in the mail for the replacements, she gave me her address and she’s already paid for the alcohol.  I cut her off when she started slurring.  She might need to see a doctor for that hand, though.”  Laura glanced down at Carmilla’s limp body in her arms and sighed before she turned back to address Tim.

“Thanks.”  It came out as more of a soft whisper, but Tim nodded and the small smile on his lips confirmed that he heard her.

Laura managed to get a half asleep Carmilla through the bar, out to the front parking lot, and leaned up against the car, with little difficulty.  The hard part came when Laura had to actually get Carmilla into the backseat.  She eventually just laid her down and hoped she didn’t roll off onto the floor.  Or throw up.  Laura managed to buckle two seatbelts around Carmilla’s frame and hoped that if they got into a car accident, they wouldn’t do more harm than good.  She made sure to drive extra careful and five under, anyway.

Carmilla slept the entire drive back to the house and she managed to keep whatever was sloshing around in her stomach down, much to Laura’s gratification, and only put up a fight when Laura tried to remove her from the car.

“Cupcake  _ no _ , I’m sleeping.  Come sleep with me,” Carmilla slurred, reaching an arm out to try and grab onto Laura’s forearm, but she completely missed and her arm just ended up falling limp on the seat next to her.

“Carmilla, you are in the back seat of the car.  You can sleep in the nice warm house, in your nice warm bed, in your pajamas.  Now,  _ come on _ .”  Laura tried to get Carmilla to at least sit up, but Carmilla was stronger than she looked and seemed to be putting all of her effort into not moving from her position in the back seat.

“But I’m  _ comfy _ , Cupcake,” Carmilla whined, pouting.

“You’re not going to be comfy in an hour when it starts snowing and you freeze your  _ ass  _ off.”  Laura was starting to get annoyed.  It was cold, it was late, she was exhausted.  Maybe she should bring out the big guns.

“Uuuuugh, but  _ Cupcake- _ ”

“Carm.   _ Please _ ?”  Even in her inebriated state, Carmilla was a sucker for the puppy dog eyes and The Pout™.

“Fine, but that’s ch-cheating,” Carmilla hiccupped, her eyebrows furrowed into a frown.  She eventually sat up though, with Laura’s help, and was halfway out of the car by the time Laura was finished with her internal happy dance and victory screech.

“What is?”  Laura asked innocently, knowing full well what she just did.

“You can’t use the pout when I’m drunk, it’s effects are heightened by like a bajillion times.”  Laura rolled her eyes, attempting to shut the car door with her foot and drag Carmilla into the garage without dropping her.  By the time they made it to the door into the house, Carmilla was nearly asleep again, Laura completely holding her up.

“No, no, no.   _ Carmilla _ !  Do  _ not  _ fall asleep, I can’t carry you up these stairs by myself!”  Carmilla mumbled a response into Laura’s shoulder.  “What was that?”  Carmilla lifted her head, just enough to reveal her mouth.

“I said, ‘ _ I believe in you, Babe _ ’.”

“Gee, thanks,  _ Babe _ ,” Laura chuckled, “ but I don’t think that’s going to be enough considering I have to drag your drunk ass up two flights of stairs and put you to bed,”  Laura huffed, adjusting her hold on Carmilla.  Carmilla just held on tighter, or as tight as she could while half asleep and drunk.

“Don’t worry, you can do it.  You’re basically a superhero, with all your huge yoga muscles and impeccably unfair good looks...and your abs...definitely your abs,” Carmilla mumbled into the crook of Laura’s neck.  Laura snorted.

“I don’t know about  _ that _ .”  Carmilla raised her head slightly, just enough to look into Laura’s eyes.

“Well, you’re  _ my  _ superhero.  And  _ I  _ believe in you.  So, onward, my-  _ oh god _ ,” Carmilla groaned and tried to back herself away, out of Laura’s grasp.

“God?  I think that’s a bit of a stretch, don’t you think?”  Laura was smirking, but when Carmilla’s hand shot to her mouth, her smirk fell and was replaced by a concerned frown.  “Carm?”  She didn’t get another word in before Carmilla was half stumbling, half running to the basement bathroom.  Carmilla barely made it to the toilet and got the toilet seat up before her stomach heaved and everything she drank within the last few hours was emptied into the porcelain bowl.  Laura followed her into the bathroom and winced when Carmilla heaved again, a noticeable layer of sweat beginning to shine on her forehead.  Laura’s first instinct was to grab a washcloth from under the sink, run it under the tap, and place it on the back of Carmilla’s neck, before using the hair tie around her wrist to gather Carmilla’s unruly curls into a bun at the back of her head.  Carmilla was panting over the toilet bowl, spitting and wiping at her mouth with toilet paper, while she rested her forehead against her arm and Laura rubbed her back, now kneeling beside her on the cool floor tiles.  Carmilla’s stomach clenched and heaved one last time, emptying any remaining alcohol from her body, before she relaxed back into Laura, her head falling heavy to Laura’s shoulder with a groan and a hand on her stomach.

Significantly more sober, Carmilla whispered, “I’m sorry, Laura.”

She was out before Laura could even respond.

Laura managed to flush the toilet and maneuver herself so she was leaning back against the wall opposite, her legs stretched out in front of her, her arms wrapped loosely around Carmilla.  Carmilla only sighed, fast asleep with her ear against Laura’s chest, Laura’s heartbeat her lullaby.  Laura fell asleep shortly after placing a gentle kiss to Carmilla’s hairline and whispering that it was okay to deaf ears.

Laura woke up to incessant pounding on the front door.  Or maybe it was the dogs barking.  Or perhaps it was the pain in her back and neck from falling asleep on the bathroom floor.  Either way she was now awake.

Carmilla’s head had slipped down to her lap sometime in the night and her hand unconsciously found it’s way to Carmilla’s, tangled together and held to Carmilla’s chest.  Laura’s back was stiff and her ass was numb and her legs were screaming from having Carmilla’s entire frame resting on them all night.  She was uncomfortable and groggy and the knocking and barking wouldn’t stop.

“Fucking hell.  Carmilla, someone’s at the door, you need to wake up.”  Laura gently brushed back Carmilla’s fly aways that got loose from her bun, in a subtle attempt to wake her up.  She only sighed and leaned into Laura’s touch, still very much asleep.  Laura tried again, this time running her fingers along Carmilla’s jaw bone and rubbing her thumb across her cheek.  Carmilla stirred, but only tightened her hold on Laura’s hand before settling again.  “Carm, come on.  We fell asleep on the bathroom floor.”  Laura began lightly scratching Carmilla’s scalp with her fingernails.  “ _ Carm _ .”

“Mmm Cupcake, shhh.  I’m sleeping,” Carmilla mumbled into Laura’s thigh, her voice a half whisper and raspy from barely being awake.

“Yeah... exactly why you need to wake up.”  Laura was getting impatient.  The doorbell was now ringing nonstop and either Carmilla just completely ignored it, or she was still half asleep enough for it to not even register.  Laura envied her.

“ _ Nooooo _ .”  Laura rolled her eyes.  Carmilla whining, no matter how cute, only made Laura want to answer the door that much faster.  Mostly so she could tell whoever decided early-as-fuck o’clock was a great time to visit them to go away and then she could get into an actual bed and fall back asleep with her girlfriend tucked into her side.

“ _ Yessss _ .  Don’t make me make you, I’m sure you’re hungover and you probably wouldn’t appreciate that very much.”  Carmilla snorted, but made no move to remove herself from Laura’s lap and instead burrowed her face deeper into Laura’s thighs and latched her arms together behind Laura’s back.

“I’d appreciate you letting me  _ sleep _ .”  Laura had to physically hold herself back from laughing.  She was trying to be the responsible one.  Carmilla being an adorable grump was not helping.  Laura cleared her throat in an attempt at regaining composure.

“Carmilla, get your ass up.”  Carmilla lifted her head from Laura’s lap, eyes narrowed.  Laura rolled her eyes, getting the hint.  “ _ Please _ .”

“ _ Fine _ ,” Carmilla dramatically sighed, while she reluctantly rolled off of Laura’s body in favor of sprawling her limbs out, as much as she could in the tiny bathroom, like a starfish.  Laura lifted herself from the bathroom floor with a groan and an eyeroll directed at Carmilla’s childish display, and practically ran up the basement stairs and to the front door, trying to fix her hair on the way.  She quickly gave up and just ended up throwing it up into a quick bun on top of her head before quickly throwing the front door open.

She was expecting the mail lady, or a neighborhood kid selling something, or the neighbor asking for sugar, or something that was within the realm of possibility.  What she was not expecting was to see Lilita Karnstein-Morgan, in all her terrifying, witch-like glory, standing on the side porch of her and Carmilla’s isolated home.  She was wearing  _ jeans _ , how could Laura stay calm, cool, and collected, when the she-devil herself was wearing denim and a white, sleeveless shirt with a black peter pan collar??  She actually looked  _ normal _ and  _ non threatening _ and like a… a  _ mom _ .  Especially with her hair  _ down _ ???  Laura doesn’t remember Lilita  _ ever  _ wearing her hair down.  She was actually quite breathtaking, in all her ageless, sharp angled glory, if Laura was being honest.  And she looked so much like Carmilla it was slightly unsettling.

Laura was frozen for the entirety of three long seconds, wide-eyed, and slightly scared, before Lilita opened her mouth to speak and Laura promptly went to slam the door in the older woman’s face, a bit panicked.  Lilita managed to catch the door with her heel-clad foot and it bounced back open.  Laura stared at the door before Lilita cleared her throat and Laura’s eyes immediately snapped to hers.  At the expectant look on Lilita’s face, Laura dramatically sighed and rolled her eyes, snapping herself back to reality.

“My daughter has seemed to rub off on you quite a bit, Miss Hollis.”  Laura managed to refrain from rolling her eyes again, but couldn’t stop her hands from turning into fists at her sides or her jaw from clenching.  If she ignored the fact that Lilita looked like a born again Christian soccer mom that was in charge of her child’s PTA meetings, but also modeled in her spare time, she could focus more on the fact that this was  _ Lilita,  _ probably eats children for dessert _ Lilita _ .

“What do you want, Lilita?”  Laura exasperated.

“Is Mir-” Lilita cleared her throat, catching herself, and stood up straighter, her hands clasped behind her back, “-Carmilla here?”

“Why?”  Laura questioned, with a raised eyebrow.

“I wanted to…” Lilita sighed,”...I wanted to... _ make amends _ with my daughter.”

“Bull _ shit _ ,” Laura scoffed.

“Miss Hollis-”  Laura took a step forward, getting dangerously close to Lilita, effectively cutting her off.  Lilita stood her ground.

“ _ No _ .  You expect me to believe that after everything you put her through, you want to ‘ _ make amends _ ’  _ now _ ?  She’s moving on, Lilita.  She doesn’t need your crap.”  Laura’s voice was dangerously low.  She was trying not to let this woman get under her skin, but it was proving to be somewhat difficult after she had to spend her childhood ignoring the signs of abuse that showed from Carmilla.

“Perhaps, it is fair to say that people are capable of change, Miss Hollis.”  Lilita was just as composed as ever.  Laura ground her teeth and it took everything in her power not to slam the door shut with Lilita’s toes still in it.

“Really?  That’s what you’re going with?   _ People change _ ?  You had ten years to  _ change _ , why now?  Why, after everything, are you here  _ now _ ?”  Laura was genuinely curious.  She wanted to know  _ why _ , she wanted to know  _ what changed _ , she wanted to know why she was having a conversation with her girlfriend’s estranged mother in the foyer of her home.

Lilita nodded her head and took a deep breath before looking Laura straight in the eye and, with a steady voice, she answered, “The first step to recovery, Miss Hollis, is admitting you have a problem.  I abused, took advantage, and manipulated my children for years and it makes me sick to look back at who I was while they were growing up.  That woman is gone now, I assure you.  I have not had a drop of alcohol in six months, I go to AA meetings twice a week, I am seeing a therapist for  _ many  _ reasons, I have reactivated my daughter’s savings for her to do with as she pleases.  I even started going to yoga three times a week.  I am working on myself.

“I know what I did was wrong.  I also know that you are aware of what it feels like to lose someone you love.  Different people have different ways of dealing with the grief.  The way I chose to deal with Carmilla’s father’s death, was simply unethical.  Laura, I do not wish to be forgiven, I just want her to know how sorry I am for splitting our family apart and hurting her the way I did.  It will take some time, I know, but I am willing to wait as long as it takes.  I just want her to look at me again without hatred in her eyes.”  Laura was taken back by the honesty and vulnerability in Lilita’s eyes, and if she wasn’t mistaken, there might’ve been some unshed tears there as well.  She wasn’t actually expecting a straight answer so to say she was shocked, was an understatement.  Her mouth was open, but no words were coming out, she honestly didn’t know what to say.  Lilita seemed sincere, but Laura was supposed to be on Carmilla’s side in all of this.  What Lilita did was wrong and should be unforgivable, hell, she should be in jail...probably...but...people  _ do  _ change.   _ Merlin _ , she wasn’t the same person that she was back then.  She wasn’t even the same person she was  _ yesterday,  _ and she had to take that into consideration.

Maybe Lilita was telling the truth, maybe she actually wanted to be involved in her daughter’s life again.  Laura was intrigued.  Sometimes her journalistic nature really was a nuisance.  She was about to invite Lilita in, but was interrupted by a small sniffle from behind her.  Laura turned around and what she saw broke her heart.

Carmilla was standing at the top of the basement stairs, tears streaming down her face, her eyes red rimmed and bloodshot, her hair still wet from showering, and she was wearing Laura’s Silas Devils hoodie and a pair of black leggings with thick wool socks, pulled up to her mid-calf.  She was staring at her mother, her brows furrowed, she had heard everything her mother said.  She didn’t know how to feel about it.  Any of it.

“Carm-”  Laura tried, but Lilita beat her to it, in a whisper.

“ _ Carmilla _ .”  One word, her name, and Carmilla’s face crumbled.  Her hand shot to her mouth to muffle a strangled sob.

“I don’t hate you,” Carmilla whispered from behind her hand.  Her tears were flowing more freely now, as she no longer needed to hide her presence.  Those four words were all she was able to get out before Lilita was practically  _ gliding  _ across the hardwood floor of the foyer, her expensive heels clicking as she walked, and wrapping her arms around Carmilla’s small frame.  The hug was awkward and stiff and slightly uncomfortable for all parties involved, Laura included, but Carmilla fought the urge to flinch and escape her mother’s surprisingly gentle grasp.  Her mother was  _ trying _ .  Whether or not she was genuine was still to be determined, but for now Carmilla was going to give her the benefit of the doubt because she knew her father’s death had broken her mother.  She knew her mother had loved him with everything she had and when he died, she became a shell.  Carmilla watched her mother’s downfall before her very eyes and if her mother was trying to actually be a  _ mother _ , then she didn’t want to pass that up.

The hug didn’t last that much longer.  After Lilita stepped back and away from Carmilla, letting her go, Carmilla managed to shakily invite her mother to have their morning coffee with them, to which Lilita accepted.

Laura joined the two of them at the kitchen table after insisting she get the coffee ready, along with a mug of hot chocolate for herself.  Lilita was showing Carmilla her six month chip from her AA meeting last week.  Carmilla held the chip in her hand, with delicate fingers.  Lilita watched her carefully as Carmilla intently studied the chip, probably making sure it was legitimate.

“I want to be a part of your life, Carmilla.  I am trying.  Please, my glittering girl, let me in.”  Lilita slowly reached her hand out towards Carmilla’s cheek and Carmilla instinctively flinched back.  Her mother retracted her hand almost immediately, but she didn’t look hurt at Carmilla’s response, just resigned.

Laura chose that time to place the two steaming mugs of black coffee in front of the women.  Carmilla placed her mother’s chip back on the table and reached for the mug, taking a sip and inhaling the smell of the freshly brewed hazelnut.  Her favorite.

“Lilita, I can grab you some creamer or sugar, or both, if you want any?”  Laura took a sip of her hot chocolate, Lilita shook her head, going for her own sip.

“No need, Laura, black is perfect, thank you.”  Laura nodded her head, silently, she still found it weird hearing her name coming from Lilita’s mouth, and chanced a glance at Carmilla.  She was watching her mother carefully from behind the lip of her constellation mug, studying her, probably philosophizing.  Laura cleared her throat.  
“Well, I’ll just leave you two be then.  I’m going to let the dogs out and shower.  Feel free to help yourself to another cup, Lilita.”  Laura slowly backed out of the kitchen, watching Carmilla intently for any sign that she wasn’t okay with Laura leaving.  That she didn’t feel safe.  That she needed Laura there.  But Carmilla never gave her any sign, so she was free to finish her hot chocolate and let the dogs out into the backyard before she went back upstairs to check in on Carmilla and Lilita.

Carmilla was tracing the rim of her mug with her thumb, staring into the dark liquid, saying something about needing time while Lilita listened with everything she had and nodded her head.  Laura missed what her response was, the shower was calling her name.

By the time Laura was out of the shower and dressed, Lilita was nowhere to be found, but Carmilla was still in the same spot as she left her.  Except she had a new cup of steaming black coffee under her nose and both dogs were lounging at her feet.

“Where’s-”

“She left,” Carmilla whispered.  Laura nodded her head and slowly took a seat where Lilita was sat previously.  She reached her hand out and placed it over Carmilla’s on the table.  Carmilla immediately flipped her hand palm up and laced hers and Laura’s fingers together.

“Are you okay?”  Carmilla shrugged.

“I don’t know.”  Laura nodded and brought the back of Carmilla’s hand to her lips, placing a gentle kiss to the soft skin there.

“Talk about a surprise visit, huh?”  Carmilla huffed out a laugh.

“Yeah.”  There were a few minutes of silence before Carmilla broke it again.  She took a hesitant sip of her coffee with her free hand.  It was still burning the back of her throat when she said, “Laura, about last night-”

“No, it’s fine, we don’t need to talk about it,” Laura cut her off, with a persistent shake of her head.

“Cutie, we do.”  Laura groaned and slouched in her chair.  “But,  _ Communication is key! _ ”  Laura laughed lightly at Carmilla’s too-high pitched interpretation of Perry, but made no sign to initiate moving the conversation along.  So, Carmilla continued, “I’m sorry.  We were both stressed out and on edge and I took the joke too far and I was  _ frustrated _ .  We both said things we didn’t mean.  I know I don’t tell you enough, but  _ I love you _ .  One argument isn’t going to change that.”  Carmilla paused and leaned across the small gap between them to press a gentle, tender kiss to Laura’s lips.  Laura immediately melted, then Carmilla whispered against her lips, “... _ Que mes baisers soient les mots d'amour que je ne te dis pas, ma chérie _ ,” and she could practically  _ feel  _ herself liquify.

“I have no idea what you just said, but it sounded sappy and a lot like I totally forgive you.”  Carmilla laughed and quickly pressed her lips to Laura’s again, the both of them smiling and at the edge of their seats, their knees touching.

“It means something like, ‘let my kisses be the words of love that I don’t say’.”

“Exactly,  _ sappy _ .”  This time, Laura was the one to lean in and press her lips to Carmilla’s, her eyes closed as she moved her hands to Carmilla’s cheeks.  When she pulled away, she whispered, “I’m sorry, too.  I overreacted.  Like way,  _ way  _ overreacted.  I’m so in love with you it’s probably unhealthy.”  Carmilla laughed, but kissed her again.

“Is this the part where we have amazing make up sex on every available surface of the house until neither of us can move?”  Carmilla smirked and lowered her hands from where they were resting on the table, to gently run them up and down Laura’s thighs, over her jeans.

Laura shivered and left a trail of kisses from Carmilla’s lips to her jaw, to her ear, where she halted her assault and whispered, “Only if we start in the office, because I’ve been thinking about fucking you over your desk ever since we got it, especially when you wear those  _ damn  _ glasses.”  Carmilla chuckled, breathlessly, her grip on Laura’s thighs tightening ever so slightly, her mouth going dry.

“Does someone have a schoolgirl fantasy, Miss Hollis?”  Carmilla challenged, her voice lacking her usual confidence.  Laura ignored her, choosing to focus more on the faded wallpaper over Carmilla’s shoulder than the way her voice dropped and the way her pupils were dilated.

“Oh  _ geez _ ,” Laura laughed nervously, “don’t call me  _ Miss Hollis _ , I think your mother ruined that for me.”  Carmilla smirked and slid her hands around to Laura’s backside and pulling her to the edge of her chair, Carmilla’s knees now in between Laura’s widespread ones.

“Don’t worry,  _ Laura _ , you won’t remember anything but  _ my  _ name when I’m through with you,” Carmilla husked, lifting Laura from her chair by her thighs and standing up solidly.  Laura wrapped her legs around Carmilla’s waist when she started walking down the hallway to the closed office door.  

While Carmilla was impatiently trying to get the door open, Laura ground her hips into Carmilla’s, eliciting a gasp from both of them before she whispered, “I’m looking forward to it.”  Carmilla crushed their lips together, needy, as she finally got the door open.  She marched them over the threshold of the office doorway and over to her desk where she carelessly pushed everything from her desktop, onto the floor, replacing it all with Laura, wide eyed and breathless as wandering hands made their way to the waistband of her jeans.

* * *

 

**_le 13 decembre_ **

Christmas was fast approaching and with classes over and the graduation ceremony that weekend, Laf proposed the idea of going out in celebration of Laura and Carmilla  _ finally  _ graduating.  The girls were back in Silas for the ceremony, after a long debate with their friends and a couple of plane tickets later.  The two of them stayed at Will’s new place, in his spare bedroom, with the dogs.  Laura first suggested Laf and Perry’s again, but Carmilla quickly retorted with Will’s offer to crash at his place and Laura thought it would be a good idea for Will and Carmilla to spend some time together as brother and sister.

That weekend, Kirsch and Will wanted to go out to a bar and celebrate the “traditional” way, but surprisingly, Perry came up with the idea of laser tag, and they compromised by making it “ _ drunk _ ” laser tag.  Which Perry wasn’t as thrilled about.

Apparently, Kirsch was friends with a guy who was friends with another guy that used to be a Zeta and happened to be the owner’s son of the local laser tag place.  Who knew Kirsch of all people had connections.  But then again, it was for _laser tag_ , so was it _really_ that surprising?  All it took was a case of beer and a couple benjamins and the gang had the entire place to themselves for the night and free reign of the liquor from the small bar that was used for parties at the back.

Because no one felt like arguing about it, they agreed to get into the same teams as last time, with Laf and Carmilla only arguing a  _ little  _ about their new team name.  Team  _ Shut Up, We’re Trying _ \- Laf, Carmilla, Perry, and Kirsch - and Team  _ P _ RED _ ators _ (they decided to keep their team name) - Laura, Danny, Will, and Danny’s friend, Mel, came as their extra player.

The arena was set up similar to the paintball arena they went to before, except it was dark, save for the neon paint splattered everywhere and the black lights hanging from the ceiling.  The theme was some sort of alien spaceship/post-apocalyptic wasteland and divided into two floors.  Each floor was a series of mazes with dead ends and staircases that lead to nowhere.  Two bases sat at either end of the arena, one splattered in red neon paint, surrounded by red barrels and spiked rocks to mimic a sort of shelter for the “aliens”, on the first floor.  The other was splattered blue, in the corner of the second floor, made out of what was supposed to be the remains of a spaceship.  Both bases had a perfect view of the open-center of the arena, acting basically as a suicide mission if any of the players found themselves walking through it - there was no cover and only two ways in or out.  Both teams were set to play three rounds against each other.

With a shot of some clear liquid in everybody's hands (with the exception of Perry, claiming she was the DD) and their “armor” on and guns at the ready, both teams stared each other down, in the “control room”, as the computer animated voice counted down from ten.  Carmilla watched Laura with a smirk plastered across her face, silently coming up with a plan inside her head to get Laura back from the last time they played pool and from Laura’s stunt during paintball.

At five seconds, they all slammed their shots, wincing as the liquid burned their throats.

At three seconds, Carmilla winked at Laura, cocky (and mildly excited, but she wasn’t going to admit  _ that _ ).

At two seconds, two doors, one red, one blue, began opening, sliding up and disappearing into the ceiling.  As soon as there was enough room, Carmilla slipped under the door and sprinted out of the room and into the arena, ignoring Laura’s shout of protest.  She knew it was cheating, but she never claimed to play fair, and technically, the door  _ was  _ open.

She was climbing the stairs to the second floor when she heard the buzzer go off, indicating the start of the game.  She found the blue base easily enough and made a mental note of it’s location before she set off in another direction, getting a feel for the arena.  She descended another staircase and caught Will just as he was rounding a corner.  She shot him in the chest, smirked, and watched as his chest plate dulled, his gun disengaging, and he dramatically flung himself into the nearest wall and sunk to the ground.  Carmilla rolled her eyes as she left him and his laughter behind her.

It didn’t take very long before Carmilla found the red base.  It was empty.  She immediately crouched down just inside the rock formation and waited.  She didn’t have to wait long as she soon heard loud footsteps just outside the structure.  Unfortunately, it was just Kirsch (she should’ve known, if the way he tromped about like an elephant was any indication), but they decided to team up anyway, Carmilla taking the lead and Kirsch following close behind, covering her back.  They ran into Danny and Mel soon after.  Mel shot Kirsch instantly, but Carmilla managed to get both Danny and her counterpart.  Or that was what she thought, before Danny and Mel both sat on the ground and revealed Perry standing behind them, her gun raised.  Carmilla chose not to comment on that and hushed Kirsch, along with a slap to the back of his head, when he got excited and started sputtering out nonsense along the lines of “ _ Dude _ .  Dude.   _ Dude _ .  That was  _ so  _ cool, dude!”.

Carmilla didn’t even see Laura once that round.  15 minutes and she only managed to run into her own teammates and occasionally Will, who she managed to hit every single time.  She managed to get away with only getting shot once...by  _ Kirsch _ , of all people.  Apparently friendly fire was a thing that she needed to watch out for.

Team  _ Shut Up, We’re Trying _ won that round (mostly thanks to Perry).  Laf was second on the score roster.  Carmilla hadn’t seen them the entire round either.

Round two wasn’t all that eventful.  After a short snack and refreshment (booze) break, they gathered in the small control room again, this time with two shots each, knocking them back at the start of the countdown and again at five seconds.  Carmilla and Laura both dashed into the arena early, the second the doors were high enough for them to slide under, and found each other shortly after.  Laura managed to pull the trigger first, hitting Carmilla straight in the chest with a victory ‘ _ ha!’  _ and a fist pump.  She left a sloppy kiss on Carmilla’s cheek as she walked passed her and further into the arena.

That round was supposed to last longer than the one before it.  25 minutes in and after the buzzer, signalling the end of the round, sounded, Carmilla was at the top of the score roster, just under Perry.  No one questioned Perry’s ability to blow everyone away with her laser tag skills.  Laf was disappointed to find that they were tied for last with Kirsch, both somehow only getting two other hits.  Team  _ Shut Up, We’re Trying _ won that round too.

Round three was the longest round - 35 minutes in the arena, chasing each other down like excited children on an elementary school playground.  They decided to make it interesting.  Will suggested a slight twist.  Instead of shots that round, they were to each shotgun a beer (or water in Perry’s case) in the control room, not being allowed to leave before the beer (or water) was emptied.  Perry tsked at the idea, but didn’t tell them not to, so they all grabbed a cold can of beer from behind the bar and made their way back to the control room.

The second the countdown started, everyone poked a hole in their cans with a spare key from Perry’s key ring and attached their mouths to the aluminum before cracking the top open and letting the liquid pour down their throats, while Perry cracked open her water bottle and immediately started chugging it.  Not surprisingly, Kirsch and Danny both finished first and they each threw their empty cans onto the ground in victory before dashing out into the arena.  Perry finished second, followed closely by Will then Mel and Lafontaine.  Carmilla finished when Will did, but Laura was having trouble chugging an ice cold beverage and Carmilla stayed behind to help, not before shooting Laura in the chest for keeping her back though.

Out in the arena, Carmilla found Kirsch splayed out on the floor like a starfish, counting down from who knows what.  She gave him an eyebrow in passing and he simply replied with, ‘ _ Laf got me _ ’.  Carmilla chuckled and had no doubt in her mind she’d have to go back and get him after the buzzer sounded for the end of the round.

It didn't take long for Carmilla to find Perry.  She was crouched behind a barrel stalking an unsuspecting Will who was using a wall as support to hold himself up as he dragged his body along it, his gun aimed in front of him, not realizing he was walking straight into the _Dead Zone_.  Carmilla laughed, shot Will in the shoulder, and patted Perry on the back before finally going to find Laura.  It was their final round and her plan to get Laura back was definitely way past due.

It was like an extreme game of hide and seek.  Carmilla spent at least 10 minutes just walking around in circles, looking for any sign of a flash of honey brown hair.  Mel managed to shoot her in the back once while she was particularly perplexed after running into a dead end, but she did hit an incredibly confused Danny in the chest so it all evened out.

Carmilla's plan was proving to be slightly difficult.  She even caught back up with Perry and Kirsch and asked if they had caught sight of her.  They hadn't.  Then she found Lafontaine and asked them the same thing she asked her other teammates.

"Oh, yeah!  I just saw her at our base, she was hiding behind one of the ship parts in the corner so I hid behind the other one and continuously shot at her before she got out and started running away.  Man, I wish this place had cameras in here, that was the best thing ever!  I could've played it in your wedding slideshow!"

Carmilla just rolled her eyes and mumbled a thanks and headed in the direction of the blue base.

Sure enough, Laura was still hanging around there.  Albeit, not actually _on_ the base, but close enough that she'd be able to see when someone was coming, but still be hidden behind the wall she was pacing in front of, waiting for Carmilla.  Carmilla huffed out a quiet laugh at her antics before another idea sprang to mind.

With as much grace as she could muster, Carmilla removed her left shoe and threw it up a stairway that she _knew_ lead to a sharp corner and an abrupt wall (she made the mistake of running up that staircase during the first round and almost ran right into the rubber wall) before ducking out of sight.  Just as she expected, Laura took the bait, following the noise and starting to make her way up the stairs.  Carmilla silently followed.

When Laura rounded the corner at the top of the staircase, Carmilla heard her whisper, _'Merlin's beard!'._ Carmilla suppressed a chuckle.  Just as Laura began to turn around to descend the stairs and enter back into the arena, Carmilla positioned her gun and pointed it straight at Laura's chest, Laura's eyes going wide as a smirk grew on Carmilla's lips.

"Don't.  Move."  Carmilla watched as Laura gulped and did as she was told, planting her feet, gun clutched tightly in her right hand.  "Drop the gun, Cupcake."  Laura did.  It landed softly at her side.  Carmilla's smirk grew as she took a step forward, arms still outstretched in front of her, her gun still pointed straight at Laura.  "Good."  Her plan was going smoothly.  Carmilla took another step, now only one stride away from the girl in front of her.  She lowered her gun.  Laura watched her cautiously, slightly confused, and a little bit turned on.  Carmilla closed the distance between them with a sway of her hips and backed Laura up into the wall behind her.  Laura gasped, her breathing quickening as their eyes met.  With one last smirk, Carmilla shifted so her left knee was pressed in between Laura's legs, her right hand gripping Laura's left hip, and her left hand still gripping her gun.  Carmilla didn't even have to close the gap between their lips, Laura instinctively leaned forward on her own and Carmilla went with it.  She kissed back with fervor, nearly losing herself and throwing her plan out the window when she found their tongues in a delicate dance, but she had Laura right where she wanted her.  There would be plenty of time for _that_ later.  The second she felt Laura's hips start to move to their own rhythm against her leg, she removed her mouth from Laura's, using her need for air as an excuse to make her way down to Laura's neck, sucking at the soft skin there.  Just for a moment, he reveled in the feel of Laura's heart beating against her chest and her quick intake of breath every time she hit _just_ the right spot as her hips ground into the top of Carmilla's leg.  Once the moment was over though, Carmilla forced herself to removed her lips from Laura's neck and kiss a trail to the girl's ear, while she slowly raised her gun in between them and pulled the trigger.  She felt Laura's vest vibrate and the shorter girl gasp at the unsuspected movement.  Carmilla only whispered, "that was payback for paintball," into Laura's ear before she pecked the girl on the lips, smiled sweetly, and turned around, making her way back down the stairs.  She only turned around to mouth _'love you'_ , before she entered the arena completely.

Team _Shut UP, We're Trying_ won all three rounds.

Laura wasn't even _that_ mad.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I omitted a few scenes because I wasn't feeling them, so next chapter there will be a time jump to the holigays.


	15. à de nouveaux débuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holigay shenans
> 
> TW: Sexy times, too much cute for a heart to handle probably (let me know if I need to add more)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter than the past few chapters, but its supa gay to make up for it. And then there’s the epilogue. You might have to emotionally prepare yourselves for that. Just a heads up (nothing bad, just a possibility of causing cavities).
> 
> Also, I didn't really reread this so if there are any issues let me know.

Laura always enjoyed the idea of traditions; the concept of taking a custom from her childhood and bringing it into her life as an adult and passing those customs and beliefs on to her children.  Even taking some of her partner’s traditions and incorporating them with her own.  She also loved the idea of sharing her traditions with the people she loved and creating new traditions with her new family and lifelong friends.

On the other hand, Carmilla never really cared for traditions.  Her father grew up in a Jewish household, celebrating Hanukkah, her mother grew up Christian, celebrating Christmas, and every year during the holidays, their family always celebrated both.  That was just what they did.  She remembered a Menorah always being lit next to the Christmas tree and before she met Laura, she didn’t know that not all families did that.  She didn’t think of it as a tradition.  It was just what her family did.

After Carmilla’s father died, the only “tradition” her mother stuck with involved a glass of wine, or three.  There was never another Menorah or Christmas tree in the house again, that she knew of, or that her mother put out anyway.  Carmilla resorted to creating her own “traditions” after that, which, more or less, involved doing whatever Laura and _her_ family did during the holidays.

Laura’s family was _really_ into Christmas.  They did the whole pick-your-own-tree-and-cut-it-down-yourself thing, which at first, Carmilla thought was pointless when there were perfectly good _fake_ trees that were already strung with lights and plastic ornaments, sold in stores.  It didn’t make sense to her to put in so much effort to get a tree when you were just going to be constantly sweeping up its fallen needles until it died completely and you were basically forced to throw it away barely even a month later.  But, after a few years of tagging along with the Hollis’ during the holidays, she began to realize the entire ordeal had nothing to do with finding the perfect tree or decorating the house in hundreds of string lights and annoying, cheesy decorations or making enough gingerbread cookies for the entire third world or drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows in it or having snowball fights in the front yard or singing and dancing to Christmas music in her pajamas.  It was the _concept_.  It was spending time with family, blood related or not.  It was seeing the happiness radiating off their faces.  It was the unconditional _love_ in the air.  It was everything Carmilla forgot she needed.

* * *

 

**_le 24 decembre_ **

As an adult, Carmilla believed she could do what she pleased.  As an adult, she believed she could wake up at two in the afternoon on Christmas Eve and not have anyone tell her otherwise.  As an adult, Carmilla realized she was incredibly mistaken.  Especially when she was living and in love with a _Hollis_.

Laura was a morning person.  Carmilla knew this.  But, apparently on Christmas Eve, Laura became an _extra early_ morning person.  Carmilla didn’t know how she felt about it at first.  She could feel Laura’s excited energy rolling off her in waves, even before Laura announced she was awake.  Carmilla registered a light breath tickling her nose and groaned, knowing what was about to come next and that her body was nowhere near ready.  Without opening her eyes, she went to roll over, away from her girlfriend, only for Laura to catch her by her wrists and pin her to the bed with her arms above her head and Laura sitting on her stomach, Laura’s face mere inches away from Carmilla’s, as she groaned again, this time almost whining.

Carmilla still didn’t bother opening her eyes as she grumbled, “Laura, love of my life, _sweetheart_ , do I dare ask, ‘ _what in the frilly hell are you doing?_ ’”

Laura bounced a little on her knees, causing Carmilla’s body to jostle with the movement.  “It’s Christmas Eve, you grump!  Come on!”

Carmilla grunted in response, but knew she wouldn’t win, in the end.  She cracked one eye open a sliver and chanced a glance at the clock on their nightstand as she warily sat up, her fingers lacing with Laura’s as Laura’s legs wrapped around her waist, and Laura’s bottom settled in her lap.  As her tired eyes focused on the glowing numbers, they immediately went comically wide before snapping to Laura’s eager stare and wide smile.

“It is fucking _six_ a.m., for crying out loud.  Are you trying to kill me, woman?!”

Laura simply giggled out, “ _no,_ silly, we just have a lot to do today.  I like to get an early start,” and accompanied it with a kiss to Carmilla’s nose before climbing off of her and practically skipping to the bathroom.  Carmilla didn’t move until Laura skipped back out and had to drag her across their bedroom floor to the bathroom where she tugged urgently at Carmilla’s sleep shirt and underwear and threw them into a pile in the corner before pushing Carmilla under the warm stream of water from the shower and joining her a few seconds later.

And ‘ _a lot_ ’ they did.

* * *

 

Before noon, Laura had Carmilla dragged all over town.

Bundled up in scarves, beanies, gloves (mittens for Laura), Carmilla’s thicker leather jacket and combat boots, Laura’s floof of a winter coat and snow boots, they first stopped at the only cafe in town for a large hot chocolate and an even larger black coffee, and two sprinkled doughnuts.  Then, much to Carmilla’s dismay, they walked to the convenience store where Laura picked up a few things, then the hardware store, then to some other store where Laura picked up a few more things, then another, and another, all the while Carmilla waited outside each establishment collecting the bags Laura brought out like bracelets.  By the time they made it back around to the car, Carmilla was frozen, hangry, and ready for a week long nap.  Laura allowed them to stop and get one more warm beverage and a light brunch before driving a few miles to the outskirts of town and to their next stop.

                Carmilla fell asleep on the short drive to their destination and Laura had to drag her from the car, still half asleep.  Carmilla barely paid any attention to where Laura was dragging her by the cuff of her glove and was slightly surprised to see they were actually at a Christmas tree farm.

                With all the hustle and bustle of “life” they didn’t have time to go out earlier in the month to pick out their tree, so the pickings were slim, but after a lot of bargaining with the jolly man that ran the place, Laura still managed to find one that she fell in love with, even if it was shorter than Laura herself, for a decent price.  The branches were full and lively though and immediately, Carmilla could see it sitting, overly decorated with string lights and ornaments too heavy for its branches, on a table in the center of their two door walls looking out into the backyard.  It was sickening.  She was actually excited to decorate it.

                Back at the house, Laura helped Carmilla bring the bags in from the car and up into the kitchen where they unceremoniously dumped them all onto the kitchen table.  Carmilla left Laura to unpack the bags in favor of untying their tree from the roof of the car and half dragging it back up the stairs, while trying not to get pine needles everywhere.  The dogs immediately zeroed in on the mass of branches and curiously followed Carmilla and the tree until she carefully dropped it on the floor in the middle of the large room.  She rolled her eyes at the dogs as they cautiously circled the new addition to their house, their noses working away to try and figure if it was a threat or not.

                A fire was started in the fireplace, store-bought eggnog was cracked open, poured, and consumed in copious amounts while lights were strung with practiced ease around the fireplace, looped through the banisters, and hung around the balconies.  Last minute decorations were hung, tacked, nailed, and placed about on the main floor.  Four unique stockings were carefully hung along the fireplace mantel, each with a name lovingly sewn into the fabric.  Laura’s was originally from her grandma, hand-knit and made from scratch with a now-faded yellow yarn that Laura had picked out when she was little.  Laura tried to replicate her grandmother’s handiwork with a handful of black yarn, but miserably failed, resulting in Carmilla’s disaster of a stocking that would’ve made a better tube sock.  Carmilla loved it anyway and smiled when she hung it on one of the hooks over the fireplace.  The dog’s stockings were store-bought after Laura discovered her lack of skill in the art of knitting, she did sew in their names though and allowed Carmilla to hang up Finnegan’s monster stocking, while she hung up Doc’s _Doctor Who_ stocking.

Once the stockings were hung (by the chimney with care - or faux lack of care, in Carmilla’s sake), Laura put together the intricate tree set up and began repositioning the branches so they were all evenly spread.  Carmilla begrudgingly volunteered herself to string the lights around the tree, barely managing without tangling herself in the mess.  Laura put herself in charge of placing the tinsel, and together they put on the little amount of ornaments they had, with Laura claiming they were supposed to collect as much personal/individualized ornaments on their own, before she took out four boxes and handed two to Carmilla, one with _‘Carm’_ scrawled into the top, and the other with _‘Finn’_.  Carmilla simply raised an eyebrow before lifting the lid off the box with her name on it.  Inside was a small ceramic Oscar the Grouch ornament with a red Santa hat on and ‘Bah, Humbug!’ carved into the bottom, to which Carmilla let out a bark of laughter accompanied by a kiss to Laura’s cheek as she passed her to hang it up on the tree.  Finn’s ornament was a simple dog head with a ripped up present it its mouth.  Carmilla hung it up next to hers with an amused smile.  Inside Laura’s box was an IOU note written in her own handwriting with a string attached, meant as a reminder for Carmilla for next year that it was up to her to get Laura’s ornament.  Carmilla rolled her eyes as Laura hung it proudly smack dab in the middle of the tree.  Doc’s ornament a Tardis with _‘Doc’_ carved into the ceramic with Christmas lights hung around it and Laura had taken the liberty of drawing a small dog in one of the windows.  She hung it next to her note.

Because it was Christmas Eve, Carmilla allowed Laura to convince her into making cookies as their dinner.  They made them from scratch and admittedly got most of the batter on the kitchen floor, instead of into small dough shapes on the cookie sheets.  There were snowflakes, snow people, snowballs - Carmilla’s contribution - Christmas trees, even a few “presents”, which were all decorated after they cooled and Laura threw away the multiple burnt batches because Carmilla, seemingly out of nowhere, produced a bit of mistletoe and hung it over her and Laura’s head every chance she got, which evidently lead to much less innocent kissing and more so heavy petting over their clothes before Laura put a stop to it and returned to the previous task of making her intricate cookies.  Before long, they were both covered in powdered sugar and flour and who knew what else when Carmilla rebutted Laura’s refusal to give in by flinging a handful of flour at her chest, to which Laura _had_ to respond by grabbing anything she could and flinging it at Carmilla.  Thus, the mess.  They didn’t even bothering cleaning it up before Laura dragged them into the hallway bathroom, stripping down on their way, and straight to the shower, where she first washed Carmilla thoroughly and then herself and made sure Carmilla cried out her name at least twice before she wrapped her in a towel and lead her to their bedroom for a surprise she had been waiting for all day - matching Christmas onesies.  Carmilla couldn’t complain, still in a blissful state as she stepped into the obnoxiously joyful pajamas and zipped them up to her chin.  Laura made sure to get plenty of pictures.

It was barely 11 o’clock by the time Laura insisted they both exchange one gift before they went to bed.  Carmilla was prepared for this, having been with the Hollis’ on more than one Christmas Eve when her mother deliberately went out of town for the week.  After grabbing her gift for Laura, she topped off their eggnog, grabbed the plate of cookies, added another log to the fire, and settled next to Laura where they had set up camp on the living room floor in front of the fireplace with blankets and pillows and next to Laura were two boxes, wrapped neatly in black wrapping paper with Carmilla’s name written in silver Sharpie.  The rule was _one_ gift before bed on Christmas Eve, so Carmilla was a little confused to see two boxes, but didn’t question it as Laura smiled up at her when Carmilla handed her her eggnog and the plate of cookies.

When Laura didn’t throw the boxes in Carmilla’s lap like she was prone to do, Carmilla took the initiative and handed Laura her gift.  It was simple and heartfelt and had cost her nothing to come up with, but Carmilla was still obviously nervous about having Laura see the gift.  Carmilla watched Laura’s face for any reaction as she slowly unrolled the piece of paper with nimble fingers.  At first glance, Laura gasped as tears sprung to her eyes.  She wasn’t sure what she expected, but a carefully detailed charcoal portrait of her, Noah, and her parents was not it.  And suddenly Laura was reminded of the fact that none of them were there to celebrate the holiday with her - _their_ holiday - , and that her parents never would again.  And then Carmilla was holding her, her head resting against Carmilla’s chest as she cried.  She hadn’t even realized she was practically sobbing at that point.  Carmilla felt somewhat guilty, but when she tried to take the portrait away, Laura held it closer to her, almost shielding it with her body, as much as she could, taking extra care not to crumple the paper.  As Carmilla continued to hold her and press soft kisses to her forehead, Laura began to calm herself down and was eventually able to place a solid kiss onto Carmilla’s lips as her thank you, since words seemed to fail her.

“So, you like it?”  Carmilla asked, timidly, into Laura’s hair as Laura wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s waist.  Laura’s response was another kiss pressed to Carmilla’s lips accompanied by a soft, whispered, “ _I love it_ ”.

Laura wasted no more time in shoving one of the boxes with Carmilla’s name on it into her girlfriend’s lap the second she vacated it.  She was nervous, Carmilla could tell.  She kept glancing at the second box out of the corner of her eye, almost as if she wanted to snatch the box in Carmilla’s hands away and give her the other one instead.  But she didn’t.  She let Carmilla open it.  Carmilla wasn’t careful with the wrapping paper as she ripped open the sides and tore the paper away, revealing a plain cardboard box, taped shut.  With the help of Laura, she managed to get it open with a pen from the coffee table.  When Carmilla opened the flaps and saw what was inside, she was overwhelmed by the amount of emotions that immediately flowed through her.  She quickly glanced at Laura, eyes wide, before her gaze, once again, fell to the contents of the box.  Inside, laid a beautifully polished silver menorah with simple, handmade candles, individually wrapped in bubble wrap.  Carmilla was too shocked at the fact that Laura even remembered Carmilla’s father was Jewish to register that Laura had progressively gotten more restless as she continued to silently stare into the box in awe.  And in complete Laura fashion, she began to backtrack in a ramble.

“Okay, I know I’m a little late for Hanukkah this year, but I figured we could light it next year...for your dad...if you want...unless you think that’s stupid or completely offensive or something then I could get rid of it or return it because it’s real and was expensive and I don’t just want to give it away but I thought you’d like it and if you don’t we can totally pretend this never happened and that I didn’t make a complete fool of myself by making shitty beeswax candles with Perry at three in the morning because I got a backup gift just in case-”

Just as Laura went to turn to grab the second box, Carmilla took hold of Laura’s hand and pulled her closer before messily landing a kiss to Laura’s now silent mouth.  Carmilla didn’t let go until Laura moved back, in need of air.  The silence between them didn’t last very long before Laura broke it.  Again.

“So, that means you like it right?  Because you’re crying, but you’re kind of smiling and you’re like the Queen of Mixed Signals right now and usually I can read you, but-”

“Oh, would you shut up and come here?  It’s perfect, Laura.”  And Laura couldn’t help but melt into another kiss as Carmilla’s lips found hers again, less messy, more purposeful, and full of everything Carmilla couldn’t say with words, yet Laura understood perfectly.

They were still in the middle of a kiss when Laura slipped the other box into Carmilla’s lap and mumbled, “You still want this gift though, right?”  Carmilla just smirked and unwrapped the paper, using the pen again to help cut the tape.  She burst out laughing at what Laura was trying to get at with giving her a yoga mat with constellations on it.  “Now, we can do yoga _together_ and maybe you won’t mind doing it if you have something you’re interested in to look at.”

“I already had that and it had nothing to do with the mat, _Cutie_.”

With a wink and a smirk, Carmilla carefully placed her gifts from Laura to the side and gently pushed Laura back so that she was lying amongst the pile of blankets beneath them, working at the zipper of Laura’s onesie with one hand, while the other traced its path along Laura’s smooth skin, only stopping when she reached Laura’s reindeer boxers, breaking out into uncontrollable laughter and a barely distinguishable, “ _you sure do know how to woo a woman, Hollis_ ” between giggles.

* * *

 

**_le 25 decembre_ **

                When Carmilla woke up on Christmas morning, she was surprised to see the sun shining through the uncovered windows and the space beside her empty.  Her worries quickly subsided though, as she recognized the sounds of someone in the kitchen and a strong whiff of bacon and eggs and freshly brewed coffee and hot chocolate hit her nose.  Rolling over, Carmilla went to get up, but stopped herself as a not entirely unwelcomed ache shot through her legs and groin and she groaned.  Slipping back into her boy shorts and onesie, that had been strewn about the living room floor the night before, Carmilla padded into the kitchen, spotting Laura at the stove, flipping pancakes, in nothing but her reindeer boxers.  Carmilla smirked, wrapping her arms around Laura’s middle and placing a gentle kiss to her cheek before resting her head in the crook of her neck and mindlessly trailing her hand up to cup Laura’s bare breast, massaging it gently with her thumb, leaving goosebumps across Laura’s skin.

                “You let me sleep in,” Carmilla practically purred into Laura’s ear.

                “I figured you could use a bit more rest.”  Laura was smirking, Carmilla didn’t have to see her face to hear it in her tone of voice.  She chuckled lowly, placing a kiss against Laura’s bare shoulder.

                “You were right.  You are exceedingly talented with your hands,” Carmilla murmured appreciatively, backing into the island and crossing her arms as she watched Laura flip one last pancake onto a stack already on a plate, turning the stove burner off, and turning around to face Carmilla.

                “I can’t take all the credit, Carm.”  She placed the plate of pancakes onto the counter next to Carmilla’s hip and a jug of syrup.  She went to turn around to grab silverware and two plates, but Carmilla snarked out,

                “You’re right, the sex was subpar, at best.”  Laura turned her head, arm half extended towards the cupboard and glared daggers at the smirk on Carmilla’s face.

                “Ass.”  Carmilla’s smirk grew tenfold.

                “You love my ass.”  Laura rolled her eyes, blushing slightly.

                “Damn straight.”

                “Last night was anything but straight, but...feel free to remind me exactly _how much_ you love it.”  And, Laura rolled her eyes again.

                “Sometimes, you’re worse than a high school boy.”  Finally having gathered the desired cutlery, Laura took her place on the other side of the island from where Carmilla was still standing, now facing her, smirk still in place.

                “Have a lot of experience with high school boys, Hollis?  Because if I remember correctly, there were a lot less boys and a lot more of my hands in your-” The blush that spread across Laura’s cheeks was significantly more prominent than it had been.

                “Oh, shut up and eat your breakfast-” Carmilla shut Laura up with a brief kiss to her lips.

“-yes, ma’am.”

“-and then we can open the rest of the gifts.”  And with that, Laura was shoveling pancake into her mouth at alarming speeds while Carmilla rolled her eyes, a lazy smile adorning her face, and walked around the counter to her seat at Laura’s right and silently hoping she wouldn’t have to perform the Heimlich on Christmas Day.

By the time Carmilla finished eating her pancakes - at a normal human speed, as to avoid choking to death - Laura was practically buzzing with pent up excited energy she had very clearly been trying to suppress the entire morning.  Carmilla smiled and slowly, methodically placed her fork and knife down onto her empty plate, meticulously wiped her mouth with a clean napkin, and folded her hands in her lap before turning to Laura.  She was staring, waiting, wide eyed and on the edge of her seat.

“Okay, spaz, you ready to-” Carmilla couldn’t even finish her sentence before she was being dragged to the tree and pushed into a seated position in front of it.  The dogs joined them seconds later, Finn’s head fine a place in her lap while Doc rested at her side, in between Carmilla and Laura’s knees.

Laura immediately began organizing the wrapped gifts into piles in front of each member of their little family - a bone with a ribbon wrapped around it and a large stuffed squeaky toy for each of the dogs (one a dinosaur, the other a moose), one small bundle in front of Carmilla, and in front of Laura sat an oddly shaped hard thing, another oddly shaped hard thing, two smaller rectangle shaped things (one flatter and wider than the other) and yet, another oddly shaped hard thing.  Laura hardly waited before tearing into the poorly wrapped gifts in front of her, throwing any present-opening etiquette out the window.  She’s too engrossed in unwrapping an unnaturally large desk globe - that may have to have its own table - that she didn’t notice the look of pure adoration and unabashed love on Carmilla’s face.

Carmilla waited until Laura had opened her desk lamp, engraved pen with her name on it, the leather bound journal Carmilla found last week in an old book store in town, and her new leather briefcase that she had engraved with Laura’s initials before she even glanced at the carefully wrapped package in her lap.  She had a fleeting that everything she needed was already there with her and that nothing would change by tearing away the paper, but it was gone when Laura looked over to her, waiting patiently - well, as patient as Laura could be on Christmas Day - and started working at the corner of the paper, carefully peeling away the tape.  She saw Laura’s hand twitch and couldn’t help but smile.

The smile immediately fell from her face though when she finally pulled the wrapping paper away and revealed what Laura was so eager for her to see.

_The Jungle Book_ by Rudyard Kipling.  Illustrated by Rudyard’s father, John Lockwood Kipling.  Published in the United Kingdom by Macmillan in 1894.  A first edition copy.

Carmilla could have cried at how preserved the cover was and how near perfectly preserved the pages were.  In fact, she did, but she only noticed when a warm hand found her cheek and wiped away the tear trails.

“Where did you- How’d you even- How much did you-?”  Carmilla couldn’t even form a sentence, she was so baffled.

“I know a guy in the UK, and before you ask how much it was - it was a lot, so we don’t need to go there.”  Carmilla shook her head.

“Laura, this is too much, I can’t-”

“I don’t care how much it was, Carm.  It was worth it just for your reaction, alone.  And besides, now I won’t have to hear you complain anymore about the missing copy you can’t find in the bookshelf upstairs.  Also, now you can read it to our kids in the future.  I know how much it meant to you when your dad would read it to you.”

“ _Laura_.”  It sounded more like an exhalation of breath than anything else, but Laura was close enough that she was able to hear it.  She leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to Carmilla’s hairline, before sitting back, one hand clasped in one of Carmilla’s.

“There’s still two more.”

“Two more what?”

“Books,” Laura nodded to the half opened package still in Carmilla’s lap.

“Oh.”  Carmilla shook her head, carefully removing the unwrapped first edition of _The Jungle Book_ and placed it gingerly on top of the coffee table.  When she looked back down in her lap, she blinked.  Then blinked again.

In her lap sat a first edition copy of _The Second Jungle Book_ and _The Rukh_.  The third and first books in the series _The Jungle Books_.  Before Carmilla could say anything, Laura rushed out, “I was going to get the second one anyway, so my friend threw in the first book for free.”  And then Carmilla was kissing her, only broken by the _thank yous_ that Carmilla mumbled against Laura’s lips.  It didn’t go further than that though because the dogs were soon barking and the doorbell was going off and Carmilla was scrambling up from her position on the floor, almost at lightning speed.  She got to the door before she had to double back, throwing Laura her onesie to put back on, checking herself out in the mirror that she didn’t look like she had just been practically sobbing over a book and the promise of a future.  With one final look at Laura who was zipping the onesie up and over her shoulders, Carmilla opened the door and stepped aside, already knowing who was on the other side, a small smile on her face as she watched Laura’s face - first full of confusion, then surprise, then complete happiness.

With a squeal and some weird dance, Laura ran full force into her brother’s arms, nearly knocking the two of them over and somehow managing not to trip over Noah’s bags at their feet.  With Noah still trapped in Laura’s bear hug, he could only thank Carmilla with a wink.  She nodded back with a small smile.  Laura didn’t let go until Noah had to practically peel her off of him.  When he did, the first thing out of Laura’s mouth was,

“What the hell are you doing here?  I thought you couldn’t make it this year?!”  Noah just shrugged and gestured for Laura to go back into the house, Carmilla grabbing his bags before he could even think about it.

“I got a few days leave, so I figured I’d spend it with you and your- “ Noah chanced a quick glance to Carmilla, who was wearing a slightly panicked look and subtly shaking her head, “ -girlfriend,” he smirked as he caught the end of Carmilla’s eye roll.

“Well, good.  I got you a gift and it’d be pretty expensive to send wherever you’re living nowadays- “

“-Hawaii.”

“Hawaii?  Really?  Never mind, of course you’re stationed in Hawaii.  Anyhow, my statement still stands.”  Carmilla chooses then to butt in.

“Alright, cupcake, go get his gift.”  Laura nodded her head, agreeing and rushing past the two of them to sprint up the stairs to her and Carmilla’s bedroom.  Noah watches Carmilla watch Laura run down the hallway, up the stairs, and into the bedroom, where she knows Laura will be rummaging through the closet.  When Carmilla turns her attention back to Noah, she’s met with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.  “What.”

“Why haven’t you done it yet?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, cut the shit, you better not be getting cold feet, Karnstein.”

“Shut up, would you?  And no, I am not getting ‘cold feet’, I just haven’t had the right opportunity yet,” Carmilla ground out, between her teeth.  She didn’t want Laura to overhear.

“Bullshit.”

“ _Not_ bullshit.  I was going to do it this morning before we opened gifts, but she didn’t wake me up at the asscrack of dawn and then she made breakfast and then she was practically plowing through her gifts and then she got me first editions of- “Noah cut her off with a laugh.

“Okay, okay, geez, I thought rambling was Laura’s thing.”  Carmilla smacked him upside the head for that one.

“I’ll do it tonight.”

“You better or she’s going to beat you to it.”

“Like hell she is-” Their secret conversation was cut short by Laura yelling that she finally found what she was looking for and stampeding down the stairs again.  Noah was looking through his bag on the couch when Laura finally joined them back in the living room.

“Okay, so I couldn’t wrap it because, well, for obvious reasons, but I did put this cute bow on it, so...here.  Merry Christmas, Noah.”  In Laura’s hand was a brand new military issued duffle bag, something inside, weighing it down in her arms.  Noah wordlessly handed Carmilla a small package, she took it with a raised eyebrow, and then he handed Laura a little larger box, in exchange for the duffle bag, which he placed on the couch next to his old, smaller one and unzipped it.  Inside was a myriad of graphic novels of his favorite anime.  He was surprised she even knew what it was.  “I wasn’t sure if you could actually take those with you or not, so I could always send them, but the bag, I figured you might need so-”

“I can take a few.  Thanks, Laur,” Noah smiled his appreciation before nodding towards the box still grasped between Laura’s fingers.  She beamed back at him and immediately tore into the wrapping paper haphazardly taped.  Carmilla chose that moment to start opening her gift from Noah as well, leaving a sketchbook and tin of graphite pencils in her hand, but at the small gasp that escaped Laura’s mouth her head shot up and a smile graced her face.

In Laura’s hand was a camera.  A new digital DSLR camera that was a few upgrades above her previous camera that still sat smashed in their office.  It didn’t take long before the camera was in her hands, a memory card in it, and lens in place.  Carmilla knew Noah was getting her a camera, she had given him the idea, but she didn’t know if Laura would still be interested in the hobby.  The smile on Laura’s face and the amount of pictures that were taken that night told her otherwise.

                The rest of the night was laidback.  Noah told stories from his travels overseas, passed out trinkets that he had picked up along the way and photographs with a few of the friends and family he had made.  Carmilla and Laura listened with rapt attention, taking in every word, eager to hear more of what he was going through.  Laura showed Noah the portrait Carmilla did of their family, he teared up, but managed to keep his emotions at bay as he surprised Carmilla in a famous Hollis bear hug.  They drank wine and laughed and Noah made everyone a bowl of Ramen, claiming he hadn’t had it in forever when he found it in the girls’ pantry.  Laura scowled Carmilla, she didn’t even know it was in there.

When Noah finally announced that the jet lag was getting to him, Laura showed him the guest room while Carmilla made her way upstairs, nerves finally hitting her like a freight train.  She decided a shower might be of some use to calm her down.  Laura joined her not long after and they simply helped each other wash themselves in between stolen kisses, too tired for anything more.  Carmilla left Laura to change in the bathroom while she went out to get a change of clothes from their closet and a little black velvet box from under her side of the bed before she got under the covers, her nerves flying back full force as Laura stepped out of the bathroom in sweats and one of Carmilla’s hoodies, drying her hair with a towel.  Laura dropped her wet towel in the laundry hamper and shut their bedroom light off just before jumping into bed, bouncing slightly, and diving under the covers, pulling them up to her nose before snuggling up to Carmilla’s side.  Carmilla chuckled.

“Don’t fall asleep yet, sweetheart.  I still have one more thing I wanted to give you.”  Laura’s eyes lit up, Carmilla sat up, reaching into her pocket, under the covers.

“Carmilla Karnstein, you better not pull out some sort of sex toy because that is incredibly cliché and honestly, I am way too exhausted to even think about-” Laura’s words die in her throat when Carmilla reveals the tiny box in her hand.

“ _Relax_ , it’s not a sex toy.”

“Wait.  Is that-?  What are you-”  “So, I had-”

They both started talking at the same time that Carmilla pushed the covers back and went to stand up, but before she got very far, a warm hand clasped around her wrist and pulled her back down to the bed.

“ _No_!”

“What?”  Carmilla’s face turned into that of horror.  Laura’s soon matched as she realized what shouting _‘no’_ during what she thought Carmilla was about to do might sound like.

“No!   _No_ , I mean, yes!  But, hold on.  Don’t move.  Stay _right_ there.”  Laura was off the bed in seconds, the blankets getting tangled in her feet as she practically fell into the laundry basket and began throwing dirty clothes around the room like a mad woman.  When she finally found what she was looking for with a victory fist pump to the air above her head, she rounded the bed, talking record fast and not making much sense, “Being in love with you is like, I don’t know, it’s almost as if you’re aiming an arrow at my heart, but I’m the one holding the bow and we’re both at fault if either of us get hurt, but there’s also a chance neither of us will and I don’t really remember where I was going with that analogy, but I love you and I’m willing to give you the power to hurt me, although I trust that you won’t and I hope that you trust me enough too even though our track record with that is like complete shit and-”

“Laura, breathe, I don’t want to have to take you to the hospital on _Christmas_ because you aren’t breathing, just spit it out.”  Carmilla was smiling, not really knowing where her girlfriends rambling was headed but happy to patiently wait until she was done to get down on one knee and do what she had been waiting to do for some time.

Laura let out a nervous laugh before taking a much needed deep breath, lowering herself to one knee as she fumbled with the almost identical small velvet box as the one in Carmilla’s hand and practically half shouted, half sighed, “Will you marry me?”  Carmilla’s smile fell as she finally realized what was going on.

“Well, what the fuck.”  Laura looked taken aback for a second before Carmilla shoved the box in her hand into one of Laura’s, grabbed the box Laura was still holding out, delicately taking the ring from its perch inside the box and sliding it onto her left ring finger and Laura’s look of shock turned into a bright smile.  Carmilla took a minute to admire the ring on her finger before her gaze found Laura’s again and found her already watching her.  “What?”

“You wanted to propose first, didn’t you?  You know, we could go back and I could pretend I have no idea what’s going on.  I’m a great actor.”  Carmilla simply rolled her eyes, catching the glint of the ring she got Laura, still in the box and her glower soon turned into a small smile.

“No, it’s okay.”  She reached forward, gently taking the ring in between her forefinger and thumb and grabbing Laura’s left hand gently in her own.  She spread Laura’s fingers before sliding the ring onto her ring finger and bringing it up to her lips to press a gentle kiss against the cold metal.  “This means you said ‘yes’, right?”

“Only if this means that you’re saying ‘yes’, too.”  Carmilla rolled her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that day, but there was nothing but love in the gesture as Laura smiled up at her from where she was still kneeling in front of Carmilla.  She started to rise, gripping on the back of Carmilla’s neck as she placed their foreheads together and lowering Carmilla back onto the bed.

Carmilla whispered, “I could never say ‘no’ to you,” just as Laura’s lips brushed against hers and her hands fell to rest on Laura’s hips.

“Tell me you _do_ still have that certain toy that we used to-” Carmilla cut her off with a brisk kiss before flipping Laura onto her back and rushing to the back of their closet.  When she came back out she was carrying the abovementioned _toy_ and Laura was trying hard, and failing, not to let her eyes linger on the phallic shape in Carmilla’s grasp as she tried to figure out the harness contraption.

* * *

 

They didn’t last very long before Noah was banging on the ceiling of the guest room with his shoe and yelling at the two girls to shut the hell up.  They simply laughed and Carmilla yelled at him to get a damn pair of headphones because she was busy with her fiancée.

Her fiancée.

She was never going to get tired of saying that.

She’d only retire the title when she could finally call Laura her wife.


	16. epilogue: the bachelorette parties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part one of the five part epilogue.
> 
> Part Two - The Wedding  
> Part Three - Newfoundland  
> Part Four - Ireland, London, Austria  
> Part Five - Paris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, I could've made this longer, but there will be plenty of opportunities for me to write them doing the do, in detail, during their three month honeymoon...

_le 5 Octobre, 2018_

Carmilla didn’t want to be there.  She didn’t want to be anywhere that Laura wasn’t and right now she was in the back of some dingy bar, sulking in the booth her brother sat her in with Laura’s puppy friend that Will found an attachment to and Lafontaine, who Carmilla asked to be her best person.  They weren’t actually that bad to hang out with, if they didn’t spend the entire night on their phone, like they were doing now - probably texting Perry - leaving Carmilla in the company of Kirsch who wouldn’t shut up for five seconds about how excited he was.  Will went to get them all drinks up at the bar the minute they all sat down.  Lafontaine was put on _‘Keep Carmilla in Sight’_ duty, considering she already tried to sneak off to pick up Laura twice in the last fifteen minutes that they had been there.  Kirsch took her phone after the first five.  She kept trying to subtly text Laura where they were.

At least there weren’t strippers.  Will, Kirsch, and Laf knew better than that.  At least, Carmilla hoped.  The night was still young and she wouldn’t put it past them.

Laura was wine tasting at some fancy vineyard that Mattie managed to book a private tour of with Perry, Laura’s maid of honor, and Danny who flew in from the states and took the week off from classes in her graduate program just for the wedding.  Carmilla chose not to comment on the fact that Laura even invited the Jolly Red Giant, knowing it would just lead to a fight.  Carmilla was the one marrying Laura after all and Laura swore up and down that Danny and her had been just friends for longer than they had even been in a relationship together, which was a disaster from the beginning, it sounded like.  Carmilla still didn’t really like her, she was too tall and who cares if she wasn’t technically even a ginger anymore, Carmilla couldn’t get the sight of her natural hair color out of her head.  But she supposed she’d have to put up with her considering she was in Laura’s bridal party and seemed to be as much a part of their little group as she was.  She honestly wasn’t that bad, but Carmilla would never admit to Danny ever growing on her.  Especially in the last year, with how much they were forced into hanging out.

Will came back with a tray of shots for the four of them and a bottle of the bar’s finest whiskey just for Carmilla.  Except she didn’t feel like drinking.  She’d much rather have been in her own house with Laura and the two little devils that weren’t that little anymore.  In fact, they had grown to be nearly 140 pounds each and at their last vet appointment, the doctor told them they could grow up to be 150 pounds, easily, with their gene history.  Carmilla nearly died with that news, while Laura of course, loved it, telling Carmilla there would be more “floof” to cuddle.  They also found out Doc was almost completely blind in one eye and that he most likely had been from birth.  The news only made Laura love him that much more.  Carmilla had to shut down her suggestion of getting him a doggy monocle.

Carmilla was thinking about her mini family and how much she’d rather be with them, in bed, and cuddling under the covers than with her current company and not paying attention to what the lack wits were doing around the table in front of her.  She was brought back to the present when a flash from Laf’s phone went off in her face and her eyes snapped to Lafontaine’s wide ones.  She wasn’t mad about the picture.  She could care less about what the ginger did with it.  What she was mad about was that they had dragged her to this shithole bar to get plastered on the night before her wedding.  And it was only five o’clock.  She didn’t know why she agreed to let the three of them plan what was supposed to be her bachelorette party in the first place.  The idea of having “one last night of freedom” was idiotic.  She figured this night was more for them anyway, though, and that was the only reason she agreed to the whole ordeal.

She didn’t realize she was in her head again until another flash broke her out of her thoughts, this time from Will’s phone.  Again, she wasn’t mad about the picture, but she was beginning to get slightly pissed off at the fact that they found her discomfort amusing.  When Will started begging her to take at least _one_ of her shots, she did, hoping it would melt away some of her anger and help her have fun.  If she was stuck there, she might as well participate in the free drinks.  By the third shot, she wasn’t any less pissed off.  Will left her to her own devices after that and didn’t bug her with any more shots.

When the sun started setting, Kirsch took out a box of Cuban cigars and offered one to everyone in their small group.  Carmilla gladly took one, along with one of the two match books that Kirsch had and, without a word, stood up from her seat at the booth, grabbed another shot, and walked through the growing crowd of bar goers, and out the front door.  She didn’t care that Lafontaine had followed her or that there was a slight chill in the air that came with the absence of the sun in the sky.  She was done.

When Laf finally caught up to her a few minutes later, she was on her third match, hunched over, trying to light the cigar in her mouth.  She never did like matches.  They always proved to be more of a pain than anything.  Of course, she didn’t really like cigars either, but she felt better being outside and she needed something to do with her hands or she was going to explode.

“Here.”  Laf pulled a match from the pocket of their vest and flicked it with their thumb, a flame immediately came to life on the red end of the stick.  They cupped one of their hands around the flame and carefully brought it to the end of Carmilla’s cigar.  Carmilla inhaled, watching the end of the cigar start to burn away.

“Thanks,” she mumbled, the end of the cigar hanging from her lips.

“No problem.”  Laf shrugged it off and went to lean with their back against the wall, next to Carmilla, their hands in the front pockets of their dress pants.  There was silence between the two of them for what felt like hours before the buzz of Lafontaine’s phone broke it.  Carmilla watched as they took their phone out of their back pocket, smiled obnoxiously at their screen, to which Carmilla rolled her eyes at, and then typed out a quick message before turning to face Carmilla head on.  Carmilla simply raised an eyebrow and took her cigar from her mouth, tapping the ashes away with her pointer finger as she blew out the smoke from her lungs and into the open night air.  Still smiling, Laf said, excitedly, “We have a surprise for you.”

Carmilla wasn’t excited.  In fact, she was probably even less excited than she was before, if that was possible.  If it was anything like the first “surprise”, she didn’t want it.  Laf went back inside to go get Will and Kirsch and call an Uber, and left Carmilla outside to wait for it in the company of her Cuban.  Carmilla contemplated leaving on her own, but decided to give the idiots Laura called friends, the benefit of the doubt.  When Laf came back with Will and Kirsch in tow, she just managed to finish off her cigar and stomp the butt out with the toe of her shoe before a black SUV pulled up to the curb in front of the bar.  Carmilla was forced into the backseat by firm hands holding onto her forearm and another set placed gently over her eyes, effectively cutting off her vision.

“What the _fuck_ , Kirsch!”  Carmilla used every last bit of sanity to keep herself calm and not rip Kirsch’s head off.

“Sorry, C-Dog!  Laf said you couldn’t look, but Will said we couldn’t use a blindfold because you don’t like the dark and you’re not a fan of small spaces and we didn’t want you to have a panic attack on the night before your wedding, so…”  Carmilla felt him shrug next to her, his broad shoulders just barely brushing against hers.  She held back a growl and chose to clench her hands into fists at her sides instead as she fought every urge to fight the man child in the seat next to her.

The ride to wherever they were headed wasn’t more than 10 minutes and before she knew it, she was being lead from the backseat of the SUV and into a brightly lit building.  She listened closely as Laf got multiple room keys from someone nearby and Will began leading her down a hall.  He told her they’d have to ride in an elevator and she was less than thrilled about that, but Kirsch lowered his hands from her eyes until the elevator doors dinged open at the top floor of what she assumed was a hotel - a very swanky hotel, if the state of the floor was anything to go by, considering that was the only thing Carmilla could focus on.  The second the elevator doors were open, Kirsch quickly replaced his hands and Will lead her down another hall until they reached the end.  She heard a soft beep and the click of a lock and before she knew what was happening, she was being pushed into an empty hotel room, bigger than her current house, it looked like, with a view of the city skyline.  She stumbled a step before turning around to a closed door.

“I swear, if there are strippers in here-” Carmilla mumbled as she took a step further into the room.  There weren’t any strippers that she could see, but there was a cheesy trail of rose petals that led to a large rose petal heart surrounding a small hot tub in the corner of the room.  Candles were set up along the floor and at the corners of the hot tub and placed on the steps leading up to it.  Carmilla rolled her eyes.   _This better not be one of those idiot’s fucking-_

“If you’re room service, can you just leave it by the-” Carmilla smirked and turned toward the direction of her favorite voice.  As Laura walked out of the bedroom to the left of the hot tub with her hair up in a messy bun on top of her head and a towel wrapped around her body, Carmilla’s smirk turned into a full blown grin.

“Those idiots.”  Carmilla gently shook her head.  Laura gasped and dropped her towel in favor of wrapping her arms around Carmilla’s neck, leaving her in a black and white polka dot bikini.

“ _Carm_?!”  Carmilla chuckled as her hands instinctively landed on the small of Laura’s back and she nuzzled her face into Laura’s shoulder, inhaling contentedly.  She smelled like vanilla and coconut and just a hint of the wine she had earlier.

“Looks like our friends had enough of our bullshit,” Carmilla mumbled into Laura’s skin.  Laura laughed and leaned back, forcing Carmilla to raise her head, her eyes finding Laura’s almost immediately, making a pit stop at her lips, she noticed Laura’s smile matched hers in intensity.

“You didn’t give them too much trouble, did you?”  Carmilla smirked at the genuine concern in Laura’s voice.

“If I did, I will deny it until my last breath.”  Laura rolled her eyes affectionately before leaning in and closing the gap between them with a gentle kiss placed to Carmilla’s lips.  They both sighed into the kiss.

“I missed you today,” Laura whispered against Carmilla’s lips.  She leaned back in to continue the kiss, but Carmilla was smiling too widely to kiss back properly and she was met with mostly teeth.

“Good, ‘cause I missed you too.”

“Good.”  Laura’s smile now matched Carmilla’s and kissing soon became futile.

“At least they had the decency to get us our own suite,” Carmilla smirked.

“Yeah, and it has a hot tub…”  Laura let her arms fall to rest on Carmilla’s hips, squeezing them lightly.

“I see that...too bad they forgot to mention that I would need a bathing suit for our outing.”  Laura simply smirked, devilish and entirely too knowing.

“Oh, darn.  Looks like you’ll just have to go in naked.  What a shame.”  Carmilla chuckled before placing a kiss to Laura’s nose and stepping out of her embrace.  She slowly reached down and started to unbutton her dress shirt, undoing the one at her neck first and continuing down.

“ _What a shame_ , indeed.”  Laura couldn’t take it anymore and decided that Carmilla was moving way too damn slow for her liking.  To even up the playing field, Laura untucked Carmilla’s shirt and shoved it off her shoulders, possibly popping a few of the remaining buttons off in her excitement, and letting it hastily drop to the ground before going straight for the zipper of Carmilla’s leather pants, all the while backing her up, further into the room and closer to the hot tub.

It proved to be rather difficult to get Carmilla out of her leather pants on her own and Laura was forced to allow Carmilla to help after sliding her pants halfway down her thighs, but not being able to get much further.  Carmilla managed to pull them the rest of the way down her legs, using Laura for balance, before kicking them off and towards where her shirt was ruined on the floor of the living room, while Laura pouted in front of her.  She let Laura handle her bra and underwear though, as if she could’ve coherently handled that herself anyway with the shining excitement in Laura’s eyes and the way she was biting her lip.  As Carmilla let Laura lead her backwards until she was practically sitting on the edge of the hot tub, her only thought was that she was the luckiest woman in the world.


	17. epilogue: the wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two of the five part epilogue.
> 
> Part Three - Newfoundland  
> Part Four - Ireland, London, Austria  
> Part Five - Paris

_le 6 Octobre_

Fall.  Not too hot, not too cold.  The leaves were colorful and still on the trees, but a few scattered the ground under the white folding chairs set up on the lawn.  The weather was behaving for the most part.  There was a slight breeze, but it wasn’t raining and it wasn’t snowing, despite what the weather reports said.  It was perfect.  Just how Laura wanted it to be and how Carmilla could only hope it would be.

Or, it would have been perfect if Perry hadn’t barged into the hotel room Carmilla was using as a dressing room, in a panic, grabbed Lafontaine by their wrist and hauled them out of there and across the hall to where Laura was supposedly getting ready.  Carmilla tried to follow, but Will was in front of her, blocking her only way to Laura, before she could even get out of the bathroom.  She glared at him and tried to move past him again, but he was taller than she was, and bulkier.  She admitted defeat after a two minute standoff and went back to curling her hair in front of the bathroom mirror, ignoring the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that formed when she saw the look on Perry’s face before she grabbed Laf’s arm.  She tried not to think about what was going on just across the hall.

* * *

It wasn’t Laura’s fault she was crying on the day she was supposed to be marrying the love of her life, really.  She didn’t mean to upset Perry.  She didn’t mean to smudge her makeup.  She didn’t mean to get tear tracks in her foundation.  She didn’t.  She just looked incredibly beautiful in her mother’s dress that she had tailored to fit like a glove and Perry reminded her that Will was supposed to be coming to get her in less than half an hour to walk her down the aisle.   _Will_.  Not her dad.  Her dad promised her the night he gave her her mother’s wedding dress that he would be there.  He promised.  And she believed him.

It had only been, at most, 45 seconds since Perry left Laura to cry on the floor, looking at herself in the floor length mirror in the middle of the living room of the hotel suite her and Carmilla had spent the night in.  Perry came back with a new fervor, dragging an incredibly confused Lafontaine behind her.  She was babbling on about something, but Laura couldn’t hear her over her own labored breathing and the cries that wouldn’t stop wracking her chest.

Suddenly there was a sad looking Lafontaine, kneeling on their knees, in front of where Laura was sitting on the floor, her dress poofed out around her.  They were saying words, but Laura still couldn’t hear anything other than her heartbeat in her ears and her father’s promise bouncing off the walls of her brain and her mother’s voice telling her she looked beautiful, echoing in the back of her head.  Then there was a hand on her cheek, calloused and tender, yet it was enough to calm her sobs to a controlled cry.  She still couldn’t breathe normally, but at least the words Lafontaine’s lips were forming were starting to make sense in her head.

“-L, Carmilla loves you and you love her.  I’ve never seen another two people more in love.  It’s actually kind of disgusting.  You two are worse than me and Per.  Carmilla wants this just as much as you do.  If you’re afraid to be hurt again, then you’re afraid to be loved by her again.  Don’t let the past keep you from your future, Frosh.”

_Wait what?_

Laura’s only response was to shake her head as much as she could, seeing as she couldn’t really use her voice.  She wanted to marry Carmilla, that wasn’t the problem.  She loves Carmilla more than anything and she _knows_ Carmilla loves her just the same.

As if to prove to her how much Carmilla loved her, Laura suddenly found her almost-wife kneeling in the space that Laf had just been moments before.  She was in her tailored light gray suit pants with a crisp white button-up and suspenders that were barely over her shoulders, with her navy blue and yellow striped bowtie undone and hanging around her neck haphazardly.  Her hair laid in loose curls around her face, flowing past her shoulders.  She didn’t have any shoes on and her makeup was only half finished.  But _God,_ did she look _beautiful._

Her lips were moving and her frown was rapidly growing, along with the crease between her eyebrows, with every second that Laura stayed silent, but again she was too caught up in her own head and her voice seemed to be broken all of a sudden.  Carmilla’s hand made its way to Laura’s cheek in an effort to calm her down and it worked for a little bit before Carmilla’s voice actually broke through the fog.

“Laura, baby, say something.  I get it, I do.  Maybe we moved too fast.  If you don’t want this- If this isn’t what you want, Laura, we...we don’t have to get married today.  It’s okay.  I can wait.”

Carmilla’s voice cracked and Laura’s heart broke.  She should say something.  She really should say something, but she could only shake her head, her throat too raw to form coherent words.  Until she watched Carmilla remove her hand from her cheek to run it through her hair.  Laura could see tears forming in her eyes and as if it was playing a sick game with her, she felt her heart break even more at the sight.  When Carmilla went to stand up, Laura broke.

“ _No_!”

Laura’s hand shot out and wrapped around Carmilla’s wrist like a vise, effectively holding her where she was.  Now frozen in front of Laura.  Forced to make eye contact with the girl who she was sure was trying to come up with a way to let her down easy.

“Laur-”

Carmilla tried to stand up again.

“ _No_!!”  Laura shouted, louder this time, practically begging with every last ounce of strength she had.  Carmilla could feel Laura’s grip tighten around her wrist, almost painfully and she didn’t miss the panic that flashed across Laura’s eyes.  She wasn’t going anywhere.  “Carm, I want...to.  I want-”  Her voice broke, effectively cutting her off before she was able to finish reassuring Carmilla that she did, in fact, want to marry her and that she planned to, she just had a small issue.  Laura sighed angrily.  Mad at herself for not being able to form a simple sentence.

“Then what-” Carmilla was interrupted by Will clearing his throat in the doorway of the room.  Carmilla was a second away from knocking him to the floor when something clicked.  Will was there to take Laura to the car parked out front which would drive them the long way around the block to where the ceremony would take place at the park.  Where he would then be walking her down the aisle.  She looked back to Laura in front of her and placed her free hand on Laura’s right cheek, looking her straight in the eye.  She spoke so softly, Laura barely heard her over her own heart thudding in her chest, “This is about your dad isn’t it?”  She already knew the answer.  She didn’t need to see Laura’s crumbling face to confirm it for her.

Carmilla didn’t want to make a big deal out of something that was _obviously a big deal._ Laura didn’t need that right now.  Especially not in front of their friends and family.  Right now they just needed to get married, but getting Laura to walk down that aisle was going to be difficult.  Or that’s what Carmilla thought until she got an idea and grabbed Laura’s hands gently in hers and lifted her off of the floor.

“Let’s go.”  She didn’t say it forcibly and she made sure to give Laura enough time to back down before she pushed her way through their friend’s bodies, dragging Laura behind her, and to the elevator, ignoring Perry’s protests from behind them.  There was no time for the stairs so Carmilla sucked it up and pulled a very confused Laura into the metal deathtrap of a box and quickly pressed the button for the lobby, ignoring the slight panic in her chest as the elevator doors closed, locking them in, and it began its descent.  Laura was just watching her with a furrowed brow, as Carmilla pulled her phone out of her pocket, sent a quick text, waited for a reply, and placed her phone back.  Carmilla whispered, “Do you trust me?”  And with a nod of Laura’s head came the ding of the elevator, signaling they had reached the bottom floor.  As soon as the doors began to open, Carmilla tightened her grip on Laura’s hand and started pulling her across the lobby and out the front door where they were met with two matching, brand new, Rolls Royce Phantoms, one completely blacked out for Carmilla, Laf, Kirsch, and Will, one white for Laura, Perry, Danny, and Mattie.  Of course Will had to go all out, even after Carmilla told him their grandfather’s Cadillac would have been just fine for the wedding parties to arrive at the ceremony in.  The driver would have had to make a few extra trips, but it would have saved quite a bit of money.  Carmilla didn’t have time to complain about that right now, though.  She was busy making a beeline for the driver of the black one, hauling Laura behind her.

“Ma’am, is there a problem?”  The driver looked confused and slightly scared when Carmilla approached him, dragging her soon-to-be wife behind her in half a suit and no shoes, probably looking like a mad woman.  She simply ignored him.

“I’m taking the car.  Tell Will we might be late to the ceremony.  I’ll make him pay you extra if you let us leave right now.”

The man didn’t bother to argue anymore, the determined look in Carmilla’s eye told him she was serious and that she wouldn’t take no for an answer.  He simply sidestepped out of their way with a curt nod and Carmilla mumbled a _‘thanks’_ before she opened the passenger side door for a still confused and now, a little bewildered, Laura and made her way into the driver’s seat.  Laura didn’t question Carmilla’s behavior until they had been driving for nearly ten minutes.

“Okay, Carm, why did we just run out of our own wedding?  And where the _frilly_ Hell are you taking me?”

Carmilla just looked over at Laura in the seat next to her and smiled the smile she reserved only for her.

“You said you trusted me.  Give me four more minutes and you’ll find out.”

Laura huffed and looked out the window to the blurring buildings they passed, hoping to get a clue.  She hated surprises.  Especially surprises that entailed running out on their wedding that they had spent months preparing for.  Carmilla noticed Laura’s change in demeanor and gently placed her right hand over Laura’s left, where it was resting in her lap and smiled again when Laura turned her hand over, palm up and interlaced her fingers with Carmilla’s.  Carmilla felt the cool metal of Laura’s engagement ring against her skin and her smile grew.  She knew Laura was trying incredibly hard to hold everything in and she also knew it took a lot for her to do that.  Carmilla squeezed her hand and Laura squeezed it back just as Carmilla pulled into a driveway in front of a rather large house at the edge of the town.  She squeezed Laura’s hand again and placed the car in park before exiting and making her way to the passenger side door.  Laura was already halfway out of the car when Carmilla got there so she held out her hand and when Laura placed hers on top of Carmilla’s waiting one, Carmilla pulled Laura up straight, shut the door behind her and led her up the steps to the front door of the house in front of them.  Laura gave Carmilla a skeptical look, accompanied by a raised eyebrow, when Carmilla simply smirked and knocked on the door three times.

The man that answered the door was not what Laura was expecting.  He looked young, but the crow’s feet at the corners of his eyes and the slight grey in his short brown hair gave him away.  He wore thick-rimmed glasses over his light blue eyes and had on a salmon colored button down, tucked into dark, navy blue dress pants, a brown belt, and loafers that somehow matched his expensive looking watch.  

“Elijah.”  Carmilla greeted the man with a warm smile when he opened his arms for a brief hug.

“Ah, my favorite Karnstein!”  Carmilla laughed and rolled her eyes, but returned the hug nonetheless, without any complaint.  Laura was surprised, to say the least.

“I’m the only living Karnstein you know, Eli.”  Eli simply nodded his head with a small smile and opened the door wider, gesturing with his hand for the girls to step inside.

“Yes, well, come in, come in.“  Carmilla took Laura by the hand and led her into the foyer of the home.  It was massive, complete with high ceilings, grand staircases right when they walked in the door, and a huge chandelier hanging above their heads, under a mural painted on the ceiling that Laura couldn’t take her eyes off of.

“Eli, this is Laura.  My fiancée.”  Carmilla gestured at Laura with a sweep of her hand.  “Laura, this is Eli.  He’s an old friend of my dad’s.  He’s also our family’s lawyer.”

“Oh, wow.  It’s so nice to finally meet you!”  Laura immediately smiled and shot her hand out to shake hands with the man in front of her, but he ignored her and brought her in for a hug instead, much like the one he gave Carmilla.  Laura laughed into his shoulder when she hugged him back.

“And to you as well, Miss Hollis.”  Eli was smiling when he pulled away and glanced back at Carmilla, whose smile was just as warm.  “Now, what do I owe the pleasure?  You said you needed a favor, Carmilla?”

Carmilla nodded her head and cleared her throat, taking Laura’s hand again.

“Yeah, I, uh, I need you to marry us.  Here.  Preferably soon.  We kind of ran out before the actual ceremony.”

“Wait, _what_?”

Laura was confused as to why Carmilla drove the two of them 15 minutes from the hotel to this man’s house just so he could marry them when there was a perfectly capable man waiting at the private park where the ceremony was being held.  Carmilla ignored Laura’s comment and simply squeezed her hand.  Laura noticed a slight smile on her lips.  Eli just laughed and shook his head.

“That would explain the dress and...half a suit you’re sporting, Kid.”

“It was sort of spur of the moment.”  Carmilla shrugged.

“I can see that,” Eli replied, amused, before his smile turned soft.  “Of course I will, Carmilla.  Just let me see if Ben can watch the baby for a few minutes.”

“Thanks, Eli.”  Carmilla smiled at the man as he turned and made his way further into the house calling out for Ben.  Laura turned to face Carmilla.

“I’m so confused.”

Carmilla simply smirked at the woman in front of her.

“Ben’s his husband, _‘the baby’_ is their child.”

“Not about _that_ Carmilla!”

Laura smacked Carmilla in the chest, playfully, a small smile lighting up her eyes.  Carmilla cleared her throat and her smirk softened into a smile before she answered quietly.

“I just figured you would feel more comfortable getting married in a more private setting...You know, so it’s not that big of a deal that you don’t want to walk down the aisle in front of your family and-”

“Carm...I love you.  Holy _shit,_ do I love you.  But, you really didn’t have to do this.”

“ _Yes_ , I did.  Now, shut up and marry me, Cupcake.”

* * *

 Eli officiated their wedding with Ben and their child as witnesses and paperwork was signed, kisses were exchanged along with temporary rubber band rings that Eli provided, and Laura and Carmilla made it back to the hotel only a half hour after the actual ceremony was supposed to begin.  When they pulled up in front of the hotel, Perry was frantically pacing and typing away on her phone with Laura’s flats and hairpiece tucked under her arm.  Laf was standing stock still with a worried expression on their face, their eyes following Perry’s every move.  Will was talking to the driver of the black Rolls Royce with Carmilla’s suit coat draped over his arm and her black loafers in one hand and her father’s watch in the other.  Mattie was standing off to the side, looking bored, with Carmilla’s makeup bag in her hand and examining her nails, while Danny and Kirsch stood slightly behind Will, Kirsch ready to jump into the conversation if need be and Danny watching the driveway into the hotel.  Danny spotted them immediately and made their presence known to the entire group as Carmilla parked the car exactly where it had been and started getting out.  Carmilla ignored the frantic shouting from all parties and instead, purposefully made her way to the passenger side of the car, opened the door for Laura, and helped her out with an outstretched hand.  Carmilla glanced at the annoyed faces, all standing in front of them on the sidewalk and smirked.

“What are you all doing just standing around?  I believe we are late to a wedding?”  There was a chorus of groans and eye rolls that followed before everyone got into their respective cars, except for Mattie who got in with Carmilla, and Kirsch who took Mattie’s place in Laura’s car.  Laura’s car turned right out of the hotel, while Carmilla’s turned left and headed straight for the venue.

The car ride to the park was silent, except for Mattie’s quick, but confident hands digging through the makeup bag on her lap.  She managed to get Carmilla looking as presentable as she could before they arrived at the entrance of the park.  Their doors were opened by the driver, Carmilla’s suit coat was shoved onto her shoulders then smoothed down by Mattie’s nimble hands, her tie was tied and straightened, her shoes were shoved onto her feet within seconds before Will was dragging Carmilla to the side of the lawn where the ceremony was set up and every seat was filled.  Carmilla ignored the feeling of her chest tightening at the sight of her mother’s eyes on her from where she was sat in the front row.  She hadn’t expected her to actually come.  Laura had insisted that she send out an invitation _‘just because’,_ but she actually came and she was _smiling_ and she actually looked proud and Carmilla couldn’t help it when she had to swallow down the sudden lump in her throat.

Carmilla was pulled out of her thoughts by the man they had hired as their ceremony’s officiant.  He was gripping her shoulder and smiling at her, silently asking if she was ready.  She nodded her head and he nodded back before guiding her to her place in front of the podium and across from where Laura would soon be standing.  Her eyes were looking out at the crowd when the white Rolls Royce rolled up next to the rows of chairs on the right side.  She watched as Kirsch stepped out of the front seat and opened the back door for Perry who walked with Kirsch until he handed her off to Laf and he made his way to his spot in line behind Laf and in front of Will, where they stood behind the chairs on the right side.  Danny stepped out of the car next and walked carefully to her spot behind Perry and in front of where Mattie was already standing.  The music started and Laf led Perry down the aisle, where they placed a brief kiss to Perry’s cheek before they let her go and took their place behind Carmilla.  Kirsch and Danny followed close after, taking their places behind Perry and Laf.  Lastly, Will walked with Mattie down the aisle to where they took their places behind Kirsch and Danny.  Before Laura was even able to make her way out of the car, though, a black SUV pulled up behind the Rolls Royce.  Everyone turned their heads, confusion clearly written across their faces.

Carmilla couldn’t help the smile that formed on her face at the collective gasp from where Laura’s family was sitting when Noah stepped gracefully out of the passenger side door of the black SUV, dressed head to toe in his Army Blues.  He briefly sent a smile and a wink Carmilla’s way, to which she reciprocated, before he walked up to the open back door of the white Rolls Royce and bent down so that he was level with Laura who about took him out in her attempt at exiting the car.  Carmilla felt a pat on the back from Laf.

To say Laura was surprised would have been an understatement.  Carmilla watched as Laura’s eyes grew tenfold at the sight of her brother in front of her.  A couple weeks after Laura sent out the wedding invitations, Noah called and told her that he wasn’t able to make it to the wedding.  Laura was beyond pissed and she and Noah got into a screaming match over the phone.  At the end of that month, Carmilla got a call from Noah.  He said his commanding officer pulled some strings and that he would make it, but not to tell Laura.  He wanted it to be a surprise.  Carmilla kept the secret for nearly six months, leading up to the wedding.  She knew Laura knew something was up, but she wasn’t going to give up seeing Laura’s face light up on their wedding day when Noah showed up.  It was so worth it.

As soon as Noah pulled Laura from the car by his outstretched hand, she had him wrapped up in a hug that nearly made him topple over.  Carmilla could see the tears in Laura’s eyes from where she stood at the front of the crowd and she was sure everyone else could too, just as easily.  After Laura let her brother go, he kissed her on the head and took her arm in his and guided her to the end of the aisle.  Every head was turned toward the two of them.  Carmilla ignored Laf’s _‘holy shit’_ behind her and tried not to stare.   _Tried,_ being the operative word.  But Laura looked absolutely stunning and she knew she was done for.  Carmilla watched as her wife walked to the end of the aisle, her head bent, and eyes on the ground in front of her, a shy smile on her face, and a hand gripped tightly onto Noah’s arm that was now linked with hers.  Carmilla barely noticed the little girl with a flower crown on her head and a small white dress that flowed around her body freely, make her way down the center of the two sections of chairs with a basket of fresh, white, flower petals that she began to toss over the ground.  Behind her, an even younger boy was walking with a pillow bigger than his head with two rings tied to the center, wearing the tiniest suit Carmilla had ever seen.  When the girl reached the end of the aisle she turned back, grabbed the boy’s hand and led him to Laf, who took the rings from the pillow before the boy was led to the row of chairs on Laura’s family’s side and they took their seats next to their mother.

Noah started leading Laura down the aisle to the beat of the Wedding March and Carmilla barely breathed.  She wasn’t expecting to cry.  She promised herself she wouldn’t cry, not in front of Laura’s entire family, her small family, and their friends.  Yet there she was, the second Laura looked up and locked eyes with her, tears began blurring the image of Laura walking down the aisle in her mother’s tailored dress, her arm linked with Noah’s.  Carmilla hastily wiped at the moisture on her cheeks, hoping no one would notice.  Of course, her wishes went unanswered when she felt a hand on her shoulder and Laf’s voice in her ear, teasing, with a _‘you crying Karnstein?’_ Carmilla’s only response was an elbow to Laf’s ribs and a clear of her throat.  By the time Laura and Noah made it to the front, Carmilla had composed herself, but just barely.

Noah let go of Laura’s arm when she was standing directly in front of Carmilla and gently gave her a noogie, everyone in the seats laughed at the look of embarrassment on Laura’s face.  Carmilla instinctively grabbed Laura’s hands, a huge smile on her face that she didn’t even bother hiding as she swept her thumb across the rubber band on Laura’s ring finger.  Before Noah made his way to his seat in the front row of chairs, he leaned into Carmilla, who hadn’t yet taken her eyes off of Laura, and with a hand on her shoulder, whispered, “Thanks for keeping the secret, Karnstein.  I owe you one.”  Carmilla nodded in acknowledgement and Noah continued to his seat.

Carmilla couldn’t stop staring at the girl in front of her.  Her wife.  She felt tears brim her eyes again, but this time Laura was there to catch them when they started to fall.

* * *

 The ceremony was short and the girls managed to put on a good show for their family and friends, deciding not to tell anyone about their little impromptu ceremony before the _actual_ ceremony.  They chose beforehand that they didn’t want to recite their written vows in front of everyone, but instead decided to each write a letter to the other which they would read together that night after the reception.

After the officiant pronounced Laura and Carmilla as wife and wife, Carmilla led Laura back down the aisle where her grandfather’s Cadillac was waiting for them, the words, _‘Just Married’_ painted on the back window with white cans tied to the back bumper.  Carmilla looked over her shoulder and found Will’s eyes, saying ‘ _thank you_ ’ as best as she could without words.  He nodded with a soft smile on his face and Carmilla smiled back before opening the passenger side door for Laura and helping her into the car.

Carmilla took the scenic route back to the hotel they stayed in the night before, where the reception was being held.  She wanted to give the guests enough time to get there, but also she just wanted to spend a few minutes alone with her wife.  She drove them through the park’s backroads, through the trees, and around the grand lake in the center, taking her time before she drove to the spot she had scouted out previously and parked the car.  As the sun began to set, she pulled a bottle of champagne from an ice bucket that sat behind the passenger seat, and two glasses.  The bottle was already popped and chilled, so Carmilla poured the champagne into the glasses before handing one to Laura, who eyed her with a raised brow.  Carmilla smiled back with a shrug.

“I didn’t want to wait until tonight to give you my letter.”  Carmilla pulled out the carefully folded envelope from her pocket and handed it to Laura as she carefully placed the champagne glass into the cup holder.

“But I thought we agreed-”

“I know, but this is way more romantic, trust me.”  Laura laughed, suddenly excited.

“Wait, I didn’t bring mine.”

“I didn’t expect you to.  Open it.”  Carmilla’s leg was bouncing up and down, to its own accord.  She only noticed when Laura placed her hand on her knee and squeezed it gently with a soft chuckle.

_Relax,_ Carm.  We made it through the wedding, this should be a piece of cake.  There's no turning back now.”  Laura removed her hand from Carmilla’s knee and held the envelope with both hands, staring at the loose script formed together to create the loveliest written rendition of her name that she had ever seen.  She gently ran her fingers over it before carefully flipping the envelope in her hands and running her finger under the lip.  It opened easily and she immediately pulled out the piece of letter paper, unfolding it to find a page filled with Carmilla’s handwriting.  She began to read:

 

_“Dearest Laura, my wife,_

_I can’t promise you I won’t swear when I drive.  Or that I will always follow the speed limit.  I can’t promise you I won’t eat with my hands, or make a mess on my shirt at almost every meal.  I can’t promise you that I won’t embarrass you with my bad dad jokes, or twisted sense of humor.  I can’t promise you I won’t break into song and dance in the middle of the grocery store, or spin and dip you in the middle of the cereal aisle like we’re teenagers.  I can’t promise I won’t say things that may upset you, or trip up on my words when I get a little nervous.  I can’t promise I won’t make faces at you across the dinner table, or climb across it, simply to give you a kiss.  I can’t promise I won’t trip on my own two feet at a family dinner or say the wrong thing to your friends.  I can’t promise I’ll always have the answers or that I’ll be able to fix everything.  I can’t promise I won’t make fun of your choice in romcoms and television shows, or secretly enjoy them.  But I can promise you that I will be your home.  I promise I will be the home to all your secrets.  Your favorite hiding place at three am when you have a nightmare.  I will always love you, through your tears, laughter, and silence.  I promise to pull you into my arms when it’s just a little too cold.  I will rub your back after a hard day.  I promise I will listen to the same story about your boss, no matter how many times you’ve told me, or about the article you are still working on.  I will keep your heart warm, and your smile often.  I will do everything to show you that despite everything I can’t promise - I will always follow through with what I can.  I want to make you feel safe and I want you to know that you always have someone to run to no matter how hard things get.  I love you and I plan on loving you for as long as I shall live.  You are my one and only, Laura, I just hope that is enough._

_Your wife,_

_Carmilla Hollis-Karnstein”_

 

By the time Laura finished reading the letter, she had tears streaming down her cheeks and her chest was heaving with every labored breath.  Carmilla was watching her carefully, scared shitless, thinking that maybe they should have given each other the letters that morning, like Perry suggested, or maybe they should’ve just said their vows out loud in front of everyone, until a pair of soft lips were pressed into hers and every thought that floated through her mind was erased.

“I love you, Carmilla.  It’s enough.”

The smile that spread onto Carmilla’s face in that moment was most likely record breaking.

* * *

 Laura and Carmilla made it back to the hotel and changed into more “casual” clothing - Carmilla only removed her suit jacket and unbuttoned the first few buttons of her dress shirt after loosening her tie, while Laura changed into a much lighter and shorter dress - and walking through the doors to the hall just in time for their grand entrance.  Laura’s family was seated, along with Carmilla’s mother, who shared a table with Noah.  At another two tables, sat all of Laura’s father’s fellow officers.  The rest were filled with Laura’s extended family and her grandparents on her mother’s side, along with her father’s mother.

As the DJ, Mel, announced the newlyweds, Laura and Carmilla took their seat at the middle of the long table at the front of the reception hall.  Mel then announced the wedding party, naming Perry as Laura’s Maid of Honor, Laf as Carmilla’s Best Person, Kirsch and Danny as friends of the brides, and Will and Mattie as Carmilla’s brother and sister.  After introductions, were the toasts.  The mic was handed off to Laf first who didn’t miss the opportunity to embarrass Carmilla and Laura as much as they could with a prepared slideshow they didn’t tell anyone about, before Perry pried the mic from their hands and proceeded to toast the happy couple with a short, but well thought out and heartfelt speech, which concluded when Perry teared up and Carmilla took the mic from her after standing up.  She cleared her throat before she began, ignoring the shaking in her hands.

“Alright, this is getting way too emotional and it’s making me queasy.”  Along with the audience, she heard Laura laugh beside her and felt her slap her in the leg gently.  Carmilla smirked down at her before continuing.  She didn’t take her eyes off Laura, for fear of messing up in front of everyone that was staring at her.  “Apparently, this is the part where I tell you how I fell in love with the girl of my dreams.”  Most of Laura’s family awed, Carmilla could see her mother and Noah smiling at the two of them in her peripheral.  “Yeah, yeah, get it all out now because this is probably the only time you’re ever going to see me be this much of a sap.”  The crowd laughed again, then Laura was lowering the mic to her mouth.

“Don’t let her fool you, she’s the romantic one in this relationship-”

“Shh!  You’ll ruin my reputation!”  Carmilla cut her off.

“Oh, that was already ruined when you cried during the ceremony.”  Carmilla gasped in mock offense, complete with a hand over her heart for dramatic effect.

“You wound me, Cupcake.”  Laura rolled her eyes and patted Carmilla on the shoulder.

“Don’t worry, I still love you!”

“Good.  I love you, too.  Now, quit interrupting me, I have six pages of a speech memorized and this is being recorded for posterity and our future embarrassment, so I don’t want to mess this up.”

“Oh, well, for the sake of posterity and our future embarrassment, you may continue.”

“Alright.  For the sake of posterity and our future embarrassment...   _Here goes nothing_.  When I was six, I was a stubborn little shit-”

“Still are.”  Carmilla rolled her eyes and laughed.

“ _Anyway_!  I was a stubborn little shit who thought she knew everything and was better than everyone else.  Then, one day on the playground, during recess at school, I met a certain tiny ball of sunshine who kicked a soccer ball at my face and tried to steal my cookies.”

“Okay, in my defense, I didn’t know they were _your_ cookies!  And I apologized _profusely_ for hitting you in the face and I made sure you got to the nurse’s office okay!.”

“Laura, the cookies literally had my name on them and they were in my lunchbox when you took them.”

“Whatever, you weren’t eating them…”

“Because you interrupted my lunch when you kicked a soccer ball at my face.”  Laura rolled her eyes.  “It’s okay, I forgive you.”

“Wow, thanks!  It only took 17 years for you to say that!”

“Love you!”

“Mmhmm.”  Carmilla leaned down and kissed Laura softly on the lips before Laura pulled away with a hand on Carmilla’s chest and cleared her throat, smiling.  “I believe you were in the middle of a speech?”  Carmilla nodded once.

“Right.  As I was saying, she stole my cookies.  They were my favorite too.  I was pissed.  I didn’t even care about my bloody nose or the fact that it had dripped onto the pages of the book I was reading.  She took my damn cookies!  So, naturally, I pushed her.  Except, she pushed me back.  Long story short, I let her keep the cookies and she dragged me to nurse’s office after the fact.  And I don’t regret it one bit.  The look on her face when I said she could have them, made my life.”  Carmilla snaked her arm around Laura’s waist and held her to her side as she continued.  “That day, approximately 17 years, one month,” Carmilla paused to look at her father’s watch on her right wrist.  “Six hours, four minutes... and about 20 some seconds ago, I found someone just as stubborn as me, if not more.  She’s put up with my shit for probably way longer than necessary and she’s managed to put me in my place on a number of different occasions.  I don’t know how I made it this long.”  Carmilla smirked and looked down at her wife.

“Hilarious,” Laura deadpanned with another roll of her eyes.  Carmilla chuckled.

“I’m just kidding, _babe_ , I wouldn’t trade you for anything.  Not even a plot of land on Mars and that’s saying something.  The view of the stars would be amazing-- anyway...back to this _thing._ ”  Carmilla cleared her throat and caught Laura smiling out of the corner of her eye.  She smirked before continuing.

“So, after Laura practically forced me to become her friend, we quickly became _best_ friends.  When I say quickly, I mean within hours.  She’s very persistent and head strong and she didn’t give up until she got what she wanted.  I think I might’ve fallen in love with her that day, to tell you the truth.  But I am thankful for her stubbornness every day.  For example, when I was a freshman, my father died from a mix up of his medications.  When I found out the morning after, I didn’t want to do anything, I was devastated.  My father was my role model, I looked up to him.  I discovered my love of books with his help.  The weeks following his death, I thought my life was over.  I thought life itself was pointless.  I mean, everyone dies, right?  Why not give the world a break and get it over with sooner rather than later?  I realize now that that was a horrible way to think.  Though everyone dies, everyone also lives.  How you live though, is up to you.  Laura showed me how to live.  She made me go to school when I didn’t want to, she didn’t let me fall behind in my classes, and she showed me what life was _supposed_ to be like.  We went on adventures, got into trouble, pulled all-nighters…  When Laura was barely seven years old, her mother passed away from a cancer that started in her thyroid, spread to her lungs, and managed to take over practically everything in her body that it could.  After she died, I remember Laura only taking a week off of school.  One week, that was it.  A whole five days of school.  I made sure that I was over her house after school every one of those days.  On Monday the next week, she was back at school.  I thought she was insane, but then she told me something and I’ll never forget it because it completely baffled me that she was as strong as she was.  She was seven.  She told me, life goes on.  She said, _‘Carm, I miss her, sure.  I miss her so much it hurts, but I can’t stop living just because she did.  She’s not in pain anymore and I’m grateful for that.’_  When my dad passed, she told me I should want to make the most out of my life because he no longer could.”  Carmilla paused to clear her throat of the lump that began to form.

 “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make this as emotional as it’s getting, but real quick, I just wanted to say that I only knew Laura’s mother for a little over a year, but she was the most amazing and influential woman I ever had the pleasure of knowing...and she gave me the most wonderful wife and for _that_ I am forever grateful.”  Laura looked up at Carmilla with a small, watery smile before she buried her face in Carmilla's chest.  Carmilla wrapped both arms around Laura’s shoulders and held her while she continued.  “Which leads me to another great human being that I will forever be in debt to.  Mr. Harrison Hollis.  He was like a second father to me, we lost touch in the past few years, but in high school, I looked up to him.  He and my father became best friends, they even coached a local soccer team that, of course, Laura and I were a part of, well mostly just Laura.  I kind of just ate all the team snacks and picked the dandelions out of the grass and saved them for Laura after the game.”  With that a watery laugh came from Laura and she perked up enough to stand on her tiptoes and speak into the mic.

“She’s not kidding, I think I went home with a bouquet of weeds after every game.”

“Whatever, they were yellow, you liked the color yellow.  You also kept them in a vase on your nightstand, so quit pretending like you didn’t love it.”

_“Shut up.”_  Carmilla chuckled lightheartedly.

“As I was saying, after my dad died, Mr. Hollis took me in under his wing and considered me his second daughter.  Even after I screwed things up, he didn’t judge me.  Laura explained to him what happened between us after high school and he still loved me as if I was his own.  If he was here right now, he’d probably have a lot to say to me though.  He’d probably ground me and make me do chores around the house, like when we were kids, but I’d do it without complaining because I loved him like a father and I feel so lucky to have known him for as long as I had the pleasure.”  Carmilla heard Laura sniffle into her chest as she pulled her tighter against her.  “Oh, shit, I made you all cry.  Okay.  Just a little longer, I promise…  Let’s skip a few years.

“Uh, when Laura and I were 17, I asked her to senior prom.  We had our first kiss that night on the roof of the high school at two in the morning.  I also told Laura I loved her for the first time that night on the beach at Harrington Park.   _Yes, we chose to get married there on purpose._  After that night, we started dating.  I lasted almost five months before I managed to fu- _frick_ it up.  Most of you know what happened, but a lot of you do not, so I’m going to quickly recap, what I call the stupidest decision I have ever made and what lead to a three year hiatus in mine and Laura’s relationship.  

"After my father died, my mother became...let’s just say, less than pleasant.  At the time, she of course didn’t approve of me being gay, let alone actually being _in love_ with another woman.”  Carmilla risked a glance at her mother and she was met with an apologetic look on her face.  The sincerity behind her mother’s eyes almost made her tear up.  Almost.  She would never forget what she did, but maybe sometime in the future she could forgive her.  They were working on it and her mother showing up to their wedding only helped their situation.  “The summer after me and Laura graduated, I showed up to Laura’s house one night drunk as a skunk and just an overall mess.  That was the night I told my mother that I was dating Laura.  When I got to Laura’s, she was of course completely understanding and just perfect and so sweet and loving and I thought it’d be a good idea to leave that behind.   _I know, it was stupid and I was wrong, I’ll admit that._  When I woke up the next morning still in Laura’s bed I panicked because there was no way in Hell I deserved someone like her.  She deserved the entire universe and all I could give her was one lousy speck of a star, so I left.  I left without a goodbye, without telling her where I was going, without telling anyone.  I went home and was put on a plane because apparently I was ‘ _just going through a phase’_ and it was _‘nothing that couldn’t be fixed with a little discipline’._  The next thing I knew I was in Paris with tutors and lessons and therapists.  That went on for three years.  I know what you’re all thinking.  You’re thinking my mother is a _monster_.  That she doesn’t deserve to be here right now and that I shouldn’t have forgiven her.  Well, I haven’t.  Not yet.  We’re working on it, though.  She’s my mother.  She’s my family.  We’re _trying_.  It’s going to take some time and she has apologized sincerely and she hasn’t touched a drop of alcohol in over a year.  I’m honestly proud of her.  Also, if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be who I am today and I wouldn’t wish anything I went through on anyone, but I wouldn’t take it back either.”

Carmilla’s speech was interrupted when her mother rose from her chair, the room going completely silent as she made her way towards the front of the room.  Every head in the room was turned towards her.  Even Laura stepped out of Carmilla’s embrace to watch the woman make her way to her daughter.  Carmilla was holding her breath.  She hadn’t anticipated that her mother would actually show up and she hadn’t told her about the speech beforehand.  Carmilla’s grip on the microphone tightened as she watched her mother walk up to her and she nearly dropped it when she was crushed between her mother’s arms, in a hug.  It took her a minute to actually comprehend what was happening, but when her body caught up to her brain, she wrapped her arms around her mother and hugged her back.  It was the first hug they had shared since Carmilla was in grade school that she hadn’t felt uncomfortable being a part of.  She could hear her mother’s labored breathing in her ear, but it wasn’t until she felt another pair of arms wrap themselves around her waist and a slim body press into her back, that she realized she was crying or that everyone watching them was clapping.  Will eventually let go of his hold on his sister with a quiet _‘I’m proud of you’_ whispered in her ear.  Shortly after, her mother let her go and with the absence of her arms around Carmilla’s shoulders came a long, shaky exhale of breath from Carmilla.  Her mother then sat down back at her assigned table and everything around Carmilla came back to focus.  The clapping was deafening, she could see her mother’s eyes glossy with tears, even Mattie’s were wetter than usual as she stood at the end of the table with a proud smile on her face, Will looked just as happy with his crooked grin.  Laura was right beside her in an instant, a soft smile on her face and a gentle hand placed in the middle of her back as if saying she was there for support if Carmilla needed her.  Only then did Carmilla notice she was still holding onto the microphone.  She cleared her throat and wiped her cheeks before she brought the mic up to her mouth, the applause quieting down immediately.  “Um.  I wasn’t done, but I think this is a good place to stop.  I mean, you guys probably don’t want to hear how I realized I was still in love with Laura while still with-”

“I’m kind of curious.”

“You’re always curious, Laur.”

“Finish your speech!”

“I don’t even know where I was-”

“Paris.”

“Right...Paris...Um, w-while I was there I met a girl by the name of Ell.”  Carmilla cleared her throat again, “Yes, we dated.  No, we don’t talk anymore, but one thing that I remember and will never forget happened maybe four minutes before she broke up with me.  We were sitting in her bedroom on her bed, she wouldn’t look me in the eye and I made the mistake of asking her what was wrong.  She simply said _‘you’_ and she looked like she wanted to cry.  I was obviously, rightfully confused.  I hadn’t done anything wrong, I thought we were in a good place, I thought I _loved_ her.  I was so wrong.

“After staring blankly at her for a few minutes she blurted out, _‘I know you’re in love with someone else’._  I was even more confused.  I wanted to tell her _no_ , I loved _her_...but I couldn’t.  Because when she asked, _‘who is she?’_  only one name came to mind, and it wasn’t _‘Ell’_.”  Carmilla paused and turned to look at Laura head on.  “I could’ve told her _‘Laura’_ , but just her name didn’t do her justice.  Instead, I said,” Carmilla turned to the audience, hanging onto her every word, and said, “And this is word for word, “ before she looked back at Laura.

_“‘She’s the one that got away.  The one with doe eyes, long mermaid hair, 5 feet, 2 inches tall, born October 23, with a smile that could end wars, put stars in the sky, and save a nation by simply flashing those pearly whites.  She’s deathly afraid of spiders the size of an ant, but has no problem jumping out in front of oncoming traffic just to walk the old woman with grocery bags up to her ears across the street.  She’s the girl who used to obnoxiously wake me up at four in the morning for sex and then fall asleep right after, leaving me suddenly wide awake.  She’s the girl that would kiss me when she was half asleep, when she was drunk, when my mouth was full of food, when the employees at McDonald’s were yelling at my drunk ass to get out from behind the counter and to stop making myself a McFlurry at two in the morning.  She’s the girl that would kiss me at stop lights, at green lights, even when I was being a dumbass.  Her name is-’_ and that’s where I stopped because suddenly I was crying and Ell was crying and then she whispered, _‘Laura’_ , and that’s when I knew I wasn’t as good at hiding my feelings as I thought.  Even Ell knew her name and I hadn’t said it once since we knew each other.

“Laura Eileen Hollis-Karnstein, I loved you even when I didn’t know I loved you and I can’t believe I didn’t know because obviously I was so head over heels for you that my girlfriend at the time knew.  But I couldn’t be happier with how things turned out.  I’ve loved you for 17 years, one month-” Carmilla paused to look at her father’s watch again.  “Oh wow, seven hours, 12 minutes, and 30 some seconds and I can honestly say that I can’t wait to love you for another 17, and another 17 years after that.  I want to grow old with you, in love and with a bunch of little mini yous running around.  I can’t wait to love you until I take my last breath and I can’t wait to annoy you for the rest of our lives...My darkness found the purest light.  And it’s _you.”_

Carmilla’s speech concluded with a chorus of knives clinking against empty glasses.  With a watery chuckle and a smile to match, Laura leaned up and pressed her lips to Carmilla’s as Carmilla held her there by a finger placed under her chin.  The clinking stopped when Laura pulled away and Carmilla wiped the tears from her cheeks with the pads of her thumb.

“Jesus, Carm, how the Hell am I supposed to top that?!”  Laura sniffled into the microphone and everyone laughed before she continued.  “I’m just so lucky I got to fall in love with and marry my best friend.”  Laura shrugged as she turned to look back at Carmilla.  “I knew I would love you from the first moment we met.  It was like...not love at first sight, exactly, but- familiarity, I guess.  Like: oh, hi, it’s you.  It’s going to be you.”  Laura ended her toast by placing a quick kiss to Carmilla’s lips.

The microphone was then handed off to Noah who wished the couple well and made a promise to try and be home more, followed by a story from their childhood about the first time Laura brought Carmilla home as her girlfriend.  Laura tried, desperately, not to cry again, but failed and had to hide her face in Carmilla’s shoulder.  After his toast, Noah handed the mic over to Will who simply said that he was grateful to have found a friend in Carmilla, even before they were brought to light about their secret blood relation, and that he was happy to call Laura his sister, as well.  As Will handed the mic back to Mel, Laura made sure to pull Will into a Hollis bear hug, while Mel continued on in the background, announcing dinner as the wait staff emerged from doors on both sides of the room.

* * *

 After dinner and a few drinks, was the cake cutting and true to tradition...they made a mess, but not before posing for pictures as Laura and Carmilla cut the first piece together.  The serenity of the moment only lasted until Laura grabbed the entire piece of cake and went to put it up to Carmilla’s mouth so she could take a bite of it, only to shove it into the other girls face.  Laura looked apologetic for maybe half a second before she noticed the mischievous glint in Carmilla’s eye and that damned smirk plastered across her cake smudged face.  Laura only had a 4 second reprieve before a handful of frosting was smeared down the right side of her face, down her neck, and down her chest, stopping just before the neckline of her dress.  Then Carmilla was licking her cheek and pressing a kiss to her lips.  She practically gave herself whiplash with the quick change of emotion from disbelief to disgust to mush, as Carmilla’s tongue found hers, before dissipating to embarrassment as she quickly realized they were still in front of all of their family and friends.  Carmilla simply looked smug as all hell.

* * *

 As far as first dances went, Laura let Carmilla choose Elvis’ “Can’t Help Falling in Love” and they danced to it in some rendition of a Waltz that Carmilla only half led, due to Laura forgetting Carmilla was supposed to be leading and then trying to lead herself.  Carmilla was sure her mother was watching in horror until they eventually just gave up in a fit of giggles and swayed to the beat even after the song ended and the other guests began to join in - Perry dragging Lafontaine, Kirsch respectfully following behind Danny.  At the beginning notes of the song that followed, Noah and Will walked out onto the dance floor, each asking for a dance with their sister.

Carmilla was surprised Will could even dance at all, but she figured their mother was somehow involved, even if she wasn’t physically in the boy’s life growing up, she probably paid for dance lessons, regardless.  Noah, on the other hand, had absolutely no idea what he was doing, but Laura semi-talked him through the steps and made fun of him for having no skill at all.  He said he was more of a “club dancer”, whatever that meant.  Carmilla snorted beside them.  The song wasn’t even halfway through before Laura couldn’t take anymore perfectly shined shoes to her toes and she had to pass Noah on to Carmilla, stealing Will for her toes’ sake.

Will drifted along with her effortlessly, talking about how happy he was that the both of them finally got their shit together and proposed.  Laura shoved him in the shoulder, a smile on her face.  She was glad too.  When he asked about when he’d be getting a niece or nephew, though, Laura glared at him and left him stranded in the middle of the dance floor to go take her seat back at her table.

“What’d you do to my wife, you dimwit?”  Carmilla joined him seconds later, leaving Noah to fend for himself.  He eventually left the dance floor in search of some more cake.

“I simply asked when I should be expecting a niece, maybe a nephew…”

Carmilla managed to hit him upside the head before their mother walked over and intervened, asking Carmilla for a dance, while Will went off to go find Mattie and a glass of scotch.

“You two haven’t changed at all,” Lilita commented.  

“Yeah, he’s still an annoying little twerp,” Carmilla scoffed, rolling her eyes.  She placed her hand in her mother’s and let her lead the dance.

“He’s your best friend.”  Carmilla nodded.

“Exactly.”  Lilita chuckled well naturedly.  She was having fun.  She honestly never thought she’d be where she was right now - dancing with her daughter at her wedding to _Laura Hollis._

“You know, your father would be proud of you.”  Carmilla fumbled in her steps, but her mother didn’t say anything about it, instead slowing the dance to a halt so she was looking directly into Carmilla’s eyes.

“Mother-” Carmilla looked away, down at her feet, before removing her hands from her mother’s grasp to nervously fumble with in front of her.

“What?  He would...He always wanted to see you happy.”  Lilita placed a finger under her daughter’s chin and brought her gaze back up to hers so she could continue.  “I’ve never seen you any happier than you have been tonight, Carmilla.”  Carmilla only nodded, afraid her voice wouldn’t work if she tried to speak.  “Well, on that note, I should go find your brother and get a dance in with him before he’s had too many or finds a cute girl.”  Carmilla only manages a smirk before her mother's walking away and she goes off in search of Laura, but not before taking a glance around the dance floor and noticing Danny trying to talk the DJ into a dance.

* * *

_le 7 Octobre_

The following morning, Laf ventured out of their room in search of the ice machine because Perry was claiming her tea was too hot to drink when they sleepily stumbled into a mess of dark curls, in half a suit, dress shoes and socks in hand, coming out of the room they were sure Danny was supposed to be staying in.  They instantly forgot about the ice and raced back to their room to tell Perry.

Meanwhile, in the suite on the floor above them, Carmilla was wide awake, Laura's head on her chest, as she traced hearts with a single finger along the exposed skin of Laura's back.  She could hear how content Laura is in the way she was breathing, fast asleep, long, deep breaths, exhaled onto the pebbled skin of Carmilla's chest.  Carmilla leaned down enough to place a tender kiss to her wife's hair, thinking back to how they got here, nothing but happiness and contentment radiating from her as she watched Laura sleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you guys think.
> 
> I'm on tumblr - no-pantsparty.tumblr.com  
> Or you can reach me on here.
> 
> Leave me a comment or something.


End file.
